Anagrammy Placegetters for August 2016

All the highly-placed anagrams from the August 2016 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Jason Lofts with:
Stanford undergraduates =
Frustrated and dangerous.

2nd - View with:
Social security =
O, yes, it's crucial!

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Um, I looked up "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" =
So ironic: it says, "See Donald Trump (delirious prick)."

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Election season =
One lies; one acts.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'The Donald' versus Hillary =
He and she: truly old rivals.

3rd - Rob Bretveld with:
Donald Trump's foreign policy =
Recordings of my old pal Putin.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
D. Trump is ~
Mr. Stupid.

2nd - nedesto with:
The USA's presidential candidate Donald Trump =
Dismal toupeed neanderthal and stupid racist.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ryan Steven Lochte =
Never act honestly

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Painting of The Last Supper =
A prophet's painful setting.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Olympic Games in Rio =
i.e., champions' glory time.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Mylan Pharmaceuticals =
A sly human malpractice.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
A sloth happens upon a fiendish gang of snails which beats him up. So, later, kinda weepy,
addled, he takes off to talk to police.
~
'What's happened?' a police officer asks. 'This gang of snails beat me up.' 'Oh, what did they
look like?' 'Dunno. It all happened so fast.'

2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Controversial US athletes at the Olympics:
- Gunnar Bentz
- Jack Conger
- James Feigen
- Ryan Lochte
=
Brazil cops just caught them lying.
Larceny's not a joke here, contravenes clear intent of Games.

3rd - Mark Huffman with:
Vote for Hillary Clinton for President of the United States of America! =
Convict liar of felony; after this, send her to timeout at federal prison.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE CASE AGAINST GUNS.

CONFESSION
Hello Jerry,
This is Ron, your neighbour. I'm really sorry, but I have a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I'm at least now telling you by text as I cant live with the guilt any more. I am afraid I've been sharing your wife, day and night, when you weren't around. In fact, probably more than you have. I havent been getting it at home lately but, hell, that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with my conscience any longer and I hope you'll accept my apologies and forgive me. I promise it'll never happen again. Please assess a fee for usage and I'll gladly pay.
Regards, Ron

REACTION
Jerry, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, stormed round to Ron's house and knocked on the door. As soon as Ron answered, he shot him dead. He then returned home, poured a stiff drink and sat down.

Later, he happened to look at his phone and saw there was a second message:-

SECOND MESSAGE
Hello Jerry,
Ron again. Sorry about that small typo on my last text. I reckon you've worked it out anyway but, as I am sure you've realised, my autocorrect changed WiFi To Wife. Technology, eh? Hope you saw the funny side of it!
Ron

=

THE CASE FOR GUNS

Just imagine that you're an enfeebled older senior who can no longer take care of yourself and the government has said there is no nursing home care available for you. What do you do? Simple - you just opt for Medicare Maximum - Plan G.

This plan gives anybody aged seventy-five or more a gun (Plan G) and a bullet, with which they'll be granted permission to shoot one worthless politician (e.g. Donald Trump). This means you'd be sent to prison for life, but here you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the Health Care you need. Want new teeth? Glasses? Hearing aid? New hips needed? knees, kidney, lungs, heart, eye surgery, a complete sex change? That's okay, they're covered by the senior Medicare Plan (G)!

As an added bonus, the kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now! But who will be picking up the tab, you may ask? Yes, it's the same government that just told you they couldn't afford for you to enter a nursing home! What's more, you will be getting rid of a useless politician in the process. And, being a prisoner, you won't have to pay income tax!

Is this a great country or what? Now that I've sorted out your senior financial plan, enjoy the rest of your week.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A police officer sees this man driving around with a truckload of penguins. He pulls him over and yells: 'Are you dim?
You can't drive around this town with penguins! Get it, stupid? Take them to the zoo.' At that, the man says OK, and
drives away. Yet the following day, the cop sees him, and indeed his truckload of penguins, again.
~
This time they are happy, and are wearing funky sunglasses. Suspicious, he waves him over, demanding: 'I am convinced that
yesterday I told you to take these flipping penguins to the zoo!' The man replies: 'I know. I did. And so today, as all had fun,
I thought I would take them on a circular drive, trundling off down to the coast.'

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A WINDMILL IN OLD AMSTERDAM
By Ronnie Hilton

A mouse lived in a windmill in old Amsterdam
A windmill with a mouse in and he wasn't grousin'
He sang every morning, "How lucky I am,
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus:
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

This mouse he got lonesome, he took him a wife
A windmill with mice in, it's hardly surprisin'
She sang every morning, "How lucky I am,
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

First they had triplets and then they had quins
A windmill with quins in, and triplets and twins in
They sang every morning, "How lucky we are
Living in a windmill in Amsterdam, ya!"

Chorus
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

The daughters got married and so did the sons
The windmill had christ'nin's when no one was list'nin'
They all sang in chorus, "How lucky we am
Living in a windmill in old Amsterdam!"

Chorus
I saw a mouse!
Where?
There on the stair!
Where on the stair?
Right there!
A little mouse with clogs on
Well I declare!
Going clip-clippety-clop on the stair
Oh yeah

A mouse lived in a windmill, so snug and so nice
There's nobody there now but a whole lot of mice.
=

THE (UNWILLING) WOMEN IN WINDOWS IN OLD AMSTERDAM

I recall once, while visiting old Amsterdam
With nine willing mates on a 'men only' break,
We guys went to view its iconic 'red lights'
On a mission to savour some sinning delights!

Chorus
I saw some girls
There
Selling their wares
Selling their wares
Right there!
Their mini-skirts were high, their tops
low, I declare
They were all hangin' out in the square
Whoo, yeah!

As the evening continued I opted to split
I'd had too much Amstel, I wanted to sit, so
While mooching around I unconsciously found
This girl in a window in Amsterdam town.

Chorus
She seemed so sad
All
Alone on a chair
Long chestnut hair
Such hair!
Her hollow eyes were blank,
Her slim shoulders were bare
And her posture declared much despair
I swear

How many vile men will use her to maul?
Ten, twenty, thirty? it is tough to call, they'll
All pay her in cash then her pimp has the lot
Will he give her commission in cocaine 'n' pot?

Chorus
I saw one lone
Tear
Roll from her eye
Rolling down, my
oh my
And in that moment a
Lonely voice in me cried:
"I'll release her, I'll give it a try,
I'll try!"

Going up to the window I tapped on the pane,
I smiled sympathetically, hoped theoretically
She'd understand that I'm quite a nice man
This girl in this window in ol' Amsterdam

Chorus
I gave one kick
With
All my full might
With all my willing might
I saw the window pane co-llapse
Such a sight!
Then I carried her into
The night
Damn right!

A girl who sat in a window in ol' Amsterdam
Is happily wed now - and I am her man!

2nd - Josiah Winslow with:
La trombe fausse dissimulant folie,
Fera Bisance vn changement de loix,
Hystra d'Egypte qui veut que l'on deslie
Edict changeant monnoyes & alloix.
=
Donald Trump, in a quixotic election
Shall flame Istanbul at the square.
The lying guy's deemed a vexing selection,
Doom seen by an offensive scare.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The beloved refrain from The Sound of Music says:

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find the word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!=
Ow, I'd disaffirm a dumb barbaric oaf:

How do you solve a problem like The Donald?
How do you calm the traffic when he's in town?
How do you believe so many support The Donald?
Inimical to Jesus! A birther! A twit! A clown!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
That noisy spurting? =
Shitting your pants!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The uncircumcised penis =
Crimped since he is uncut.

3rd - Colleen Parkin with:
Biggest hard on =
Banged so right.