Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2007

All the highly-placed anagrams from the March 2007 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Grieves at ~
grave site.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A McDonald's quarter-pounder with cheese and fries =
I squander our planet and decimate fresh cow herds.

3rd - View with:
Confiture =
Once fruit.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The long-playing record 'Dark Side of the Moon' =
Another old Pink Floyd gem...Roger's on the acid!

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Lonely Planet's Travel Guide series =
This generates all tips you'll ever need.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Wonderbra supermodel Eva Herzigova =
How I gazed upon, marveled over, her breast.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Israel contains ~
racial tensions.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
British marines captured at sea =
Ire as Iran's pirates abduct them

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
British Marines in Shatt al-Arab waterway=
Blair starts a war with the Iranians, maybe?

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
William Clinton, the former president of the USA =
I am now free of politics... I let the Mrs. run the land!

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
President George W Bush =
We begrudge this person.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Lady Di dreams of ~
Mrs Dodi Al Fayed.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." =
Alas, what a rather too delectably ironic lapse by our elected shithead.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
We, the unwilling victims, being led by those still unknown are now doing the impossible for those who are the ungrateful. ~
Sir, we've been building so much with so little for so long, trend is we're now able to help make anything useful with nothing.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
What word begins with the letter "F" and ends with "UCK"? =
She'd want nothing bad; settled with "FIRETRUCK." Whew!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Immensely thankful, touched, proud, astonished, abashed." =
"Only a man that refused to be hushed could speak his mind."

2nd - David Bourke with:
Immensely thankful, touched, proud, astonished, abashed =
Aha! Pasternak indeed hushed by the foul old Communists!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Immensely thankful, touched, proud, astonished, abashed =
Oh shit, a Kremlin nut dashed my fabulous, decadent hopes.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Neil Ramsay with:
A lonely young lad is totally into tractors. He knows all the latest models.
One day though, he sees a tractor run over a dog and he becomes less interested in tractors because every time he thinks of them he is reminded of that poor old dog.

So, ten years pass and the lad (now a young man) walks into a bar with his girlfriend.
The girlfriend declares "God I hate it when it's so darn smoky in these places"
The lad takes a deep breath and then proceeds to breathe in all the smoke in the bar.
His girlfriend says "Man! how did you do that??"
The young man replied "Didn't you know that I'm an ex-tractor fan"

=

One weekend, a country lane walks into a pub and orders himself a drink.
Some other roads and lanes are all hanging out at the hotel bar too.

The old barman points over to the corner:
"See that motorway. I suggest you avoid him. He's the maddest road in here"

Only soon, a silly little orange dirt-track swaggers defiantly into the pub.

A chilling silence descends.

The motorway despondently downs his drink, hops deftly to his feet and makes for the fire exit.

"Hey, and I thought he was the maddest road in here?" says the lane.

The barman smiles:
"Indeed so, but that orange dirt-track is a cycle-path"

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Sean enters a chemist and asks one of the clerks for some anal deodorant. Bemused, the pharmacy clerk explains the chemist has never stocked any anal deodorant.

Sean insists he bought his last stick of anal deodorant from this very chemist. The clerk passes Sean on to the pharmacist, who explains the store never brought in any such toiletry item.

Sean mentions that he bought his last anal deodorant from this chemist only weeks ago and has done so for several years. The pharmacist asks Sean to bring in his last purchase so that he can try to match the make.

The following day, he grabs the deodorant and returns to the chemist and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist inquires why Sean believes it is an anal deodorant, as it is identical to the underarm stick variety.

Sean shows him the instructions on the reverse side of the label, which instructs, "Push up bottom to use."

=

At the Shamrock Pub, Sean stumbles up and accosts the only other patron and asks if he can quench his thirst.

"Thanks," replies the man.

Sean asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," he replies.

Shocked, Sean shouts: "Shoot, I'm from Ireland! Let's have a second shot to Ireland."

"Hurrah," replies the other man.

Sean asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"I'm from Dublin," comes the reply.

"Shivers, that's rich! I can't believe it," says Sean astonished, "I'm from Dublin too! Christ! Let's have another toast to that city."

"To the city!," toasts the second man.

Sean asks: "What school did you attend?"

"St Pat's," avows the second man.

"Christ's in heaven! That's incredible!," Sean chokes excitedly. "I also went to St Pat's! Have a third tasty shot?"

"Yes", nods the man.

At that time one of the pub regulars comes in and accosts the bartender.

"What's been going on?" he asks.

"Ah, nothing much extra," he replies. "The dastard O'Toole twins are drinking together again!"

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Our flight was being served by a gay flight attendant who seemed keen to get everyone in a good mood as he served us our food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to land, he came swishing down the aisle and said, "Captain Harvey has asked me to tell you all that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so, lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, then that will be super".

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed Arabic- looking woman had not moved a muscle. "Oh, perhaps you didn't hear me over those big engines," he said, " but I asked you to raise your traysy-poos, so the main man can pitty-pat us to the ground."

The woman calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. And I take orders from no one!"

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet cheeks, in my country I am called a Queen. So I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch!"

=

A mother was taking her child around a supermarket, and all the way round the aisles, the fractious toddler was screaming abuse and making a din.

"Ok, only two more aisles to go, Polly," said the mother.

As they continued, the child still screamed and fussed, but the woman said, "It's ok Polly, don't get stressed, only one more aisle to go before checkout!"

Even in the checkout queue the precocious infant still ranted and stamped her feet. "Ok, Polly, nearly finished!" said the parent, "Just have to pay the bill, and you can go home and have a nice rest."

The bill paid, they were about to leave when another lady-shopper came up and said. "Can I say how impressed I was with the capable and inspiring way you kept encouraging your daughter Polly, even though she was obviously giving you a pretty bad time."

"No, you don't understand," said the mother, "my daughter's name isn't Polly, it's Barbara ... I'M Polly!"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 153

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
That's Amore

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Seven Haikus Anagrammed