Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2020

All the highly-placed anagrams from the July 2020 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Tightrope artist =
Straight tiptoer.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
They're 'people who menstruate' =
Truth? The people are, yes... women!

3rd - Tom Myers with:
I never saw it coming =

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - George Missailidis with:
The English actress, Emma Charlotte Duerre Watson =
Smart teen called Hermione that rescues Hogwarts.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
'Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Donald Trump' =
Real mean manchild with God Complex. Non-stop fraud.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Motion picture 'The Shawshank Redemption' =
So what mattered in the muck in prison? Hope.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
The top infectious disease doctor in America =
Dr Fauci: "I see science as too important to hide."

2nd - Tyler Severance with:
Disaster waiting to happen =
President with a post again.

Eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Princess Beatrice has wed the Italian Edoardo Mozzi =

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Jeffrey Epstein's old friend Ghislaine Maxwell =
Sex offender's pig may well end it in jail herself.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The attention-seeker Meghan Markle
=
Non-regal? Me?
I'm the star.
Take the knee!

3rd - Tom Myers with:
Olivia de Havilland =
I had loved a villain

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

Eq1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Washington, District of Columbia =
Comical bags of wind run it to shit!

Eq1st - David Bourke with:
The Department of Homeland Security =
These, the Portland community feared.

Eq3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Comet NEOWISE =
Come see it now.

Eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
White House Coronavirus Task Force =
Hero Fauci: Whoa, it's not over, suckers!

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ten Weirdest Materials Used By "Artists":
10. Blood
9. Toast
8. Fruit
7. Cheese
6. Ants
5. Fish heads
4. Pencils
3. Pennies
2. Copper sulfate
1. Poop
=
10. It dries brown
9. Burn and scrape soot
8. It's supple
7. Melted
6. I hate those!
5. Posed as people
4. Tiniest stuff
3. A shine
2. Crystal
1. Faeces

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Donald Trump's children:
1. Donald Junior
2. Ivanka
3. Eric Frederick
4. Tiffany Ariana
5. Barron William
=
Rundown:
1. An imbecilic jerk
2. A diva, or a pain
3. Duffer
4. Ninny child for Marla
5. Tall kid in a sad terror

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict." - Lemony Snicket
=
Look at the glowing review I got from a child!

"The President is:

Affable
Decent
Innocent
Cool
Kind

Signed: Catheryn, aged six"

...And the boneheaded cynics of the Press think I'm not popular?!

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
"People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict." - Lemony Snicket
=
Except Christ was perfect in every way. He didn't sin. Infallible God, condemned to the cross, he died for all people. King of Kings, coming again. Thanks and honour be to the One that I cited.

THE LONG CATEGORY

Eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Here are some of the basic tasks used in the cognitive test (MOCA) that Donald Trump had to complete:

1. Following a simple trail from A to One to B to Two etc.;
2. Copying a transparent cube (which a five-year-old boy could easily do);
3. Naming the animals in three highly obvious drawings (Like: Lion, Rhino and Camel);
4. Repeating a list of five plain words (Like: Face, Velvet, Church, Daisy, Red);
5. Repeating a list of digits and then repeating them backwards;
6. Subtracting seven from a hundred, then keep subtracting seven from whatever you answered;
7. Repeating the five words that were previously mentioned.
=
And here are Trump's answers:

1. "I lead, I don't follow."
2. "Crappy design. I can set you up with people that make great cubes. The best cubes."
3. "No problem: Retriever in a wig, fat unicorn, hunchbacked giraffe. My sons have their heads on their walls."
4. "Facebook. Er... Valet. I met a valet once. Loved leaving fingerprints all over my Rolls. Hispanic teen. Had him deported."
5. "I won't do math stuff. Give it to that Asian boy that did my SATs. Nice kid. Had him deported."
6. "So rude... My numbers are totally rising. The rotten polls are rigged!"
7. "Melania, Winning, Covfefe, Fake, News. Can I go now? I got to tweet that anchovies cure COVID."

Eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
Two Irishmen were working for the city's public works department.

Seamus would dig a hole and Paddy would come behind him and fill it in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other side, then moved on to the next street, working laboriously all day without a rest, Seamus digging a hole, then Paddy filling it back in again.

One particular onlooker was very impressed at how hard they were working, but he couldn't understand just what they were doing.

So he said to hole-digger Seamus, "I am very impressed at the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow along behind you and fill it in again?"

Seamus wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose the reason it looks a bit odd is because we're normally a three-person team. But today Billy O'Mara the lad who plants the trees, called in sick!"
=
Rooney walked into a pub and saw his usually jolly friend Dermot slumped miserably over the bar.

He went up to him and said: "Hello Dermot, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? I'll tell ya," replied his pal sorrowfully. "You know dat beautiful girl at work who I liked, but I got an erection every time I was near her?"

"That I do!" laughed Rooney.

"Well," said Dermot, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she said yes."

"But that's good!" said Rooney, "When are you goin'?"

"I went to meet her this evening," said Dermot, "but I was worried I would get an erection. So I bought some fancy duct tape and taped my willy to my leg, then if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Good thinking," said Rooney.

"So I got to her door and rang the bell," his pal went on. "She answered it in the briefest, most sexy dress you ever saw."

"So, what happened then?"

Dermot slumped back onto the bar-top.

"I kicked her in the face."

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Some of the World's Weirdest Geological Formations:
1. Cave of the Crystals, Mexico
2. Eye of the Sahara, Mauritania
3. Giant's Causeway, Northern Ireland
4. Sailing Stones of the Racetrack Playa in Death Valley, Calif.
5. Ice Towers of Mount Erebus, Antarctica
6. Remnants of the Oklo natural nuclear reactor, Gabon
7. Eisriesenwelt ice cave, Austria
8. Tessellated Pavement of Eaglehawk Neck, Tasmania
9. Pamukkale, Turkey
10. Fingal's Cave, Scotland
=
1. Luminescent gypsum formations
2. Concentric rings of erosion a team of NASA astronauts can see, a.k.a. "Richat Structure"
3. A natural hive of lava pillars
4. Stones that maneuver freely on a clay area
5. Freak hollow icy shafts
6. Heat-aged yellow uranium oxide
7. Large limestone cavern
8. A field of tile-like blocks of wet stone
9. Wide terraces at the hot springs, a.k.a. "Cotton Castle"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
On the Anniversary of the Independence of the United States
[The Short Version]

Let the poets of Europe write odes on their king
Or their musical notes raise so high,
The birth-day of freedom we ever will sing
And rejoice on the Fourth of July.

No proud, haughty monarch can here bear the sway
Since tyranny now we defy;
Fair liberty ushers this joyful glad day,
And proclaims 'tis the Fourth of July.=
My Fourth of July

Rewatching 'Jaws', I feel I do
Enjoy the old fish-horror, yet
Disasters - even if not true -
Would heighten fears of present threats.
How innocent (if highly dire)
It was for us to think it's done!
The year just forced, with mighty fire,
Eternal burns on everyone.
Before rushed choices end my breath,
Let's nourish heads, not only Hope -
Until plagues, anarchy or death
Evaporate, and I may cope.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
DONALD WHERE'S YOUR TROOSERS?
By
Andy Stewart

I've just come down
From the Isle of Skye
I'm no very big and I'm awful shy
And the lassies shout when I go by
Donald, where's your troosers?

Let the wind blow high
Let the wind blow low
Through the streets
In my kilt, I'll go
All the lassies say hello
Donald, where's your troosers?

A lassie took me to a ball
And it was slippery in the hall
And I was feared that I would fall
For I had nae on my troosers?

Let the wind blow high
Let the wind blow low
Through the streets
In my kilt, I'll go
All the lassies say hello
Donald, where's your troosers?

Now I went down to London Town
And I had some fun in the underground
The ladies turned their heads around
Saying, Donald, where are your trousers?

Let the wind blow high
Let the wind blow low
Through the streets
In my kilt, I'll go
All the lassies say hello
Donald, where's your troosers?

To wear the kilt is my delight
It is not wrong I know it's right
The Highlanders would get a fright
If they saw me in the trousers?

Let the wind blow high
Let the wind blow low
Through the streets
In my kilt, I'll go
All the lassies say hello
Donald, where's your troosers?

The lassies want me every one
Well, let them catch me if they can
You canna take the breaks
Of a Highland man
And I don't wear the troosers

Let the wind blow high
Let the wind blow low
Through the streets
In my kilt, I'll go
All the lassies say hello
Donald, where's your troosers?
=
WHEN DONALD LOST HIS TROOSERS
(Trump the World Traveller hits the Highlands!)

Well I'd flown in
From Washington,
To Balmedie in old Scotland,
To see a golf course that I own,
Try a whisky or two!

I told the hotel's stylist lass,
"I want a full spray tan that lasts,
She said: "Aye sir, but might I ask
Ye to take doon your troosers?"

Well I had on no underwear,
(I like to be well-aired 'down there')
So underneath I was full-on bare,
Still I agreed, "Let's do it!"

But, shortly, someone yelled: "Oh, my!
Get out! the hotel is on fire!"
What made the whole thing truly dire?
Hell, I was still butt naked!

Well, I blindly ran
Through here, through there,
Through noisy streets,
I knew not where,
With nary a virus mask to wear,
Hell, I'd kill for some trousers!

I only had a small hand-towel,
"Hurry, get me some clothes!" I howled,
The Scottish lasses rudely yelled: "Wow!
Donald's, lost his troosers!"

Then the wind blew high
Then the wind blew low,
Through my yellow hair,
(Goin' bald below),
Those gigglin' lasses yelled: "Hello!
"Donald's got nae troosers!"

Then the wind blew higher
Then my hair blew freer,
The whole town howled,
"Hey, Donald's here!"
Their wanton lasses yelled: "Oh dear,
Don's still got nae troosers!"

I was not shy that I was bare,
Just angry with my ornery hair,
Coils of it snaked everywhere,
Like Medusa the Gorgon's!

Still the wind went high,
Still the wind went low,
And me with all
My goods on show,
If you read about it though,
It's all fake news, you losers!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
MACARENA
Performed By Los Del Rios

When I dance, they call me Macarena
And the boys, they say "que estoy buena"
They all want me
They can't have me
So they all come and dance beside me
Move with me
Chant with me
And if you're good, I'll take you home with me

[CHORUS]
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Hey Macarena!

No, don't you worry about my boyfriend
The boy whose name is Vitorino
I don't want him
Couldn't stand him
He was no good so I- [lighthearted laughter]
Now come on, what was I supposed to do?
He was out of town and his two friends were so fine...

[CHORUS]
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Hey Macarena!

Come and find me, my name is Macarena
Always at the party con las chicas que son buena
Come join me
Dance with me
And all you fellows chant along with me

[CHORUS]
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Hey Macarena!
=
DAMN CORONA
By Bruce, A Madman

I am quite a clammy mess, Corona
All the pundits claimed you'd be a goner
You're chaotic
I'm psychotic
Eating all the antibiotics
We're sardines
All crammed in
Unhappy in a year-long quarantine

[CHORUS]
Please go away and decay, you damn Corona
We all waited you'll cease, yet we see that you ain't gonna
Please go ahead and decelerate, Corona
Cure the Corona!

I have a question, awesome Shaman
That local guru, Mr. Fauci
I am grateful
We are grateful
But can we come out, please? [weepy]
Because, come on, what else can I do here?
My children are bored and we saw 'Wall-E' eight times...

[CHORUS]
Please go ahead and be history, Corona
We are home in July where it's humid as a sauna
Please hurry up and evacuate, Corona
Cure the Corona!

I am quite afraid of you, Corona
I wear safety gear more than a man who dates Madonna
Come wash me
Purell me
And maybe have a heart attack with me

[CHORUS]
Please hurry up and de-escalate, Corona
We all had quite enough, from LA to Barcelona
But if you must menace people, damn Corona
Damage the Donald!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
The moist vagina=
Give this to a man.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Malignantly dysfunctional =
DT family - all annoying cunts.

3rd - Murray Cameron with:
Penis won't rest =
Persistent now.