Anagrammy Placegetters for April 2020

All the highly-placed anagrams from the April 2020 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Tyler Severance with:
Essential workers =
We're not less a risk.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
If someone isn't socially distancing behind you... fart! =
One noisy air biscuit and they'll sod off. It's menacing!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Some fat bigot is in charge ~
so it's time for a big change.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The American thriller 'Contagion' =
Recall it in the Corona nightmare.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A Norman Rockwell oil painting =
American-looking print on wall.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
American motion picture, The Shawshank Redemption =
Prison shocker we nominated a triumph at the cinema!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Captain Tom Moore's charts hit - 'You'll Never Walk Alone' =
A plucky war hero can stroll the miles to move a nation.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Corona world issue =
Our Earth is now closed.

3rd - View with:
Pandemic =
PM can die.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Captain Thomas Moore =
I am atop on some chart

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Colonel Thomas Moore =
Momental hero. So cool!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The American Vice President Mike Pence ‡
receive mask in the pandemic epicenter.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

Eq1st - Rosie Perera with:
Lysol Disinfecting Surface Wipes =
Solid, spiffy. Cleaning crews use it.

Eq1st - View with:
Swedish IKEA store =
See, this idea works.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The American President =
Sneer at "their" pandemic.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
President of the United States of America, Donald John Trump
=
Offers up another random idea..."inject Dettol"! The man's stupid.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The 10 Plagues Inflicted On Egypt

1. Blood
2. Frogs
3. Lice (or gnats)
4. Flies
5. Livestock
6. Boils
7. Hail
8. Locust
9. Darkness
10. Death of firstborn
=
Top 10 Corona Ills

1. Cabin fever
2. Food binges
3. Lethargy
4. Dull life
5. Debt
6. Fears
7. Closed kiosks
8. Slightest sunlight
9. No air
10. Cost of T.P.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Harry and Meghan have announced they are to stop dealing with some British tabloids.=
And so...? Who's bothered! Blimey, have they heard that a pandemic is strangling our nation?

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
'That is why we will defeat this coronavirus and defeat it together. We will win because our NHS is the beating heart of this country. It is the best of this country. It is unconquerable. It is powered by love.' - Boris Johnson
=
"This is how I believe you can obliterate the virus :
*Chloroquine
*Sunlight
*Hot sweaty weather
*Tanning booths
*Withdraw to your Florida boat
*Injection with disinfectant"
(Let's see worse effects)

- Hubris by US President

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
'That is why we will defeat this coronavirus and defeat it together. We will win because our NHS is the beating heart of this country. It is the best of this country. It is unconquerable. It is powered by love.' - Boris Johnson
=
* I obtusely side with any new cut to the NHS
* I vote not to raise the public wages of British nurses
* I then brag I touched quite a few fellows with the new virus thirty days before I learn I contracted it

- Also Boris Johnson

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
After Bob came home blind drunk for the third night running, his wife said, "That is it, I've had enough. If you come back drunk again, I'm leaving you."

Despite his wife's warning, Bob went for a drink with a friend next day, got drunk and threw up all over himself.

He said to his friend, "My wife has told me that if I come back drunk again she'll leave me. What shall I do?"

His friend said, "Go home and tell her that someone threw up over you. Keep a £20 note in your inside pocket, then take it out and tell her that the man gave it to you for the cleaning bill."

When he got home, his wife yelled, "You're drunk again and you've been sick all down your jacket!"

"No, you've got it wrong," he replied."Somebody threw up all over me and gave me £20 for the cleaning bill."

"So why have you got two £20 notes in your hand?" she asked.

He said, "The other one is from the man who shat in my pants."

=

Every night, Kevin enjoyed having a whisky or two and making merry at his local bar, but his wife disapproved, saying he was drinking too much.

One night, he was in the bar and had got very drunk - even more so than usual.

At closing time, he tried to stand up, but immediately fell to the floor. He tried several times, but each time he fell to the floor.

People offered to help him, but he said no each time. He finally ended up dragging himself home in the dark and sneaked into bed at 2.20am, thinking his wife would never know a thing.

However, next morning, his wife was in a fearsome mood. "Kevin, you oaf, you are one idiotic son of a bitch!" she yelled. "You were in that bloody bar last night until 12.00pm and got drunk, yet again!"

Kevin was confused. "Huh? How on earth would you know that?" he asked.

"The bar called this morning. You left your wheelchair there."

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Oh, to be in England
Now that April's there,
And whoever wakes in England
Sees, some morning, unaware,
That the lowest boughs and the brushwood sheaf
Round the elm-tree bole are in tiny leaf,
While the chaffinch sings on the orchard bough
In England - now!
=
Oh, to end the lockdown
To see friends, grab a beer
And hang out with the gang in town
Then bless 'em all, hug with no fear
And how we'd wallow in their affection
Oh, end the terse personal hibernation!
Such heavenly blossom's hanging near
us, unharmed, here.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
10 Wonderful Advancements in the World of Medicine

1. The vaccine for Polio
2. The discovery of Penicillin (and antibiotic drugs)
3. The defibrillator
4. The thermometer
5. X-Ray and Magnetic Resonance Imaging
6. Pacemakers
7. Prosthetic implants
8. Organ transplants
9. Using hypodermic syringes
10. Using anaesthesia

=

10 Main Health Secrets for the Epidemic (According to Trump)

1. Artificial tans
2. Mainlining disinfectants
3. Nine cheeseburgers a day
4. Nine Cokes a day
5. Shoddy combovers
6. Incoherent rants on Twitter
7. Tearing up documents
8. Firing the help
9. Fox News live programming marathon
10. Avoid reading (especially polls)

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
No days such honored days as these! While yet
Fair Aphrodite reigned, men seeking wide
For some fair thing which should forever bide
On earth, her beauteous memory to set
In fitting frame that no age could forget,
Her name in lovely April's name did hide,
And leave it there, eternally allied
To all the fairest flowers Spring did beget.
And when fair Aphrodite passed from earth,
Her shrines forgotten and her feasts of mirth,
A holier symbol still in seal and sign,
Sweet April took, of kingdom most divine,
When Christ ascended, in the time of birth
Of spring anemones, in Palestine.

=

One Fine Day of Spring Outside

Stiff pines, remarkable in noble green,
Perfume the air around the finished nest;
Red cardinals choose not to intervene
If their lean hatchlings need a little rest.
No man shall bother them, while higher powers
Grant nature its refreshing primal showers.

My Mad Day of Spring Inside

Stiff fingers dial loved ones wearily;
The air within feels strange and thick with fear.
I hear the offspring break some things with glee,
And hope the foods I've stored can last all year.
I oddly have the morbid need to roam -
I'm doomed outside, yet also doomed at home.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
OH! WHAT A CIRCUS
From the musical 'Evita'

Oh what a circus, oh what a show
Argentina has gone to town
Over the death of an actress called Eva Peron
We've all gone crazy
Mourning all day and mourning all night
Falling over ourselves to get all of the misery right

Oh what an exit, that's how to go
When they're ringing your curtain down
Demand to be buried like Eva Peron
It's quite a sunset
And good for the country in a roundabout way
We've made the front page of all the world's papers today

But who is this Santa Evita?
Why all this howling, hysterical sorrow?
What kind of goddess has lived among us?

How will we ever get by without her?

She had her moments, she had some style
The best show in town was the crowd
Outside the Casa Rosada crying, "Eva Peron"
But that's all gone now
As soon as the smoke from the funeral clears
We're all gonna see and how, she did nothing for years

You let down your people Evita
You were supposed to have been immortal
That's all they wanted, not much to ask for
But in the end you could not deliver

Sing you fools, but you got it wrong
Enjoy your prayers because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
And she's not coming back to you

Show business kept us all alive
Since seventeen October nineteen-forty-five
But the star has gone, the glamour's worn thin
That's a pretty bad state for a state to be in

Instead of government we had a stage
Instead of ideas, a prima donna's rage
Instead of help we were given a crowd
She didn't say much, but she said it loud

Sing you fools, but you got it wrong
Enjoy your prayers because you haven't got long
Your queen is dead, your king is through
She's not coming back to you

Don't cry for me Argentina
For I am ordinary, unimportant
And undeserving of such attention
Unless we all are, I think we all are
So share my glory, so share my coffin
So share my glory, so share my coffin

It's our funeral too
=

THE STAGES OF MEGHAN AND HARRY
A Saga

Oh what a circus oh what a show,
Meghan Markle has come to town,
With supporting act Harry a mere hanger-on,
It's turned out so fine,
She's back in her homeland and feeling divine,
For, now global fame awaits; it's just what she'd planned all the time.

Oh, what an entrance, that's how it's done!
You quit as a B-lister star,
Then married a prince, now look where you are!
It's quite a step up,
So good for Meghan but not good for Harry,
He's sacrificed so much in life, while you are happy as Larry.

Because of your Royal connections,
You got a voiceover deal with Disney,
All thanks to Harry, he pitched it for you,
How would you have got by without him?

You've got real beauty, an actor's style,
And the people of Britain took you to their hearts,
A new Duchess of Sussex cheered on by the crowds!
But that's all gone now,
Your stardust's as stagnant as dust on bookshelves
The people have finally seen, that you're in it just for yourselves.

You let down so many adorers,
They hoped you'd team up with Kate and William,
That new fab foursome sounded so awesome,
But in the end you could not deliver.

Can't you see that you've got things wrong,
L.A's not where Harry belongs,
His family bonds have come unglued,
And Meghan it's all down to you.

Our monarchy will remain strong,
Dogged, unflagging, it'll carry on
Those agelong customs will survive,
Long after Hollywood's glamour dies.

For entertainment there's a need,
But show business is built on greed,
A swaggering world of phoney fakes,
Instead of giving they grab and take.

Now coronavirus has arrived,
The greatest test is to survive,
The Queen's a rock, we need her strength
Meghan and Harry you're irrelevant.

Now you've announced a new venture,
I vow, your timing's so bad, it's amazing,
Who gives a fig, it is not important,
The world's infected, you're not connected,.
So stay away you'll soon be forgotten.
So soon forgotten.

3rd - Maurice Goddard with:
I will not play at tug o' war.
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses,
And everyone grins,
And everyone cuddles,
And everyone wins
=
Coronavirus rages wide,
Untold souls now have died.
In New York alone
Are thousands gone,
Heartrendingly,
Everlastingly.
Then, God! We grieve!
Wherefore eyes weep!
Then reverently pray,
The danger's ugly virus goes away.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
I hardly believe a single word that man says =
Many held a view the loser is a lying bastard.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
First base, second base, third base, home run =
He'd embrace, stare at boobs, undress, finish.

Eq3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The real benefits of staying home now? =
I bang the wife's nasty hole more often!

Eq3rd - David Bourke with:
If someone isn't socially distancing behind you, fart! =
If I find anybody is rushing too close...anal scent time!