Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2012

All the highly-placed anagrams from the March 2012 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Dali's 'The Persistence of Memory' =
His masterpiece of modern style.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The fictional Secret Service Agent, James Bond =
Ian Fleming creates screen job that is coveted.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Play "The Dark Side Of The Moon"? =
Some hated to hear Pink Floyd!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - nedesto with:
Bessy the old Guernsey told Molly the heifer, "I've been artificially inseminated; it was done only about four hours ago!"
=
"Hogwash!" Molly said acutely, "I don't believe any of it for one minute."
Bessy raised her aged hoof, "It's entirely true - no bull."

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Three Richest Women in the World
1. Christy Walton
2. Liliane Bettencourt
3. Alice Walton
=
1. That truly content widow
2. L’Oreal heir, the eccentric one
3. Seen with the Walmart billions

eq3rd - David Bourke with:
Wonderbra, the sponsors of National Cleavage Day =
A darn lovely pair of breasts cease to hang on down!

eq3rd - View with:
The Encyclopedia Britannica will no longer be printed =
Cannot print & charge. Will be replaced by online edition.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
=
A tweeter: Typing a million and a half dumb posts in a week to say he has no free time.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."
=
Footnote: Behind many a dry man there's a pitiless female with a tongue like a wasp!

3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."
=

Drunk: It is a feeble sweaty man who has got an immense appetite for daily ethanol.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
World's Greatest Drawings

18. The Parnassus
17. Two Sisters (On The Terrace)
16. Adam and Eve
15. Les Demoiselles d'Avignon
14. Starry Night Over the Rhone
13. Allegory of Age Governed by Prudence
12. Burning of the Houses of Parliament
11. The Crucifixion of Saint Peter
10. Diana and Callisto
9. House of Stairs
8. Massacre at Chios
7. Impression, Sunrise
6. Slave Market with the Disappearing Bust of Voltaire
5. Girl With A Pearl Earring
4. Dull Gret (Mad Meg)
3. Night Watch
2. Sistine Chapel Murals
1. Mona Lisa

=

18. Raphael's homage to the poet
17. Renoir's vivid portrait
16. Durer's tale of sin
15. Picasso's astute art twist
14. Van Gogh's nature image
13. Titian's three-headed human
12. Turner's raw fire
11. Caravaggio's essential work
10. Rubens' giant women
9. Escher's visual dementia
8. Delacroix's sad figures
7. Monet's French dawn
6. Dali's optical illusion
5. Vermeer's pretty lass
4. Bruegel's hellish anarchy
3. Rembrandt's play of light and shadow
2. Michelangelo's offering to the pope
1. Leonardo's enigmatic grin.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A senior walked into a supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in the greengrocery department told him they only ever sold whole heads of lettuce. However, the man was adamant and insisted that the boy ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Sir, some stupid old man wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."

As he was finishing his announcement, he turned around to find that the man was standing behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman has just kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the transaction and the customer went on his way.

Later on, the manager said to the boy, "I was most impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we want people who can think on their feet here; where do you come from son?"

"New Zealand, sir," the lad replied.

"And why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there is nothing over there but prostitutes and rugby players."

"Is that right?" replied the manager, "My wife is from New Zealand."

"Really?" replied the boy, "Which team did she play for?"

=

The train was so full that the U.S. Marine had walked the entire length looking for a seat. But the only seat left was beside a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman who had her pet poodle sitting on it. The battle-weary Marine asked agreeably, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman just huffed and said to nobody in particular, "Ha! ze Americans, they are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine then walked the length of the train and back, but still the only seat left was that taken by the pet dog. "Please ma'am, may I sit here?" he asked, "I am quite weary."

She snorted, "Ha! Not only are ze Americans rude, they're also very arrogant!"

The Marine did not say a word but simply picked up Fifi, lobbed the dog out the train window, then sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Help! Somebody has to defend my honour! Put zis American in his place!"

An Englishman seated nearby spoke up; "Sir," he said dryly, "you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread,
Then whipped them all soundly
And put them to bed
=
We now view this rhyme as abuse.
That odd, hapless matron honestly had no hope, and with no help at home, mummy's landed hot and bothered.

Too bad she didn't have the net...
www.childline.org.uk

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
[March marks the spring migration of some birds from Africa to Europe. Below, the poem Wild Pigeon is anagrammed into 4 poems following the imaginary route of such a bird.]

Wild Pigeon
Isaac McLellan

The Autumn day is fleck'd with gold,
As slow the twilight sun declines;
The western cloud's encrimson'd fold
With a surpassing beauty shines;
And as the deep'ning shadows creep
Athwart the glimmering landscape's breast,
And o'er the purpling mountains sweep,
The drowsy breezes sink to rest.
The roe buck to his dingle goes,
Where thick the wood its covert throws;
The red stag that had paus'd to drink
Beside the rivulet's plashy brink,
Exhausted flings his dappled side
Along the clear, pellucid tide.
'Tis then the pigeons seek the wood
To roost, a swarming multitude.

