Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2012
All the highly-placed anagrams from the July 2012 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
A silver medal =
Rival leads me.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The divorce lawyers ~
declare why it's over.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The equestrian competition =
Quite a competent horse in it.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
'Smile, you're on Candid Camera' =
Comedy ruse and malice on air.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The "Fifty Shades" trilogy =
"God yes, Father! It's filthy!"
3rd - View with:
The 'Man of Steel' =
He's often metal.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Olympic Games in London =
Home city plans on gold mine.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Fatalities in our theaters =
That is no feature. It is real.
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The Olympic athletes =
They'll chase top time.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Actress Natalie Wood =
Dies on coastal water.
2nd - nedesto with:
Neuroticism ~
in Tom Cruise.
3rd - View with:
Dani Pedrosa =
Sped in a road.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - View with:
Bethlehem Nativity =
Believe in that myth.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Republicans and Democrats =
Cults spend and rob America!
3rd - Meyran Kraus
Two Thousand Twelve Olympics in London =
Only the top icons would win medals on TV.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
I answered a knock at the front door today and found a young Jehovah's Witness standing there with a bible.
I said, "Ah, come in!"
~
Once in, he said, "I'm Danny Letts Jr.!"
"What do you wanna chat about, Dan?" I asked.
"Gosh, I don't know," he said, "I never got this far before!"
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Women say:
"This boss, I fear he's genuinely against me. I can't work another year! What do you think?"
But they mean:
"Tell me I'm great."
=
Men say:
"That's OK, sweetheart."
But they mean:
"Um, look, I'm barely listening right now. There is a game on and your face is in the way."
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"I use flake white, cadmium yellow, vermilion, deep madder, cobalt blue, emerald green, and that's all."
=
Monet: Wheat Field. Light illuminated all - a clear sky seemed bluer - and produced a memorable view.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"God has seen your tears and heard your prayers. Do not grieve. The Little One will not die. Do not allow the doctors to bother him too much."
=
Oh, you have got to locate:
* Moldy yew
* Boar's leg (old or dried)
* Rodent urine (not sweat!)
* Iron Nitrate
* Horned Io Moths
That secret should help.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
"God has seen your tears and heard your prayers. Do not grieve. The Little One will not die. Do not allow the doctors to bother him too much."
=
I read the runes, I rolled the dice -
Oh, dear woman, do not worry;
Note my prognosis as good health advice -
Let the tot out, thou'll not be sorry.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
God has seen your tears and heard your prayers. Do not grieve. The Little One will not die. Do not allow the doctors to bother him too much.
=
Oh, my dear, do let that poor child rest to heal those humors. And then, one day soon, we two'll unite to be one. Your distracted lover, Grigori.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The board of a very large international company, feeling it was time for a streamlining exercise, hired a new Chief Executive Officer, John Whyatt. The new boss was hell-bent on ridding the company of all its slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, he noticed a young man lounging against a wall. The room was full of workers and Whyatt wanted them to realise that he meant business. So, he asked the man: “Hey, you; what is your salary, exactly?”
A little surprised, the young man replied warily: “My salary's about four hundred pounds a week. Why?”
The CEO said, “Just you wait right there, whippersnapper.”
He swaggered away to his office, came back 4-5 minutes later, gave the man sixteen-hundred pounds in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now get the hell out and never come back.”
Feeling pretty pleased with himself, Whyatt looked around the room and snarled, “Right now; does anyone want to tell me just what that idle yob did here?”
From across the room, a voice replied, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
=
A female CNN journalist heard about a devout old Jewish man who'd been commuting to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long time and she decided she must seize the chance to check him out.
Next day, she went out to the Western Wall and there he was, shuffling slowly, using a walking-stick, up to the holy site.
She looked on as he prayed and after about 45 minutes, when he'd turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Stein from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinstein," he replied.
"How long have you been coming out here to pray at the Western Wall?"
"Ages! About, um... sixty years."
"Sixty years! Gee, that is amazing! And what do you pray for?"
"Me? Heck, I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to cease.
"I pray for our children to grow up safely as responsible, dignified adults, and to love their fellow man."
"Okay, and how do you feel after doing this for sixty years?"
"Like I'm talking to a frigging wall."
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Martin was on his death bed. His family called a Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Martin's condition seemed to deteriorate, and Martin motioned for someone to pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly received a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Martin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Martin died. The Preacher, feeling that now wasn't the right time to read the note, put it into his jacket pocket.
It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said "Do you know what? I suddenly remembered that right before Martin passed on he handed me a note. Knowing Martin, I'm sure it was something wonderful that we can all gain inspiration from." With that introduction, the Preacher pulled out the note and opened it, revealing the following: "Hey, you are standing on my oxygen tube!"
=
The Illinois man left his Chicago habitat in the winter to embark on a plane flight to sunny Miami. The man's wife Betty was on a business trip and had planned to meet him there the next morning.
When he reached the hotel, he decided to send her a quick update. But he missed an alphabet letter by accident when typing in her email address, making the note intended for Betty get directed to Edwina, an elderly Preacher's wife at a Manhattan apartment, whose husband had died only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the computer monitor, let out a pained scream, and dropped to the floor in a dead faint. At the inappropriate thump sound, the Preacher's relation raced into the room, gasping at the email that remained up on the monitor screen: "My Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared in the anticipation of your arrival tomorrow morning. P.S. Sure is hot down here!"
3rd - nedesto with:
This sloth named David is creeping through the forest one day when this gang of snails approaches him, beating him up very severely.
The sloth is left at the bottom of a tree and is beaten and bleeding with several cuts and bruises all over.
It's several hours later and the sloth somehow gathers up enough strength to go limping into the local police station. He stumbles into the sergeant's office.
"My word! Whatever in the world happened to you?!" says the officer.
"A bunch of really mean snails beat me up," David replies sobbing.
"Well, can you describe who did this to you ?" the sergeant asks.
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
=
An old vampire bat dripping with blood flies home to get some rest. The other bats smell the succulent blood dripping and ask where he got it.
"Let me sleep, darn it!", he tells them, but nevertheless they annoyingly insist until he gives in.
"Oh, fine then... follow me" he says cursing, and goes off with the other vampire bats flapping behind him in a cloud.
Out of the cave's passageway he leads them, swooping down through the valley and far across a river and into a woods, finally coasting to a stop.
"This is the place. Now, do you see that tree branch over there?" he asks.
"Yes!" the bats all shout in a restless furor.
"Good" says the bat, "Because I sure didn't!"
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - nedesto with:
[This crossword includes two revolutionary scientific theories and the scientist's name highlighted in blue. The letters in the completed 17x17 crossword grid are an anagram of both the 17 "ACROSS" and 17 "DOWN" clues which are anagrams of each other.
As an additional hint, the solution of the three clues highlighted in red comprise an anagram of the scientific effect for which the scientist won the Nobel Prize. (most people think it was for 19-Across or 5-Down)]
ACROSS
|
DOWN
|
[ The Nobel Prize in Physics 1921 was awarded to Albert Einstein "for his services to Theoretical Physics, and especially for his discovery of the law of the photoelectric effect."]
CREPT+IO+CLOTHE = PHOTOELECTRIC
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
[Shakespeare's star-themed sonnet anagrammed into a poetic model of the solar system, which is also illustruated.]
Sonnet Number Fourteen
Written by William Shakespeare
Not from the stars do I my judgement pluck;
And yet methinks I have Astronomy,
But not to tell of good or evil luck,
Of plagues, of dearths, or seasons' quality;
Nor can I fortune to brief minutes tell,
Pointing to each his thunder, rain and wind,
Or say with princes if it shall go well
By oft predict that I in heaven find:
But from thine eyes my knowledge I derive,
And, constant stars, in them I read such art
As truth and beauty shall together thrive,
If from thyself, to store thou wouldst convert;
Or else of thee this I prognosticate:
Thy end is truth's and beauty's doom and date.
|
SUN
|
EARTH
|
SATURN
|
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Never trust a dwarf who says your wife’s hair smells lovely!
*
Irish historians have discovered what they believe could be the headstone of the oldest man ever to have lived. He was 163 and called Miles from Dublin.
*
I thought my new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knicker-drawer and finding a nurse’s outfit, a French maid’s outfit and a policewoman’s uniform, I have decided that she's not. She obviously can’t hold a job down!
*
What is the similarity between your first car and anal sex?
You don’t really want it, but your uncle insists.
*
I have just bought some of that 007 Viagra. It makes you want to roger more!
*
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and stopping out late." The cop replies, "Oh yeah; and who'd be giving such a lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife"
*
I was in bed with a near-sighted girl last night and she told me I had the biggest penis she'd ever had her hands on.
I said, 'You're pulling my leg.'
*
I have just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they are not actually a dating agency.
*
Society Sally said to the good-looking stranger, “Hey, you sure do look like my fifth husband.”
The stranger was somewhat taken aback. “Oh? How many times have you been married?” he asked.
“Four,” she replied.
*
Two blondes on a park bench. One says, “Gee, which do you think is farther away, the moon or Florida?”
“Hellooo,” replies the other, “can you see Florida?”
*
A Professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to his first year medical students.
Realising this was not perhaps the most appealing subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you are having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably out golfing with his mates.'
*
~
I went to bed with 2 frisky Thai girls last night. It was like winning in the lottery! We had 6 matching balls…
*
A young guy saw a girl in a nightclub, and thought she was the most fragrantly beautiful female he'd ever seen, so he went up to her and said, “I may look fairly ordinary, but my father's a multi-millionaire and when he dies I'll inherit everything.”
A month later she became his step-mother.
*
A blonde goes off for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Hi!' she calls, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and yells back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
*
A blonde arrives at a gas station pushing her Jaguar and tells the mechanic it stalled. After working on it for 10 minutes, he gets it running.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'
'Huh?' she says, 'How often do I have to do that?'
*
Old Chinese proverb: Man who confuse laxative with Viagra crap in bed!
*
A state police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
'I wish you guys would get your frigging act together,' she huffs; 'just last night you took away my license and today you expect me to show it to you!'
*
The Grim Reaper came for me last night and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death!
*
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; for Love to forgive him and for Patience to tolerate his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat the irritating bastard to death.
AMEN
*
A couple are lying in bed. The man says,
'I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
*
One day, Val's husband decided to have a go at washing his sweat-shirt. Just 30 seconds after going into the laundry room, he yelled to his wife, 'Hey Val, what setting do I use on this washing machine?'
'It depends,' she replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma.'
*
MAN: 'God, why did you make woman so beautiful?'
GOD: 'So you'd love her.'
MAN: 'But why did you make her so dumb?'
GOD: 'So she'd love you.'
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
An arse licker ~
can like rears.
2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
A fungal infection =
Cunt offline again!
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