Anagrammy Placegetters for August 2020

All the highly-placed anagrams from the August 2020 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A step in the right direction =
Inspired, I inch to the target

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A grim life spent in denial =
I am pretending all is fine.

3rd - Murray Cameron with:
Hotdog eating competitions =
Champ to get indigestion too?

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Gary Larson's "The Far Side" cartoon =
Hooray for its strange calendars!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Salvador Dali's 'The Persistence of Memory' =
So, fearless art achievement... or simply odd?

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Dancing Queen is voted as the top song to dance to ever =
Even deposing 'Agadoo'? Never! I'd contest that conquest!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Practice social distancing = Spacing noticed as critical.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Secretary of State for Education Gavin Williamson =
Outwit a Tory minister for an A-Level and GCSE fiasco.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Mandatory mask zones =
Zoos and many markets.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Bard, William Shakespeare =
What likeable phrases I dream!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Ronald Antonio "The Rocket" O'Sullivan =
One snooker titan no rival could halt.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Michael Studdert =
A child trusted me!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Phil Carmody with:
Doing KFC religion =
Finger lickin' good.

2nd - George Missailidis with:
Australian Desert =
Its land a treasure.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Stella McCartney's 'Eau de Parfum Spray For Women' =
Trade from successful new aroma may reap plenty!

2nd - David Bourke with:
The five senses of humans:

1 Touch
2 Sight
3 Hearing
4 Smell
5 Taste
=
1 Have a hug!
2 See the light!
3 Listen!
4 Sniff scents!
5 Eat mushrooms!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Famous Picasso paintings:
1. The Old Guitarist
2. Les Demoiselles d'Avignon
3. Girl Before a Mirror
4. Guernica
5. The Weeping Woman
=
1. Struggling musician
2. Agile brothel women
3. Posed reflection upon glass
4. Air raid in Spanish seige
5. Emotive mood after war

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be President of the United States." -- Spike Milligan
=
"Then, if I feel enough people need me to go, I got one option: Just mess with the US Post Office, take all the mail so I handle the ballot pile, and choose myself!" -- Trump

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time,
which is just long enough to be President of the United States." - Spike Milligan
=
Opinion
The hopeful fools seem to campaign,
Do little, enjoy some elegant champagne;
But, then the loosest puffed-up lies
Will take the foolish to their demise.

3rd - Maurice Goddard with:
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time,
which is just long enough to be President of the United States." -- Spike Milligan
=
Joe: "I chose tough Kamala to help
Oust mega idiot Trump! The GOP
Elephant flop! Filthiest loose
Bum seen
In office! I'll
Defeat him to
End woe! Hell's petty
Nonsense!"

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
THE MOST LUDICROUS MISHEARD LYRICS EVER!

"The girl with colitis goes by" [Interesting but wrong - The Beatles sang "kaleidoscope eyes" in 'Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds']

"Take your pants off and make it better" [Ewww... absolutely wrong again, it's "Take a bad song" from the Beatles' 'Hey Jude', you insane freak!!]

"We built this city on sausage rolls" [A neat but unwise idea - Starship sang "We Built This City' (on rock 'n' roll)"]

"I remove umbilicals" [Well, thankfully not quite as eerie - Hot Chocolate sang "I believe in miracles" in 'You Sexy Thing']

"Like a virgin touched for the thirty-first time" [Bad hearing *and* logic - Madonna really sang "for the very first time"]

"Hold me closer, Tony Danza" [A sweet sentiment, except Elton John sang 'Tiny Dancer' (whatever *that* means)]

=

"Giddy fish have got no river" [Cute, but this is "Guilty feet have got no rhythm" from Wham's 'Careless Whisper']

"I just wanna extradite your kids" [This is a troubling take on Prince's "(I just want your extra time and your) Kiss"]

"Own a single lettuce! Own a single lettuce!" [Cool, but Beyonce sang '(All the) Single Ladies']

"Take your teeth out, tell me what's wrong" [No, this is Abba's 'Chiquitita']

"Let's pee on the Colonel" [No, this is "That's me in the corner" from 'Losing My Religion' by R.E.M.]

"Steak and a knife! Steak and a knife!" [No, the Bee Gees lyrics are actually 'Stayin' Alive']

"The ants are my friends, they're blowin' in the wind" [Nice, but Bob Dylan sang "The answer, my friend..."]

"Might as well face it, you're a dick with a glove" [Amazingly close - Robert Palmer is 'Addicted To Love'!]

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
NO PRESENT LIKE THE TIME

On seeing a lovely gold watch, set on a velvet cushion with a gold chain around it, as the centrepiece of a window display, Ross immediately decided it would make an amazing present for his wife Anne's fiftieth birthday.

I'd like to buy that watch in the window," Ross told the shopkeeper.

"It's not for sale," came the reply.

"Please," begged Ross, it's the perfect gift for my missus!"

In order to curtail any further pleas for him to sell the watch, the shopkeeper said, "Look, mate, I don't sell watches, I castrate tomcats."

"Huh? So... why is there a watch being displayed in the window?"

"Erm... what would you have me display then?" replied the shopkeeper.
=
FELINE FINE

The music professor entered the spinster's home to hear the honeylike strains of classical music being delicately performed on the piano.

However, he got the shock of his life when he walked into the drawing room and saw a large black cat propped up at the keyboard, playing sweetly.

"Meet Willy Whisker; he taught himself to play, unaided!" claimed Miss Tweedy proudly.

"Wow! That is astounding!" said the professor.

"He composed that particular piece himself, too. It is entitled: 'Pretty Kitty'," she said.

"Wow, it's amazing!" marvelled the professor. "Will you have it orchestrated?"

With that, the cat dived out the window and has not been seen since.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A couple of jumper cables walk into a bar.
One of them says, "We'd like a couple of ales, please."
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything in here!"
=
A bushel of corn goes to the city pub.
An affable wine server enters, "You want me to tell you a joke?"
The bushel speaks properly and indicates, "Lad, I am all ears!"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - George Missailidis with:
William Shakespeare's Sonnet CXLIV

Two loves I have of comfort and despair,
Which like two spirits do suggest me still:
The better angel is a man right fair,
The worser spirit a woman coloured ill.
To win me soon to hell, my female evil,
Tempteth my better angel from my side,
And would corrupt my saint to be a devil,
Wooing his purity with her foul pride.
And whether that my angel be turned fiend,
Suspect I may, yet not directly tell;
But being both from me, both to each friend,
I guess one angel in another's hell:
Yet this shall I ne'er know, but live in doubt,
Till my bad angel fire my good one out.
=
Merely Trembling If Impurity Kills Off Unity

Corona'll this time bring the globe to start
On what implies when all try to survive.
Now people take these grim events to heart;
Though demons, underneath, have come alive.
Already do we underdo hangouts;
Masks be devoted to eschewing germs:
It's to direct ideally microbes out.
Now - don't we find - how cruelty brightly burns
Away ideas that aid by lifting others?
This sadism is ending euphony.
In time, we'd force the pommel of Corona
On people in exile from family.
Now though we'll still be full-metre apart,
Still, let's be inimitable at heart.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Matchmaker, matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
Catch me a catch
Matchmaker, matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match

Oh, matchmaker, matchmaker,
I'll bring the veil,
You bring the groom,
Slender and pale.
Bring me a ring for I'm longing to be,
The envy of all I see.

For Papa,
Make him a scholar.
For mama,
Make him rich as a king.

For me, no,
I wouldn't holler
If he were as handsome as anything.

Matchmaker, matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
Catch me a catch,
Night after night in the dark I'm alone
So make me a match,
Of my own.

For Papa,
Make him a scholar.
For mama,
Make him rich as a king.

For me, no,
I wouldn't holler
If he were as handsome as anything.

Matchmaker, matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
Catch me a catch,
Night after night in the dark I'm alone

So find me a find
Catch me a catch
Make me a match,
Of my own, of my own,
Of my own, of my own.
=
Mask maker, mask maker,
Make me a mask,
I find I'm confined,
I'll task you the task.
Mask maker, mask maker,
Turn the machine on high,
Then make me a healthy mask.

Oh, Mask maker, mask maker,
I'll fetch all the fabric,
If you have matching thread.
If I can't find elastic,
I can hand-crochet a chain for you to attach,
A change from an ear-chafing batch!

For Mama (French woman),
Make them floral.
For Papa (macho man),
Camouflage or formal.

For me, blah,
Drab, not theatrical;
Make mine practical.

For my German Grandpa,
Make them lightweight
For Grandma Hannah,
Machine-monogram them "HMM", not too ornate.

For me, a dilemma:
Remember, make mine sedate.
I hope the machine might accommodate!

Oh, Mask maker, mask maker,
I find I'm confined,
While I watch my watch;
Why cry each night at home?
When a common cloth face cover
Might hide the haggard face
Of my own,
Of my own.

(Comment: Damn pandemic!)

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
I'm Just Wild About Harry
By
Judy Garland

I am here to state
I'm here to relate
To explain
And make it plain that:

I`m just wild about Harry
And Harry's wild about me
The heavenly blisses of his
Kisses fill me with ecstasy

He's sweet just like sugar candy
And just like honey from a bee
Oh, I`m just wild about Harry
And he's just wild about
He can't do without
He's just wild about me

Oh I`m just wild about Mandy
And Mandy's wild about me
Oh, I`m just wild about Harry
And Harry's wild about me

The heavenly blisses of his kisses
Fill me with ecstasy
He's sweet just like sugar candy
And just like honey from a bee
Oh, I`m just wild about Harry
And he's just wild about me
=

I'm Just Wild About Harry
By
Her Majesty

As head of state
I'm sad to relate
That I'm annoyed
About a boy! Grr!

I'm just wild about Harry,
About his need to 'be free',
He wants success with his
New Duchess, now he's spurned his family.

Just why is he stuck in LA,
Immured from the duties that he knows?
That Judas minx has got her way,
I'm just wild about,
I can do without,
My jumbled family.

I'm already wild about Andie,
He's just a juvenile joke
But I'm wilder about Harry,
He's ended up dismally 'woke'.

This genial boy has lost all his joy,
It's very sad to see,
He's unmistakably stranded
In la-la-land, jobless but 'free' (what junk!),
Well, I am wild about Harry
He's still just a kid to me.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Man: "We mated for two intense hours!" =
Woman: "He snored after two minutes."

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Liam Neeson - one of the 'most hung' actors in Hollywood =
Oh my, the action fellow has one monstrous dong! No lie.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
I fart in your general direction =
I cite an unreal, terrifying odor.