Deep in Wisconsin wilderness,
Or forests vast of Michigan,
The bending boughs their bosoms press,
The air their clanging pinions fan.
So great their numbers, hunters say
They bend the bough and break the spray,
And when their frighten'd myriads rise,
'Tis like the thunder of the skies.

Years since in forests of the East
They gather'd to the harvest feast;
They swarm'd by river and by shore,
In vast flocks flew the pastures o'er;
They swept innumerable the plain,
Gleaning the corn-seed and the grain;
Then, winging to some grove their flight,
Sought roosting-places for the night.

When emigration to the West
In eager emulation press'd,
And axe and plough and farmer's toil
Open'd the treasures of new soil;
And million acres of the wheat
Ripen'd in summer's fervid heat,
And bearded rye and yellow corn
Shook their bright tresses in the morn;
Then to those fields and pastures new
These emigrants on pinions flew.

When June with rose-red cheeks aglow
O'er banks wild strawberries doth strew;
When August on the sunny hills
With sweets the luscious blueberry fills,
And o'er the heated pasture pours
The blackberries in honey'd stores,
And ripens on the swinging vine
The grapes, like amethysts that shine--
Then to this ripe, abundant fare,
So sweet, the pigeon-flocks repair,
Sharing the never-cloying feast
Our Maker offers to the guest.

=

Spring Passage of the Turtle Doves

The Temple Mount in Jerusalem, Israel

The highbrowed crowds increasing by the hour
Go by the hundreds to that shrine and gem,
Drawn to the Western Wall's enduring power -
For its sound spell expels the dread in them.
Blessed wishes fill the sky, each word afloat
Where sadness underlines awe-filled devotion;
The trusting monologues within the note
Are means to draft this hidden Hebrew notion:
The anguished theists ask, with bated breath,
If He represses sickness... even death.

Central Athens, Greece

The Zappeion and hallowed Parthenon
Are perfect for a humbled delegation -
The buses keep arriving by the ton,
Amassing as one epic winged migration;
It goes amiss as seasons shift all year
In towns where idle warmth is downright rare,
But yours, O Greece, persists so purely here,
For Athens' gift is sunshine everywhere.
Greek goddesses sit passively, in grace,
To greet the masses praising their rich place.

Cathedral in the town of Assisi, Italy

The town might not be highly known, and yet
The wisest people with a bent for art
Cross lakes and walk with the intent to get
To chaste Assisi's striking depth and heart;
The brushwork of the splendid Giotto there
Intrigues with patterns filled with veneration
And wakes the artists' sudden need of flair -
The naves' mere lushness might prompt more creation.
Above these treats, the sky won't dare to frown;
Like nobles, it shall nurture that prime town.

Luxembourg Gardens in Paris, France

The happy cuddle on one wooden bench
By fetching ponds should often yield romance;
The dusks are sluggish, while the doting French
Press on, subsiding as they end their dance.
Friends cross the paths adorned with cheerful growth
And grasp the fountain's beauty there, in twilight;
Nearby, succumbing to its hold on both,
The lovers' murmurs spur some winning highlight.
Unbroken kisses spark so suddenly
If they are kisses in this garden glee.

The twist: When all of the S's are highlighted in the poem bodies, they depict the protagonist...

The highbrowed crowds increasing by the hour
Go by the hundreds to that shrine and gem,
Drawn to the Western Wall's enduring power -
For its sound spell expels the dread in them.
Blessed wishes fill the sky, each word afloat
Where sadness underlines awe-filled devotion;
The trusting monologues within the note
Are means to draft this hidden Hebrew notion:
The anguished theists ask, with bated breath,
If He represses sickness... even death.

The Zappeion and hallowed Parthenon
Are perfect for a humbled delegation -
The buses keep arriving by the ton,
Amassing as one epic winged migration;
It goes amiss as seasons shift all year
In towns where idle warmth is downright rare,
But yours, O Greece, persists so purely here,
For Athens' gift is sunshine everywhere.
Greek goddesses sit passively, in grace,
To greet the masses praising their rich place.

The town might not be highly known, and yet
The wisest people with a bent for art
Cross lakes and walk with the intent to get
To chaste Assisi's striking depth and heart;
The brushwork of the splendid Giotto there
Intrigues with patterns filled with veneration
And wakes the artists' sudden need of flair -
The naves' mere lushness might prompt more creation.
Above these treats, the sky won't dare to frown;
Like nobles, it shall nurture that prime town.

The happy cuddle on one wooden bench
By fetching ponds should often yield romance;
The dusks are sluggish while the doting French
Press on, subsiding, as they end their dance.
Friends cross the paths adorned with cheerful growth
And grasp the fountain's beauty there, in twilight;
Nearby, succumbing to its hold on both,
The lovers' murmurs spur some winning highlight.
Unbroken kisses spark so suddenly
If they are kisses in this garden glee.

...in motion:

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
EL PASO
By
Marty Robbins

Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican girl.
Night-time would find me in Rosa's cantina;
Music would play and Felina would whirl.

Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell.
My love was deep for this Mexican maiden;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.

One night a wild young cowboy came in,
Wild as the West Texas wind.
Dashing and daring,
A drink he was sharing
With wicked Felina,
The girl that I loved.

So in anger I

Challenged his right for the love of this maiden.
Down went his hand for the gun that he wore.
My challenge was answered in less than a heart-beat;
The handsome young stranger lay dead on the floor.

Just for a moment I stood there in silence,
Shocked by the foul evil deed I had done.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was to run.

Out through the back door of Rosa's I ran,
Out where the horses were tied.
I caught a good one.
It looked like it could run.
Up on its back
And away I did ride,

Just as fast as I

Could from the West Texas town of El Paso
Out to the bad-lands of New Mexico.

Back in El Paso my life would be worthless.
Everything's gone in life; nothing is left.
It's been so long since I've seen the young maiden
My love is stronger than my fear of death.

I saddled up and away I did go,
Riding alone in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow
A bullet may find me.
Tonight nothing's worse than this
Pain in my heart.

And at last here I

Am on the hill overlooking El Paso;
I can see Rosa's cantina below.
My love is strong and it pushes me onward.
Down off the hill to Felina I go.

Off to my right I see five mounted cowboys;
Off to my left ride a dozen or more.
Shouting and shooting I can't let them catch me.
I have to make it to Rosa's back door.

Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
A deep burning pain in my side.
Though I am trying
To stay in the saddle,
I'm getting weary,
Unable to ride.

But my love for

Felina is strong and I rise where I've fallen,
Though I am weary I can't stop to rest.
I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle.
I feel the bullet go deep in my chest.

From out of nowhere Felina has found me,
Kissing my cheek as she kneels by my side.
Cradled by two loving arms that I'll die for,
One little kiss and Felina,
Good-bye.

=

EL PUSO

Out in Barns Green down in Horsham, West Sussex,
I had a duel with one ornery gent,
He was the cruel, one 'n' only El Puso
I came intent on a fight to the end.

There in an inn full of hillbilly yokels,
The ale looked like gnat's pee 'n' tasted the same
I arrived early to check on the venue,
Armed, set to kill, in this 'High Noon' endgame.

All of a sudden the door opened wide,
Someone came in from the night,
It was El Puso
Arriving with gusto,
The glint in his eye
Was a knife in my heart.

So I rose from my

Chair and I challenged him: "Show what you've got man,"
Down flew his hand, moving fast as a fox,
Before I knew it he delved in his bum-bag,
Drew out, like lighting... an old Scrabble box.

Just for one moment the whole room fell silent,
All I could hear was the beat of my heart,
Many words flew through my mind as I stood there,
I chose only two and I said them: "Let's start."

Before I knew it a table was cleared,
We both got chairs and sat down,
From my bag I took
My old Scrabble Wordbook,
He snarled, "Best of one."
My reply was a frown.

Then we each chose our

Tiles from the tile-bag, set them on tile-racks,
I looked at them once and got set to attack.

He tossed a coin in the air, and I cried "Tails!"
It came down heads and he sniggered, "First blood,"
He laid his tiles and he made 'FOXED' (for forty)
All I could make with my letters was 'MUD',

As we continued the game got more mean,
Puso played out of his skin,
I was still laggin' 'n'
My brain was flaggin'
While he laid words such as
'FIZGIG' and 'DJINN'.

Then at last I

Withdrew from the tile-bag the letter I longed for,
(Suffice to say, it's the one after 'P')
This only briefly revived my ill-fortune,
I also pulled out five 'I's and a 'V'.

A crowd had gathered, I heard someone giggling,
Puso was now fifty-five points in front,
I notched sixty-four off a great double-triple,
I took the lead, and I heard Puso grunt.

He tagged an 'S' onto 'CIVIC' and made
'CIVICS' to score thirty-two,
Though I kept smilin'
Inside I was rilin',
I now held four 'I's,
Two 'O's and a 'U'.

So in anger I

Voiced my annoyance, changed my f***ing letters,
Effing 'n' blinding so uncivilly,
Then, all in a moment of insanity,
Next thing, he'd finished and beat me by three!

From out of nowhere El Puso has won it,
Funny how fortune can dive in that way
I said, "You've got me, and I have to pay," he said
"Buy me a lager," so I said,
"Okay."

3rd - Mike Keith with:
[In the poem below all three stanzas are mutual anagrams. In addition, the first stanza is a word-length mnemonic for the first 22 digits of the golden ratio, phi (1.618033988749894848204...), the second stanza is a mnemonic for the first 26 digits of e (2.7182818284590452353602874...), and the third stanza gives the first 29 digits of pi (3.1415926535897932384626433832). The usual rule applies - 0 digits are represented by a 10-letter word.]

I marred a groaning silhouette,
saw dim abhorrent freedoms cemented forever,
till blackened paranoia bewitched this shadowed roof,
smashing my despondent soul.

=

In meadows I remember my orations:
a forecast of degraded love,
words cadential proceeding from Hades
to the heart now shrunk,
sublimated in helpless, binding hate.

=

You, a tree, a field overblown in summer,
words and looks gathered, solicited, chanced,
reminders now of the pleasing past
bathed in bright heat and sad memories for me.

THE UNSPECIFIED CATEGORY

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Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2012

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY

THE UNSPECIFIED CATEGORY