Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2019

All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2019 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
We promote ~
to empower.

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Spiritual healing =
A ritual is helping

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Rotten storm is headed our way ~
the doomsayer tried to warn us.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Van Gogh masterpiece 'Wheatfield With Crows' =
That ripe-gold view's so fetching, we hear them caw!

2nd - Brian Taylor with:
English miseries are whiny ~
when Irish eyes are smiling.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Water Lilies, the Nympheas by Claude Monet =
Plants shimmer...beauty in the weedy locale.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The September Eleven Memorial in New York =
Silently mark one event I hope we remember.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
Disastrous Brexit =
A turd exists - Boris!

3rd - David Bourke with:
The demise of Thomas Cook Group plc =
It closed...so for them, pack up, go home.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Greta Tintin Eleonora Ernman Thunberg =
One teen bringing alarm to the errant UN.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The late President Robert Mugabe =
The embittered, brutal personage.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The President of Brazil, Jair Messias Bolsonaro =
A liar is behind major blazes set in poor forests.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
Spinal stenosis ~
isn't so painless.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Sydney Opera House in NSW, Australia =
Your sunny sail shapes on a wide theatre.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
It is well known that The Children of Israel wandered around the desert for
a very long time...for forty years.
~
Lord, all grew hotter, dirtier, weary. Even then, in those early, far-off
days, the men wouldn't ask for directions.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A weasel stops into a bar. The bartender says, "In all my years of tending bar, I've never had a weasel stop by! What would you like?"
~
The steady and valiant weasel yearns for a tame bubbly drink today.

(I warn, the answer is really obvious!)

"Pop" goes the weasel.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Ex-Wives of Boris Johnson...
1. Allegra Mostyn-Owen
2. Marina Wheeler
...and His Current Girlfriend
3. Carrie Symmonds
=
1. Met in Oxford; sorrier embarrassment!
2. Anti-rich lawyer gave him four children
3. She's seen all; now enjoys Downing.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Everything is Light. In one of its rays is the destiny of the nations, each nation has its own ray in that great source of light, which we see, like the Sun. And remember, there is no man who has existed and who has not died! - Nikola Tesla =
The colors that shine as red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet mix and manifest as whiteness, which is an antidote to darkness. Thus, in this fashion, if the nations work together, in theory, they may each shine with ease.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
"Everything is Light. In one of its rays is the destiny of the nations, each nation has its own ray in that great source of light, which we see, like the Sun. And remember, there is no man who has existed and who has not died!" - Nikola Tesla

=

FIAT LUX

"At the onset, I created the heaven,
An icy earth with no form.
A sky so inky on a sea so nigrescent.
So lonesome within
I said, 'Let there be light!'
There it was: Shiny, finished –
Earth had sunshine
With moonglow and starshine." - God

3rd - George Missailidis with:
"Everything is Light. In one of its rays is the destiny of the nations, each nation has its own ray in that great source of light, which we see, like the Sun. And remember, there is no man who has existed and who has not died!" - Nikola Tesla
=
See how I do not know what that inventor/engineer is talking about here exactly? I say he is on a different channel than me with his smartness, high intelligence and other tests or studies. Oh, his mind is way too ahead of his years!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Into the pub shuffles Paddy McGee, looking like he has been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"Oh my goodness, McGee, what on earth happened to you?" asks the bartender.

"Oi had a terrible foight with Fergus O'Connor last noight," says Paddy.

"That little shite O'Connor?" scoffs the bartender, "He couldn't inflict that sort of damage on a person, he must have had somethin' in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it too."

"Well, McGee," replies the bartender, "you should've defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That oi did," replies Paddy. "Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it is too, but useless in a foight."

=

After living in the remote countryside all his life, Paddy Flint, an old Irishman decides it's about time he saw Dublin.

Once there, he goes into a shop, picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Never having seen one before, he says to the face looking back at him. 'Well, how about that. Uncanny! 'Tis only a picture of me old dad!'

A gleeful Paddy buys the mirror, convinced it's his dad, but on the way home he remembers that Brenda, his wife, had always hated his dad, so he hangs it up in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he has a look at it.

Brenda gets suspicious about Paddy's trips to the shed. So, one day after Paddy had left, she goes to the shed and finds the mirror.

Looking into the glass she rants, "Ha! So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' round with!"

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A senior retired married couple learn to text and say "Hey" on their iPhones. If Ursuline is the romantic type, Mike, her husband, is seemingly the serious type.

One day, a Sunday, Ursuline goes out to a museum, invited by a younger female friend. She decides to send a text message affirming her undying love.
~
She sends this text:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dream.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Once upon a time, there was this horse named Boris.

Boris used to be a famous race horse. He had won countless trophies, and was famous across the world.

Then, suddenly at the peak of his career, Boris was involved in the most terrible accident. His private jet was hijacked and crashed,

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

It's in her vagina? =
She ain't a virgin!

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Pet deposit's hiding =
I stepped in dogshit!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Today's Supreme Court Ruling =
Argue sorry cunt PM lied to us.