Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2019

All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2019 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
A loyal dog =
A good ally.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Failed miserably =
My life is real bad.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
To the winners go the spoils =
Losers see pot with nothing.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - View with:
Disney's 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' =
They noted hideous Frenchman's back.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'Through The Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There' =
Oh, how the haunting tale of Carroll thus engaged kids.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Lionel Richie song 'Stuck On You' =
Oh shit, our connection's like... gluey.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
A climate change protester =
Greta: "Another ice cap melts!"

2nd - David Bourke with:
Brexit stalemate =
Extra timetables.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Turks invade ~
native Kurds.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The heptathlete Katarina Mary Johnson-Thompson =
Thanks to her major talent, the home nation's happy!

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
President Trump of the USA =
The famous putrid serpent.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Trump's poor cronies =
Moronic supporters.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
North American Scrabble Players Association =
That is, many are barbaric spellers on occasion.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The online social media platform Facebook =
Kind of fails to be a cool place - ain't Mom here?

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Washington, District of Columbia =
Its buildings form a chaotic town.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Things Women look for in a Man
1. Confidence
2. Ambition
3. Sense of humour
4. Passion
5. Intelligence
6. Sociability
7. Attentiveness
=
Things I look for in a Woman
1. Beauty
2. Innocence
3. Good sense
4. Tolerance
5. Is feminine (No feminists!)
6. Tact
7. Slim, hot, lives in a pub!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:

President Trump's Routine

10:35: Get up
11:05: Breakfast burger
12:00-13:30: Listen to FOX, take the opinions down
14:00: Offend random ally
14:20: Lunch burger
=
15:10: Get Russian orders
15:30: Media Chopper Talk!
21:10: Dinner burger
21:30: Shout at mob in rally
04:10: Tweet perplexing stuff
04:30: Nod off on Nuke Button.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings. George Bernard Shaw =
I wish, reader! But we foolish beings ravage the land, blight the sky and kill our sealife. In future times, when the Earth's barren, we will go to Mars and kill that too.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings. George Bernard Shaw =
I'll share a divine line by a mindful Buddhist monk, who warns all globetrotters that the goal is to walk the blue-green Earth as if we are kissing her with our feet.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds,
swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to
live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
Hawking, the late Englishman, he urged us to look at the
stars rather than down at our feet. Life may be rubbish;
feel worried, ignored? Live, walk tall. Bliss is within.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Two Irish brothers, Pat and Cory McGough, had promised their uncle Paddy, who'd been a seafaring man all his life, that they would bury him at sea when he died.

Of course, in time he did die and the brothers kept their promise.

One Thursday, they set off with their Uncle Paddy all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded into their little rowboat.

After a while Pat McGough said, "Do yer think dat dis is fer enough out, Cory?"

Without a word Cory went over the side of the boat only to find himself standing in water just up to his knees.

"Ah, dis'll never do. Let's row some more."

After a bit more rowing, Cory ventured over the side again but found that the water only just came up to his belly, so they carried on.

Later, Pat asked him, "Do yer tink that dis is fer enough out, Cory?"

Once again Cory went over the side, but immediately exclaimed, "No, dis'll never do, the water's only up to me chest."

On and on they rowed. Finally Cory decided to go over the side again and disappeared altogether.

Quite a bit of time went by and Pat was really getting himself into a state when suddenly Cory broke surface gasping for air.

"Well is it deep enough yet, Cory?" asked Pat.

"Aye 'tis, hand me da shovel."

=

An Irish daughter had not been home for two whole years.

Upon her return, her father shouted at her: "Where the hell have ye been? Why did ye not write to us, not one single line? Why didn’t ye call? Do ye not understand what ye put yer poor old mother through?

The girl, crying, replied, "(sniff) Sorry daddy, I didn't quite know how to tell you but I became... a prostitute.”

“What!!? Get out, ye wicked, shameless harlot! You're a disgrace to dis good Irish Catholic family.”

“OK, dad, as ye wish," she wept. "I just came back to give me ma this new fur coat, the title deed to a ten bedroom mansion with a pool, plus a savings certificate for fifty thousand pounds.”

“For me little brother Otto, I had this gold Rolex made, and for ye dad, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that is parked outside, plus special membership to an elite country club…(takes a breath)...and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me yacht in the Riviera, and ..."

"Hold on," interrupted the dad..."Now what was it ye said ye'd become?”

Girl, crying again, “(sniff)...a prostitute dad (sniff)."

“Bejaysus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Now come here and give yer old dad a big hug!”

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

The Scariest Motion Pictures Ever Made

10. "A Nightmare On Elm Street" (Wes Craven)
9. "Jaws" (Steven Spielberg)
8. "The Silence of the Lambs" (Jonathan Demme)
7. "The Exorcist" (William Friedkin)
6. "Night of the Living Dead" (George A. Romero)
5. "Rosemary's Baby" (Roman Polanski)
4. "Alien" (Ridley Scott)
3. "The Omen" (Richard Donner)
2. "Psycho" (Alfred Hitchcock)
1. "The Shining" (Stanley Kubrick)

=

My Favorite Scenes In Them

10. Freddy Kreuger's glove appears in the bath
9. "Smile, you son of a bitch!"
8. Lecter's memorable (if extremely sick) jailbreak
7. Adolescent girl vomiting on a priest
6. Reanimated child killing her mom
5. The mother discovers the newborn in the cot
4. One man's chest cracking at dinner
3. Glass decapitation
2. Raw shower death
1. "Here's Johnny!"

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A man walks into the coffee shop carrying a small chunk of asphalt under his arm. He waits a few moments at the counter before placing his order.
~
At last, this man asks the manager for the usual preference, which is a well-known habit: "Gimme a short cappuccino for myself, and one for the road."

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Emily Dickinson's "I felt a Funeral, in my Brain"

I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading - treading - till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through -

And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum -
Kept beating - beating - till I thought
My mind was going numb -

And then I heard them lift a Box
And creak across my Soul
With those same Boots of Lead, again,
Then Space - began to toll,

As all the Heavens were a Bell,
And Being, but an Ear,
And I, and Silence, some strange Race,
Wrecked, solitary, here -

And then a Plank in Reason, broke,
And I dropped down, and down -
And hit a World, at every plunge,
And Finished knowing - then -

=

My Shiny New Haunted Mansion

Heed every mini-gag I crammed in here!
A cauldron that I stir, with gunk and mud,
Live bats that soar and one hound lurking near,
Lewd lanterns and that bone pile set in blood,
One leaky body bag with my dead wife,
Wraiths that'll rise from tombs and tend to scorch,
Expired pig-brain and a grand, mean knife,
Eggs painted like wee skulls and one neat torch,
Nice innards and a lab like Frankenstein's,
Peeled grapes I label 'eyeballs' in that bowl,
A rat-man figure with a broken spine,
Rank heads that moan and an indecent troll...
The guest who's not engaged so far, beware:
You lived a gentle life. Time for a scare.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Daybreak In Alabama
by Langston Hughes

When I get to be a composer
I'm gonna write me some music about
Daybreak in Alabama
And I'm gonna put the purtiest songs in it
Rising out of the ground like a swamp mist
And falling out of heaven like soft dew.
I'm gonna put some tall tall trees in it
And the scent of pine needles
And the smell of red clay after rain
And long red necks
And poppy colored faces
And big brown arms
And the field daisy eyes
Of black and white black white black people
And I'm gonna put white hands
And black hands and brown and yellow hands
And red clay earth hands in it
Touching everybody with kind fingers
And touching each other natural as dew
In that dawn of music when I
Get to be a composer
And write about daybreak
In Alabama.

=

Dorian in Alabama
by Donald Trump

When I get to be President
I'm gonna get me a new black Sharpie marker
And draw an additional loop
On the end of a storm's path,
A loop that will overlap with Alabama.
I'll dishonestly continue to say anything.
Unfounded announcements
Like bad Barack Obama's birth certificate,
Factitious Afghan news
And enough hatefulness,
Fibs about them bugging my Manhattan, New York Tower,
Not knowing David Duke
And that babe I shagged.
I'd endlessly defend my fraudulent West Wing deeds
And be a "Bottomless Pinocchio"
And challenge Kessler, Factcheck.org,
Snopes.com and PolitiFact
And deny, deny, deny.
When I get to be President
I'll safely draw on a U.S. map
With a black Sharpie marker
Showing Hurricane Dorian
In Alabama.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Prince Charles had decided he should do something about his fitness, especially as he might be King in the not-too-distant future, which would require more stamina.

So, with this in mind, he'd started doing regular running sessions round the London streets.

Every day during his run, he would pass a hooker standing on the same street corner.

He'd learned to brace himself as he approached her, knowing the various saucy remarks that were almost certain to follow.

"Hey sweetie! One hundred and fifty pounds for a good time?" she'd yell from her spot.

"No! Five pounds!" He would shout back, to shut her up.

This ritual between the two became a daily event. He would jog by and she would invariably cry out, "One hundred and fifty pounds - yes?"

He'd yell back, "No! Five pounds!"

One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany Charles on his run

As the jogging couple neared the working woman's corner, Prince Charles realised she would bark her usual 'hundred-and-fifty-pounds' remark and Camilla would wonder what he had really been doing on his past outings. He figured maybe he'd better have a reasonable explanation ready for his wife.

As they jogged into the turning that would take them past the woman, he became more nervous than usual.

Sure enough, there she was. Charles tried to avoid the woman's eyes as she watched them jogging past. Then, from her spot on the street corner, the hooker yelled:

THE RUDE CATEGORY

Eq1st - Dharam with:
Little doe walks in from the thatch, but states ~
"Well, that's the last time I do THAT for ten bucks!"

Eq1st - HSP with:
Al notices he can't perform his one duty =
The poor man has erectile dysfunction.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Penis is hard? =
Dip in her ass!