Anagrammy Placegetters for February 2019

All the highly-placed anagrams from the February 2019 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
"Pay it if I deliver Jesus Christ to a cross?" =
Judas Iscariot's thirty pieces of silver.

2nd - Brian Taylor with:
The master sensei ~
shatters enemies.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
A fidget spinner =
In adept fingers.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie with:
Oscar winning actress Olivia Colman =
Victor is also claiming crown as Anne.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
'Green Book' wins Best Picture at the Oscar Awards =
We begin to see a raw, stern racist South backdrop.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The late actor Albert Finney =
Often a rebel? Certainly that!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Cohen's testimony =
Con's honesty time.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The State of the Union Address ~
denies the truths of one's data.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Atty. Robert Swan Mueller, the Special Counsel =
We can see that Trump, clearly in trouble, loses.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Valery Silivanov with:
Hitler, a German =
real nightmare

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Melania and Donald Trump =
Plain model and a man-turd.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The English actress Sarah Caroline Olivia Colman =
"Aha! I'll have this Oscar, not Glenn Close. I am scarier!"

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
The President of America =
Imperfections are hated.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Houses of Parliament, Westminster =
MP louts swear manifestos in there.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Great Sphinx, Giza Plateau, Egypt =
Perplexity! Gaze at a huge past thing.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The Five Most Nasty, Awful Smells
1. Durian fruit
2. Rotten eggs
3. The Fish Market, Tokyo
4. Hakarl, Iceland
5. A Vieux Boulogne=
We often balk at
1. Ooky rotting flesh
2. Shitty sulfur
3. Ammonia, vulvitis
4. Fermented shark ragout
5. Dung cheese, axillae.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Donald J. Trump, President of the United States of America =
See this jaundiced old fart of a despot in temper tantrum!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS (From Exodus)

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

4. Remember the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

10. Thou shalt not covet.

=

CAT

1. I am the Lord of the house.

2. Thou shalt have no other cat or that, before me.

3. Thou shalt not ignore me.

4. But I shall ignore thee.

5. Thou shalt exult, thank God that I give you the time o' day at all.

6. Remember my food and drink.

7. Thou shalt spend thy money on me.

8. Thou shalt thank heavens for me.

9. Thou shalt grant me thy constant, bounteous love.

10. Thou shalt bestow on me nothing that's not the best ... frankly, that's mandatory.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The board of a City company, believing it was time for some streamlining, took on a new CEO.

The new senior boss was hell-bent on ridding the company of slackers.

On a tour round the building, he noticed a lone young man lounging idly against a wall. The room was full of employees and the CEO wanted them to see that he meant business.

"Hey, you!" he said to the man: “What is your salary?”

A little surprised, the man replied warily: “Four hundred pounds or so a week, I reckon. Why?”

The CEO said, “Just you stay right there!”

He strutted away to his office, came back five minutes later, gave the young man sixteen-hundred pounds in cash and then said: “Here's four weeks’ pay. Now get the hell out and never come back.”

Feeling very contented with himself, he looked round the room and said, “Would anyone care to tell me just what that idle layabout did here?”

From across the room, a voice replied, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

=

One by one, the managers of a company were called into the CEO’s office until only Geoff Drummond the newest, most junior manager was left sitting nervously outside.

Finally, a buzzer sounded to summon him inside. He walked into the office to find the CEO and the twelve senior managers seated solemnly around a polished oak table.

Addressing the junior manager, the CEO asked: "Right, young Drummond, have you at any time slept with Miss Whitlock, our company secretary?"

"What?" gasped the shocked young manager, "No, certainly not!"

"Think carefully, man - are you absolutely sure about that?" the CEO persisted.

"Yes," he replied, "I swear that I have never laid a finger on Miss Whitlock."

"And you would swear that on the Bible, would you?" demanded the CEO.

"Yes, I would swear on the Bible that I have never had any sort of sexual or improper relationship with Miss Whitlock."

"Good," nodded the CEO. "Then you can fire her."

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Ten Greatest War Films Ever Made, According To Critics And Audiences [from Newsweek]

10. Saving Private Ryan
9. Gone with the Wind
8. Apocalypse Now
7. The Battle of Algiers
6. Ran
5. Pan's Labyrinth
4. Army of Shadows (L'Armee des Ombres)
3. Schindler's List
2. Lawrence of Arabia
1. Casablanca=
10. Watch a fine Spielberg drama
9. Fleming's misery in Tara
8. Coppola directs Brando
7. Witness Pontecorvo in Africa
6. Lear's essence, Kurosawa's way
5. del Toro fantasy
4. Melville and the radical French
3. Why we're sweating (See No. Ten)
2. Watch David Lean at his best
1. Bogart charms Bergman

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Adie=
Idea

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Three women die together in a bus crash and go to Heaven.

On their arrival, St. Peter says, 'We have just one rule in Heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter the Pearly Gates, and sure enough, there are millions of ducks everywhere. It's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman mistakenly steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Sorry, but your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this horribly ugly man.'

The next day, the second woman also steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter again. With him is an ugly, dribbling brute of a man. He chains them together with the same admonition as for the first woman.

The third woman has seen all this. Not wishing to be chained for eternity to an ugly man, she is extra-careful where she steps and manages to go for months without stepping on a duck.

One day St. Peter comes along with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... tall, muscular, blue eyes, fair hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

'Wow!' giggles the joyful woman. 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.'

=

A Scottish hunter named Timothy McPherson was enjoying an interesting Thursday morning on the marshes, hunting ducks, when he felt an urgent need to take a pee.

He went over to a nearby tree, propped up his gun and started to piddle. Just at that moment, a sudden gust of wind blew up, knocked the gun over, and it went off... shooting him in the vitals.

Some hours later, whilst lying flat on his back in a hard hospital bed, the hunter was approached by a consultant diagnostic surgeon.

'Well Mr McPherson,' said the physician, 'I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that, thankfully, you are going to be OK. The damage was confined to the groin area and there seems to have been very minimal internal damage. Furthermore, we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'

'That's great news! replied Timothy. 'So, what's the bad news then?'

'The bad news, I'm sorry to say, is that there was some rather extensive buckshot damage to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Hettie.'

'Oh well, I guess that isn't so pessimistic is it?' said Timothy. 'Is your sister Hettie a plastic surgeon then?'

'Hmm... not exactly,' answered the consultant. 'She's a flute player in the local symphony orchestra and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye.'

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Forum’s RUDE section =
Centre for hideous smut.

2nd - Valery Silivanov with:
Your tits are small =
You are still smart

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Bastard does whore! =
Those are bad words.