Anagrammy Placegetters for April 2019

All the highly-placed anagrams from the April 2019 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The divorce felt rough when ~
we fought over the children.

2nd - View with:
I was stealing that =
It's against the law

3rd - George Missailidis with:
Candles at night =
A scent and light.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Julian Lofts with:
Roots: The Saga of an American Family =
A montage of a male’s African history.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The 'Seascape' by Oscar-Claude Monet =
He eyed boats; captures ocean's calm.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Marvel Studios movie "Avengers: Endgame" =
Divulge men's motive: reverse Thanos' damage!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Josiah Winslow with:
The Mueller report about U.S. election meddling
=
Hello!
Let me begin our outline:

Trump's [REDACTED]

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Notre Dame cathedral is on fire =
That rare icon eroded in flames.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Parliamentary mix ups and fiendish betrayals =
Hate, despair, as May and MPs finally ruin Brexit.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - George Missailidis with:
Donald Trump and Mike Pence =
Pumpkin-Toddler and Menace.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
American First Lady Melania Trump =
Married a fat clumsy reptilian man.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange =
A genius lands in a UK jail for weeks!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Josiah Winslow with:
Huawei Technologies Co. Ltd. =
Go all out with Chinese code.

2nd - View with:
Notre Dame =
Dear to men

3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
World Penguin Day =
Unweary plodding

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The election of Barack Obama as President of the United States of America =
So epic a feat for a nation, but it made the hatred of blacks seem to increase.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The Swedish environmental activist schoolgirl, Greta Ernman Thunberg =
Here striving to save the burning world...the climate's change isn't normal!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."=
Which idiot in the lavish Notre Dame's extremely crucial reconstruction crew dropped a lit cigarette by accident?!

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
The cagey civic Mueller Report was released, and rancid Trump can't control his hectic idiocy exhibited on Twitter.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device =
It hit me it was no weird, unexpected comic occurrence that the very big caca horridly splattered in all directions!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
HER DIARY

Friday, 6th February.

Saw him last night and he was acting very strange. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and turned up a bit late so I thought it could be that.

The Roebuck jazz club was very noisy, so I suggested we went to a quieter zone in the club to talk. He was still detached and preoccupied so I said let's go somewhere cosy to eat.

All through dinner at The Pepperbox he wasn't himself; he rarely laughed and he didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or what I was saying. I knew something was inherently wrong.

He drove me back home and I wasn't sure if he would come in. He hesitated, but he followed. I asked if there was anything the matter but he just shook his head and turned on the TV.

After ten minutes of eerily frozen silence, I said that I was going to bed. I put my arms round him and told him I loved him deeply. He just sighed and gave a vague, rather sad smile.

He didn't follow me at once, but later he came up, and I was surprised when we made love. He still appeared distant and a little cool, and I started to think that he might be going off me, or perhaps he'd met someone else.

Heartbroken, I cried myself to sleep.

*

HIS DIARY

Friday, 6th February.

Manchester United lost to Liverpool. Absolutely gutted. Got a shag though.

=

As the No.6 bus stopped and Jane was getting on it, she suddenly realised that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the first step of the bus.

Somewhat embarrassed, she gave a quick, apologetic smile to the bus driver and shyly reached behind to unzip her skirt a little, hoping that this would give her enough slack to lift her leg higher.

She tried to make the step again, only to discover that she couldn't.

Now even more embarrassed, she again reached behind to unzip her skirt a bit more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, to her immense chagrin, she couldn't lift the leg high enough.

So, with another apologetic smile to the driver, Jane again reached behind to unzip herself a little more but again she was unable to ascend that dreaded step.

About the same time, a 6ft Texan guy who was standing behind her, easily lifted her up bodily by the waist and deposited her gently on the first step of the bus.

Jane was infuriated! She turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my waist? I don't even know you!"

The man smiled convivially and drawled, 'Well ma'am, I'm hearing what you're saying and normally I would agree with ya, but after you'd unzipped my fly three times, I kind of figured we was friends.'

2nd - Adie Pena with:
THE PENSIONER'S PLAYLIST by Jody Rosen
The 25 greatest songs about aging and mortality...
1. Fats Waller, "Old Grand Dad"”
2. Bill Withers, "Grandma’s Hands"
3. Gene Autry, "That Silver Haired Daddy of Mine"
4. Will Oakland, "Silver Threads Among the Gold"
5. Jacques Brel, "Les Vieux"
6. Elvis Costello, "Veronica"
7. Pulp, "Help the Aged"
8. Jay-Z, "30 Something"
9. Toby Keith, "As Good As I Once Was"
10. LCD Soundsystem, "Losing My Edge"
11. Kitty Wells, "A Woman Half My Age"
12. Steely Dan, "Hey Nineteen"
13. Joe Tex, "Buying a Book"
14. Tom Lehrer, "When You Are Old and Gray"
15. Willie Nelson, "September Song"
16. Frank Sinatra, "The September of My Years"
17. The Grateful Dead, "Touch of Grey"
18. Hoagy Carmichael, "Rockin' Chair"
19. Nas, "Can’t Forget About You"
20. Hazel Dickens, "Old and in the Way"
21. The Magnetic Fields, "When You’re Old and Lonely"
22. Celia Cruz, "Yo Vivire (I Will Survive)"
23. Johnny Cash, "We’ll Meet Again"
24. The Zimmers, "My Generation"
25. Jimmy Durante, "Young at Heart"
=
25 SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLD
You...
1. Forget people's names
2. Mislay bag, rimmed glasses, jewelry, etc.
3. Lose head hair daily
4. Cackle much about your 30 maladies and allergies
5. Groan when you bend down
6. Melodramatically whine and bellyache
7. Can't lift heavy things due to back concerns
8. Relish mainstream jazz
9. Fall asleep in front of the TV every night
10. Duly say "In my day..."
11. Enjoy getting asked for ID
12. Need an afternoon nap
13. Heedlessly drive very slowly
14. Awkwardly struggle to use technology
15. Are willingly a homebody
16. Decide on clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style
17. Grudgingly jog to shed weight
18. Are extremely judgmental and quarrelsome
19. Exclaim, "Pizza isn't a meal!"
20. Grumble about the trash on TV these days
21. Don't know a song in the Top Ten
22. Hate visiting noisy bars
23. Completely have no idea what juveniles are talking about
24. Desire a home in Hawaii
25. Drink sherry.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
THE MEN'S RULES

Birthdays and anniversaries should not be challenges to see if we can again find the perfect present for you.

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday is sports day. It is like gravity or a full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Just ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this. Subtle hints do not work. Nor do strong or even obvious hints. So just simply tell us what you want.

We do not remember dates. So write birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar and remind us frequently beforehand.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl now, so if it is up, don’t moan, just put it down. OK? We need it up and you never hear us complaining when you leave it down.

Shopping is not a sport and we are never, ever going to think of it as such.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

Only come to us with a problem if you really want help and wish us to help with solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends do.

Anything we may have said over two months or so ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments we make will become null and void after one week max.=
MAN'S WORLD

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We won't answer.

Most men own at most three pairs of shoes. So what makes you think we're any good at helping you, birdbrain, decide which pair of your smartest shoes can go best with clothes and hats you have?

If what we said on a subject can be interpreted two ways, and one of them disturbs you, we meant the other one.

Men see in only sixteen vivid colors, like a simpler PC's default setting. Peach is a fruit, not a colour. Still have no idea what mauve is.

We're not invincible, not natural mind-readers. Indeed, questionable mind-reading ability is not proof of how little involved men are, or unlovable or undemonstrative.

If you pose a question you don't want an answer to, best anticipate a horrible answer you don't want to hear.

When we go out, anything you wear is just sound.

If we ask what's wrong and you start saying: "Never mind, nothing," we'll promptly believe it, regardless. We know you're stressed, lying. It's just not worth the fight, senseless hassle.

Thank you for reading this. I confess I do have to sleep on the piddling little couch tonight. Damn hard. Prospect's grim.

Oh, but still, real men don't mind. It's like summer camping. Never dull.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
and only where the forest fires have sped,
scorching relentlessly the cool north lands,
a sweet wild flower lifts its purple head,
and, like some gentle spirit sorrow-fed,
it hides the scars with almost human hands.

and only to the heart that knows of grief,
of desolating fire, of human pain,
there comes some purifying sweet belief,
some fellow-feeling beautiful, if brief.
and life revives, and blossoms once again.=
as folks who saw my noble spire fall
lamented my decline in doleful songs,
the few who were the wisest of them all
enlisted more rich friends to right this wrong.
rebuilding frills this large and each rosette
as epic as the blissful Eiffel's slope
takes time and effort, I believe - and yet,
i find we can maintain our shred of hope:
of passions and deep feelings of the heart,
no vow's much stronger than your love of art.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
COMPOSED UPON WESTMINSTER BRIDGE, SEPTEMBER 3, 1802
By William Wordsworth

Earth has not anything to show more fair:
Dull would he be of soul who could pass by
A sight so touching in its majesty:
This City now doth, like a garment, wear
The beauty of the morning; silent, bare,
Ships, towers, domes, theatres, and temples lie
Open unto the fields, and to the sky;
All bright and glittering in the smokeless air.
Never did sun more beautifully steep
In his first splendour, valley, rock, or hill;
Ne'er saw I, never felt, a calm so deep!
The river glideth at his own sweet will:
Dear God! the very houses seem asleep;
And all that mighty heart is lying still!

=

OUR SPOILED TOUR
WESTMINSTER BRIDGE - APRIL 18, 2.30pm

The view from this great bridge today is sad,
Unhappy, like in 'troubling to the soul',
And as I take my melancholy stroll,
I see Big Ben in scaffolding is clad,
And just to show the whole world has gone mad,
The irksome Climate mob's assumed control;
To snarl up London's highways is their goal,
Do they feel guilty? No sir, they are glad!
Meanwhile, Westminster's Parliament stands tall,
This edifice that we wish to preserve,
Yet presently the House is run by fools,
Who seem to think they rule rather than serve,
Still we British shouldn't be appalled,
In life we get the Government we deserve.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
APRIL FOOL'S DAY
Kenn Nesbitt

Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion on the teacher’s chair.
Makayla told the teacher that a bug was in her hair.

Alyssa brought an apple with a purple gummy worm
and gave it to the teacher just to see if she would squirm.

Elijah left a piece of plastic dog doo on the floor,
and Vincent put some plastic vomit in the teacher’s drawer.

Amanda put a goldfish in the teacher’s drinking glass.
These April Fool’s Day pranks are ones that you could use in class.

Before you go and try them, though, there’s something I should mention:
The teacher wasn’t fooling when she put us in detention.
=
THE JOKE'S ALREADY ON US

Sleazy Bill emphasised to us there was "no collusion,"
Linking to the outrageous thought of "no obstruction."

Ordering that Mueller Report to be then released;
Opposing cautious hangmen knew that we got fleeced!

Facts revealed he had his effective propaganda and his grand ploys;
Pneumatic jackhammers couldn't quash the humiliating noise.

Mincing no words, an unhappy racist with no shame,
Utterly paranoid, a nightmarish forty-fifth he became.

Russia apparently had met with the cohorts of the louse;
TP-laced cars line the pathway to a Soviet leak-stained White House.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The American First Lady Melania Trump =
"The man I married? Simply a real fat cunt!"

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:

The tits of a woman? =
I want some of that!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
I want some of that! =
A fine, smooth twat.