Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2019

All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2019 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The librarians =
An irritable "Sh!"

2nd - George Missailidis with:
I once sang ~
a nice song!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Vegan diets =
Gas evident!

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Utopia by Sir Thomas More =
A memoir about sophistry

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Edouard Manet: 'Self Portraits' =
Painter does do masterful art.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The show Game of Thrones is ending =
The fans might soon see who'd reign.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Anger, hysteria, mess =
Theresa May resigns.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Should Trump be impeached? =
A much-disputed problem, eh?

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. Attorney General William P. Barr =
Trump's lawyer intolerable at hearing.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Victoria is Queen, and Albert her Prince Consort =
Quite active as procreators; nine children born!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - View with:
Flat Earth Society =
Hey, it's total farce!

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
University of Salford =
I overstudy for finals.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
American Right-Wingers =
Christian war emerging.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Adele's three largest hits (According to 'Billboard'):
1. Rolling in the Deep
2. Someone Like You
3. Hello
=
1. Singer telling her bloke he coulda had it all
2. Somebody's regret
3. Lionel Richie not too pleased!

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
HBO has transmuted the American novelist George Martin's fantasy title "A Song of Ice and Fire" ~
into a TV series “Game of Thrones”, featuring carnal themes, dragons, combat, death, life, insanity....

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Restaurant diner accidentally served up a £4,500 bottle of wine=
A nice treat, and its flavour would be decent! I rarely spent £40-50!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
"Our formula for success? Persistence and luck, a lovely, harmonic girl duo, a terrific array of fabulous new songs, and you can't lose. Yes, the winner takes it all!" - Abba.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
"Fellow angry RepublicanS,
As I frown and brag to yoU,
I am...oh...clearly terrifiC,
Likeable and fantastiC!
Unless you fluctuatE,
Revoke, or harasS...
Enormous succesS!" - Don

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career." - Niki Lauda =

Aha! Looks like Robert Mueller's notorious and duly bureaucratic investigation for years concerning any offenses of law by Trump was all a successful charade!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Industrialist and the Fisherman
(based on "Timeless Simplicity" by John Lane)

The rich industrialist was horrified to find a fisherman lying comfortably beside his boat soaking in the warm afternoon sun, smoking a pipe.

"Why aren’t you out fishing?" asked the industrialist.

"I’ve caught enough fish for one day," said the fisherman.

"Why don’t you catch some more?" queried the rich man.

"What would I do with them?" asked the fisherman.

"You would sell them to make some money," said the intruder. "Then you could buy a new motor for your boat and go into deeper waters to catch more fish.
~
With initiative, you could buy some nylon nets and catch more fish to earn money. Soon you'd amass enough money for another efficient boat, or two similar boats,
or equip a big fleet of commercial ships, catch more fish, and stash high, HIGH sums of money! You would be a smart, wealthy man like me!"

"But, why? What would I do then?" the fisherman asked the irritating man.

The rather depressed industrialist answered, in disdain, "Hush, kid! Trust me. Then, you could retire, sit back, and enjoy the rest of your life!"

"Oh? And what do you think I'm doing right now?" replied the satisfied fisherman.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Rebecca Bobbitt, a female CNN journalist, had heard about this devout old Jewish man who'd been commuting to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day for a long time and she decided that she must seize the chance to check him out.

The following day, she went out to the Western Wall and there was the old man, shuffling along slowly with his walking-stick, to the Holy site.

She looked on while he prayed and after about an hour, as he turned to leave, she suddenly approached him.

"Pardon me, sir," she smiled, "I'm Rebecca Bobbitt from CNN. What is your name?"

"Menachem Bernstein," he responded.

"And how long have you been coming here to pray at the Western Wall, Mr Bernstein?" she asked him.

"Ages. About sixty years, I reckon."

"Huh? Sixty years? That is unbelievable! And what do you pray for?"

"Me? Heck, I pray for peace between the Christians, the Jews and the Muslims.

"I pray for all the wars and the hatred to be halted forthwith.

"I pray that our children might grow up in safety as responsible, dignified adults, and that they'll love their fellow man."

"Okay," she nodded, "and how do you feel after doing this for sixty years?"

"Like I'm talking to a frigging wall."
=

A guy went into a bar and ordered a shot. Jeff, the bartender, gave it to him, and he swallowed it in one go, wiping his mouth with his sleeve and scowling aggressively.

“Wow, you do not appear happy!" said Jeff. "So, what’s worrying you, pal?”

The man sighed, then asked for another shot. As Jeff poured, the man gazed out the window and said: “See that wall over there? See it? It spans from here to the next town. I built that wall brick by brick with my bare hands, sixteen years ago. Do they call me MacFay the Wall Builder? No.” He picked up the drink and swallowed it in one effortless swig.

