Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2011

All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2011 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
The American actor and director Charlie Chaplin =
I cheer lad in hat and iconic tramp character role.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden =
I'm a slim, mad bonehead and I wanna bomb!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Prime Minister of Italy Silvio Berlusconi =
I'm this entirely evil corruptible mafiosi son.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Things You'll Need To Survive A Blizzard

1. Candles
2. Food and water
3. Batteries
4. Battery-operated radio
5. Emergency kit

=

Things You'll Need To Survive A Broken Marriage
1. Pizza
2. Beer
3. Flat
4. Deodorant and style
5. Dedicated two-bit secretary

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Since that dreadful snow came, all my wife does is look through the back window. If it gets any worse, I might have to let her in. =
After a wild, lost night out, Victor Chisler woke to find a scarily ugly woman beside him. It was then he knew he'd got home safe.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
So, did you hear about the impending merger of Facebook, Twitter and YouTube? =
I doubt the buyer board, in regrouping, takes the doomed name of 'You Twit Face'!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
If you were given just one book to take for company on a desert island, what would you like this to be and why?=
"The Diary of Anne Frank", knowing a positive outlook would surely teach me how to be wise, beyond just today.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"If you were given just one book to take for company on a desert island, what would you like this to be and why?"
=
I know! I would seek to take one widely overrated autobiography of Bush just to clean my fanny in the woods!

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
If you were given just one book to take for company on a desert island, what would you like this to be and why?
=
A New York phone book, to yield what bathroom tissue any don could need to live away weeks on just fig fruit

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Late one night an old lady rang her vet and asked him the best way to separate a pair of copulating dogs.

"I'd say your best bet is to try prising them apart with a stick," he said.

A few minutes later, the old lady rang back saying the stick hadn't worked and could he advise something else.

"Oh, I dunno," said the vet, "You could try throwing water over them, perhaps?"

A few minutes later the lady phoned again. Unfortunately, the water had not done the job and she asked if there was anything else she could try.

"Go and tell one of the dogs it's wanted on the phone," said the vet, now becoming rather annoyed.

"Huh? That's a bit of an unusual remedy!" said the old lady. "Will it work?"

"Well," the vet replied, "it's already worked three times with me."

=

The elderly lady was standing at the cruise ship's railing clutching her hat to her head to stop the wind blowing it away.

A gentleman approached the aged female and said, "Pardon me, madam; I don't wish to appear forward, but did you know that the whole of your dress is billowing up in the wind?"

"Yes, I did know that 'detail'," she stated. "However, I need to have both hands free to hold onto the hat."

"But madam, you must realise that you are not wearing knickers and that your privates are on full view to all the deck's passengers!" entreated the gentleman.

The lady glanced down, then looked back at the gentleman. "Sir," she retorted flakily, "anything you see down there is seventy-five years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Headache

A married couple were invited to this really swanky costume party. The wife had gotten a bad headache and told her husband to go on to the party on his own.

Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said: "I will have to take some aspirin and go to bed." and then said that he did not need his good time spoiled by him not going.

Taking his costume with him, away he went. After sleeping very soundly for an hour, the wife awoke without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party herself.

As her husband did not know what costume she would be wearing, she thought she would have some good fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not there with him.

She joined the party and soon found her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every sexy woman he could find, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

=

His wife sidled up to him and as she was a rather seductive babe herself, her husband left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new chic babe that had just strolled in.

Off they went to one of the cars and had a loud hot passionate session.

A little before they unmasked at midnight, she slipped away, went home, hid her costume away and went to bed, wondering what explanation he would have for his behavior and acts.

She was sitting up reading when he arrived, and she asked what kind of night he had.

He said: "Oh... the usual thing. You know I do not have a good time when you're not there."

"Did you dance a lot?"

"You know, I did not dance one dance, though when I got there, I met Pete, Charles Schorsch, his Dad, Greg, Bill Browning and some other golf guys, so we went to the den and played poker all night.

But, wow, you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I had loaned my costume to...."

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ole and Lena: What to Do When it Snows in Minnesota
One winter morning in Minneapolis, Ole and his wife Lena were listening to the radio during breakfast and they heard the announcer say, "We are going to have eight to ten inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife Lena went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting ten to twelve inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Lena went out and moved her car again.
~
A few days later, they were again sharing breakfast, when a news announcer commented, "We can expect over twelve to fourteen inches of snow here today. This constitutes an unseasonable amount! You must park...."

Then the electricity went out. Lena got very upset and nervous. With a worried look on her face she said, "Oh no! I don't know what to do. Which side do I need to park on so the doggone snowplows are able to get through?"

With the genuine grace and understanding of all Minnesota husbands of Norwegian heritage who are married to innately strong women, he rose and replied in a tone of endearment, "Dear, why don't you leave it in the garage this time?"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
January 1939

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Your Song

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A girl asks her boyfriend Graham to come over Friday night to meet her parents and to have dinner with them.

Since it is such a momentous event, the girl announces to him that, after dinner, she would like to go out somewhere romantic and make love for the first time.

Graham is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he goes to the pharmacy to buy some condoms.

He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps him for about an hour, telling the boy everything there is to know about condoms and about sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks Graham how many condoms he would like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy settles on the family size because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, Graham turns up at the girl's parents' house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Ooh, I'm so excited about you meeting my parents,' she says; 'come in!'

Graham goes in and is led to the dinner table where the girl's parents are already seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. About a minute passes and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head bowed.

Ten minutes pass and still no movement from him.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girl leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were so religious.'

The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

=

Three McDonald's trade Executives are captured by tribesmen deep in an Amazon rainforest and taken to their chief.

"You very bad men!" says the chief, "destroy our forests. You shall be punished."

The 3 men look at each other apprehensively.

"You!" says the chief, pointing aggressively at the first man. "I let you choose. Death... or bum-bum!"

"I don't want to die!" shrieks the quaking man. "I don't know what this bum-bum is, but I'll take it!"

With that, 10 of the biggest, most strapping warriors grab the helpless man, throw him over a log and continue to roger him mercilessly for half-an-hour until he is a sad, bloodied wreck, then drag him away.

The chief looks at the second McDonald's man and says, "I give you same choice as him. Death or bum-bum!"

"Heck, what you did to my pal was horrific," gasps the distressed man, "but... I don't want to die either. I shall take bum-bum."

With that, 20 eager, strapping warriors grab the man, throw him over the same log, and roger him in the same, senselessly appalling manner for an hour, leaving him in a worse state than the first man.

The chief then turns to the last exec, who is the most senior of the three, and before he can speak, the man spits defiantly, "Kiss my ass! I will not experience the same sordid indignity as those spineless idiots! Death before dishonor, say I! Yes... I choose death!"

At that, a great cheer goes up from the tribe as they all roar as one: "Hooray! Death by bum-bum!"

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Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2011

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY