Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2004

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2004 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
An apple each day keeps the doctor away =
Hey, claptrap! We eat peaches and do okay.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sleep deprivation =
Tip: naps do relieve.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Someone who says "rubber" in England =
Nobody's blushing. No, we mean "eraser".

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
President of the United States of America =
Seems that one stupid rat retained office.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The famous painter Pablo Ruiz Picasso =
Popularizes Cubism into a phase of art.

3rd - Hans-Peter Reich with:
The astronaut Michael Collins =
It's moon launches that I recall.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The ingredients of a McDonald's Shake =
Gee, that's odd - a scan finds no 'Milk' here.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
New York Giants =
Towering Yanks.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The American Society of Plastic Surgeons =
No lies... cosmetic surgery ain't cheap, fatso.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
The Palestinian Liberation Organisation chairman, Yasser Arafat =
He is an agitator for a tiny Arab nation. Rests in Peace in Ramallah.

eq.1st - Joel Davey with:
Martin Luther King Junior's "I Have A Dream" speech was delivered on the steps of The Lincoln Memorial, Washington D.C., August, 1963. =
Though he was discriminated against then, this outspoken gentleman overwhelmed racial prejudice norms in US over Fall 1963.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The leader of the conquistadores, Hernando Cortez =
He rode forth on a desire to conquer the Aztecs' land.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender says, "But you're a duck."
"Yep, that is very true," says the duck.
"And you talk, too!" exclaims the bartender."
"Indeed I do," says the duck, "I'd like a large beer, and one of your finest sandwiches."
"Certainly," says the bartender, "it's just we don't get to see too many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around these parts?"
"I'm working for a builder in this area," replies the duck.
So then the duck has his beer and sandwich, pays up and leaves.
One day, the ringleader of a circus comes into the pub, and the bartender tells him about his clever friend, the talking duck.
"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "ask him to come over and see me."
The next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, you're in luck. I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "where?"
"At the circus," says the bartender.
"The circus?"
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"That place with all those animals? With the great big tent?"
"Yes, that's right," says the bartender.
The duck looks confused.
"So what do they want with a plasterer?"

=

A man, a flamingo, and a black cat enter a bar. The man says to the bartender: "Hey, I'd like a bottle of Bud!" The flamingo says: "Ooh, you know, I'd just LOVE a pina colada, please sir, if that's not too much trouble." The cat cussed: "Hey! I want a double scotch whisky. Buckshee. Heck, I sure ain't paying! And hurry, OK!" The bartender was utterly speechless!

The next night, these same three characters venture back in. The man orders a Bud, the flamingo a pina colada, and the cat a scotch, curtly adding: "Hey! Damn sure I AIN'T paying, OK!" Rather shocked, surprised, and pretty perturbed, the bartender can't contain his curiosity, and asks about these creatures (the bird and the very rude pesky cat).

"OK..." the customer says, "...I was out on the links yesterday, when I missed a shot, well crooked into the bushes. I went to retrieve the ball, there was this hundred-year old muddy bottle lying there. As I opened it - 'Eureka!' - out came this genie, who expressed he'd grant any wish I desired."

"Like, sure buddy! Heck, just what did you ask for?"

Red-eyed, he answers: "A pretty cultured bird with very long legs and a dark, tight pussy!"

2nd - Joe Fathallah with:
The Lord's Prayer

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Bush Pardons Thanksgiving Turkey
Wed, Nov 17

President Bush has spared the life of the nation's Thanksgiving turkey, after an election to name the bird which he reports was "neck and neck."

Continuing a 57-year White House tradition, the president formally issued the pardon for 'Biscuits' and the back-up bird 'Gravy' in a Rose Garden ceremony.

The turkeys were raised in West Virginia, and will now go to a petting zoo in the Washington suburbs.

The naming ballot was conducted on the White House Web site, which recorded thousands of entries. The names 'Patience' and 'Fortitude' came in second. Bush reports it was a nasty campaign, with attack ads from a group called "Barnyard Animals for Truth", and what he says was a scurrilous film called "Fahrenheit 375 Degrees - at Ten Minutes Per Pound."

=

Baked 'Biscuits'
Wed, Nov 24

In a surprising turn, George W. Bush annulled his pardon for 'Biscuits' the turkey, sentencing it to death instead.

Apparently Biscuits had fed on, among other things, turkey mince and "was, in fact, pecking on his own." G.W. called this "a cannibalistic, morally evil frenzy", and warned: "Harsh acts spur harsh punishment."

After a last meal of cranberry sauce, parsnip and white rice, the bird is due to fry on Friday morning. This would be simultaneously broadcast on radio, Court-TV and the Food Network.

Although G.W. denied revenge was the reason, a White House source tips that in one week the turkey proved to be a better speaker than the president, knew more White House Staff names than him, and was pressed to run against G.W. as the Democratic candidate in Oh-Eight.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Remember me when I am gone away

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The sonnet in Shakespeare's series that had the misfortune to be number 69.

3rd - David Bourke with:
'Do They Know It's Christmas?' - Band Aid