Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2020

All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2020 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Can one be civil? =
Inconceivable!

Eq2nd - David Bourke with:
Tours over China =
The coronavirus.

Eq2nd - Tom Myers with:
Beans, beans, they're good for the heart, ~
by the nose here goes another bad fart!

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Statue of David by Michelangelo Buonarroti =
Our brave boy can indeed smite that foul Goliath.

2nd - Ellie with:
'Angelica and the Hermit' by Sir Peter Paul Rubens =
Plump, bare yet unabashed, reclining here... it's art!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Christopher Nicholas Parsons died age ninety-six =
No repeats in sixty sec's in chair he'd had... so long. RIP

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Harry and Meghan step down from senior royal duties =
"Holy tripe!" frowned Harry's Grandma. "One is not amused."

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Articles of impeachment =
The top criminal faces 'em.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Royal House of Windsor =
Old one Harry wishes out of.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Henry Charles Albert David Mountbatten-Windsor =
I want monarchy's burdens halved to rebrand title.

Eq2nd - George Missailidis with:
Swedish schoolgirl Greta Tintin Eleonora Thunberg =
The world built along her actions is greener on sight.

Eq2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Iranian general Qasem Soleimani =
A mean male is gone, slain there in Iraq.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

Eq1st - Rosie Perera with:
The British Royal Family =
If Harry: "Abolish my title."

Eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Statue of David in Florence's Accademia Gallery =
Michelangelo-created nude is a lady's favorite (Fact!)

3rd - David Bourke with:
Koalas adorning ~
Kangaroo Island.

2nd - Dharam with:
Levels of Classified Information:
3. Confidential
2. Secret
1. Top Secret
=
3. Middle-tier offenses
2. Control of elections
1. Alien spacecraft visit

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The senior royals at Sandringham:
1. The Queen
2. Prince Charles
3. Prince William
4. Prince Harry
=
1. I'll hardly relinquish my throne!
2. Warring heir apparent
3. Screams "patience!"
4. No chance, sire!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
When you rant on, much stomach acid rises. This can invade the oesophagus, which irritates the delicate lining. DO NOT RANT!!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
Total ignorance: A sad condition which activists here hint could hurt the human species more than any disease right now.

Eq3rd - Ellie Dent with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius
Seneca.
=
Oh, that convinced stoic, Marcus Aurelius had this opinion, might cry: 'Answer the hothead's anger with an antidote, silence.'

Eq3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
'Anger: an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.' Lucius Seneca.
=
'Climate change? Hah! A traitor head-scientist announced this worthless theory. I'm unconvinced! It's pure hogwash!' - An idiot.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
A group of guys, an average age of about forty or so, discussed where they would meet up for some lunch. Finally, they agreed that they would meet at The Metropolitan, the new Wetherspoon pub by Baker St station, in London, because the barmaids had nice big breasts and wore scanty mini-skirts.

Ten years later, average age fifty, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed they might as well meet once more at the Wetherspoons in Baker St, because the barmaids were most attractive, the food and service was good, and the craft beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at average age sixty, the friends again discussed where they would meet for lunch. Finally, it was agreed they would meet at the Wetherspoons in Baker St, because there was plenty of parking near there, they could dine in peace, with no irritating music, and it was very good value for money.

~

Another ten years later, at average age seventy, the friends spoke at length to discuss where they could meet again for lunch. Finally it was agreed to that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Baker St, a perfect choice, because it was warm, wheelchair-accessible, and there was a disabled toilet there. (Wouldn't want to...ahem...risk a whiffy septuagenarian mishap!).

Ten more years later, depleted in numbers by one or two, now with an average age of eighty, the gruff, toothless, stone deaf old fogeys, one a widower, yet again discussed where they should next meet for lunch. Various most accommodating places were suggested, but after much abusive animosity, intense arguing, baffled bickering, aimless prevarication, scorn, and random repetition, finally they exhaustedly agreed to "Wordy" Sturdy's idea that they would try "that Wetherspoons in Baker St"...merely because "they'd never been there before".

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The kids stood lined up for lunch in the Catholic school's cafeteria.

On the lunch table was a pile of luscious apples. The moody sister nuns had written the kids a note and put it on the tray, saying:

"Only take ONE. God is watching."

Moving further down the line, mirrored at the other end of the table was a larger pile of yummy chocolate biscuits.

On the tray directly beside them, some kid had written:

"Take what you want. God is watching the apples."

=

The teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would fast run down into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes teacher,' the class all acknowledged.

'Right then. So, why is it that when I am standing upright the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

Philip, a cheeky little pupil at the back chirped: 'That's 'cause your feet ain't empty Miss Hooper!'

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:

TOP TEN HIT SONGS THAT WE HATED

1. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
2. "Gangnam Style" - Psy
3. "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred
4. "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
5. "Mambo Number Five" - Lou Bega
6. "Friday" - Rebecca Black
7. "Who Let the Dogs Out" - Baha Men
8. "Asereje (The Ketchup Song)" - Las Ketchup
9. "Macarena" - Los Del Rio
10. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus

=

1. Sorry excuse for a catchy pop jam
2. Pudgy Korean breaks into a jig
3. A real creep loving himself
4. Became a Youtube prank
5. German guy brags about his love life
6. The lamest crap ever by some wealthy teen
7. Yes, they actually bark on the track... :(
8. Hot gals dancing badly
9. Another clumsy dance
10. The worst thing he made (besides Miley)

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A young man named David decided to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they'd only been dating for three weeks so it seemed like the ideal gift - romantic, yet not too personal.

He asked his girlfriend's younger sister to accompany him to buy them, then she could point out a pair she'd like.

They went to the mall and the sister pointed out a pair of white gloves which David then bought.

The sister then picked out a pair of panties for herself and bought them. But during the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the parcels without anybody realising. As a result, the sister got the gloves and David took home a gift box containing the panties.

Without realising, he rushed the gift round to his sweetheart's doorstep, but only after drafting this loving and helpful note to accompany it:

"Dear Sara - I chose these because I've noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.

Had it not been for your sister Janet, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she'd been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I could be there to put them on for you the first time. No doubt, many other hands will come in contact with them before I get the chance to see you.

When you take them off, do remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they'll naturally be a bit damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I'll kiss them during the coming year. I do hope you will wear them for Christmas Eve.

My fondest love.

David x

P.S. I'm told the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

=

Scott, who lived in the north of England, decided to go on a golfing trip in Scotland with his best pal, Chris.

So they loaded up his minivan with their golf clubs and headed north.

After travelling for some hours, they found themselves caught up in a terrible snowstorm.

So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they might stop the night there.

'I realise the weather is terrible out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I am recently widowed,' she explained, 'the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Ah, no problem,' Scott smiled. 'We'll be more than happy to sleep out in the barn, if that's OK? I expect we'll be gone at first light, if the weather breaks.'

The woman agreed, and the two pals made their way to the barn to settle themselves in for the night.

Come morning, the weather was clear again, so they went on their way.

Their golf weekend was thoroughly enjoyable, too.

About nine months later, Scott got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but it emerged that it was from the attorney of the attractive widow they'd met on their golfing weekend.

Later, he popped over to see his friend Chris and asked him: "Chris, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf weekend about nine months ago?"

'I do,' replied Chris.

'Well, did you happen to get up in the night, leave the barn and pay her a visit at her house?'

'Oh... um, yeah...' Chris mumbled, a bit embarrassed about having been found out, 'I confess, it's true.'

'Hmm, I see... and did you happen to fictitiously give her my name instead of yours?'

Chris's face turned red and he said, 'Oh heck. Yeah, I'm so sorry, Scottie, I confess this is true, too. But why do you ask?'

'She's just died and left me everything!'

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A Winter Night by Sara Teasdale

My window-pane is starred with frost,
The world is bitter cold tonight.
The moon is cruel and the wind
Is like a two-edged sword to smite.

God pity all the homeless ones,
The beggars pacing to and fro.
God pity all the poor tonight
Who walk the lamp-lit streets of snow.

My room is like a bit of June,
Warm and close-curtained fold on fold,
But somewhere, like a homeless child,
My heart is crying in the cold.=

To Those Doomed Titans in the North Pole

Grand like a cliff in endless realms so white,
Grim like a crypt in early rays of dawn,
Gem-like and crisply-iced, each smoothly bright,
Great lumps are crumbling, instantly withdrawn.
God's limber arms created these to stand;
God left a wholesome spot to me and you.
Good lord! If He did it, with His two hands,
God knows that point we wish not to be true:
If those cool jewels are hit, we will be too.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Gwyneth Paltrow's 'This Smells Like My Vagina' candle =
Well, it's mighty pongy...caviar, menses, and whelk stall!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
When he'd loudly boast: "I got a ten-inch monster!" ~
that could only mean he isn't so big down there.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Stop undressing me with your eyes =
Why, seeing more nude tits or pussy!