Anagrammy Placegetters for June 2015

All the highly-placed anagrams from the June 2015 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Mark Huffman with:
Transgenderism =
Mr. Gent-in-a-dress.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Post-nasal drip syndrome =
Pardon my snot dispersal.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
When ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise =
So, it follows, being a cretin is sensible... Why?

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Miss USA Pageant =
Man gapes at tushies.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Anabolic steroids =
Solid abs creation.

3rd - Jason Lofts with:
Thomas Cruise Mapother IV also known as Tom Cruise =
His most moronic partner was vacuous Katie Holmes.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Donald Trump is to run for President of the USA =
Note: I'd for sure not support this dreadful man!

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Confederate flag =
Great offence halted.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The magazine 'Vanity Fair': "Call me Caitlyn" =
Hence, I am finally amazingly attractive!

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Jason Lofts with:
Thomas Cruise Mapother IV =
He triumphs as movie actor.

2nd - Ad Absurdum with:
Senator Bernie Sanders =
One earnest brand rises.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The late French military leader Napoleon Bonaparte =
A tiny emperor, heroic battle-planner and a lethal foe.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
"Beauty will save the world" (Fyodor Dostoyevsky in The Idiot) =
Holy fire! Thats twaddle, you idiot! Everybody knows it's Love.

2nd - Rob Bretveld with:
"Beauty will save the world." (Fyodor Dostoyevsky in The Idiot) =
We'd obviously like that story's view today. Did Helen of Troy?

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"Beauty will save the world." (Fyodor Dostoyevsky in The Idiot) =
"Hostility, however? To feed it will destroy us. Vodka, anybody?"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
YOU ARE OLD FATHER WILLIAM
by Lewis Carroll

"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head -
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door -
Pray, what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his gray locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box -
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak-
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down-stairs!"

=

YOU'RE A FATHER, YOUNG WILLIAM
Ode On A Hypothetical Royal Chat

"You're a father, young William," Her Majesty said,
"And the fifth Duke of Cambridge as well;
Though I see that you're losing the hair on your head,
You've at least sired a boy and a gel.

"Your high place is assured as a king, it is true
And that Kate was a fine gel to marry,
So now that the future is settled for you,
Would you please have a chat with young Harry?

"Like Diana, he's feisty, he has no respect,
(Oh, your mother was toxic, I knew it),
And that gingery mane on his head, I detect
Contains hues of the loathsome James Hewitt!

"I am not being huffy, we royals have flaws,
I've a notion your daddy's no monk,
Look, your grandpa's a playboy, yet he's ninety-four,
(But, you see, he's invariably drunk!)

"Now, young Harry, I think, is cast in the same mould,
Yet he is oddly unsuited to love,
Cressida, Chelsey, they both left me cold,
But, you see, they have no royal blood!

"Though it pains one to say it, the boy is a brat,
He is awfully quick to offend,
And his pants will come orf at the drop of a hat,
Heaven only knows where it will end.

"As a senior sibling, your duty's defined,
You must issue a royal decree:
Say you're jolly annoyed that he won't toe the line,
Would you do that one favour for me?"

"You are old, my dear grandmama," William sighed,
"And somewhat outdated and prim;
I won't lecture Harry - it's not that I'm shy,
But the truth is... I wish I was him!"

3rd - David Bourke with:
'Black Or White' - Michael Jackson

I took my baby on a Saturday bang
Boy is that girl with you
Yes we're one and the same

Now I believe in miracles
And a miracle has happened tonight
But, if you're thinkin' about my baby
It don't matter if you're black or white

They print my message
In the Saturday Sun
I had to tell them
I ain't second to none

And I told about equality
And it's true
Either you're wrong or you're right
But if you're thinkin' about my baby
It don't matter if you're black or white

I am tired of this devil
I am tired of this stuff
I am tired of this business
So when the going gets rough
I ain't scared of your brother
I ain't scared of no sheets
I ain't scared of nobody
Girl when the goin' gets mean

Protection
For gangs, clubs and nations
Causing grief in human relations
It's a turf war on a global scale
I'd rather hear both sides of the tale
See, it's not about races
Just places
Faces
Where your blood comes from
Is where your space is
I've seen the bright get duller
I'm not going to spend my life being a color

Don't tell me you agree with me
When I saw you kicking dirt in my eye
But if you're thinkin' about my baby
It don't matter if you're black or white
I said if you're thinkin' of being my baby
It don't matter if you're black or white
I said if you're thinkin' of being my brother
It don't matter if you're black or white

Yea yea yea now!
It's black, it's white,
It's tough for you to get by!
It's black, it's white,
It's black, it's white,
It's tough for you to get by!
It's black, it's white!

=

"I'm Black, Not White"

- Absolute rubbish by Rachel D. (some self-righteous beige American fruitloop with one or two key identity issues):

I hit the tanning studio, downtown Spokane,
But I fried my snow-white butt to dark as a drain.
I too be like a tribal sista,
I gotta struggle, I gotta fight our good fight!
But if you want to be my homey, babe,
Then you gotta be anything but white.

My old folks ruined the story,
They be like, I is "straight, blonde".
They be like, "the entire N.A.A.C.P. you have conned!"
Now I "identify" as funky negro tail,
Because I done grown up eating grits in a shack.
Oh no, for sho' I ain't no honky,
But against me, Edgar Winter's black!

Yo! I sure be tired of that factor-fifty cream,
Yo! I be tired of calling the media's bluff,
Yo! I sure be tired of trying to co-ordinate
My collar to my cuff!

Yo! Sure, my white heritage is beneath me!
Yo! Sure, the Teutonic surname seriously sucks!
Yo! Sure, I habitually play the immigrant card,
But to earn me serious bucks.

(the rap bit):

"I fight society's white-biased racist agenda,
In my bushy corn-braid African hair,
Today I rewrite my entire racial identity,
To dark-toned, from skin naturally most fair.
I'm of African-American ethnic origin,
I'm a bit Indian squaw, or Jew...but NOT white.
For every ethnic minority here in Washington State,
About the 'hood, we tirelessly fight!
Yo, brother! I'm down with this ebonic ghetto street talk,
I be like, you dig my urban city roots?
Man, I do just LOVE my basketball!
Hey babe, let's go to shoot us a few hoops!"

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
As a decrepit father takes delight
To see his active child do deeds of youth,
So I, made lame by Fortune's dearest spite,
Take all my comfort of thy worth and truth;
For whether beauty, birth, or wealth, or wit,
Or any of these all, or all, or more,
Entitled in thy parts, do crowned sit,
I make my love engrafted to this store:
So then I am not lame, poor, nor despised,
Whilst that this shadow doth such substance give
That I in thy abundance am sufficed,
And by a part of all thy glory live.
Look what is best, that best I wish in thee:
This wish I have; then ten times happy me!

=

For Father's Day, I oftentimes do get
Another stripey necktie with a clip,
That thousandth fruitcake, old-time hobby kit,
Hand-molded ashtray with a little chip;
Else handy tools to tidy up the yard,
Restore the cars, or tend the barbecue;
Some pithy oaths within a vivid card,
'Dad's number one!' 'World's best!' to name a few,
And warm thoughts for a day of ease for me.
Yet whether weighty, childish, vast or small,
Gifts anyhow are not the point to see;
It's suitable to smile upon them all.
For fathers know the one that lies above
The rest is simply this: a child's love.