Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2006
All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2006 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Female persons =
Pleasers of men.
2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
Unsolicited commercial emails =
Mad, malicious, electronic slime.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Police cadet =
Delicate cop.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Ang Lee's film 'Brokeback Mountain' ~
about menial farm blokes necking.
2nd - Don Rogers with:
Captain (Admiral) James Tiberius Kirk =
In Star Trek, Jim said, "I lack air! Beam up!"
3rd - View with:
The famous animator Walt Disney =
Sweet author of tiny, mad animals.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The West Virginia coal mine disaster =
It is twelve deaths in a grim scenario.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Oscar nominations unveiled =
Movies' list announced on-air.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Hamas triumphs in Palestinian elections =
Oh man, this result is insane. Panic time, pal!
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Israeli PM Ariel Sharon =
He's in mortal peril, as I hear.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti =
Is a jailbird madman that disliked USA.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Canada's new Prime Minister, Stephen Harper =
This deep man renews American partnership.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
United States of America =
Deem it as an utter fiasco.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Southern Beirut =
Is burnt-out here.
3rd - View with:
South American countries =
He came to tour Incas ruins.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
Best actress nominees:
1. Dame Judi Dench
2. Reese Witherspoon
3. Felicity Huffman
4. Charlize Theron
5. Keira Knightley
=
1. The erudite Mrs. Henderson
2. Johnny Cash's chick
3. This effeminate guy
4. A lifetime coal worker
5. Pride's Eliza Bennet
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"Do tell me", I asked president George W. Bush, "What's your honest opinion of Roe v. Wade?" =
"Sorry, kid", he answered, bemused, "I don't give a shit how people got out of New Orleans!"
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Terror group Hamas wins at the Palestinian elections =
Astonishing news! Israel in complete uproar at threat.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Toby Gottfried with:
Six Jewish gentlemen were once playing poker in their condo's rec room, and one of them bet and lost five hundred dollars on a single hand, and died right there at the table. They fell quiet, and, showing respect for their fallen pal, finished that poker hand standing up.
But who was going to tell his wife, Mimi ?They drew straws, and Reuben, always a loser, picked a short one. They told him to be discreet, gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. He said, "Gentlemen! I am the most discreet guy around. Leave the task for me."
So he went on over to the apartment, and knocked at the door.
The wife answered, asking him, "What do you want?"
He said, "Mimi, your husband did just lose $500 at cards."
She screamed, "HE - SHOULD - DROP - DEAD!"
"My fine lady," Reuben calmly replied, "... from your lips ... to God's ears."
=
Back in the 60's, a U.S. Navy ship pulled into a town in Mississippi for shore leave. The Admiral was decidedly surprised to get this request from a wealthy cotton plantation owner:
Dear Admiral,
On Wednesday next, the Nineteenth, it will be my daughter's birthday.
We would like you to send eight of your well-mannered, good officers to a night of polite dance and Southern charm with young ladies at our home.
They should arrive at 8:00 p.m., on the dot.
And, please, don't send Jews.
At 8:00 o'clock on the Wednesday, there did come, dressed in uniform, eight perfectly-mannered ensigns - DARK BLACK. The woman's jaw hit the floor, but she did gather herself together and barely whispered, "There has been a dreadful mistake!"
"No Ma'am," soothed one ensign,
"Admiral Goldberg, he don't make mistakes!"
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A Little Fun With Math
1. Pick any number from 1 to 7.
2. Double your number and add 5.
3. Multiply this new total by 50.
4. If you have already had your birthday this year, add 1756. If not, add 1755.
5. Subtract the four-digit year in which you were born.
6. Only a three-digit number remains. The first digit of this number was the one you picked. The last two digits are your age.
=
The Freudian Magic Trick
1. Be totally at ease.
2. Drift within your mind's depths as you leave your body behind.
3. Try to waft by a bad memory - that darn awful time in which you were hurt, subdued or humiliated.
4. Let this day's wrath float up again.
5. Find the person you blame for this terribly degrading incident...
6. You're thinking about your mother.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A paranormal researcher was giving a talk in the village hall and asked,
"Out of interest, does anyone here think they've seen a ghost?" About nine hands went up. "Remarkable!" He exclaimed. "OK then, I wonder, has anyone ever spoken to a ghost?" Four hands went up. "Heck!" said the surprised man . "Well, did anyone here ever make love to a ghost?"
One solitary hand shot up. "I did! I did!" cried an old farmer who was standing at the back of the hall.
"Wow! Incredible!" said the lecturer. "You really made love to a ghost! How?"
"A ghost...? Beg your pardon sir," said the farmer, "I'm afraid I misheard. I thought you said a goat!"
=
A union rep, checking on a farmer thought to have been underpaying his employees, was being introduced to the hands.
"This is young Clive," said the farmer, "he drives a hay-cart and gets two hundred dollars a week and a room and board. Clive's colleague Millie, here, keeps house and averages a hundred and sixty-eight dollars a week with a room and board."
"That's fair," said the rep; "OK, anyone else?"
"Yeah, the half-wit. He slogs seventy hours a week for a notional twelve dollars, with room and board."
"Aha!" said the union rep. "I'd like to speak to that man."
"You're talking to him right now," said the farmer.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Mike Keith with:
Five poems anagrammed.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Oscar Wilde sonnet, "E Tenebris"
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Twelve Days of Christmas
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - aussie battler with:
Fat lords =
Old farts.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Europeans =
One up the arse.
3rd - dupe with:
Anal suppository =
Oral? No. Up ass. Pity.
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