Anagrammy Placegetters for February 2012

All the highly-placed anagrams from the February 2012 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The supervillain =
His plan? True evil!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The politician's career =
Practice lies on the air.

3rd - nedesto with:
When I asked my pal Fred about his ornery addiction to ~
brake fluid, he said, "Oh, don't worry, Ed. I can stop any time."

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ivan Andonov with:
"The Satanic Verses" by Salman Rushdie =
Such essays threaten evil Arab minds.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The winner of Best Picture, 'The Artist' =
French pair's tribute to the twenties.

3rd - nedesto with:
On the Origin of Species written by Charles Darwin =
Clear inspired theory of genetics was born within.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Singer Whitney Elizabeth Houston is found dead =
Another sad showbiz life in the US ... it ended young.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
I note The Queen has reigned over us for sixty years. =
"She is quite extraordinary", everyone often gushes.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Madonna performs at this year's Super Bowl =
Her bootie warms up randy male sports fans!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
If Planet Earth comes to an end on the morning of December twenty-first this year, what will you do the night before? =
Since I'm diabetic, I'd repent, head for town, blow all my money on the SWEET stuff, forget the horror ... then EAT ANYTHING!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"If Planet Earth comes to an end on the morning of December twenty-first this year, what will you do the night before?"
=
I prefer to watch the ocean,
Where solemn gannets fly.
I'd feel that surf, their art in motion -
Then bid my town goodbye.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
"If Planet Earth comes to an end on the morning of December twenty-first this year, what will you do the night before?"
=
I would ditch the Mayan calendar with its bothering offer, then sleep, then go on to benefit from twenty more years.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
I was a very happy person.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me .. it was her beautiful, voluptuous, younger sister.

My future sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly wink and then bend right down when she was near me, and I always got more than a full pleasant look at her delectable private parts.

It had to be deliberate. She never exhibited herself when she was near any other males.

One day, my cute "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check all of the wedding invitations. She was all alone when I got there, and she whispered to me that she had so many suppressed emotions and desires for me that she could not deny.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

=

Well, I was in shock, and couldn't breathe a word. She said, "I'm going to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, come and get me, sweetheart."

I was stunned and reeling in shock as I beheld the jewess travel up the stairs. When she reached the top, the vixen sleekly leant over, pulled at her shoestring bikini panties baring her flawless arse and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there mindlessly for a moment, then reversed and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and maneuvered straight towards my VW Beetle.

Lo and behold, my entire new family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law to be hugged me and uttered, "We are very happy that you have resisted our little sensory test.....we believe we couldn't ask for a sweeter man for our dearest daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of the story is:

Always keep all your condoms in your car.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Did you know that:

It takes your food just seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support three kilograms.

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

People's thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than that of a man.

There are approximately one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men do.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.

Your body uses three hundred muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva can't dissolve something, then you can't taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

=

A short while ago an innovative new supermarket opened in Kansas.

The store has an automatic water-mister built in to ensure that produce stays extra-fresh. Just as it comes on, you hear the rumble of distant thunder and smell the scent of fresh rain.

When roaming past the milk cartons, you hear cows mooing as you smell that scent of newly-mown grass.

In the meat section, there is the aroma of char-grilled steak with onions.

When you move to the eggs section, the air is filled with the hubbub of hens clucking, plus the aromas of bacon and eggs frying.

Then, in the bread section, there are the evocative smells of breads, pies and biscuits baking. Oh, yum!

I don't buy my toilet paper there anymore.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
And it came to pass, an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman who have done a bank job are on the run from the police. They enter a large garage but kick themselves when it turns out there is nowhere they might hide apart from a few old hessian sacks. They can hear the officers assembling outside getting ready to come in so they each climb into a sack and lie hidden as still as they possibly can.

The posse shows up and they soon come to the sacks and start checking them out.~
The Englishman resting in his sack fools the sorry cops by snarling, sounding just like a dog, so they go away.

The cunning Scotsman hears it and purrs in his sack like a cat with the same outcome.

The baffled detectives are about to abandon the search when they come to the last sack containing the Irishman.

Having remembered how his fellow men escaped detection, farmer O'Leary thinks, and as they manhandle him, the bemused cops hear the sack say "potatoes, potatoes".

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

[William Shakespeare's sonnet pair that deals with the 4 elements (44-45) is anagrammed into 4 poems about the role each element plays in nature, with fitting acrostics.]

If the dull substance of my flesh were thought,
Injurious distance should not stop my way;
For then despite of space I would be brought,
From limits far remote where thou dost stay.
No matter then although my foot did stand
Upon the farthest earth removed from thee;
For nimble thought can jump both sea and land
As soon as think the place where he would be.
But ah! thought kills me that I am not thought,
To leap large lengths of miles when thou art gone,
But that so much of earth and water wrought
I must attend time's leisure with my moan,
Receiving nought by elements so slow
But heavy tears, badges of either's woe.

The other two, slight air and purging fire,
Are both with thee, wherever I abide;
The first my thought, the other my desire,
These present-absent with swift motion slide.
For when these quicker elements are gone
In tender embassy of love to thee,
My life, being made of four, with two alone
Sinks down to death, oppress'd with melancholy;
Until life's composition be recured
By those swift messengers return'd from thee,
Who even but now come back again, assured
Of thy fair health, recounting it to me:
This told, I joy; but then no longer glad,
I send them back again and straight grow sad.

=

The Four Forces

Ferocious flames! How hurtful, at their worst,
Incinerating forests in a flash,
Reducing with those mammoth, brutal bursts
Each tree into this barren pile of ash;
But often, fires of this major scope
Just judge the budding plant's attempt to cope -
And gift the strongest bulb that second hope.

As gloomy clouds go by like puffs of smoke,
I latch onto this muse they leave behind,
Remembering the moments they evoke,
The poignant thoughts which haunt my heavy mind.
But those become unravelled as I stare;
It's truly hard to grasp the When and Where -
For memories are fluent as the air.

When Nature had enough of summer strife
And bathes this meadow with a sweeping flood,
The most unhealthy weed might come to life,
Emerging in that puddle in the mud.
Rain can erode the mountain with its flow,
But tends to wash away the numbing woe -
Like wild weeds by the road, life needs to grow.

Eternal flame or cloud or stormy gloom
Are but null things to those within the earth;
Roots won't depart the quiet of her womb -
They've been below that gorgeous ground from birth.
How good it feels, in these embattled days,
To know that even when the sky is gray,
There is one solid thing that's here to stay.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.

Bittersweet memories
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.

And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you.

You, darling, I love you.
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.

=

YOU WILL ALWAYS LIVE ON

If you should fly,
It would awkwardly make me cry.
So you'll go, but I know
I'll think of you ev'ry day 'til I die.

Yes, you will always live on.
You will always live on.
You, my idol, you. Hmm.

Visible MTVs
That is all I will have with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't sigh
They do see that you have to be free.

Oh, you will always live on.
You will always live on.

"Stop," I pray, "Ease a pain."
Ooh, I do gasp for joy, too, and pride.
I'm awake with audios about your death,
Obituaries go media-wide.

But you will always live on.
You will always live on.
You will always live on.
You will always live on.
You will always live on.
You, you will always live on.

You, Whitney, will live on.
Ooh, you'll always, you'll always live on.

Eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Titanic Poem - 'The Destroyer'.

Out of the night it came, that menace of the seas,
Unmarked by sound and unobserved, its prey of souls to seize;
A pallid shape, dim in the fog, a monster, on it came.
And wallowed in the ocean path, its toll of deaths to claim.

All boasts of modern safeguards, mere affectations were;
Inventive minds it mocked and giant ships seemed dwarfs to her.
That mammoth ship, with armor plate, was but a cockle-shell,
And when its unseen hand reached out, with ease the giant fell.

And then it laughed; it closed its hand; then watched the work it wrought;
The frenzied screams of dying men, sweet music to it brought.
Unmoved it stood, with eager mien, while fifteen hundred souls
Went struggling down for evermore to rest in watery holes.

Its evil deed accomplished, it drew a conquering breath,
And all about the wreckage, a shadow cast of Death.
The mightiest of giant ships had just obeyed its nod,
And fifteen hundred souls their final voyage made to God.

=

'A Damaged Vessel' - The Unfit Leader

Into the light it came, a princess of the sea,
With silent grace it sleekly showed its might and majesty
But wait... it should not be this near! Yet nearer still it came;
The waiting rocks of Giglio prepared to stake their claim.

A crunch! resounded through the ship, the rocks tore through its side,
"Where is the captain? Find this man!" the frightened people cried.
A boss to give the signal for the lifeboats to be manned,
A stolid, steadfast man of status, someone who'd command.

A man to tell them what to do, who minded, was well versed,
Who'd activate that vital rule: 'Women and children first'!
"Where did the captain go?" demanded victims in distress;
They quizzed the crew but no one knew - all they could do was guess...

Fear and pandemonium were buffeting around,
And then that fateful shout of fear: "My God, she's going down!"
Some were doomed to be snuffed out, they'd live and laugh no more...
Meantime, Captain F. Schettino was safe and sound on shore.

eq3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents' strife.
=
I reached once more this date in February,
How vivid is the hurt of last year's farce;
I looked to well-intentioned poetry
And with poor use, to fall right on my arse.
I suffer words like 'geek', their heartbreak throw,
It's rough I suffer from this woman's scorn;
Saint Valentine himself with Cupid's bow,
Could not have saved the love that ne'er was born.