Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2010

All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2010 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The final episode of the serial drama "Lost" =
The desolate island is a metaphor for life.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Meg Ryan's famous role in 'When Harry Met Sally' =
Her orgasm? She was momentarily really funny!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet: 'The Seine at Giverny' =
I may even need to create sunlight!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Society for the Protection of Unborn Children =
Pro-life bunch is too concerned for her tiny tot.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Environmental Protection Agency? =
In reality, government cannot cope.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Global company British Petroleum =
Scary pollution might be a problem!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The teary young woman - who was relating the details of her accident to the police - assured them that she was not speeding.
=
"What gear were you in, then?" said the state cops.
"Chartreuse hat, faded-lemon two-piece, mint shoes, tights and a yellow thong."

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Spending on the Iraq and Afghanistan wars has surpassed one trillion dollars =
Quite a lot for sparring against a lawless person hidden in harsh sand lands, no?

3rd - Adie Pena with:
[One] "Hot Summer in the Bahamas"
[Two] "Nascent Harvest by Autumn"
[Three] "The Hoary Winter" to...
[Four] "Cheery Hopes of Spring"
=

"The seasons are what a symphony ought to be: four perfect movements in harmony with each other." [Arthur Rubenstein]

The New UK

Can leaders grudgingly

Adopt co-heirs?

My Farnham lad, heed me:

Each ally errs!

Regard: i do believe

One perfect point -

No team of zilch I.Q.

(Or meager valor, too)

Should be conjoined.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Corporal Clegg had a medal too
In orange, red and blue
He found it in the zoo

Corporal Clegg received his medal in a dream
From her Majesty the Queen
His boots were very clean

(Pink Floyd) =
Nick Clegg, he had a large role-medal,
Of Tory blue and Lib-Dem yellow;
In his quotes, he had engraved:
'DEPUTY TO CAMERON (DAVE)'
As people groan, "Oh, Jeez! Horrific!"
Cameron nods, "Erm... not terrific."

3rd - David Bourke with:
Corporal Clegg had a medal too
In orange, red and blue
He found it in the zoo

Corporal Clegg received his medal in a dream
From her Majesty the Queen
His boots were very clean

(Pink Floyd) =
A Dark Day for Civic Freedom

Hallelujah! Gordon Brown PM, he quit!
Crushed, generally, thirteen years of sleaze!
A hodge-podge LibDem-Con coalition?
Another mediocre government? Please!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
This man was walking along a beach, when he found a bottle and picked it up.

A genie magically popped right out and said, "Thanks for letting me out there. For your kindness I will grant you just one wish."

Then the guy said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but cannot do so because I'm afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish then is for you to build me a super-highway from here straight to Hawaii."

To that the genie replied, "Sorry, but do not think that I can do that. Now, just you think for a few minutes of all the work involved in this highway from here to Hawaii. Then think of the huge pilings it would need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean."
~
The genie continued: "Oh and you think of all the concrete that I would need to pump. And, as the Pacific is a very long span, I propose it would need to build eight hundred gas stations and relief stops along this highway... Huh! It is a big prohibitive problem. That is just too much to ask. You have to modify it or think of an easier wish."

The guy had thought for a while and said, "One thing I have always wanted to know about. I'd like to be able to understand women - what makes them laugh and cry for joy, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult and painful to get along with... In brief, what makes them tick?"

The genie thought for a while then asked him, "OK, how do you want that highway? With two lanes or four?"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Here's something to ponder.

I recently appointed a new primary healthcare consultant.

After two sessions of exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'quite well' for my age. (I'd recently turned 60). A tad concerned about that pronouncement, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I shall live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Well, do you smoke? Or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'And I don't usually do drugs either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat beef sausages, rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... My former medic said that all red meat is
unhealthy!'

'Do you perhaps spend far too much time in the sun playing golf, tennis, cycling or running?

'No, never.'

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a penchant for wild sex?'

'Ha! No!' I laughed.

He looked at me and sighedÉ 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

=

A sixty-year-old man suffered a heart attack and had to undergo multiple bypass surgeryÉ

He awoke from surgery to find himself domiciled at the elite Cabrini Catholic Hospital under the care of the good nuns.

As he was recovering, a nun asked various questions about how he was going to pay the $6800 bill owed for his treatment. She asked if he'd got medical insurance.

He replied, in a gritty voice, 'No medical insurance.'

The good nun asked if he'd got any money in the bank.

'No money in the bank,' he declared.

She asked, 'Do you have relatives who could possibly help out?'

He said, 'I've only got my spinster sister, who's a nun.'

The nun became vexed and declared loudly, 'You're misguided! Nuns are not spinsters - nuns are married to God!'

The patient replied, 'Ok... Send the bill to my Brother-in-Law.'

3rd - Adie Pena with:
TOP TEN MOST DANGEROUS DOG BREEDS

10. Dalmatians: Terribly unmanageable.
9. Boxers: "Hard-to-train" ungentle puppy.
8. Presa Canarios: Frigging fearless!
7. Chow Chows: Unsafe if ill-bred.
6. Doberman Pinschers: Madness! Grr. Highly hostile when angered.
5. Alaskan Malamutes: Hmm... Drudgery? Bored? Turns jumpy, harmful, damaging.
4. Huskies: Me? The big deadly biter.
3. German Shepherds: Brazenly fearless, mean and bold.
2. Rottweilers: Hostile due to territorial instincts.
1. Pit Bulls: Take on any opponent. HELP! Remember, locks killer jaws on jugular.

=

TOP TEN MOST UNUSUAL CELEBRITY PET NAMES

10. Rachel Bilson's mixed-breed pup: Thurmen Murmen.
9. Ben Stein's shorthaired German pointer: Brigitte Bar-Dog
8. Adam Sandler's English bulldog: Matzoball
7. Selma Blair's one-eyed dog: Wink
6. Audrey Hepburn's Yorkshire Terrier: Mr. Famous
5. Martha Stewart's chow: Genghis Khan
4. Tori Spelling's pug: Mimi LaRue
3. Joss Stone's poodle: Dusty Springfield
2. Jake Gyllenhaal's German Shepherd and Puggle: Atticus Finch and Boo Radley
1. Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck's yellow Labrador: Martha Stewart

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Rainy Days and Mondays

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Charles Clarkson and his pal Sam decided to go skiing, so they loaded up Charles's van and headed north.

After travelling for some hours, they got caught in a bad snowstorm, so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could shelter there for the night.

'I realise that it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she said. 'The neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Oh, don't worry,' Charles said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather clears up, we'll be gone in the morning.'

The lady agreed. The men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared and the men headed off to enjoy an excellent weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Charles got an unexpected letter from a lawyer. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally decided it must be from the lawyer of the attractive widow he'd met on the skiing trip.

He dropped in on Sam and asked, 'Do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our skiing trip up north about nine months ago?'

'Yes, I do,' replied Sam.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the night and go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well... yes,' Sam said, a bit embarrassed at being found out. 'I have to admit, I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of yours?'

Sam's face turned as red as a beetroot. 'Yes, I'm sorry Charles; I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

=

TEODORO, THE MIDDLE-AGED LOTHARIO.

Teodoro, a middle-aged but reputedly virile Italian gentleman, was having a drink at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract the attention of a spectacular young blonde woman.

They chatted for a while and things duly progressed to the point where he took her back to his apartment. After more drinks and witty chat on his part, they retired to the bedroom, where he rattled her senseless...

After their joyful activity, he asked with a happy smile, 'So, you finish, yes?'

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'

Somewhat deflated, but keen to live up to his mighty reputation, Teodoro reached for her and they resumed their intimacy. This time they made love with added voracity and there were howls of wild passion. The furious sex finally ended and, again, he smiled and asked, 'You finish, yes?'

After a short pause, the woman returned his smile, cuddled up closer to him and softly murmured, 'No.'

Mamma mia! Stunned, but determined not to leave this magnificent woman unsatisfied, Teodoro reached for her yet again. Summoning up the very last of his strength, he was barely able to get through it, but they finally ended together screaming joyfully, bucking, clawing and ripping at the bed sheets. Wow, dynamite!

The exhausted Teodoro fell onto his back, groggy and gasping. Barely able to turn his head toward her, he looked into the woman's eyes, smiled and asked, 'You finish?'

Hardly able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered, 'No, I Norwegian.'

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Do you think English is an easy language? If your answer is yes....

A farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that they had to refuse more refuse.

We must carefully polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would only get the lead out.

He decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, they thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at from above, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The medical insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about the correct way to row.

They were too close to the door to make it close.

A buck does funny things when does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer.

To help with planting, a farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was way too strong to wind the sail.

Upon seeing a tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

English is such a crazy language! There certainly is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger, and no apple OR pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England, nor were French fries invented in France. Sweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand really works very slowly, boxing rings are actually square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One moose, two meese? ~
Makes sense to me - we see one solo goose, two geese, so two mongeese?

We're weird! It's a crazy idea that we can make amends but not offer a single amend. If one possesses a bunch of odds and ends, forfeits all but just one, what does he have left - the odd or the end?

If teachers taught, why don't we say the preacher praught? If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Sometimes I think all English professors need to be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language in the world would people recite in a play and go play in a recital? Or ship freight by truck and send truck by ship? Or possess noses that run and feet that smell?

How do the two extreme opposites of slim chance and fat chance express the same thing, while two similar expressions - wise man and wise guy - denote the opposite? Yes, I have to wonder at the unique lunacy of a language in which a house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

The stressful English language was generated and written by people, pre-computer, of course, so it represents the creative jargon of the entire human race, which is not a race at all! That is why when stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they're invisible.

Though I thought I was through with this rough interpretation and just need to proofread it, test it, post it, and adjourn (I'm tired...dog-tired), I still wonder why 'Buick' doesn't rhyme with 'quick'!

(For reference, this was forwarded to me in a newsletter, renewed and reworded; therefore, I don't suggest the newsletter's present reedited letters are new!)

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Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2010

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY