Anagrammy Placegetters for August 2008

All the highly-placed anagrams from the August 2008 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
Women's all-around gymnastics competition =
Nastia won gold in a Summer Olympic contest.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Singer Gary Glitter is deported from Vietnam =
Tiny-virgin molester Gadd gets free trip home. Rat!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
An Olympic hero =
I honor my place!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
NOTE: This forum is heavily moderated. Spam and troll posts will be removed promptly =
"Spam! Spam! Spam!" is the word. It's all derived from our beloved little Monty Python role.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war;
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial." =
Having hatched Caesar's past murder, the guilt-filled Roman, Antony, voices the horrible foreboding that war shall follow.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama =
After that demented sonofabitch Bush is out, a peacemaker is arisen!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
The Games of the Twenty Ninth Olympiad held at Beijing, China =
The big athletic men, highly fit women and the pandas. Enjoy it!

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Games of the Twenty Ninth Olympiad held at Beijing, China =
They hand-time the speedy win of the Jamaican "Lightning Bolt"

3rd - Chris Chatfield with:
The Games of the Twenty Ninth Olympiad held at Beijing, China. =
Enjoy the city. Inhale and faint! (Wind might help beat the smog.)

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.

Every day, he would pass a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her, fearing various saucy remarks that were almost certain to follow.

"One hundred and fifty pounds for a good time, sweetie?" she'd shout from her spot.

"No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily event. He'd jog by and she'd inevitably cry out, "One hundred and fifty pounds - yes?"

He'd yell back, "No! Five!"

One day, Camilla decided that she would like to accompany Charles on his run

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's corner, Prince Charles realised she would bark her £150.00 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on past outings. He figured maybe he'd better have a good explanation ready for his wife.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the woman, he became even more nervous than usual.

Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the woman's eyes as she watched them jogging past. Then, from her spot on the street corner, the hooker yelled:

"Oy! See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?"

=

The English golfer's wife stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear. "Good God, Ruth! Why aren't you wearing any underclothes?" Demanded her husband John.

"You don't give me enough on my shopping-allowance account to afford them, John," she retorted.

John immediately reached into his pocket and said, "For the sake of decency, Ruth; here's a £100. Do go and buy some underwear!"

Next, the Irishman's wife bent over to set her ball on the tee. An up-draught also hitched her skirt up to show that she, too, was wearing no underclothes. "Holy Virgin Mary, Gale!" He said. "How come you have no panties?"

She replied, "Well, I can't afford them on what you give me."

O'Marah dipped into his pocket and said, 'For the sake of decency Gale, here's a 50. Go and buy some undies!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bent over. A further gust took her skirt up to reveal that she, too, was naked underneath. "Och! Mudder o' Lord Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are your drawers?"

She too replied, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd them."

Jock reached into his pocket and said, "Well, fer the love o' decency, here's a comb ...Tidy yerself up a bit."

2nd - Adie Pena with:
A black man and his son are aboard American Airlines going across the Atlantic Ocean when they hear the captain's strained voice coming over the speakers.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I have some bad news. One of our engines has gone out. We still have three working fine, but in order to make it across the ocean, we have to dump all our luggage. It will soon be picked up by boats and then returned to the airport where you can pick it up. So sorry for the inconvenience."

Well, about fifteen minutes later, the captain comes on again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I have some more bad news. We just lost another engine. Since we already dumped the luggage, next we will have to drop some people. You will be given floating devices and will be picked up immediately by boats and taken safely to shore. To be fair, we will do this in alphabetical order...
~
'A' is for 'African Americans.' Please raise your hands. We'll take a few."

Hearing this, the manipulatable little black boy started to raise his hand.

The father glowered and uttered, "No son, keep it down!"

When no one raised theirs, the uninventive captain proclaimed, "Okay, fine, let's move on to letter 'B.' 'B' is pegged for our 'Blacks.' Raise your hands."

"Wow! Unbelievable intimidation!" Again, the big mettlesome man kept the little boy from raising his hand.

Outwitted, the wearisome captain comes on once more, and announces, "Well, I guess we'll move on to 'C.' 'C' is divvied up among 'Colored People.' Raise your hands."

Bedeviled, the intuitive, clever man kept gagging the boy from raising his.

"But Poppa! We are 'African American,' we are 'Black,' and we are also called 'Colored.' Why won't you let me raise my hand?"

He counseled, "No son, today, we is 'Niggers.' Those 'Mexican' jalapenos are going before us!"

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Question: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

Here is woman's answer: One! I repeat, ONLY ONE!!!! Do you know WHY? Because no one else in our house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They do not even know when a bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark FOUR DAYS before finally figuring it out! And once they did, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs, despite the fact they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS! If anybody, by some great miracle, actually did find them, TWO DAYS LATER the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would still be stuck in THE SAME SPOT!!!!!
~
And UNDERNEATH the old shabby wobbly chair, would undoubtedly be THE PACKAGE THE LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! Because no litterbug I see here thinks to PICK UP OR TAKE OUT THE TRASH!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVE NOT ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF OLD RUBBISH AT LEAST TWO FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY AND NAVY COMBINED LONGER THAN A WEEK'S TIME IN HERE, MAYBE EVEN MONTHS, TO CLEAN THE DUSTY, FILTHY PLACE! IT'S BEYOND BELIEF!! ANYBODY UNWITTINGLY SNIFFING DOWNWIND WOULD CONDEMN THIS HOUSE! AND DON'T GET ME GOING ON WHO'S ALWAYS REPLACING THE #&%!* TOILET TISSUE!! GOODBYE, BUSYBODY!!!!

Sorry, honey. What was the question?

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
[An anagrammed ten-letter word square]

1. D E S C E N D A N T
2. E C H E N E I D A E
3. S H O R T C O A T S
4. C E R B E R U L U S
5. E N T E R O M E R E
6. N E C R O L A T E R
7. D I O U M A B A N A
8. A D A L E T A B A T
9. N A T U R E N A M E
10. T E S S E R A T E D

=

1. A son
2. A sea creature
3. Neat, cute breed
4. An ant
5. Seen chromosome structure
6. Dead endearment
7. A locale
8. A site
9. Earth "brand"
10. Be tiled

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World", a list including only great structures around the Mediterranean rim (the number "seven" was used as the Greeks did believe that number to be a magical sign):

* Pyramids, Egypt
* Hanging Gardens of Babylon (built by Nebuchadnezzar II)
* Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
* Statue of Greek God Zeus at Olympia
* Marble Tomb of King Mausolus Halicarnassus
* Colossus of Rhodes in Aegean Sea
* Pharos at Alexandria, Egypt

Seven Wonders of the Medieval World
(written in the Middle Ages, adding several):

* Colosseum of Rome
* Catacombs of Alexandria, Egypt
* Great Wall of China
* Stonehenge of Salisbury Plain, England
* Leaning Tower of Pisa, Italy
* The Porcelain Tower of Nanjing, China
* Mosque of St. Sophia in Constantinople (now Istanbul, Turkey)

Some of the above attractions are not on all "Medieval Wonders" lists. Other variations of medieval wonders include:

* Abu Simbel Temple, Egypt
* Angkor Wat, Cambodia
* Aztec Temple of Tenochtitlan, Mexico
* Banaue Rice Terraces, Philippines
* Borobudur Temple, Java, Indonesia
* Inca City of Machu Picchu, Peru
* Mayan Temples of Tikal, Guatemala
* Moai Statues of Easter Island, Rapa Nui, Chile
* Mont Saint-Michel, Normandy, France
* Parthenon, Athens, Greece
* Petra (Rock-Carved City) Jordan
* Shwedagon Pagoda, Myanmar
* Taj Mahal, Agra, India
* Temple of the Inscriptions at Palenque, Mexico
* Throne Hall of Persepolis, Iran

Seven Wonders of the Modern World:

* The Suez Canal
* The Eiffel Tower, Paris, France
* The Alaska Highway, Alaska, USA
* The Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, California, USA
* Empire State Building, New York, USA
* Dneproges Dam, Dnieper River, Ukraine
* The Panama Canal

Various "Modern Wonders" above are not on all lists. More international attractions include:

* Atomic Energy Research Establishment, Harwell, England
* Big Ben Clock Tower, London, England
* Channel Tunnel, England-France
* CN Tower, Toronto, Canada
* Gateway Arch, St. Louis, USA
* Aswan Dam, Egypt
* Hoover Dam, Arizona/Nevada, USA
* Itaipu Dam, Brazil/Paraquay
* Mount Rushmore, South Dakota, USA
* Petronas Towers, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
* Statue of Cristo Redentor, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
* Statue of Liberty, New York, USA
* Sydney Opera House, Australia
~
The Seven Wonders of the Natural World (as documented in my home encyclopedia):

* Mount Everest, Nepal
* Victoria Falls, Africa
* Grand Canyon, Southwest USA
* Great Barrier Reef
* The Northern Lights
* Paricutin Volcano (new), Mexico
* The Harbor at Rio de Janeiro

Some of the above phenomena may not be seen used in all Natural Wonders lists. The same encyclopedia pages append these obvious wonders:

* Angel Falls, Venezuela
* Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia
* Blue Grotto, Capri, Italy
* Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico, USA
* Giant Sequoias, Yosemite, California, USA
* Iguaœ Falls, South America
* Krakatoa Island, Indonesia
* Mount Fuji, Japan
* Mount Kilimanjaro, Tanzania
* Niagara Falls, Ontario/New York
* Nile, Egypt
* Valley of Ten Thousand Smokes, Alaska, USA
* Yellowstone Falls, Wyoming, USA

Additionally, CEDAM International, a US-based group of people dedicated to protecting the aqueous ocean ecosystem, compiled the timeless "Seven Underwater Wonders of the World":

* Palau
* Belize Barrier Reef
* Galapagos Islands
* Northern Red Sea
* Lake Baikal, Siberia
* Great Barrier Reef
* Deep Sea Vents

"The Seven Wonders of the Industrial World", a document penned by UK author Deborah Cadbury analyzing phenomenal human feats of engineering of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, is quoted below:

* SS Great Eastern (steamship)
* Bell Rock Lighthouse/Signal Tower Museum
* Brooklyn Bridge, USA
* London sewerage system
* First Transcontinental Railroad
* The Panama Canal
* Hoover Dam

Popular travel/amusement writer Howard Hillman composed these simple lists recommending the top ten human-made and natural scenic places (in his opinion) to world tourists:

Best human-made travel wonders:

* Giza pyramid complex of Egypt
* Great Wall of China
* The Taj Mahal in India
* Machu Picchu, Peru
* Bali
* Angkor Wat, Cambodia
* Forbidden City, China
* Bagan Temples and Pagodas, Myanmar
* Karnak Temple, Egypt
* Teotihuacan, Mexico

Best natural travel wonders:

* Immense Serengeti Migration
* Galapagos Islands
* The Grand Canyon, Southwest USA
* Iguazu Falls, Argentina
* Amazon Rainforest
* Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania
* The Great Barrier Reef
* Victoria Falls, Africa
* Bora Bora, South Pacific
* Cappadocia, Turkey

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
HEALTH QUESTION-AND-ANSWER QUIZ.
By
Doctor Feelgood

Q: I have heard that a proper cardiovascular exercise regime can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that is it. Don't use them up exercising. Everything wears out in the end. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that is like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism for delivering the vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And an added pork chop can give you all of your recommended daily allowances of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled from wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bits so, happily, you get more added goodness that way. Beer is also made from grains. Cheers!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. ~
Q: What are some of the advantages of having a regular daily exercise routine?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My attitude is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Are fried foods bad for you?
A: Oh dear me; you're not listening.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they are saturated in it. How could getting more of these vegetables be bad for you? It's ecology. Ok?

Q: Can sit-ups actively prevent me getting a little fat around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it actually makes it larger. Take note! You should only do sit-ups if you want a larger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO? Cocoa beans? Yes - another vegetable! Chocolate is the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I trust this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about accurate food and diet evaluation.

And remember:
Life should NOT be seen as a velvety walkway to the grave, with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive, svelte and well preserved body, but rather as a sideways skid - Chardonnay and corkscrew in one hand, chocolate-cake in the other, body used up and worn out - screaming, 'WHOOPEE! What a ride!'

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Anagrammy Placegetters for August 2008

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY