Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2011

All the highly-placed anagrams from the July 2011 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
All good things must come to an end =
Man, those glad times couldn't go on!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A psychoanalyst using the Freudian method ~
can help you find out the things a dream says.

3rd - View with:
Search for tequila =
Chase after liquor.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Harshal M. with:
Leonardo da Vinci's drawing, "The Last Supper" =
I arrange twelve pupils and soon add Christ.

2nd - nedesto with:
The Mona Lisa by the artist Leonardo da Vinci =
Nobody can rival that hesitant smile I adore.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The third movie in the Transformer series =
It seems even more horrid than their first!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Tuff, a Scotsman, sidled into the Glasgow library and asked the prim female librarian, "Have ye got any books on suicide?" ~
After pausing a minute, the woman looked icily at him over her glasses, and said...
"Sod off ye bastard, ye'll no bring it back!"

2nd - Larry Brash with:
International Classification of Diseases, Tenth Revision =
In a real sense, it sorts each affliction into neat divisions.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Why I'd advise never looking a gift horse in the mouth =
They've no mouthwash, reek of hidden oral gingivitis!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
"It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong." - John Cheever =
Phone rang.
Demanding mother-in-law just coming for a sudden long visit.
Oh, see I'm screwed!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong." - John Cheever =
"Hell, I'm just gonna go down and record some danged seafish, then I'm coming up." - Steve R. Irwin

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong." - John Cheever =
Listen
A nightjar's song.
Danger looming:
Man unmoved,
Opens fire.
How wretched...
Music died.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
THE TOP TEN BEST SELLING MUSIC ARTISTS

1. Elvis Presley
2. The Beatles
3. Michael Jackson
4. Frank Sinatra
5. Abba
6. Led Zeppelin
7. Nana Mouskouri
8. Queen
9. Tino Rossi
10. Julio Iglesias

=

1. The King.
2. Liverpool group.
3. Tranquilizers kill.
4. Ol' Blue Eyes.
5. Jesus! Just look at those females!
6. Metal band.
7. A Cretan in specs
8. Britain's best!
9. Ancient, I see!
10. As in: 'I am Spanish'.

2nd - Harshal M. with:
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules? =

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

So, do you live around here often?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A PREACHER'S SERMON

I dreaded the first Service of my own, and was just so nervous and wretched I could scarcely speak.

After I had finished, I found the Abbot, a cheery, robust character, to ask him to judge honestly how I'd done.

He replied, 'Whenever I'm uneasy about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of brandy or sherry near the water glass. When I start to get truly ruffled, I have a sip.'

So at Mass on the following Sunday I took the helpful Abbot's advice.

At the start of my sermon I felt cold, and began to jabber, so I took just a short drink, and I proceeded rather more serenely.

On my return to the office I saw this note attached to the door: ~

1 Do take one sip of brandy - don't gulp.

2. There is in fact a total of twelve disciples, not ten.

3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

4. Moreover, we do not refer to our living Christ as the late J.C.

5. Furthermore, if we are in a church we don't usually refer to The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as Pop, Junior, and the Spook.

6. And also, we never refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

7. When He, Jesus Christ who is our Light and Saviour, broke bread at the last supper He said, 'Take this and eat it, for it is my body.' He did not say, 'Eat me.'

8. Finally, the recommended grace we have to say before a meal is not 'Rub-A-Dub Dub, thanks for the Grub, God!'

You are fired.

And that, my children, is my story.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Caelica 86

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Puns and Groaners
(I. M. Apologetic)

I used to be a tailor, but I found the stitch work was just so-so.

What did the sign on a toy store say? "Don't feed the animals. They're already stuffed."

This duck walks into the bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."

What is the difference between a frog and a cat? A frog croaks all the time, a cat only nine times.

What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.

What planned Disney movie is about a stupid boyfriend? Dumb Beau.

I used to be a shoe salesman, and then they gave me the boot.

Recently, they arrested the Chrysler salesman, and he couldn't a-Ford the bail.

What do you get if you cross a bullet with a tree with no leaves? A cartridge in a bare tree.

What is the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer? One is a bird watcher, and the other is a word botcher.

What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit coin? One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.

Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are round figures.

I used to be a baker, but I didn't make enough dough.

I used to work for Budweiser, but then I was canned.

I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn't my racket.

Which president was the least guilty? Abraham Lincoln. He is in a cent.

News: They arrested the barber for running a clip joint.

I used to be a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick to it.

What is the difference between a knight and Santa's reindeer? One slays a dragon, yet the other is draggin' a sleigh.

I used to work at Starbucks, but I got tired of the daily grind.

I used to be a doctor, but I lost all my patients.
~
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

I used to be a train driver, but I got sidetracked.

I tried working in a bakery, but was told I wasn't "bread" for it.

I used to be a hotel clerk, but then I had my reservations.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, Sweetie.

I used to be a carpenter, but then I got bored.

What is the difference between a miser and a canary? The miser is a little cheap and the canary is a little cheeper.

They arrested the Rhesus monkey for throwing his own feces at zoo attendants. His charge? Turd debris assault.

I used to be a marathon runner, but couldn't stand the agony of de feet.

What would you get if you crossed bats with a lonely hearts club? Lots of blind dates.

What is the breed of canine that easily forgets his place on the trail? A wherewolf.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines again.

What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes? You can't venom all.

I used to be a banker, but lost interest in the work.

I used to be a teacher, but found I didn't have enough class.

I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn't trained.

What is the difference between a unicorn and lettuce? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

What Disney movie is about the tall-tale-telling champ? The Lyin' King.

I used to be a road digger, but I got re-trenched.

There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
THE SIGN OF THE '400': Being a continuation of the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

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Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2011

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY