Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2013

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2013 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Jason Lofts with:
Cary Grant outed =
Actor turned gay.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Irving Berlin's song 'Lets Face The Music and Dance' =
I bet Fred's vocals enchant Ginger in musical's end!

3rd - nedesto with:
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug =
Bilbo means death to this tough foe!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Julian Lofts with:
Monty Python reunite to pay off their mortgages =
Sort of pithy-potty-humor-generating-money feat

2nd - nedesto with:
This rainy, sullen, wet November weather =
It's when everyone wants their umbrella!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
I recall that yearly hand-made Thanksgiving now =
Grandmother, slaving away all day in the kitchen!

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
The Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford =
Moron, or dotty, or off to rehab?

eq2nd - nedesto with:
The Norwegian prodigy Sven Magnus Oen Carlsen =
An upset over reigning Anand won me chess glory.

eq2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Painter Leonardo =
An old art pioneer.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Google Earth =
Goal? Go there!

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The Sony Xperia M =
A trim, sexy phone.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
UNESCO World Heritage Site Stonehenge, in Wiltshire =
We see it there; this glorious, ancient English wonder!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

>1st - nedesto with:
"A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about." Miguel de Unamuno
=
"As a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, how a mammoth amount of knowledge is useful, you poor boob!"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about." Miguel de Unamuno.
=
Do not argue...

'Sin loads!' (Satan)
'Look humble.' (Gandhi)
'Look busy.' (wife)
'Wash up.' (man)
'Woo 'em.' (gigolo)
'F***' 'em!' (Tourette)

eq3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
'A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about' Miguel de Unamuno
=
A too-loud fight between a numbskull duo may look a lot more amusing if no egghead swoop.
eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
"A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about." Miguel de Unamuno.
=
A top wolf, A
Rakish-looking humbuG
Got you sombeR,
Unless we women loathE
Emotions and daft dialoguE.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
THINGS TO SAY IF YOU ARE CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK

"Oh, shoot; they warned me at the blood bank this might happen."

"This is just a twenty-minute power-nap like they all raved about at the last management course you sent me on."

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper bottle."

"I was not sleeping; no siree. I was merely meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

"I was testing the keyboard for dribble resistance.

"Actually I am doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory business seminar you sent me on, sir.

"I was merely doing a specific yoga-concentration exercise to relieve work-related stress."

"Darn! Why'd you interrupt me? I'd almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

"The coffee machine's broken..."

"Ok... there's been a terrible error. Someone seems to have put the decaf coffee in the wrong pot."

"Oh man, that cold-cure medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

"Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic."

"No, I was not sleeping; I was only trying to pick up a contact lens with no hands."

And the very best thing to say if you are ever caught sleeping at your desk: - "Amen"
=

REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE PERMITTED IN THE OFFICE.

It is an incentive to show up.

It reduces anxiety and stress.

It minimises unhappy complaints about low pay.

It cuts down on time off because you can be at work with a hangover.

Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

It helps save on heating costs in the wintertime.

It encourages carpooling.

It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

It makes the cafeteria's food taste that much better.

Bosses are much more likely to hand out pay rises if they're wasted.

Salary negotiations are much more profitable.

Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing and there is no piqued tut-tutting, only giggling.

Employees work later since there is no longer the need to relax in a bar.

It is highly uplifting and just makes everyone more happy and open with their ideas.

Everyone agrees that work is better after they have had a couple of drinks.

It'd eliminate the need for staff to get squiffy in their lunch break.

It increases the odds of seeing your boss naked.

The janitor's closet will finally have a use.

Employees don't need to sober up on coffee.

Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be viewed as "gross."

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
RULES OF CAT ETIQUETTE

Determine which guest hates cats and sit on that person's lap during the evening. The guest won't
dare push you off, and might even call you 'nice kitty.' If you can arrange to have cat food on your
breath, then so much the better.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn't necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

If you need to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get on to an
Oriental rug, or shag-pile carpet.

For guests who say 'I love kitties', be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to tights or stockings,
or a nip on an ankle.

Don't allow closed doors in any room.

~

To get one open, just stand on the hind legs for this trick : to hammer with one's forepaws.

Once a door is opened for you, it is not necessary to actually use it. You can change your mind.
It is cool.

If one human is busy and another is not, sit with the busy one.

For ladies knitting, first curl comfortably into the cosiest lap, and pretend to take a quiet nap.
Then you can attack: move to reach out to give the aggravating needle a quick slap. That's what
she calls a 'drop stitch.' She'll try to distract you. Ignore it.

Warning: Do get enough sleep during each day. Save energy for sashaying out to play at night...
between two and four a.m.

M-I-A-O-W!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
THE WHITE ALBUM
Side One
1. "Back in the U.S.S.R."
2. "Dear Prudence"
3. "Glass Onion"
4. "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da"
5. "Wild Honey Pie"
6. "The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill"
7. "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"
8. "Happiness Is a Warm Gun"
Side Two
1. "Martha My Dear"
2. "I'm So Tired"
3. "Blackbird"
4. "Piggies"
5. "Rocky Raccoon"
6. "Don't Pass Me By"
7. "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?"
8. "I Will"
9. "Julia"
Side Three
1. "Birthday"
2. "Yer Blues"
3. "Mother Nature's Son"
4. "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey"
5. "Sexy Sadie"
6. "Helter Skelter"
7. "Long, Long, Long"
Side Four
1. "Revolution One"
2. "Honey Pie"
3. "Savoy Truffle"
4. "Cry Baby Cry"
5. "Revolution Nine"
6. "Good Night"

=

Side One
1. Beach Boys proxy?
2. Mia's sibling
3. Walrus who?
4. Reggae ditty
5. Do overdub it!
6. "He looks so fierce" (Yoko)
7. George top tune
8. Pistol? Why not!
Side Two
1. Good sheepdog
2. Worrying insomniac
3. Bourree in E minor (Bach)
4. Gluttony!
5. Ballad
6. Starr ditty
7. Twelve-bar blues
8. Lovely
9. John's mum
Side Three
1. Nothing crappy
2. Lonely; suicidal
3. In green scenery
4. "Me and Yoko"
5. Why, horrid Maharishi?
6. Wild heavy metal!
7. Do desire
Side Four
1. "It's gonna be alright!"
2. "Now she's hit the big time!"
3. Tiny sweet stuff
4. "Can you take me back?"
5. Trippy experimental sound collage ("Number Nine" intoned)
6. Dandy lullaby end.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

=
A virtual voyage in a battlefield's heart

That wealth at noon was quite a view
Here, in the field; how good to note
Each heather here prevailed and grew:
Great growth had formed a heavy coat.
Each youthful bird soared in the air,
Too smooth, too blithe and too naive.
That view may look too fine and fair,
Yet we once heard that looks deceive.
So, what faint thing can no one peep,
Beneath that view of peace and cheer,
Unheard-of, worn and wedged too deep,
Remaining faint too long, for years?
Great fear once ailed that stretch of land,
All through that time of pained contention;
Death governed it when legions grand
Did rotten things we wouldn't mention.
Respected war-gods clenched their teeth,
Each striving to maintain their might;
Steel sabers shot out of their sheaths,
So fiercely keen to clinch those fights;
But clever Earth, then scorched and dried,
Yearned to correct that dream we shattered;
A lot of troops that toiled there died,
But to that earth, it barely mattered:
Red poppies grow where brothers fought
And blades of grass where bodies fell.
Hate, pain and grievance were for naught,
Around that growth where pine trees dwell.
Men, blood-lust and their cannon's flare
Leave no vague trace out here, it seems,
In one vast piece of Heaven, where
No force but Nature reigned supreme.
Cool winds invade all that survived
On heavy vines that brave that chill.
Life carried on - it wants to thrive,
Now that the ground has had its fill.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
GUNGA DIN
By
Rudyard Kipling

You may talk o' gin and beer
When you're quartered safe out 'ere,
An' you're sent to penny-fights an' Aldershot it;
But when it comes to slaughter
You will do your work on water,
An' you'll lick the bloomin' boots of 'im that's got it.
Now in Injia's sunny clime,
Where I used to spend my time
A-servin' of 'Er Majesty the Queen,
Of all them blackfaced crew
The finest man I knew
Was our regimental bhisti, Gunga Din.
He was "Din! Din! Din!
"You limpin' lump o' brick-dust, Gunga Din!
"Hi! Slippy hitherao!
"Water, get it! Panee lao
"You squidgy-nosed old idol, Gunga Din."

The uniform 'e wore
Was nothin' much before,
An' rather less than 'arf o' that be'ind,
For a piece o' twisty rag
An' a goatskin water-bag
Was all the field-equipment 'e could find.
When the sweatin' troop-train lay
In a sidin' through the day,
Where the 'eat would make your bloomin' eyebrows crawl,
We shouted " Harry By!"
Till our throats were bricky-dry,
Then we wopped 'im 'cause 'e couldn't serve us all.
It was "Din! Din! Din!
"You 'eathen, where the mischief 'ave you been?
"You put some juldee in it
"Or I'll marrow you this minute
"If you don't fill up my helmet, Gunga Din!"

'E would dot an' carry one
Till the longest day was done;
An' 'e didn't seem to know the use o' fear.
If we charged or broke or cut,
You could bet your bloomin' nut,
'E'd be waitin' fifty paces right flank rear.
With 'is mussick' on 'is back,
'E would skip with our attack,
An' watch us till the bugles made "Retire,"
An' for all 'is dirty 'ide
'E was white, clear white, inside
When 'e went to tend the wounded under fire!
It was "Din! Din! Din!"
With the bullets kickin' dust-spots on the green
When the cartridges ran out,
You could hear the front-ranks shout,
"Hi! ammunition-mules an' Gunga Din!"

I sha'n't forgit the night
When I dropped be'ind the fight
With a bullet where my belt-plate should 'a' been.
I was chokin' mad with thirst,
An' the man that spied me first
Was our good old grinnin', gruntin' Gunga Din.
'E lifted up my 'ead,
An' he plugged me where I bled,
An' 'e guv me 'arf-a-pint o' water green.
It was crawlin' and it stunk,
But of all the drinks I've drunk,
I'm gratefullest to one from Gunga Din.
It was "Din! Din! Din!
"'Ere's a beggar with a bullet through 'is spleen"
"'E's chawin' up the ground,
"An' 'e's kickin' all around:
"For Gawd's sake git the water, Gunga Din!

'E carried me away
To where a dooli lay,
An' a bullet come an' drilled the beggar clean.
'E put me safe inside,
An' just before 'e died,
"I 'ope you liked your drink" sez Gunga Din.
So I'll meet 'im later on
At the place where 'e is gone
Where it's always double drill and no canteen.
'E'll be squattin' on the coals
Givin' drink to poor damned souls,
An' I'll get a swig in hell from Gunga Din!
Yes, Din! Din! Din!
You Lazarushian-leather Gunga Din!
Though I've belted you and flayed you,
By the livin' Gawd that made you,
You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!

=

THE GUNGA DIN CURRY HOUSE

In a street down Wapping way
There's a greasy spoon cafe
And a shop that smells of cat's pee and pot-pourri,
An' a gaudy bistro bar,
But most popular by far,
Is the one 'n' only Gunga Din Tandoori.
It's the local restaurant
Of the Wapping bon vivants,
And fancy folk who want food 'ot 'n' spicy,
But the biggest Gunga fan
Is me best pal, 'Hungry' Dan,
Who'd eat as much grub there as 'e could cram in.
'E'd tweet: "I love the Din!
"The curry's pukka at the Gunga Din!
"Every meal's a winner,
"It's why I eat me dinner,
"Lunch and brekky right 'ere at the Gunga Din!"

Me, I don't like Indian fare
The curry curls me 'air!
I need cuisine to be a little weaker,
Like bully beef or walnut whips,
An' deep-fried cod 'n' chips,
No, I wouldn't know a tarka from a tikka.
And would you kindly tell me,
Where's the fun in 'Delhi belly'?
And in gobbling muck that turns yer entrails raw?
I got better things to do
Than spend all day in the loo,
I prefer to slit me wrists or go to war!
I truly wouldn't win,
Dinin' at the Gunga Din,
Unlike Dan who, if 'e could, would move right in!

One July, when I went by,
From the corner of me eye,
Through the tinted window of the Gunga Din,
I saw diners eating dishes
That looked downright suspicious,
And a pretty Indian waitress, young and slim,
With shiny, long black 'air,
An' a sari... well I swear,
I fell deep in love with 'er there on the spot!
Me 'eart urged, "Go in and see 'er!"
While me 'ead yelled, "Yes I concur,"
But me stomach begged, "Don't order nothin' hot!"
So I duly blundered in
To the deep recesses of the Gunga Din...
With a smile as bright as sun
She said, "Hi! Table for one?"
I saw Dan and quickly said, "No... I'm with 'im!"
When I went to Hungry Dan,
'E jeered, "Hey; you ain't a fan
Of curry, 'fact you hate it, bro!" 'e grinned.

"Yeah, I know," I said,
"But me 'eart 'as ruled me 'ead,
"And I got the 'ots for that girl in the sari!"
'E laughed, "Well, join the queue!
"Cause it ain't only you;
"I want 'er badly too - 'er name is Kari;
"Aw, I'm nuts about 'er, man,
"I'm 'er numero uno fan;
"Why'd you think I bleedin eat 'ere every day!"
I grunted, "Well, I'm 'ere
"So I gotta buy a beer."
Then I quizzed 'im on what 'e thought I could eat.
"Well," 'e grinned, "don't worry,
"I know a mild but truly unique curry;
"You must try a vindaloo,
"The mutton one'll do,
"Kari's coming, make yer mind up - go on, 'urry!"

Well, the food resembled gruel
With a touch o' nuclear fuel,
But it tasted what uranium would taste like,
I gurgled, glugged and coughed
While Dan laughed 'is 'ead off.
Me windpipe felt like it was set alight,
Me nose was runnin', weepin'
Dan was laughing, leapin',
'E said, "I ain't 'ad so much fun in just one night.
And there was I, poor soul,
Belly filled with red-'ot coals,
And the bleedin' diners laughin' at me plight
But Kari saw me strife
And gi' me the kiss of life,
Double-quick; whew! Made me high! I turned to goo.
And I'll tell you what ensued:
The best man won... now Kari is me wife!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
THE THINGS MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME.

My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, can you do it outside... I've just finished cleaning."

My Parents taught me RELIGION.
"You'd just better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"I warn you; if you don't stop and sort yourself out, I am going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My Parents taught me LOGIC.
"Why? Because I said so, that's why."

My Parents taught me even MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall off that swing and end up breaking your neck, you're not coming to the store with me."

My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper"

My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My Parents taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll stay there until all your spinach is gone."

My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
"Oh, my; this room of yours looks as if a tornado just went through it."

My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Do not exaggerate!"

My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

=

My Parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."

My Parents taught me to exercise BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

My Parents taught me all about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have extra-special parents like you do."

My Parents taught me ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait till we get home."

My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.
"Oh, you are so going to get it when we get home!"

My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way, so look out!"

My Parents taught me ESP.
"Come on, stop messing about and put that sweater on; I know you're cold!"

My Parents taught me HUMOUR.
"If that lawn mower cuts off all of your toes, don't come running to me."

My Parents taught me all about GENETICS.
"Ha! You are just like your fool of a father."

My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut the door after you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Parents taught me about WISDOM.
"When you come to be my age, you'll understand."

And my special favourite:

My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
First base, second base, third base, home run =
Share embrace, nose breasts, find bush, do it!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
If a dick is not three inches at best, ~
the chicks aren't satisfied one bit!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
A euphemism for oral sex =
Sushi Amore, for example.