Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2015
All the highly-placed anagrams from the July 2015 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Rick Rothstein with:
The political leaders =
Replace all the idiots.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Underappreciated =
Appear uncredited.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
She reveals the condom ~
and he removes clothes.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Julian Lofts with:
"Sweet Freedom: A Devotional" by Sarah Palin =
Leader of Tea Party has no enviable wisdom.
2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Superhero Ant-Man ‡
Another Superman.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Harper Lee's novel 'To Kill A Mockingbird' =
Reckon small girl prevailed in the book.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Trump's position... ~
it's opportunism!
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The presidential campaigns =
Aged men pitch partisan lies.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
President Barack Obama says UK should stay in the EU =
I daresay, but that's our business pal, okay? Damn cheek!
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Business mogul Donald Trump =
Dumbass on multiple grounds.
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Barack H. Obama, The President of the USA =
Had task to be American hope after Bush.
3rd - Rob Bretveld with:
Candidate Donald Trump =
Damned odd lunatic prat!
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
The State of California =
Noise, heat, traffic... a lot!
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Dow Jones Industrial Average =
I alone judge how a trader invests
3rd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Windows Ten =
New! It's Down!
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A lone VIP tourist is coming into Athens city airport.
"Name?" says Customs Officer.
It's "Angela Merkel." ~
"Nationality?"
"I am German."
"Occupation?" Customs Officer starts to ask.
"No," she replies, "merely visiting."
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
One evening a not-so-humble guy and his wife were selecting the password for the computer they had bought.
=
She'd caved, so the guy, Bob, saw fit to enter "mypenis". The wife laughed when this came up: "Error. Not long enough."
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
'Get this,' said Mick, 'Last Wednesday night, when
I was in my pub, the Fox and Geese, a big
jerk broke in my home ... in thru the back door.
=
'Did he get anything?' his mates said.
'Yep. Black eye, broken jaw and six broken ribs.
The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.'
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
Shifty Nixon, inept Ford, naive Carter, utterly smooth Reagan, elder Bush, lusty Clinton, puppet Bush--
What's left for me? The future!
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." - Donald Trump
=
There once was born a nut:
Rich ninny, expert strut,
Utter evil, deeply gruff,
Most only foolish huff...
Please tie that dumb trap shut!
3rd - Jason Lofts with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
He's colorful, forthright, temperamentful ... but not that responsible and very unpresidential with that unsexy, scruffy toupee.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A Shaggy Dog Story:
A woman noticed her aged dog was becoming deaf, so she took him to the vet.
When the vet checked, he discovered the problem was hair in the ears. Once he had removed it all, the dog was happily able to hear again. The vet explained to the woman that if she wanted to keep this from happening again she should get some "Nair," and rub it well into the dog's ears once a month.
So she headed down to the drugstore to get the Nair.
While he was handing it to her, the druggist added: "Just one warning with this product - if you intend using it under your arms, don't apply deodorant for a week."
The woman said, "Thanks, I will not be using it under my arms."
The salesman said, "Well, if you'll be using it all on your legs, don't shave them for three days."
The lady said, "No, I will not be using it on my legs... Ok, if you must know, I am using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist replied, "Then stay off your bike for a week.
=
A Doggy Shag Story:
A woman whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while they were on holiday.
As she was dozing off on the first night, she heard terrible whining and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in coitus. They were obviously in great pain but unable to disengage (as so often occurs when dogs mate).
Try as she may, she was unable to separate them and didn't know what to do. Although it was rather late at night, she decided to ring their family vet for advice.
"Yes, what is it!" answered the man in a very grumpy tone of voice.
She told him her problem.
The vet said, "Hang up the phone immediately and put it next to the dogs. I will phone you back and the disruption of the ringing will make the male lose its erection and slip out immediately."
"Do you think it'll work?" she asked.
