Anagrammy Placegetters for April 2012

All the highly-placed anagrams from the April 2012 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The anniversary of the Titanic disaster =
It is the centenary of this sad narrative.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
North Koreans failed to launch a test missile =
So the leader can't nuke millions... so far, that is.

3rd - nedesto with:
Find Groening's spoiler? =
Springfield's in... Oregon!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A prescription for Viagra =
A prop for vain geriatrics?

2nd - View with:
Methadone =
Death on me!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The President of The United States of America =
This office - a person at a time endured the test.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A LIST OF FAMOUS LAST WORDS

1. "I am just going outside and may be some time." Captain Oates
2. "Goodnight my darlings, I'll see you tomorrow." Noel Coward
3. "You must pardon me, gentlemen, for being a most unconscionable time a-dying." Charles II
4. "It is never too late for a glass of champagne." Anton Chekhov
5. "Mother, I'm going to get my things and get out of this house. Father hates me and I'm never coming back." Marvin Gaye
6. "Aw, no one's gonna shoot at me." Lee Harvey Oswald
7. "It's all been rather lovely." John Le Mesurier
8. "The car seems OK." Ayrton Senna
9. "Leave me alone, I'm fine." Barry White
10. "Just don't leave me alone." John Belushi
11. "Love one another." George Harrison.
12. "I'm so bored with it all." Sir Winston Churchill
13. "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow." Steve Jobs
14. "Now comes the mystery." Henry Ward Beecher
15. "Go away, I'm all right." H G Wells

=

1. Hero who gave his life in Antarctica.
2. Playwright/composer orates his last monologue.
3.'The Merrie Monarch'. Jovial royal scallywag; sired a mind-boggling twelve illegitimate children. Wow!
4. Author enjoys one last bubbly.
5. "Momma, I guess I heard it through the grapevine."
6. Jack Ruby had other ideas...
7. Vague, Brit comedy-actor who was a gentleman to the last.
8. Not so. A loose steering-column seemingly let him down in San Marino motor race.
9. He gave a somewhat eggy command; then lost his first, last, and everything.
10. One lonesome Blues Brother. A major heroin overdose saw him off.
11. Beatle going to see his sweet Lord.
12. Woesome war-leader seeing no joy now, only much monotony.
13. Looks as if he may have seen a wondrous new invention in his last moments?
14. Clergyman about to meet the unknown.
15. F*** off!"

2nd - nedesto with:
A guy sees a little duck walking slowly by some railroad tracks, seemingly not able to fly.

He stops his car and puts the duck in the passenger seat and goes along the road, when a cop pulls him over.

"Don't you know it's against the law to drive loose birds around inside your car?" the officer asks the guy.

"Yes, yes, I know, sorry," the guy explains, "Only this duck cannot fly, so I'm going to take it to the zoo."

"Okay then," says the cop, and lets the guy go off with the duck.

The next day, the cop sees the guy again, and he still has the duck in his car.

Exasperated, he stops the guy, and says, "Look, I thought you were taking that duck to the zoo."

"Yes, I did," says the guy, "And now I'm taking him to the theatre."

=

This outrageously cute duck waddles into this store and chattily asks the clerk, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"

The clerk says, "Huh? No."

The next day, the wee duck goes into the shop and asks, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"

The clerk frowns visibly and says, "No! I told you I haven't got any grapes!"

The next day, the duck enters into the shop and asks, "Hi, hi! You got any gwapes?"

"No, dammit!" the frazzled clerk yells, "Now if I see you coming around this store again asking me about grapes, I am surely going to staple both of your idiotic little feet to the floor!!"

The next day, the duck waddles into the store and asks the clerk, "Hi, hi! You got any staples?"

The clerk says, "...Um...no..."

"Good!" says the duck, "Got any gwapes?"

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"What is a charitable heart? It is a heart that is burning with charity for the whole of creation, for men, for the birds, for the beasts, for the demons - for all creatures. He who has such a heart cannot see or call to mind a creature without his eyes becoming filled with tears by reason of the immense compassion that seizes his heart, a heart that is softened and can no longer bear to see or learn from others of any suffering, even the smallest pain, being inflicted upon a creature. This is why such a man never ceases to pray also for the animals, for the enemies of Truth, and for those who do him evil, that they may be preserved and purified. He will pray even for the reptiles, moved by the infinite pity that reigns in the hearts of those who are becoming united to God." --Saint Isaac The Syrian.

=

What is a grandmother? The title "Grandmother" is a real attainment. A grandmother is the worthiest of women. She has an innate combination of playfulness, laughter and love. She tolerates our crabbiness, encourages transitory hobbies, never criticizes heroic dreams of boyhood, but offers heartfelt praise for each success. She has the infinite patience of a teacher, sincerity of a true friend, tenderheartedness of a mother for her little baby--intuition too! She is the faithful hero, the host that we can visit, admire, respect, and love very much. Aye, a grandmother will always retain the most cherished place in the memory and heart. She is that noble feminine figure for whom we want every happiness--fiftyfold--for the happiness that she always brings to us. --Horatio The Ohioan.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Mike Keith with:
#1

It rained three autumn days, then close to frost
Passing from thence, a local tincture drew
With eye so practised in each form around:
Of wheels, and Mr. Rounding's neat post-chaise.

Living, the oak-leaf wreath his temples bound,
Which yields to men and angels pleasant fruit,
And where the vane upon its crest is bold,
With round completed on the grass it lay.

Roar forth a challenge in the world's despite,
Of a material creed and risen to heights sublime.
The neighbours at their shady doors swept clean,
Lost in the night, have ceased to pray for dawn.

The morn is cold. A whiteness newly-brought
Brings down the curtain o'er the play of life.

#2

When I, as fast as e'er my pen could trot,
As wandering lonelier than the Poet's cloud,
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
And russet cincture thy loose pale-tinged hair,

Wilt thou my cares forget in heaviness
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries?
And will thy presence dim that glorious sphere,
So clear as in no face with more delight?

In scorching splendors that my earth-life burned,
At the round earth's imagined corners blow;
Standing with arms out-stretched and flower-like face,
Send out their inmates in a happy flow,

That hath over blue seas strayed in hope to find
This song of "Peace on earth, good will t'ward men,"

=
Herald One

O muse worn thin by chance's hellish hand,
Your poems base and foolish I disown;
Negate the dictum of the whitewashed stand
That tenet-honed recruits arranged alone.

Acclaim to hearts somewhere up in the chaff
This point profound to Rome, while given ways
Bend comic style to ease, unite and laugh:
Harpoon of kingdom's bitter-weather days

Forget now dormant scriptures, cunning tale,
For narrow, witless creeds their fools reveal;
Transplant its heart intact, let tongues prevail
Of sounder highs and teachings forged in steel.

Repel anew all childish myths portrayed,
As yet the blind watch-builder plies his trade.

Herald Two

As countless summers hereto passed away,
With potent love and moonlit gentle train,
The river white unearthed its silky spray,
Through contours of renown beset by pain.

Transformed between sun-legacies by thought,
Availed of pathways trimmed in nascent pine,
Outshone this earth of elsewhere-bordered haunts
Along this epic coil of loathing mine.

Men scrapped a doctrine grown of childish hate
That ere did go constrain this sudden glance,
And heretofore adored the guiltless fate
In principles of law and random chance

Around the wistful, lower hills of gray
Then thrice I heard the bells: 'twas Christmas day.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
[Here are 2 short poems about Fall and Spring, anagrammed into each other:]

Tree in the Fall

Great plants in leafy suits galore
Shed all, surprised by nasty rain;
November wind's ecstatic roar
Shall be its ode to Fall again.

=

A Lost April

A live ballet of roasting rays
Established April's yellow flare;
Nights, ending faster, turn to days
And cleaner scents imbue the air.

[As an extra twist, I've also *ambigrammed* these poems into each other, which means that one turns into the other if turned upside down. As opposed to previous Ambi-Anagrams, I'm attaching the original sketches as I'm just useless with PC drawing tools... I hope you can see them alright:]

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Harry and Peggy met whilst on a singles cruise and Harry fell hook, line and sinker for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, he was delighted and immediately asked her out on a date when they got back home.

Within a couple of weeks, Harry had taken Peggy to dances, restaurants, concerts, movies and museums. By now, he had become sure that Peggy was indeed his soul mate and every date had seemed better than the last.

On the first month's anniversary of their dinner on the cruise ship, Harry took Peggy to a high-class restaurant. While having cocktails, he said, 'I guess you can tell that I am very much in love with you, and I'd like a serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get this box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I am a total golf nut. I play golf. I watch golf. I read about golf. In short, I eat, sleep and breathe golf. If this is going to be a problem, you'd better say now.'

Peggy took a deep breath and responded, 'Harry, that certainly will not be a problem. I love you just as you are and I'm also mad keen on golf; but, since we're being honest with each other, you need to know that for the past five years I have been a hooker.'

'Oh, I see,' Harry replied. He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in thought, then he added. 'You know, it's probably just because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off.'
=

DATING IN THE SIXTIES

It was a hot Saturday evening back in nineteen-sixty, and teenager Rory was off to a first date with Peggy Sue.

He arrived at her house at seven o'clock and rang on the doorbell.

'Come on in!' invited Peggy Sue's mother as she greeted Rory. 'Take a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Orange juice? Coffee? Tea?'

'Coffee, please,' said Rory.

'So, what do you and Peggy Sue plan to do tonight; any idea?' she enquired, pouring the coffee.

'Oh, probably watch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the milk bar, maybe take a quiet walk on the beach too.'

'Peggy Sue likes to screw, you know,' announced Mum out of the blue.

'Really?' he gasped, eyebrows raised.

'Yes,' she said. 'When she goes out with friends, that's all they enjoy doing!'

'Wow! Is that so?' asked an incredulous Rory.

'Ooh yes!' replied Mum. 'As a matter of fact, she enjoys it so much she would probably screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thank you for the tip-off!' Rory said as he began thinking about an alternative plan for that evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture in a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her fair hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.

She said a shy 'Hi' to Rory.

'Ok, have fun, you two!' mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a very dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mum!' she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen. 'The bloody dance is called the...Twist!'

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Anagrammy Placegetters for April 2012

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY