Anagrammy Placegetters for December 2010

All the highly-placed anagrams from the December 2010 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - View with:
'The Social Network' =
Owner likes to chat.

2nd - Dean Mayer with:
The inaugural 'Slips of the Tongue' Awards =
Guess Sarah Palin would feature tonight.

eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Mary Shelley's Victor Frankenstein ~
clearly invents his freaky monster!

eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'A Christmas Carol'. A novel by Charles Dickens =
Callers' visions badly shock mean character.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Harshal M. with:
New Year coming soon =
A worsening economy?

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
US president Obama's two years in office =
Enormous spirit of "Yes We Can" fades a bit.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
United Nations: Cholera epidemic threatens =
A concerned team help out residents in Haiti.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love =
Canny rocker duo, but not alive.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Actress Natalie Portman =
Spot an American starlet.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The wonder of Salisbury's "Stonehenge" =
Hey, it's renowned for huge stone slabs!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Niagara Falls in New York, United States =
It is known as a great and really fun site.

eq3rd - Larry Brash with:
Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome =
Cynic: "Many queer men died from suicide."

eq3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Department of Homeland Security =
I'd protect the US from an enemy lad.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Male puberty entails:
- Hairiness issues
- First signs of acne
- Morning erections
- A changing voice
- Wishing they were old. =

Men's mid-life crisis contains:
- Loss of hair
- Weight gain
- Cheating on spouses
- Buying newer cars
- Reliving the teen years.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The weather conditions across the United Kingdom =
Most ignored the radio...stuck in the snow and the ice!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Why would a frog enjoy reading any of Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes adventures? =
Why, only nature: evidence shows he's enormously fond of a jolly croak-and-dagger.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"
=
Now, folks are much too naughty here,
So I'll provide that sad decree:
One nice man won his gift this year,
But he, alas, is me!

eq1st - Larry Brash with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"
=
OK Santa, here's the new list I have compiled for you:

Nice:
Most humanist aborigines.

Naughty:
Each of the world leaders.

3rd - View with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"
=

A
not
easy
task to
decide who
is nice or bad.
Uh, HALT THAT!!!
Everyone sometimes
Pleasing or wrongful human.
Cherish
LIFE!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
A shepherd was herding his flock into a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a stylish Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep are in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the young man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and quietly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his notebook and connected it to a cell phone. Then he surfed to a page on the Internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and opened an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry. After a few moments, he received a response.

Finally, the young man printed a 159-page report on his miniaturized printer and turned to the shepherd and said,

=

"I have determined that you handle exactly 951 sheep."

"Correct," said the shepherd, appearing disheartened. "Go ahead, take one of the sheep."

He watched the expensively dressed, clean fingernailed man pick an animal in a hilly pasture and place it in his spotless new German car.

Before the winner could leave, the shepherd thought of a spontaneous proposition and signalled him to stop, pleading. "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give that animal back?"

"Sure, why not?" replied the flippant man, undeterred.

"You are a professional consultant!" the shepherd announced.

"Brilliant, I'm impressed!" answered the puzzled man. "How could you guess that?"

"No special knack required," stated the shepherd. "First, you turned up here at dawn when nobody called you. Then you offered to charge me for an answer I already knew, to something I never asked, and you don't know sh*t about my business!

Now, give me back my dog!"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE DEVOTED HUSBAND

A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final. Just as he was sitting down, another man came along and asked if anyone would be sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No they wont," he replied, "the seat is free."

"Honest? That's incredible!" exclaimed the other man, "now, who in their right mind would have a seat like this, for the greatest sporting event of the year, and then not even use it?"

He said, "Well, these seats do both belong to me. My wife was supposed to have been here with me but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final she hasn't been to since the day we were married."

"Gosh... I'm so sorry to hear that. Heck, that's dreadful. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a close friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat, then?"

The man shook his head...

"I'm afraid not. They're all at the funeral."

=

AN E-MENDED GAFFE!

A Yorkshireman's wife dies and, being pragmatic, he decides that he will just have the brief epitaph "She Were Thine" engraved upon her headstone.

He visits a stonemason, who tells him that it should be ready a few days after the funeral.

True to his word the craftsman calls the husband to say that the tombstone is finished and would he like to come by to inspect it. When the man gets there, he takes one look at the stone and notices that it has been engraved "She Were Thin".

"Bloomin' 'eck man!" he explodes; "I can't 'ave that - you've left a flamin' 'E' out!"

The stonemason apologises for the gaffe and assures him that it will be rectified by the morning.

Next day the widower returns. "Right, sir," says the mason, "I've put the 'E' on the stone for you".

The widower looks at the stone and reads out aloud: "E, She Were Thin".

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Conan Doyle gets in a car, to have a cab driver greet him as 'Mr. Doyle.'
'You know me! How?'
'First, notice of news placed in my local paper, plus small stain on pen hand, and I deduce it must be Sir Arthur, writer.'
'Fantastic!' Doyle gasps.
'One thing,' the man adds.
'What?'
'Your name's on your case.'

=

Holmes: ' Watson, I can in fun recount perfectly your day's engagements.' 'Perceptively, Mr Holmes!'
'Lunch meeting at a British upper class address. Then, after a drive across town aboard a tram, dinner in, at eight.'
Watson: 'And how do you know ?'
'I accompanied you all day,' said Holmes.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
ANNOUNCEMENT: International Alert Levels Raised!

The English are feeling the heat in the wake of recent terrorist threats and, as a safeguard, have now raised the national security level from "Displeased" to "Peeved". Security levels may soon be raised again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in Nineteen-forty, when it looked like tea supplies could run short.

Terrorism has been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was back in Fifteen-eighty-eight, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have also raised their level from "Pissed Off" to "So, let's go and get those Bastards". They do not have any more levels. This is the reason those war-waging Scots have been used on the British army's front line for the last three-hundred years.

The French government announced today that it has raised its alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". This unusual rise was precipitated by a recent fire in France that wrecked a major white flag factory and has effectively paralysed all the country's military capabilities.

Italy has also increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing".~
There are two levels left: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their state of terrorist alert from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor's Territory" and "Lose".

The Belgians aren't bothered as they're all on holiday. The only itty-bitty threat they find to worry about is that of NATO pulling out of Brussels soon.

The Spanish are excited to see their latest submarines ready to be deployed. These nifty, perfectly designed submarines have glass bottoms fitted so that the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

In the meantime, the Americans are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on their friends "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels from "baa" to "BAA!" Due to their current stiff reductions in defence spending, New Zealand has only one further level of alert, which is: "I hope Australia will come to our rescue".

Australia has raised its security alert level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three other escalation levels remain. They are: "Crikey!"; "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend"; and, thirdly, "The barbie is cancelled".

So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the third escalation level.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Hemos Perdido Aun Este Crepusculo

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
'All Saints' by Christina G. Rossetti