"It just worked on me," he grunted and hung up.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great, thankfully. I've made lot$ of crazy but agreeable and generous friend$ here I can rely on, turn to them even, and am presently $tudying hard. With all my possessions, I $imply can't really think of anything I need, or want right now. But lastly, if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, as I'd be pleased to hear from you. OK?
Love, your $on.
=
Reply from Dad...
Dear Jimmy,
I realize that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep many a man, even an hoNOr student like yourself, incredibly busy. Incidentally, don't forget that while pursuit of kNOwledge is undue, hard graft, tho' it will always be a truly NOble task, in life you canNOt ever really study hard eNOugh.
Love, Dad.
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
The Main Characters at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
1. Harry Potter
2. Hermione Granger
3. Ronald Weasley
4. Lord Voldemort
5. Rubeus Hagrid
6. Professor Albus Dumbledore
7. Severus Snape
8. Draco Malfoy
9. Remus Lupin
10. Dobby the house-elf
11. J K Rowling?
=
1. Valorous orphan with scar
2. Youthful, dewy-eyed girl
3. Stubborn ginger charmer
4. Crazy horror - Tom Marvolo Riddle
5. Groundskeeper
6. Headmaster
7. Harsh Potions master
8. Blonde bad Slytherin galls
9. Academic werewolf
10. Dwarf?
11. Just the author - pens fable of course.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
THE LAST TRUMP
by Banjo Paterson
"You led the trump," the old man said
With fury in his eye,
"And yet you hope my girl to wed!
Young man! your hopes of love are fled,
'Twere better she should die!
"My sweet young daughter sitting there,
So innocent and plump!
You don't suppose that she would care
To wed an outlawed man who'd dare
To lead the thirteenth trump!
"If you had drawn their leading spade
It meant a certain win!
But no! By Pembroke's mighty shade
The thirteenth trump you went and played
And let their diamonds in!
"My girl, return at my command
His presents in a lump!
Return his ring! For, understand,
No man is fit to hold your hand
Who leads a thirteenth trump!
"But hold! Give every man his due
And every dog his day.
Speak up and say what made you do
This dreadful thing -- that is, if you
Have anything to say!"
He spoke. "I meant at first," said he,
"To give their spades a bump,
Or lead the hearts; but then you see
I thought against us there might be,
Perhaps, a fourteenth trump!"
They buried him at dawn of day
Beside a ruined stump:
And there he sleeps the hours away
And waits for Gabriel to play
The last -- the fourteenth trump.
=
DONALD TRUMP
by the Headmaster of the Moneyed and the Authority on History
Dirty tiny shanty, no hot shower,
Life in that tatty dump.
With no utilities, no power.
Has no grand suite at Trump Tower.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
Hawaii and Mauritius are not
A hop, skip and a jump!
Forget the hideaway bay spot,
The drab ghetto is what you got.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
No syrupy dish from the East,
Eat no fruit ripe and plump.
No Wagyu beef, the greasy beast;
No healthy mead at the fine feast.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
The mind is numb, the thought is tired;
The mystery may stump.
Roadworthy daddy he had hired;
Stayed satisfied, midday he's fired.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
The bonehead didn't have the brain,
Vapid as Forrest Gump.
Was no war hero like McCain;
The triumph he'd never attain.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
Tattered beggar up to here in debt;
Huge economic slump!
Eightieth hit, defeated I bet;
Banking on the welfare he'll get.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
They're happiest when they wanna
Get the wealthiest hump.
Do not hug the great Miss Ghana;
Why even bed his private Ivana?
Unless you're Donald Trump!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
PHANTASMAGORIA - CANTO I (The Trystyng )
By
Lewis Carroll
ONE winter night, at half-past nine,
Cold, tired, and cross, and muddy,
I had come home, too late to dine,
And supper, with cigars and wine,
Was waiting in the study.
There was a strangeness in the room,
And Something white and wavy
Was standing near me in the gloom -
I took it for the carpet-broom
Left by that careless slavey.
But presently the Thing began
To shiver and to sneeze:
On which I said "Come, come, my man!
That's a most inconsiderat e plan.
Less noise there, if you please!"
"I've caught a cold," the Thing replies,
"Out there upon the landing."
I turned to look in some surprise,
And there, before my very eyes,
A little Ghost was standing!
He trembled when he caught my eye,
And got behind a chair.
"How came you here," I said, "and why?
I never saw a thing so shy.
Come out! Don't shiver there!"
He said "I'd gladly tell you how,
And also tell you why;
But" (here he gave a little bow)
"You're in so bad a temper now,
You'd think it all a lie.
"And as to being in a fright,
Allow me to remark
That Ghosts have just as good a right
In every way, to fear the light,
As Men to fear the dark."
"No plea," said I, "can well excuse
Such cowardice in you:
For Ghosts can visit when they choose,
Whereas we Humans ca'n't refuse
To grant the interview."
He said "A flutter of alarm
Is not unnatural, is it?
I really feared you meant some harm:
But, now I see that you are calm,
Let me explain my visit.
"Houses are classed, I beg to state,
According to the number
Of Ghosts that they accommodate:
(The Tenant merely counts as WEIGHT,
With Coals and other lumber).
"This is a 'one-ghost' house, and you
When you arrived last summer,
May have remarked a Spectre who
Was doing all that Ghosts can do
To welcome the new-comer.
=
Re: The Excruciating Tale Of Matthew McGee And The Sorry Psychic Occurrence
By
Les Miserable
My boozing buddy Matt McGee
Is not the finest wit,
The Irish farmer sure can be
A monumental twit.
He has no wife and drinks all
Night, cold Guinness in a jar,
While perching on his favourite stool,
Located by the bar.
Our local inn, The Royal Crown
Is held in real esteem
It serves the finest beer in town
And has a great darts team!
One wild March night a man came in,
A stranger to these parts,
He bought himself a Gilbey's gin,
And watched the guys play darts.
"'Tis said dis place is haunted, sir,"
Matt grinned at him then laughed,
"Why, even now oi see ye have a
Spirit in your glass!"
The stranger uttered to McGee:
"How weird you mentioned this!
My occupation is, you see,
A psychic specialist!
"Tomorrow I am speaking at
Your local civic hall,
On ghosts and eerie things like that,
You're welcome, guys, to call!"
Well, Matt and I, we went off on
His tractor the next day,
To see that man (his name was Ron),
Hear what he had to say.
"Has anybody seen a ghost?"
Ron asked us right away;
And twenty hands went up, that's almost
Half the hall, I'd say.
"Wow! what a lot of hands!" yelled he,
"That is a nice surprise!
But I've another thing to ask, be
Truthful, tell no lies.
"Has anyone here touched a ghost?"
Ron ventured, "hand on heart?"
Some more went up, well three at most,
(One was the village tart).
"Wowee!" said Ron, I'm stunned
To see you've touched a heavenly host!
Now tell me true, has anyone
Here made love to a ghost?"
Then from the back, one voice came strong,
"Yes me! Oi have!" Matt cried.
"You've made love to a ghost?" gasped Ron,
"Wow! ... no word of a lie?"
Matt mumbled, "Wait a minute sir,
Er... did ye say "a ghost?
Oi beg your pardon, oi misheard,
... Oi thought ye said 'a goat'!"
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER
O say can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
=
THE TSAR'S MANGLED SHAM-HAIR
(Bad Rug to Be Elected)
O say can we see, through the Don's pearly whites,
What so foully he wails, rich with greed that's unflagging?
Those brash statements appall; they go well to the Right,
With the wrong, snobby talk and perpetual bragging.
And the rotter's affairs, errors bursting on air,
Gave proof to the Left the guy isn't all there.
O say does that tsar's mangled sham-hair yet wave
O'er the brand that is he: e'er o'erblown and depraved?
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The bordello =
Olde brothel.
2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The anti-impotence drug Viagra =
I get to cum in her parted vagina.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Anti-impotence drugs =
Penis turned to magic!
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