Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2018

All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2018 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The week was harsh and life's too dreary, but... ~
the darkest hour is always before the dawn.
A first responder =
Errand: stop fires.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Hot dog ingredients =
Got nothing desired.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Celebrities that all passed away in 2017
1. Roger Moore
2. Erin Moran
3. Chuck Berry
4. Mary Tyler Moore
5. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
6. John Hurt
7. Jerry Lewis
8. Glen Campbell
9. Chester Bennington
10. Gregg Allman
11. William Peter Blatty
12. Adam West
13. Buddy Greco
14. Hugh Hefner
15. Tom Petty
16. David Cassidy
17. Fats Domino
18. Keith Chegwin
=
1. Gentleman James Bond
2. 'Happy Days' girl
3. 'Memphis Tennessee' man
4. Was in Dick Van Dyke show
5. Brit 'It girl'
6. 'Elephant Man' actor
7. Comedy actor
8. Country singer
9. Musician
10 - ditto -
11. Writer
12. Batman
13. Crooner
14. Mogul, grew the Playboy firm
15. Heartbreaker
16. Heartthrob
17. Jelly roll guy
18. 'Cheggers'

Died 2017. Farewell to them all.

2nd - David Bourke with:
One night, a passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on his
shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost
control of his cab, nearly collided with a bus, went up onto
the sidewalk, scattering pedestrians, and came to a halt a
few centimetres from a shop. For a second, everything went
silent in the cab, and then the driver said, "Look, don’t you
EVER do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!"
=
The contrite passenger, having apologised to him in an instant,
then commented, "Oh, good heavens! I did not realise how an
unexpected tap could scare and shock so much!". The driver
turned, as white as a glacier, scowled, and replied:
"Oh, it's alright! Look, this is not your total fault". Then
he added, "...to be frank, it's my first night of employment
as a cab driver...I've been driving a hearse for the last
twenty-two years."

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:

Here is a select group from this ever-growing list of male celebrities working in Hollywood and the entertainment industry that are now in trouble for (or have been actually accused of) lewd actions and misdeeds:

Harvey Weinstein
Louis C.K.
Kevin Spacey
Ben Affleck
Jeremy Piven
Dustin Hoffman
Brett Ratner
Steven Seagal
Jeffrey Tambor
Russell Simmons
Charlie Rose
Matt Lauer
Paul Haggis
James Franco

But enough about these idiots... Now let's move on to some other interesting facts:

=

All women in the industry ever accused of such a disgusting thing:

Er, let's see... I think Jennifer Hudson is rumored to be a bit of a jerk?

All female directors that ever won an Oscar:

Only one, Kathryn Bigelow. But...

All female cinematographers even nominated for Oscars:

Basically none. But...

Percentage of female writers in top US grossing movies:

Eleven. But...

Difference between highest-paid US actor and actress last year:

...Over forty million?! OK, this is just awful.

[Why The #MeToo Movement Matters]

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Worst Day Ever?

Today was the absolute worst day ever
So do not bother to convince me
There's plenty of good in every feeble day
Because when you take a closer look
The world's a foul and savage place
Even if we feel or think
There's some small goodness here that could shine through once in a while
Our satisfaction, hope and happiness will not last
And I'm sure it's not true either that
It's all in the mind and heart
Because
Real happiness can be attained
Only where the surroundings are good
It's not true that good exists
I'm sure we can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
Everything is beyond my control
And you'll never in a million years hear me say
Today was one of the best days of my life

[Now read it from bottom to top]

=

Refugees

They don't need our aid
So no, don't say that
Their many tired faces could always be yours and mine
If life dealt a very different hand
We have to see these people for what they really are
Vagrants and scroungers
Layabouts and loungers
With explosives hidden in their sleeves
Insipid cut-throats and thieves
And they're not
Welcome here
We must make them all
Go back to where they came from
They cannot
Share our food
Share our homes
Share our cities
Instead let us
Build a gigantic wall so they won't get in
It's not very nice to say
These people are totally similar to us
A place only belongs to everyone born in it
So don't be so asinine to assume that
The world can be looked at another way

[Now read it from bottom to top]

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A SUBALTERN'S LOVE SONG
A poem by John Betjeman

Miss J. Hunter Dunn, Miss J. Hunter Dunn,
Furnish'd and burnish'd by Aldershot sun,
What strenuous singles we played after tea,
We in the tournament - you against me!

Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy,
The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy,
With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,
I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won,
The warm-handled racket is back in its press,
But my shock-headed victor, she loves me no less.

Her father's euonymus shines as we walk,
And swing past the summer-house, buried in talk,
And cool the verandah that welcomes us in
To the six-o'clock news and a lime-juice and gin.

The scent of the conifers, sound of the bath,
The view from my bedroom of moss-dappled path,
As I struggle with double-end evening tie,
For we dance at the Golf Club, my victor and I.

On the floor of her bedroom lie blazer and shorts,
And the cream-coloured walls are be-trophied with sports,
And westering, questioning settles the sun,
On your low-leaded window, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

The Hillman is waiting, the light's in the hall,
The pictures of Egypt are bright on the wall,
My sweet, I am standing beside the oak stair
And there on the landing's the light on your hair.

By roads "not adopted", by woodlanded ways,
She drove to the club in the late summer haze,
Into nine-o'clock Camberley, heavy with bells
And mushroomy, pine-woody, evergreen smells.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
I can hear from the car park the dance has begun,
Oh! Surrey twilight! importunate band!
Oh! strongly adorable tennis-girl's hand!

Around us are Rovers and Austins afar,
Above us the intimate roof of the car,
And here on my right is the girl of my choice,
With the tilt of her nose and the chime of her voice.

And the scent of her wrap, and the words never said,
And the ominous, ominous dancing ahead.
We sat in the car park till twenty to one
And now I'm engaged to Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.
=

3rd - MS. JENNIFER JOANNA ANISTON
(Mr. Vernon Kenneth Churchill's unsung love song)

Ms. Jennifer Joanna Aniston
Much too fresh to require Canesten,
I first fell in love when I saw her in 'Friends',
She was stunning and chic as a Mercedes Benz.

Lovelorn and smitten I sent her a cake,
Along with my photograph (hellish mistake)
Said I hoped the sponge was as scrummy as her,
She never replied, though I guess she'd concur.

Ms. Jennifer Joanna, they say faint heart
Can't win fair lady, so I made a start,
To woo her, pursue her and lure her on dates!
Then I bought a flight for the United States.

My wife gave me hell when I voiced my intentions,
I told her it was a dull business convention,
"Convention? You work down the sewers!" she'd crowed,
But I answered "In my job I go with the flow."

Told her the plan was to discuss proposals
On zonal link-ups for sewage disposals,
And my boss had suggested I was the best man,
He'd told them that no one talks crap like I can.

"Hmm, you're so lying," she'd murmured, "but go,
Though I trust this won't mirror that last fiasco,
You chased bombshell Shakira all round the globe,
Till she threatened your end with that long rectal probe!"

Thus, Jenny, I left and came straight to LA,
As I'd heard that's the smart place you dwell in these days,
I found your address and rang on the bell,
There was so very much I was longing to tell.

I'd announce: "I'm Vernon, your number one fan!"
And ask you to dinner, somewhere rather grand,
But the clown who answered informed me that you
Had gone to get married to Justin Theroux!

Ms. Jennifer Joanna Aniston
Hell, what've you done, Jenny? What've you done?
I dumped damn Shakira to run after you,
Now you're set to get wed, such a dumb thing to do!

But I'd made my commitment and if I left now,
I'd maybe rush in before she'd said her vows!
I called for a cab and yelled: "To the venue!
Must catch Jenny-babe before she says 'I do'!"

Now I've wound up in hospital, in an old robe,
Grr... Shakira had lent her that damn rectal probe!
But who's that cute lass on the bedside TV?
Meghan Markle? Ah, she's now the woman for me!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
When grandma loses her giant bra ~
her breasts are hanging damn low!

2nd - David Bourke with:
A shithole ~
has the oil!

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Kate Winslet frets about her poor decision ~
to hold Weinstein's obese prick after a tour.

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Anagrammy Awards	© 1998-2024 Last updated 27th July, 2018

Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2018

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY