Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2007

All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2007 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
'Oliver Twist'. The novel by Charles Dickens =
Scrawny bloke sent child to thieve silver!

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J K Rowling =
A jolly hyper Hogwarts boy'll thwart dark in the end.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Puccini's opera 'Madame Butterfly' =
Macabre play put to refined music.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
United States politics =
Suspect it's oil-tainted.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
George 'Dubya' Bush's State of the Union Address =
So, the dud threatens a surge in use of body bags.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
President George W. Bush's State of the Union Address =
Enough deaths, persistent snob. For we are disgusted!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
Hillary: "Perhaps there are better candidates for President than myself." =
Pat reply: Any fresh face is better than the present horrid, dismal leader!

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
"Plutoed" is nominated and voted Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society =
Hence, they obviously awarded a dictionary term tied to planet's faced demotion.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Director Michael Winner facing amputation after holiday illness =
"Oh, calm down dear, it's only an artificial leg! (If 'the insurance' permit!)".

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
THE IRISH CHRISTENING

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a bad car accident and fell into a deep coma.

After being stuck in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "You had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine now; however they were poorly at birth and needed to be christened immediately. But luckily, your brother came in and named them.

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh suffering Jesus, not Paddy ... he's a clueless idiot. Anticipating the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well then, what is my daughter's name?"

"Denise," says the doctor.

The mother is very relieved "Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about Paddy ... I do like Denise."
Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew"

=

A HOLY CROSSNESS!

Seamus asked Pat how he got his terrible black eye.

"Begorra, ye'll never believe this," said Pat, "but, I confess, I got it in church."

Pat said he'd been sitting behind a fat lady and when they stood for hymns he noticed her dress was creased into the centre of her bum-cheeks.
"So I leant forward to pull it out and she turned and hit me!"

Some days later, Seamus was surprised to see an embarrassed Pat sporting yet another nasty black eye.

"I got it in church again," he began to explain. "Strangely, I was behind this same woman; the fat one. Anyway, when we stood for the hymns I saw her dress was creased into the cheeks of her bum. Then my little nephew Jimmy reached forward and pulled it out. But I knew the snooty cow didn't like that, so I leaned over and pushed it right back in again!"

2nd - David Bourke with:
A doctor is attending the scene of a very nasty-looking accident in Basildon, Essex, where he sees this girl badly injured at the side of the road, her head against the pavement, lying in a pool of blood.
"Now, my love..." the doctor asks her, "...where are you bleeding from?"
"I'm from Romford, innit..." said the girl, "...and wossat fackin' gotta do wiv you, anyways?"

=

A randy Essex girl, Tracie, of South Woodham Ferrers, began driving home late one night, stops the car, and affectionately asked her moronic boyfriend 'Dodgy Dave' if he'd like to kiss her somewhere that was "Nice and wet and very smelly".
He said "No darling," in his opinion, it "...was just way too late for them to be going out to bloody Canvey Island!"

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Computer Swallowed Grandma

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
http://www.anagrammy.com/misc/jumble.htm

2nd - David Bourke with:
The Tale Of Peter Rabbit

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
e-mail to: ALL MY FRIENDS

Subject: SOME NEW-YEAR TIPS!!

Hi Friends!

You HAVE to read this and pass it on! I am already carrying out No.3!

(1) Telemarketers:
Say 3 words: "Hold on please..."
Do this, put down your phone and walk off (instead of hanging-up), and it will make each call so long that boiler-room sales will grind to a halt. When you eventually hear the phone-company's "beep-beep" tone, go back and hang up your handset, as it has now efficiently completed its task. These 3 words will help eliminate phone-soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls where no one is there? This is a telemarketing technique! A machine makes calls and records the time of day a person answers. This is used to ascertain the best time for a "real" salesman to call back and find someone in. If ever you get a silent call, hit your hash button rapidly, 6 or 7 times. This confuses the mechanical caller and kicks your number from its system!

(3) Junk Mail:
When you get "ads" enclosed with utility bills, return the "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away. When you receive those "pre-approved" letters for credit cards and loans, do not discard the "return" envelope, as most of these are "postage-paid". It costs them more than the regular 24p postage, BUT ONLY IF THEY RECEIVE THEM BACK. It costs them nothing if you throw them away! Postage was 29p before our last increase. So, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in their postage-paid return envelopes? For example; send an ad for a local chimney cleaner to American Express, or a pizza voucher to Citibank. If you got nothing else that day, then send their blank application back! If you want it to be anonymous, don't put your name on anything you return. You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to keep them guessing! It is still costing them 24p; and every 24p mounts up!

Banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but we need to OVERWHELM them with 1,000s! Let THEM see what it's like to get loads of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!

The Royal Mail also stuffs local adverts through your mailbox. I put them back in their own Post Boxes. Good fun, eh?!
Let's keep our postal service busy since they say e-mails cut into their profits, which means they have to increase costs again.

If enough people follow these tips, they'll work!

THIS COULD BE ONE E-MAIL YOU "WILL" WANT TO FORWARD TO 5 OF YOUR FRIENDS!

=

e-mail to: ALL MY FRIENDS

Subject: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Hello Merrymakers!

Now that the New Year is upon us, I'd just like to extend my thanks and appreciation to all of you who've thoughtfully taken the time and trouble to send me those well-chosen "Forwards" over the past 12 months.

Thank you all for making me feel so safe, happy, blessed and healthy. My added thanks to the people who sent me the e-mail about rats' crap in the glue on envelopes, as I now have to go get a wet towel every time I seal my envelopes. Also, I love Dr Peppers yet, just because of your concern, I must scrub the top of every single can I open just in case the shopkeeper had some dry piddle (or worse!) on his hands.

I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know that it can remove toilet stains, which isn't a particularly appealing characteristic. Not to mention the zippy fact that it eats-away a T-Bone steak in about 3 days! Furthermore, I no longer check the coin returns on pay phones because my finger could be pricked with an infected needle-tip that may be riddled with AIDS. I don't use deodorants just in case they cause cancers, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I don't go to shopping centres because some psycho might drug me with a cologne sample, nor do I eat KFCs because their "chickens" are actually terrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer worry about my soul because at the last count, I had 36,324 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I've learned that God will only answer my prayers if I forward these e-mails to twenty of my friends and make a wish within thirty minutes. I no longer have any savings because I just gave them all to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die horribly in some third-world hospital (for the 372,294th time).

In fact, I no longer possess any money at all - but that will change once I receive the phenomenal sums that Microsoft and AOL are quickly sending me for participating in their special online e-mail-system program.

Yes, I want to express my thanks to you all so much for doggedly looking out for me that I will now return the favour!

If you don't send this e-mail off to at least 124,000 people in the next twenty minutes, a huge donkey with teeth like razor blades will promptly turn up and rip your privates clean off at 5PM this afternoon. I know this will happen because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbour's mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician's sister's dog.

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Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2007

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY