Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2014
All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2014 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Dean Mayer with:
Money - having lots ~
may solve nothing.
2nd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Non-euclidean geometries =
I see triangle come undone.
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Factitious Disorder =
First road to suicide.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Bob Geldof rehashes 'Do They Know It's Christmas' again =
Oh bother! We're sick of this same ghastly Band Aid song!
2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Young Australian actor Chris Hemsworth =
Oh, that muscular Norwegian Thor is scary!
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Kerouac's novel 'On the Road' =
One hooked us on car travel.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Jason Lofts with:
New York's weather =
Rather snowy week.
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
No indictment in Ferguson =
Tension from gun incident.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Hamas soldier =
Israel had me shot.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
Kimberly Kardashian West =
Think remarkably wide ass.
2nd - View with:
Mike Tyson =
I sent my KO!
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
President Ashraf Ghani =
Transpired he is Afghan.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Munchausen's Syndrome =
Shun my madness... no cure!
2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Oregon's Death With Dignity Law =
We're aiding that lot who's dying.
3rd - nedesto with:
A German Panzer Division =
More raping Nazis invade.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Five Top Grossing Films Of All Time
1. Avatar
2. Titanic
3. The Avengers
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
5. Frozen
=
1. Fantastic VR realm
2. 2 people in love on that ship
3. Alienated Marvel gang
4. Last fight of the wizard
5. The rather frosty story.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The man and his wife had a silly row. She phoned her mother and said, "Rick's fought with me again, so I'm coming to live with you."
=
"Now hold on darling," chimed the wife's ma, "he needs to pay for his rash mistake - with hard anguish. I am coming to live with you."
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
DOGS and CATS are better than children:
Eat less.
Acknowledge we're tired.
Easier to train... my rule.
Don't ask for pocket money.
~
Don't demand the trendiest gear,
try to take our car.
No need to access books, a career.
If pregnant, well, we may sell their kids...
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be."- Jose Ortega y Gasset.
=
The features of our misfit genes
Have easily built "Fate" just so:
Each bit shows not the way to go
Nor where I was; it lies between.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be."- Jose Ortega y Gasset.
=
Oh, it's a worthy belief, yet it's one without substance. Ignore the bourgeoisie waffle; what he means is, we're just slaves to Fate
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we
yearn to be."- Jose Ortega y Gasset.=
LIFE - it is but fisticuffs.
A tale, that he sees as we age.
Yesteryear has gone.
Tomorrow won't be with us.
Ooh, just believe in the NOW!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Three dead bodies arrived at a mortuary, all with big smiles on their faces.
The Coroner called the police to explain what had happened.
He told the Inspector: 'First body: here we have Federigo Fellini, an Italian, died of heart failure while with his new mistress. Hence, as you see, the beaming smile on his face.'
'Second body: Angus Fyffe, a Scottish scaffolder; won fifty-five thousand pounds on the National Lottery but wasted the lot on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning; hence the squiffy smile.'
The Inspector asked, 'How about the last one?'
'He's the most unusual one of all,' said the Coroner: Seamus Shaugnessy, Irishman, struck by lightning.'
'So, why's he smiling?' asked the Inspector.
'He thought he was having his photo taken.'
=
Tim, an old Irishman, is lying at home on his deathbed. Eyes closed, he knows that the end can not be far away, when he suddenly detects the most delicious aroma.
He immediately realises that Ivy, his loving wife of sixty-odd years, is baking his favourite Irish scones.
He manages to muster up enough energy to pull himself out of bed, then begins to crawl on all fours in the anticipated direction of the kitchen.
When he reaches it, he beholds the so-tantalising sight of a plateload of piping-hot scones piled up on the table.
He crawls wearily across the floor and, as his quivering hand reaches up to the table, he suddenly feels the thwhack! of a wooden spoon on his wrist, as his wife shouts, "Fuck off, they're for the funeral!"
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Eleven hapless women were clinging fast to a wildly swinging rope
suspended from a mountain. Ten were fair-haired, blonde, and one was
brunette.
They thought that one should let go, or else the rope would break
and they would all certainly perish.
=
For a few moments there was a worrying silence.
But then suddenly, Pauline, a good-looking, and the lone true brunette,
gave an inspiring speech here: showed she was truly willing... really wanted
to do it for the other women.
All the blondes applauded.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Ten Best Songs (a list by Rolling Stone)
1. "Like a Rolling Stone"
2. "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"
3. "Imagine"
4. "What's Going On"
5. "Respect"
6. "Good Vibrations"
7. "Johnny B. Goode"
8. "Hey Jude"
9. "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
10. "What'd I Say"
=
1. B. Dylan intones it
2. Jagger's cool motto
3. John Lennon sings it
4. Gaye asks it
5. Aretha's petition for dignity
6. Wilson boogies down
7. Chuck's solo hit
8. Beatles' gentle theme
9. Nirvana's deep title
10. Ray's big single
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
To Germany [WWI poem]
You are blind like us. Your hurt no man designed,
And no man claimed the conquest of your land.
But gropers both through fields of thought confined
We stumble and we do not understand.
You only saw your future bigly planned,
And we, the tapering paths of our own mind,
And in each other's dearest ways we stand,
And hiss and hate. And the blind fight the blind.
When it is peace, then we may view again
With new-won eyes each other's truer form
And wonder. Grown more loving-kind and warm
We'll grasp firm hands and laugh at the old pain,
When it is peace. But until peace, the storm
The darkness and the thunder and the rain.
=
[The constraint: Highlighting the word WE (symbolizing the unification of W. Berlin and E. Berlin) reveals one of the tools used to break that wall - a hammer:]
Building Friendship And Harmony
Our cultured human minds must understand
That those that need no help stay quite impeded,
And sometimes, we could need an aiding hand -
Yes, even if we swear that hand's unneeded.
The things we borrowed may be ours for good
And what we know we'd gained is bound to stay -
Though we all owe a debt of gratitude,
And when we owe, we strictly must repay.
Therefore, we help weak brethren left behind,
Then ascertain our power's up and running,
For only those that showed an open mind
Can gain a thrilling bond so great and stunning:
Our thriving, happy harmony for all...
If only human minds can crack that wall.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Murphy and Paddy were drinking in their local pub.
"Something really strange happened to me last noight," said Murphy, "I shat a phantom turd."
"Begorrah, did ya?" asked Paddy. "Er... what's a phantom turd?"
"Well," said Murphy, "it's like when ya have a shite, then stand up and look down the pan afterwards and find it's disappeared!"
"Whew! To be sure, oi did one of those meself," said Paddy.
"Did ya honestly, Paddy?" exclaimed Murphy.
"Yes, oi was walkin' back from da pub last noight and I needed to take a shite. There were no public toilets around so oi climbed over a fence and squatted on somebody's lawn. But when I'd finished, oi looked down and there was no sign of it, so there wasn't!"
"Baloney! I don't believe a word," said Murphy, "you probably just couldn't see it in da darkness."
"No, honest, it really disappeared, come and look for yourself if ya don't believe me."
"Well, I think oi will," said Murphy, so together they marched out of the pub and Paddy led the way to the house. When they arrived, Paddy said, "Ok Murphy, dis is where oi did it, right on da lawn there!" With that, they climbed over the fence and started searching in the grass for the phantom faeces.
While they were searching, the front door of the house opened and a woman called out, "Oi! What are youse two doing in me garden?"
"Sorry, missus," said Paddy, "I'm lookin' for me dog, he's escaped off the lead."
"Right, dat's ok den," said the woman, "only oi thought ye moight be da bastards that shat on me tortoise last noight!"
=
And some more...
Paddy saw a letter lying on his doormat. On the envelope it read "DO NOT BEND".
He spent the next two hours trying to work out how to pick it up.
*
Paddy shouted frantically into the telephone "Me woife is pregnant and da contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" enquired the Doctor.
"No," shouted Paddy, "Dis is her husband!"
*
Irish farmer Tommy's sheepdog went missing and he was inconsolable. His wife said to him: "Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper, Tommy?"
He did so immediately, but two weeks later the dog was still on the loose. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asked.
"Here boy," replied Tommy.
*
Paddy was in jail. One day, the guard looked in the cell and saw him hanging by his feet. "Hey! What are you doing?" he asked.
"Oi'm hangin' meself," Paddy replied.
"The rope should be around your neck, man!" said the guard.
"Yeah, oi know dat," said Paddy "but oi couldn't breathe."
*
Aha! One answer I can understand!:
The American tourist asked the Irishman: "Gee, Paddy, why do Scuba divers always fall backwards from the boat?"
Paddy replied: They have ta go backwards. If they fell forward, they'd still be in da boat."
*
Paddy rang his girlfriend's doorbell with a bunch of flowers. She opened the door, took one look at them and immediately dragged him in. Then she lay on the sofa, pulled her dress up, took her panties down and said, 'This is for da flowers!'
'Don't be daft,' said Paddy, 'You gotta have a vase somewhere in da house!'
*
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING
By
Nancy Sinatra
You keep saying you've got something for me.
Something you call love, but confess,
You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'
And now someone else is gettin' all your best.
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.
You keep lying, when you oughta be truthin'
And you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.
You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.
You keep playin' where you shouldn't be playin
And you keep thinkin' that you'll never get burnt. Ha!
I just found me a brand new box of matches yeah
And what he knows you ain't had time to learn.
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.
Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!
=
A BOOTY'S MADE FOR FLAUNTIN'
(An elegy on Kim Kardashian's no-nonsense rear)
By
Anon
Hey there Kim, you've really shown it to us!
One kinky sight that you thought we'd enjoy,
You bared your naked bum to all the readers
Of 'PAPER', but was it the real McCoy?
A booty's made for flauntin' and that's just what you've done,
Now all the world has seen who's really got the hugest buns!
You revealed it in its cheeky glory,
With glass of bubbly restin' on the top,
It's one eerie stunt you like performin', ooh!
So 'bottoms up' and make that cork go pop!
A booty's made for flauntin' and that's just what you've done,
Now all the world has seen who's really got the hugest buns!
You have so much baggage, you've been known as,
A weekend beauty with a weakened brain, ooh!
It seems now all that baggage is behind you, yeah
Yet... sexy? Oh no, we think you're insane!
A booty's made for flauntin' and that's just what you've done,
Now all the world has seen you've really got the hugest buns!
Okay, loosen the negligee, sneak open a wine - let me see that booty again!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
The American First Lady, Michelle LaVaughn Robinson =
Obama can fill her cunt (and similar holes) every night.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The online pornography site =
It's helping a poor horny teen.
3rd - Jason Lofts with:
Barack Hussein Obama's ~
knob has uraemia, scabs.
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