Signalling for another, he went on: “See that colossal church away down there? It's the largest for twenty miles. I built it with my bare hands. Do they call me MacFay the Church Builder? No.” He sank the shot.

The bartender could see he was in a very unhappy place and poured him another drink.

“See all those homes out there?" the man exclaimed, "I built them too. Brick by brick, with my bare hands. Do they call me MacFay the Home Builder? No.”

The man cradled his glass for a moment, then finally closed his eyes in desolation and muttered under his breath...

“But you f**k ONE goat...”

3rd - Adie Pena with:
10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
1. Infidelity
2. Money
3. Lack of communication
4. Constant arguing
5. Weight gain
6. Unrealistic expectations
7. Lack of intimacy
8. Lack of equality
9. Not being prepared for marriage
10. Abuse
=
1. Working late? Crock!
2. Forgive? You spent it all!
3. Fears unacceptable criticism?
4. Concocting a story again!
5. Do I look fat?
6. Bluffing? You said 10 inches!
7. Inadequate sex!
8. I am earning more!
9. No commitment.
10. For momentary pain?

2nd - Adie Pena with:
THE END OF MAY
by Katharine Lee Bates

The fragrant air is full of down,
Of floating, fleecy things
From some forgotten fairy town
Where all the folk wear wings.
Or else the snowflakes, soft arrayed
In dainty suits of lace,
Have ventured back in masquerade,
Spring's festival to grace.
Or these, perchance, are fleets of fluff,
Laden with rainbow seeds,
That count their cargo rich enough
Though all its wealth be weeds.
Or come they from the golden trees,
Where dancing blossoms were,
That now are drifting on the breeze,
Sweet ghosts of gossamer?

=

THE END OF MAY

Theresa thought she had it made,
Hustling with effort No. One.
Every fiscal follower wasn't swayed;
Endeavors are somehow never done.
Using new wagers she tacitly shared,
Rectifying her effort No. Two.
Often black wolf fangs are bared,
Pissed off like shrews in a zoo.
Equating her haggle to a stalemate,
Affecting growth of effort No. Three.
Neighbors might detect it's great
Unless the lawmakers disagree.
Now listen to the collector's chorus
If you really think he can.
Our screwball member Fat Boris
Needs a far better off plan.

3rd - David Bourke with:
'50 Ways to Leave Your Lover' by Paul Simon

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me,
The answer is easy if you take it logically,
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free,
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.

She said it's really not my habit to intrude,
For the more I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued,
So I repeat myself, at the risk of being cruel,
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover,
Fifty ways to leave your lover.

Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan,
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.

Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan,
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain,
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again,
I said, I appreciate that, then would you please explain about the fifty ways.

She said, why don't we both just sleep on it tonight,
And I believe, in the morning you'll begin to see the light,
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right,
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover,
Fifty ways to leave your lover.

Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan,
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.

=

'50 Ways To Wake Your Sleepy Owner' by the cat

Boy, I've had enough of lousy kibble,
Some salmon fillets, they'd be nice,
Yet I'm locked out of the kitchen,
For bringing presents of dead mice,
Haven't roused the staff from bed this week,
(Ok, just the once or twice!)
And there's fifty easy ways to wake your lazy owner.

I feel blue and I shan't tolerate this bad behaviour any more,
I'll usually curl one out, to signal my displeasure, on the floor,
The unsavoury stench wakes them jerks up,
Then they just open the bedroom door!
Yes, the fifty ways to wake your layabout owner.

Scratch at the door, Thor,
Enjoy a dump on the bed, Ned,
Sit on their head, don't budge, Smudge,
Keep up y'all, obey me!
Hey, lick on the nose, Mose,
Lacerate one foot, Soot,
Set out to injure, Ginger,
Just listen to me!

A sweet little pussy has plenty possible options, at paw,
Some playful, some malevolent, every time, fishy food to score,
Instinctively inventive jolly japes...subtle, devious guile, and more,
So study these fifty ways!

The decapitated bird, I find, may cause nauseated screams,
Or savage talons to the tackle, interrupting pleasant dreams,
Vomiting up a furball, vile indoors marking, so it seems...
So, you just cherish these fifty naughty ways!

Bite the puppy, or tot, Spot,
Try two (or three) licks, Felix,
I'd suggest kitty jiu-jitsu, Boo,
Ha! Tee hee hee!
Just bring in a mouse, Klaus,
Do a few piddles, Tiddles,
Guess that should be enough, Fluff,
You'll enjoy dinner, believe you me!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Sneaky picture =
Can eye up skirt

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Home enema kits ~
make one (me!) shit.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Excessive masturbation? =
Must obtain a sex service!