Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2014
All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2014 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - nedesto with:
The cheating husband =
Caught... then banished!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Halloween costume parties =
We'll meet our hosts in a cape.
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Underwear fetishism =
Um, are fishnets weird?
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Beethoven's Violin Concerto in D ~
is conceived, then born, to live on.
eq2nd - Jason Lofts with:
The Moody Blues, Nights In White Satin =
What they intoned is sublime hit song.
eq2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The master Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci =
Mona Lisa portrait he once did is revered.
eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Walt Disney's motion picture 'Frozen' =
Film princess outed to a wintry zone.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Ebola spreading in Africa =
Sign of a terrible panic ahead.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
A jail sentence for Oscar Pistorius =
So a prisoner on trial faces justice.
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
A chaotic gathering of walruses ~
caught roaring as ice floes thaw.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - nedesto with:
Cartoonist Walter Elias Disney =
Storyteller saw ideas in action.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe =
English reap brilliant, peerless, comedy makers.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - nedesto with:
The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention =
Doctors and nurses there repel one vast infection!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The nation of Liberia in West Africa =
Far area with Ebola infections in it.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Blood Swept Lands and Seas of Red =
London's flowers pass dead a debt
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Attributes Women Look For In A Man
Warm
Empathetic
Loving
Likeable
Humorous
Understanding
Nice looks
Gentle
=
Attributes Men Look For In A Woman
Blonde
Impish
Go-getter
Kind
Natural
Owns a home!
Cute,
Keen
En vogue
Rich
Slim, tall
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
A primary class teacher asked kids to write about something exciting.
Tommy Finn drew this fine dot.
'So, what's that?'
'A Period.'
=
'Great ... but what is, er, exciting in it?'
'My sister missed one; Pop had a heart attack, Ma fainted, Ricky, two doors down, shot himself.'
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
CRUELEST LEADERS IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND:
1. Mao Zedong
2. Adolf Hitler
3. Joseph Stalin
4. Kim Il Sung
5. Hideki Tojo
6. Enver Pasha
=
1. Chinese killer of millions
2. Nazi filth
3. Tough Soviet jerk
4. Koreans' top thug
5. Demolished Japan
6. Had Armenians destroyed
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow a Mystery,
Today is a Gift,
That's why it's called The Present.
=
Perfectly
Right (trite?),
Easy wits,
Smooth story,
Ethereal stars--
Now is my day,
This Day, Today!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow a Mystery,
Today is a Gift,
That's why it's called The Present.
=
The odes are sort of pretty,
Droll comedy is witty,
Yet THIS is art...
It's why they say Ars Magna.
3rd - nedesto with:
Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow a Mystery,
Today is a Gift,
That's why it's called The Present.
=
Hasty years missed;
"Sorry" is what pity left.
Tottery gray with mist;
One day closer to death.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Indeed there is, ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh dear.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Woman: Hell, I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: You don't have one?
Woman: Lost it four times for drunk driving.
Officer: Hmmm... Right, can I see your vehicle registration papers then, please?
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why's that?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: You stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I have a confession to make - I murdered and hacked up the owner.
Officer: Holy shit! You did what?
Woman: There are 22 body parts in plastic bags in the trunk if you need to see them.
The duty officer looks at the female, then slowly edges back to his car, where he calls for back up. Within minutes, six patrol cars surround the car. A senior officer slowly emerges from one of them and approaches the woman's car, grasping a half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please?
She steps out.
~
Woman: Is there a problem, sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers tells me you've stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: I've murdered the owner? Wow, how sinister!
Officer 2: Would you care to open the trunk of your car, please ma'am?
The woman coolly does as she is asked, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Ok... is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: It is, sir - I have the registration papers here as proof.
The first officer is astounded.
Officer 2: Again, one of my officers is claiming you do not have a driving licence.
Eager to cooperate, the woman rummages in her handbag and pulls out a thin clutch purse which she passes to the officer. The officer flips open the purse and examines the licence. He looks baffled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am. My officer specifically told me you don't have a licence, that you stole this car after you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: He what? Wow, I bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
An elderly Florida woman did her supermarket shopping, and on returning to her car early, found four young males in the act of leaving with her Cherokee. She promptly dropped hers hopping bags and drew a handgun, screaming at the top of her voice, 'HEY! I HAVE A GUN AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT! GET OUT OF THE CAR!' The men did not wait to hear more threats from her. They ran off. The woman proceeded to load her shopping bags into the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken she couldn't get her key into the ignition. She tried again ... then realized just why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, also two cold twelve-packs of beer on the back seat.
=
A short while later, she found her own roadworthy car parked five spaces further away. She first loaded her bags, then got into the car and drove to the neighborhood police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she spoke about what had happened, couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four unhappy men, spooked and shuddering with shock, were reporting a complaint, an offense, a car-jacking by a wizened seventy-year-old granny, described as white, short, less than five-feet tall, wearing glasses, and white-haired ... with a handgun. No charges were filed. And the moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment ... make it memorable.
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
The List of Countries, Kingdoms, Empires and Principalities
1. Algeria
2. Angola
3. Anguilla
4. Australia
5. Bahamas
6. Bali
7. Bangladesh
8. Bermuda
9. Bolivia
10.Bosnia
11.Botswana
12.Brazil
13.Brunei Darussalam
14.Burma
15.Burundi
16.Cameroon,Bulgaria, Kenya, Libya, Luxembourg, Netherlands (Holland), Singapore
17.Canada
18.China, Hong Kong
19.Colombia, Chile
20.Costa Rica
21.Croatia
22.Denmark, England
23.Democratic Republic of the Congo
24.France, Portugal
25.French Polynesia
26.Gabon
27.Georgia
28.Germany, Mexico
29.Gibraltar
30.Greece, Seychelles
31.Greenland
32.Guatemala
33.Honduras, Kosovo
34.Iran
35.Jordan, Qatar
36.Kazakhstan, Rwanda
37.Kuwait, Western Sahara
38.Latvia
39.Lebanon
40.Maldives
41.Mexico
42.Nepal
43.New Zealand
44.North Korea
45.Palestinian territories
46.PNG
47.Puerto Rico, Saint Lucia
48.Philippines
49.Poland
50.Russian Federation
51.South Africa
52.South Korea
53.Spain
54.Sweden, Norway
55.Taiwan
56.Tibet
57.Trinidad & Tobago
58.United Kingdom
59.United States of America
60.Zimbabwe
=
Announcing A Few National Mascots, Insignias, Fauna (Animals, Birds et cetera) in addition to Symbols
1. Fox
2.Turaco
3. Zenaida dove
4. Kangaroo, koala
5. Marlin (Makaira nigricans)
6. Starling (Indonesian mynah)
7. Tiger, Oriental magpie robin
8. Humpback whale
9. Llama
10.Tornjak
11.Grevy's zebra
12.Macaw
13.Tiger
14.Daung
15.Hyena
16.Lion
17.North American beaver
18.Giant panda
19.Andean condor
20.Thrush
21.Iris, marten (polecat)
22.Mute swan
23.Okapi
24.Rooster
25.Tiare
26.Black panther
27.Caucasian shepherd dog
28.Eagle
29.Ape
30.Dolphin
31.Polar bear (Ursus maritimus)
32.Quetzal
33.Deer
34.Asiatic lion
35.Oryx
36.Leopard (not Indian)
37.Arabian Camel
38.White wagtail
39.Phoenix
40.Pigeon (kotharu)
41.Golden eagle
42.Cow (edible fauna)
43.Kiwi
44.Chollima
45.Sunbird
46.Dugong, birds of paradise
47.Amazon
48.Carabao
49.Bison
50.Brown Bear (Ursus arctos)
51.Springbok
52.Tiger
53.Bull
54.Elk
55.Bear
56.Yeti
57.Rufous-vented chachalaca, scarlet ibis
58.Bulldog
59.North American bald eagle
60.Sable antelope (ungulate)
Satisfied?
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A Sonnet by William Shakespeare
My love is as a fever longing still,
For that which longer nurseth the disease;
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
The uncertain sickly appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
Past cure I am, now Reason is past care,
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;
My thoughts and my discourse as madmen's are,
At random from the truth vainly expressed;
For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.
=
On The True Threat Of It
The rants by experts in the media
Have sadly spread this pointless panic here:
Each paper welcomes mass hysteria,
Each grim report promoting hopeless fear.
But every toxic fact that they would fake
Or dark threats that accompany this shrillness
Leave simply pain and weakness in their wake
And harm us more than any viral illness.
Calm down then, my good friend, and make this right,
Resolve this issue with a helping hand;
Instead of being overcome with fright,
Stay positive: together, we are grand.
If people everywhere adopt this stance,
Such horrid traumas shouldn't stand a chance.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
IF FIFTY SHADES OF GREY WERE TO BE WRITTEN BY A MAN
At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I sighed as she skilfully squeezed and pulled it. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd seen.
Staring at her naked body, I asked what she wanted. She told me to go for something between a smack and a stroke. So I went for a smoke.
As I lay there on the floor, my naked body covered in treacle and whipped cream, I heard those inevitable words . . . 'Clean up on aisle three.'
'Are you ready to be tortured in a way that only a woman can torture a man?' she asked. I nodded nervously. 'OK' she said and ate my chips.
'Hurt me, hurt me!' she begged, leaning expectantly over the table. 'OK,' I replied, 'Your turkey is too dry and your sprouts are overcooked.'
She stood there, trembling in the shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want."
So we went to McDonalds.
I lay back spent, gazing dreamily out the shed window.
Despite all my concerns about my chronic lack of experience, I could see that the rhubarb had come up a treat.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, icily.
"Hmm, kinky," she purred.
"Well," I said, "we can't be too careful, not with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to purchase all sorts of ropes, chains and shackles.
She is still managing to get into that shed, though.
She wanted to try telephone sex so I pretended to be an IT support guy. I turned her on. Then I turned her off. Then I turned her on again.
They asked me to fully smear their naked bodies with the produce from my herb garden but I just couldn't do it. Too many women, not enough thyme.
"Are you certain you can stand the pain?" she snarled, brandishing the stilettos.
"Well, I think I can," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said... then she showed me the till-receipt.
'Harder!' she cried, gripping the workbench even tighter, 'Harder!' 'Alright,' I said, 'What is the gross national product of Nicaragua?'
'I want it now against this wall!' she commanded, 'And keep it up as long as possible.'
'Don't worry,' I said, 'I know full well how to put up a shelf.'
~
She shook and spasmed as she felt wave after wave zapping through her body. I probably should have told her about that electric fence.
She leant over the kitchen table. 'Oh, smack that bottom,' she squealed, 'Smack it hard!' 'I am,' I said, 'but the darned ketchup just won't come out.'
'What do you think about using toys for extra kicks in the bedroom?' she asked. 'Fine,' I said, 'although I don't know how we're going to get a Scalextric in here.'
We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, and up against the wall... but in the end we came to the conclusion that the end of the garden was plainly the correct place for the shed.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I groaned with pleasure. Right, now for the other boot.
"Are you sure you want this?" I asked, "only, when I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Right," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she purred, gently caressing my neck as we listened to her Coldplay CD.
'I am your slave,' she gasped breathlessly, 'Make me feel completely helpless and thoroughly worthless.' So I locked her in the shed and went to the pub.
Her body trembled and shook. 'Hurry, I cannot wait any longer, do it now!' she groaned. 'OK,' I said and got the winter duvet down from the airing cupboard.
'Hurt me!' she groaned, pressing her tense body against the shed wall. 'Alright,' I said. 'You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister.'
'Yes! Stick it right up there,' she urged, 'I want to remember this!' I did so, then tapped it firmly. You can never be too careful with Post-it notes.
My tongue flicked in and out, in and out, faster and faster until she was completely helpless. No woman can resist a good lizard impression.
'I am a very bad girl,' she whispered, 'Punish me in a way only a real man can!' 'Right,' I said and left my wet towels on the bathroom floor.
As we sat in the dark restaurant, she stroked my thigh and said 'I want to see your hardness.' 'OK,' I replied, and punched the waiter.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
from the musical "Oliver!" by Lionel Bart
Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live 'til eighty four
All we ever get is gru...el!
Ev'ry day we say our prayer --
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gru...el!
There's not a crust, not a crumb can we find,
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imag...ine
Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we're in the mood --
Cold jelly and custard!
Peas pudding and saveloys!
What next is the question?
Rich gentlemen have it, boys --
indigestion!
Food, glorious food!
We're anxious to try it.
Three banquets a day --
Our favorite diet!
Just picture a great big steak --
Fried, roasted or stewed.
Oh, food,
Wonderful food,
Marvelous food
Glorious food!
Food, glorious food!
Don't care what it looks like --
Burned! Underdone! Crude!
Don't care what the cook's like.
Just thinking of growing fat --
Our senses go reeling
One moment of knowing that
Full-up feeling!
Food, glorious food!
What wouldn't we give for
That extra bit more --
That's all that we live for
Why should we be fated to
Do nothing but brood
On food,
Magical food,
Wonderful food,
Marvelous food,
Heavenly food,
Beautiful food,
Glorious food!
=
FOOD, DANGEROUS FOOD
from "How to Manipulate or Humiliate the Envoys of Innutrition"
Is it worth the queuing for?
Will we live 'til twenty four?
All we'll ever get is fast...food!
Will they care what we'll ingest?
Ev'ry day we do request --
Still we get the same old fast...food!
There's no option, no little fruit we can eat,
We can chew, we can swallow, or bite!
But there's nothing to hurt us from having a joy
When we all close our mouths, we're delight...ed!
Food, dangerous food!
McDonald's or french fries!
For fam'ly and brood --
KFC wings or thighs!
Suet, blubber, lard in vats!
Not exaggerated,
They got bucketfuls of fats --
saturated!
Food, dangerous food!
Hamburger with large Coke!
Taco Bell burrito!
Grab a bite, do have a stroke!
Another fritter intake
Never ain't it good!
Yuck, food,
Poisonous food,
Perilous food,
Dangerous food!
Food, dangerous food!
Oily little doughnut,
Cake for a glutton!
Now I'll have a larger gut!
I am a willing stooge!
Now my weight is unwieldy;
I got me a challenge huge --
Obesity!
Food, dangerous food!
More Carl's Jr. calories,
Nutrition got screwed!
Mouthful at Wendy's
I've expelled; I've disgorged,
Vomited and spewed
This food,
Unhealthy food,
Terrible food,
Horrible food,
Obnoxious food,
Injurious food,
Dangerous food!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Grafenberg spot =
Beg: "Front.... THERE!.... GASP!!"
2nd - Julian Lofts with:
Woman sells her used panties to fetishist =
Filth, shit, semen stains, wet odours please!
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Lesbian intercourse =
Serene lubrications.
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