Anagrammy Placegetters for December 2019

All the highly-placed anagrams from the December 2019 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Some of the many perils of approaching old age =
Peeing a lot; memory of a goldfish; on scrapheap.

2nd - John Murray with:
Racism in football =
Manic tribal fools.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The singer/actress Dame Olivia Newton-John AC DBE =
See combined dances with John Travolta in Grease.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'The Nativity' by the painter Piero della Francesca =
I venerate tiny child in that stable, pray for peace.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Christmas carol "We Three Kings of Orient Are" =
Rich, wise foreigners seek a tot to charm, enthral.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Earth's climate crisis =
It's critical mass here!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Christmastime celebrations =
Bah! It's commercial interests.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Boris and the Tories win =
O, shit! Britain worsened.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Labour's leader Jeremy Corbyn =
BoJo's really burned my career!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Time Person of the Year Greta Thunberg =
My urgent part before the earth is gone.

3rd - Valery Silivanov with:
Vladimir Lenin, a communist =
In sum, mad violent criminal

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Brian Taylor with:
The Anglo-Irish Agreement =
Remaining together heals.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Chanel Eau de Toilette Spray for Women =
The scent one lady wore to fire up a male!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Windsor Castle, in the County of Berkshire =
The British folks own a country residence.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Donald Trump, the worst-ever president of the United States of America =
He spluttered out a damned massive torrent of crap on his Twitter feed!

Eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The happiness I felt when I got out the Xmas decorations and came upon a present I forgot to hand both my children last year!
=
The fond delight on those darling, innocent faces mirrored mine as they tore open that box...
Such a total shame it was a puppy.

Eq2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Four of the most famous or cited people called Boris:
1. Karloff
2. Yeltsin
3. Pasternak
4. Johnson
=
1. Fiendish actor roles
2. Suffered market collapse
3. On top of any bookshelf
4. Journalist, to PM

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would 'foresight' be?" (Anonymous)
=
New Year's Resolutions 2020
Finish with 'dumb' half.
Go to gym.
Hide.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
If hindsight is merely 20/20, what would "foresight" be? (Anonymous)
=
2020's when I say, "Sod you, England, I'm with flight from the EU!" (Boris)

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Three men, Walt, Colin and Ben, died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honour of this Holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven."

Walt, the first man, fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a cigarette lighter. He flicked it on. "This represents a candle," he said.

"Very well, I will allow you through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

Colin, the second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're the bells."

Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

Ben, the third man started searching frantically through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

Saint Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolise?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

=

Sara, a pretty girl in her late teens, was doing some Christmas shopping in a department store.

She paused by some Christmas decorations, trying to decide which of the many delightful types of tinsel she should buy.

Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth manning the counter, "How much is the sparkly, gold tinsel garland?"

The youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe in the area above the counter and said, "Okay, so this week we have a really special seasonal offer - just one kiss per metre."

"Gee, that is fabulous!" she said, "I'll take ten metres please."

With barely-suppressed anticipation written all over his spotty face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and handed it to her.

Sara then called to an old man who'd been looking at Christmas trees and said to the youth, "Thanks, my Grandpa here will settle the bill."

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Amazing Futuristic Predictions about this coming Year 2020:
1. Human feet will become just one big toe
2. We'll have ape chauffeurs
3. We'll live in flying houses
4. And our houses will be cleaned by hoses
5. We'll eat candy made of underwear
6. We'll have personal helicopters
7. C, X, and Q will not be part of the alphabet
8. We'll have both telepathy and teleportation
9. All roads will become tubes
10. Nobody will work and everybody will be rich
11. Mail will be sent via rocket
12. We'll finally make it to Mars
13. Women will all be built like wrestlers
14. We'll wear antenna hats and disposable socks
15. Everything—even baby cradles—will be made out of steel
16. We'll be able to vote electronically from home
17. Everyone will stop drinking coffee and tea
18. There will be "blood banks" for teeth
19. Everyone will be a vegetarian
20. But also, eating will no longer be necessary
21. We'll have robots as therapists
22. Vacuums will be nuclear-powered
23. There will be no need for futurists to predict the future
=
1. Royal College of Surgeons of England - One blob? Well, the 'wee-wee-wee' little baby piggy won't be stubbed!
2. The global RAND Corporation
3. Novelist Arthur C. Clarke - Will allow fleet travel and frequent relocation!
4. New York Times' science editor, Waldemar Kaempffert
5. Popular Mechanics - Wooly undies relabelled 'edible bonbons'?
6. Popular Mechanics - Will be totally essential in the future!
7. Ladies' Home Journal - Babble!
8. Michael O'Farrell of The Mobile Institute
9. Popular Mechanics - Well, no potholes!
10. Time weekly "The Futurists"
11. Swift U.S. Navy experiment (tabled)
12. Wired article - When?
13. By Dorothy Roe, Associated Press
14. British Vogue - Fable!
15. Inventor Thomas Edison - Well, will weldable alloys be allowable?
16. Wired writer - Debatable!
17. Nikola Tesla - Nonsense!
18. Lester David note
19. Gustav Bischoff - Vegetable hell! Well, be healthful!
20. Computer scientist Ray Kurzweil
21. "Shift" by Ariane Van de Ven
22. By Lewyt Vacuum Co.
23. Dave Evans - We will all have new ethereal knowhow!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
To All Employees
From the Management

Subject: OFFICE CONDUCT DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON

Effective as from today Friday, employees should bear in mind the following guidelines in
compliance with FROLIC, that is the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council.

Running aluminium foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is actively discouraged.

And playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is not allowed (as it runs up a quite
incredible long-distance bill).
~
Work requests are NOT to be filed under "humbug" - that is just puerile.

Licenced company cars, many under-insured, are simply not to be used illicitly to go off
limits across the river, and a mile through the deep, unlit woods to Grandma's house.

Crucially, all rich mincepies to be consumed BEFORE July 25.

Coffee only, NOT illicit Egg nog, will be dispensed in all-night vending machines.

In spite of all this, staff are encouraged to have fun; a nice time, and perhaps find
fulfillment in the holiday.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

Eq1st - Tony Crafter with:

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Boris landslide =
Brainless dildo.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Blokes chatting. (OK, really ~
they are talking bollocks!)

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
(Sips many pints...) =
"Piss in my pants!"