Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2016
All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2016 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Jason Lofts with:
Old age pensioner =
A person gone idle.
2nd - View with:
All the signs point to ~
the polling stations.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The ladies footwear =
'Twas a heel to die for!
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The late singer Amy Jade Winehouse =
Ah, we enjoyed the genius's material.
2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The West Family:
1. Kanye
2. Kim Kardashian
3. North
4. Saint
=
1. "Shit, I'm a wanker!"
2. That flashy Armenian
3. Kid
4. Tyke (son).
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
'Brangelina' split =
Liberating plans?
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Mark Huffman with:
Hillary Clinton health issues =
It's not a hunch - she really is ill!
2nd - Christopher Davis with:
Arnold Palmer dead at eighty-seven =
All-star end. He dominated every PGA.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The US presidential debates ~
belied phrase: 'United States'.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Republican nominee Donald Trump =
Rich man under blonde toupee implant.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The former Baywatch actress Pamela Denise Anderson =
Noted for her dream "ample assets" in scanty beachwear!
3rd - View with:
Saint Teresa of Calcutta =
Salute to fantastic care.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Trump Foundation =
Impound that fortune!
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The State of Florida =
After heat, it floods
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Apple Store Employee of the Month =
To help me to operate the phone myself.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
BEST-SELLING SINGLES EVER
1. White Christmas
2. Candle In The Wind/Something About The Way You Look Tonight
3. Silent Night
=
1. Bing's massive Yuletide hit
2. Elton in hymn to 'England's rose'/Cute little song
3. Bing hits the heights with a carol we know
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
One evening, this grasshopper walked into a city bar, and the bartender guy said, 'We have a drink named after you!'
=
The grasshopper blinked, turned, cried: 'What? No! Get away! Say it again, friend ... you have a bar drink, one named Steve??'
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
George Orwell:
War is peace.
Slavery is freedom.
Ignorance is strength.
=
Ergo:
Passive aggression.
The weary farmers.
Record low intelligence.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and the rules of its game. - French philosopher Jacques Derrida=
Six Major Afflictions
One stiff growth.............. Tumor
Chafing spots................. Rash
Quite horrid sore............. Ulcer
Infects tots.................. Measles
The lethal epidemic........... Pox
A trend more fetid than these: ^
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"A text is not a text unless it hides from the first comer, from the first glance, the law of its composition and
the rules of its game." - French philosopher Jacques Derrida=
First letter's in trim, seldom large
Next comes in a fire, plus a charge
Third hides, lost, amidst except
The fourth: see smooth; quart; accept
Join aforeshown to finish off.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Two Indian doctors were having a heated exchange in the hospital corridor. "Well, I say it's W-H-O-O-M!" yelled the first one.
"Nah, poppycock! It's W-H-O-O-M-B," challenged the other.
A passing nurse heard them. "Huh? Sorry, but you're both totally wrong," she said. "It's actually spelt W-O-M-B."
"Er... thank you, Staff Nurse Gallagher," said the first, "but we'll settle this ourselves - anyhow, we don't exactly think you're in a position to describe the sound an elephant makes farting under water!"
=
An urban cop on horseback says to a little girl on her push-bike, "Wow, honeybunch, did Santa bring you that?"
"Yes, he did," says the girl.
"He did? Well now, you'd best tell him to put a reflector light on it next year," he murmurs and, with a mean grin, fines her five dollars.
The child looks up at the cop and says, "Wow, what a nice horse you've got there, was it from Santa?"
The cop replies: "Sure was!"
"Well," says the girl, "next year, tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A man is in the hospital for a whole battery of tests.
The doctor comes in and tells him he has bad news and good news.
The man asks, "What is the bad news?"
The doctor says, "We're going to have to amputate both of your legs."
=
The defeated man collapses at the blow of the sad news.
When resting on a chair, he sobs, "Gosh, I'm afraid to ask - give me the good news."
The doctor, an optimist, says, "There's a man down the hall that wants to buy your boots!"
3rd - Jason Lofts with:
Actors Reportedly In The Running To Replace Daniel Craig as the new Agent Double O Seven
1. Tom Hiddleston
2. Idris Elba
3. Michael Fassbender
4. Luke Evans
5. Charlie Hunnam
6. James Norton
7. Jamie Bell
=
Re-engineered as James Bond persona?
1. Lean, muscular performance in Thor
2. John Luther (a black detective) in TV series in England
3. Magneto
4. Welsh
5. Cold Mountain
6. Heard has diabetes
7. Billy Elliot
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st -
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
DATING IN THE SIXTIES
It was a warm Saturday evening back in nineteen-sixty, and teenager Harry was off to his first date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her door at seven o'clock and rang on the bell.
'Come on in!' invited Peggy Sue's mum as she greeted Harry. 'Take a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?' she added. 'Coffee? Tea? An orange juice?'
'I'll just have a coffee, please,' replied Harry.
'So, what did you and Peggy Sue plan on doing tonight?' she enquired, pouring him a coffee.
'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the diner, maybe take a quiet stroll on the beach afterwards.'
'Peggy Sue likes to screw, you know,' announced the mother out of the blue.
'Really?' gulped Harry, his eyebrows suddenly raised.
'Ooh, yes,' said the mum. 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they ever want to do!'
'Wow! Is that so?' asked an incredulous Harry.
'Yes, it is!' replied mum. 'As a matter of fact, she enjoys it so much she'd probably screw all night long if we let her!'
'Hmm... well, thank you for that tip-off, Mrs Adams !' Harry murmured as he began considering an alternative plan for the evening.
A few moments later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture in a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her fair hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.
She said a shy 'Hi' to Harry.
'Have fun, you two!' said her mother as they left.
An hour later, a dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she cried angrily to her mother in the kitchen. 'The bloody dance is called the...Twist!'
=
The vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to offer the usual thanks for prayers that had been answered.
A lady rose from the end bench and walked briskly up to the podium.
"Yes, I would," she stated; "I have a huge 'Thanks' to express. You see, three months ago, my dear husband Gary O'Shea had an awful bike crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The injuries were so horrific that the doctors didn't know if they'd be able to help him."
Everyone heard a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the unutterable pain that Gary must have suffered.
"Gary was in agony, and unable to hug me or the kids, because every move caused him terrible pain. His disability was heartbreaking," she went on. "We all prayed fervently as the surgeons performed a delicate and exhaustive operation, and they were able to painstakingly piece together his barbarised scrotum, and wrap wire around it to keep it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the awful surgery performed on Gary.
"Now," she finished, her voice quavering emotionally, "Gary is out of hospital and the doctors say that in time, his crushed scrotum ought to recover completely. So, I just want to say, thank you Lord!"
All the men sighed with relief. Then the vicar rose and hesitantly asked if anyone else wished to say anything.
A man rose and hobbled gingerly to the podium. "Hello folks," he said, "I'm Gary."
The whole congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
3rd - Christopher Davis with:
September Eleventh Two Thousand One
=
Then we spot trouble, death omens even = Unwholesome events; both penetrated = One low event - Detonate them, Pres. Bush! = Melt tower seven; no hope beneath dust = The hot steel beams open, venture down = Bereavement now, he told the upset son = Seen Bush plot there; vowed atonement = Our best men owe help on the vendettas.
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Don't shit where you eat =
You do that in the sewer!
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
As naked as on the day she was born
=
Sees booty, hardens and has a wank!
3rd - View with:
The adult diaper =
I'd halt a turd/pee.
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