Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2019
All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2019 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Holding back tears =
Blocking sad heart.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Mey K. with:
The criminal mind Ernst Stavro Blofeld =
That central evildoer in Mr. Bond's films.
2nd - Ellie with:
'Seascape' by Oscar-Claude Monet =
Ocean bays do seem spectacular!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Edouard Manet's painting: 'The Luncheon on the Grass' =
Huh? One nude girl and men in coats? Strange pose, that.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - HSP with:
It ain't broke? Don't fix it =
If it ain't OK, don't Brexit!
2nd - Mey K. with:
The special counsel Robert Swan Mueller =
"Let's all corner Trump now, because he lies!"
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Adie Peña with:
Democrat Nancy Patricia D'Alesandro Pelosi =
Correct a paralysed nation and mad policies!
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The Mexican director Alfonso Cuarón =
Such a career to do "Roma" on Netflix, Inc.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Speaker of the House of Commons, John Simon Bercow =
Show him some respect? Come on! The Hon. buffoon's a joker.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) =
I must find men coming to America to screen.
2nd - Mey K. with:
Tetley bags ~
GB-style tea.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
SETI - The Search For Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence =
Their role is exacting, if rather relentless - trace ET!
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts downing them as fast as he can.
Barman: "Hey, why're you drinkin' them so fast?" ~
The man answers: "Stress. Lots. You'd be drinking fast if you had what I have."
Barman: "Goodness, sorry... what ya got?"
Man: "Three cents."
2nd - Adie Peña with:
The aim then was nasty Mexico paying for a wall on the border. ~
So why are the American taxpayers now footing the damn bill?!
3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
"I am proud to shut down the government for border security" =
However, Trump's tried to burden you Democrats for nothing.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Dharam with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
"Will your pup bite?" a man asked a farm kid.
"No."
He approached. "Nice pup."
After canine severs a finger, man wails, "I thought it won't bite!"
Kid: "Not my dog!"
2nd - Ellie with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain.
=
A hungry pup looks to man
to keep him
fit. A cat might infuriate;
show disdain, prim,
independent. But I know
a dog cares:
A new, a fiercely brave pal.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain
=
A skeptical, non-PC view of man, I think! Ingratitude is a human trait. A pet dog is happy to be bred and fed - a human will keep screwing you for more.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Dharam with:
A man walks into a bar on a Friday evening. He tells the bartender, "I’d like three shots of your finest Irish whiskey, please."
The bartender lines the three shots up for him, the gent pays for his drinks, enjoys the whiskeys, and leaves without another word.
The next Friday, the patron comes back and places the same order. "I’d like three shots of your finest Irish whiskey, please," he says. He pays, he drinks, and again, he leaves without a word.
This goes on every Friday for months. Finally, one Friday, the bartender asks, "Would you like to try something else, sir?"
"Ah, no," the man replies. "You see, these are for my two brothers back in Dublin. I have one shot for Colin, one shot for James, and one for me. Colin and James are doing the same across the pond, and it's like we're all drinking together."
~
Refreshing! A nice old-fashioned idea, the barkeep thinks. They strike up a conversation, share a few weathered jokes, and soon become friends.
Seasons and years pass, and every Friday the elderly man returns to the safety of the bar, in a routine where he religiously orders his three shots of Irish whiskey, indulges, and thanks the bartender.
Late one evening the fellow enters alone, appearing a bit off, forlorn, and states, "I need a drink - two shots of Irish whiskey."
"Oh, no!" the barkeep exclaims in horror. "Don't tell me something has happened to Colin or James! Is everything okay with your kinfolk back home?"
"Oh yes, all is well with the family," the man assures him. "My brothers are healthy as horses, so you don't need to worry. It's just that I, myself, have decided to stop drinking."
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
An elderly couple, who had been courting for many years, finally decided that they should get married. While out making their wedding plans, they went into a pharmacy.
The old man asked the assistant, "Do you sell arthritis pills here?"
"Yes, sir, we do," said the assistant.
"How about heart medication?"
"Yes, we supply that too."
"And do you have anything for constipation?"
"Naturally!"
"And denture cleaners?"
"Of course, sir."
"Ah... but how about Viagra?" winked the elderly man.
"Ah, yes, we have Viagra too!"
"And sleeping tablets?"
"We keep them in bulk."
"Acid reflux tablets?"
"We have many kinds."
"Oh my, this is great news!" whooped the delighted old man, nodding to his bride-to-be.
"Okay then - we'd like to register here for our wedding gifts!"
=
The elderly lady was standing by the cruise ship's railing clutching a large hat to her head to stop it blowing away.
A gentleman walked up and said, "Excuse me, madam; I do not wish to be forward, but did you know that the whole of your dress is billowing up in the wind?"
"Yes, my good man, I did know," she replied; "however, I need both hands free to hold onto this hat."
"I appreciate that, madam; but you must also realise that you're not wearing knickers and that your private areas are in full view of all the deck's passengers!" entreated the horrified man.
The lady glanced down, then looked back at the gentleman. "Sir," she replied, "anything you see down there is seventy-five years old. I only bought this hat yesterday!"
3rd - Mey K. with:
A Narcissist's Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did... You deserved it.
=
Trump's Story
I didn't aid Putin!
And if I did, this isn't nasty.
And if it was, I gotta ban that law.
And if it's deep-set, I'd say Obama did it.
And if he didn't, I'd tweet rants.
And if that fails... "THE CARAVAN!!"
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Mey K. with:
Doing untimely shots at a party ~
may lead to shitting your pants.
2nd - Adie Peña with:
A philanderer's ~
real hard penis.
3rd - JR with:
Impeach the motherfucker. =
"Ahem! Fetch Trump." "OK!" I cheer.
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