Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2020
All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2020 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Enlargement of the prostate gland =
Often targets an older man. Get help.
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Premature onset of Alzheimer's =
The last memories are frozen up
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Big wheel at a short-order cafe ~
with a Bachelor of Arts degree.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sir David Attenborough's 'A Life on Our Planet' =
Head naturalist on TV in despair of our globe.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Spice Girls: Ginger, Sporty, Baby, Scary and Posh =
Presently: Gray, Gross, Big Hips, Bitchy and A Corpse.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The pugilist Michael Gerard Tyson =
"Laugh at my lisp? Get hit, reconsider!"
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Belarusian election result =
Latest count here is unreliable.
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Many lives are at stake =
Easy alternative: mask!
3rd - John Murray with:
Reduce coronavirus =
Order us our vaccine
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg =
One great big heart dies, but cruel Trump just cheers! :(
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Biden/Harris =
Hired brains.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The former pugilist Alan Minter =
Full-time pro, a master in the ring.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The London Sewerage System =
Steamy logs seen down there!
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hurricane Sally =
Such rain, really!
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Black Lives Matter Global Network Foundation =
Often long, kind, valuable work to battle racism.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Trump described fallen heroes as "Losers" and "Suckers" =
He lacks respect for dead soldiers?!!? Surreal numbness!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Top Overheard Redundancies
* "Deja vu all over again"
* "The ATM machine"
* "Fellow colleague"
* "Some past history"
* "PIN number"
=
* "Major upheaval"
* "Completely annihilated"
* "HIV virus"
* "Armed gunman"
* "Fell down"
* "Cooperated together"
* "Reason is because..."
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
QAnon:
1) One evil cult rules the planet
2) Trump is a hero
3) Democrats are sinister
4) Patriots are in control
5) They want us divided
=
1) The Illuminati
2) Resolves pedophilia
3) Undertones invented
4) Military squadrons counteract threat
5) Protests on race war
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." - Galileo
=
"This Coronavirus threat seems real? I plotted that. There's no vaccine. I need you all destroyed." - God
2nd - David Bourke with:
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." - Galileo
=
"Lies are very good. They're a core tool. I understand tactics...I have the honestest lies!" - Donald Trump
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." - Galileo
=
"I see the man that invented autocorrect died today. God rest his loverly sole. Rust in peach." - A. R. Sole
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Here is my list of 7 possibly perfect book titles by great writers:
1. 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' by Milan Kundera
2. 'The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time' by Mark Haddon
3. 'I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream' by Harlan Ellison
4. 'The Grapes of Wrath' by John Steinbeck
5. 'How to Lose Friends and Alienate People' by Toby Young
6. 'A Clockwork Orange' by Anthony Burgess
7. 'One Hundred Years of Solitude' by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
=
Then, here's a list to counter that - 7 infernal and useless (but actual) titles that suck the hardest:
1. 'How To Raise Your IQ By Eating Gifted Children' by Lewis Burke Frumkes
2. 'Pole Dancing To Gospel Hymns' by Andrea Gibson
3. 'He Died with A Felafel In His Hand' by John Birmingham
4. 'Zombie Raccoons & Killer Bunnies' by Martin H. Greenberg
5. 'Everyone Poops' by Taro Gomi
6. 'Scouts In Bondage' by Geoffrey Prout
7. 'How to Read a Book' by Kelly Ana Morey
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
One day, Feargal Murphy goes into a pharmacy.
At the counter, he delves into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it over to the pharmacist.
"Could ya taste dis for me, please?" he says.
The pharmacist takes the teaspoon, gently puts it in his mouth, swills the fluid around and swallows it.
"Tell me, does dat taste very sweet to you?" says Murphy.
"No, not a bit," says the pharmacist.
"Begorrah, dat is a very big relief," says Murphy. "Only Dr O'Brien told me to come here and get me urine tested for sugar."
=
Pals Murphy and Seamus are due to travel to Australia.
Prior to the trip, Seamus's poppa gives them some advice:
"Watch them Aussie cab drivers," he says, "The dishonest feckers'll rob a tourist senseless. So, don't go payin' them what they ask for - haggle."
At Perth airport, they catch a cab to their hotel. When they get to their destination, the cabbie says, "OK, that's twenty dollars please, lads."
"Oh no you don't!" rants Seamus. "Moi old dad's warned me about people loike you. You're only gettin' fifteen dollars from me and that's it."
"And you're only gettin' fifteen from me too," says Murphy.
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Today I saw an elderly woman walking her dog, cane in one hand, leash in the other, when a young man grabbed her purse and ran down the street with it.
I stopped to ask if she was all right, before offering to call the cops. She smiled up at me.
~
The woman felt that finding a clearly desperate law breaker is not a big deal.
Anyway, when on her morning walks, she carries an old unneeded leather handbag in which to put the dog's fresh warm poop until she gets home to dispose of it.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet XIV by William Shakespeare
Not from the stars do I my judgment pluck;
And yet methinks I have astronomy,
But not to tell of good or evil luck,
Of plagues, of dearths, or seasons' quality;
Nor can I fortune to brief minutes tell,
Pointing to each his thunder, rain and wind,
Or say with princes if it shall go well,
By oft predict that I in heaven find:
But from thine eyes my knowledge I derive,
And, constant stars, in them I read such art
As truth and beauty shall together thrive,
If from thyself to store thou wouldst convert;
Or else of thee this I prognosticate,
Thy end is truth's and beauty's doom and date.
=
Honoring Intelligent Ruth
Resolved and mighty in some softer cloak,
Our Justice didn't try to put on airs
But motivated others as she spoke,
Evoking sympathy by being fair.
Behind that mammoth lectern set in court,
Each case was toiled on faithfully by Ruth;
No sticks nor sexist stones of any sort
Could sway this voice from the Pursuit of Truth.
Her task fulfilled, she reached out undeterred,
Grasped one quaint hammer with determination -
And from that tiny tap and final word,
Vast benefits evolved there in that nation...
Essentially, I'd only spot one flaw:
Lose her and it's goodbye to rightful law.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
RULE BRITANNIA!
Composed by Thomas Arne
(CHORUS) Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves!
Britons never, never, never shall be slaves.
When Britain first, at heaven's command,
Arose from out the azure main,
This was the charter of the land,
And Guardian Angels sang this strain:
The nations not so blest as thee
Must, in their turn, to tyrants fall,
While thou shalt flourish great and free:
The dread and envy of them all.
Still more majestic shalt thou rise,
More dreadful from each foreign stroke,
As the loud blast that tears the skies
Serves but to root thy native oak.
Thee haughty tyrants ne'er shall tame;
All their attempts to bend thee down
Will but arouse thy generous flame,
But work their woe and thy renown.
To thee belongs the rural reign;
Thy cities shall with commerce shine;
All thine shall be the subject main,
And every shore it circles, thine.
The Muses, still with freedom found,
Shall to thy happy coasts repair.
Blest isle! with matchless beauty crowned,
And manly hearts to guard the fair.
Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rule the waves!
Britons never, never, never shall be slaves
=
RUE BRITANNIA - AN URBAN HYMN
A Briton laments our nation's surrender to the shame merchants
(THE CHORUS) Rue Britannia, oh what has she become?
Never, never have the British felt so glum.
Where are the real traditions,
That Britain once held true and dear?
We've shunned our brave ambition,
Now it's just weakness, blame and fear.
We've lost the right to have a view,
And those that do are loath to tell,
Lest they affront the joyless few,
Who'll make their lives a living hell.
Anarchy rules the nation's streets,
All rules lie trampled in the dust,
Protestors marching to its beat,
Snarl slogans of blame and mistrust.
Our broadcaster, the BBC's
A shameless servant of the Left,
Hellishly biased and PC,
Yet it was once the nation's best.
Hurrah! We broke those EU chains,
Though miffed Remainers fought to stay,
But then a killer virus came
And all our plans went down the drain.
A navy that once ruled the main,
Has limply lost its former might,
But there's still time, let's seize the day,
Let's resurrect Britannia's fight!
Turn Britannia! We'll rally to stay free,
They shall never, never change our history!
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
School Days
(Will D. Cobb and Gus Edwards Song)
School days, school days
Dear old golden rule days
Reading and writing and 'rithmetic
Taught to the tune of the hickory stick
You were my queen in calico
I was your bashful barefoot beau
And you wrote on my slate, "I love you, Joe"
When we were a couple of kids
=
First Day, Cursed Day
Home school, virtual school
We thought it would be WAY cool
Daughter yawns, enjoying a bath
Rowdy son yells questions about his math
I gulp all my coffee and take a coy look
Eyes wide, I see nonsensical gobbledygook
A coward, I wonder if I can endure
Such odd unrewarded torture!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Until I sensed my fly was open, I utterly had no idea... =
Then I found my penis was entirely outside all day!
2nd - David Bourke with:
"Is a wank on for Sat?" ~
"Not as far as I know!"
Eq3rd - Murray Cameron with:
In between the sheets ~
he's in sweet teen Beth.
Eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Anti-BLM protester in NC dons unusual face mask =
Seen in a most unartful black penis and scrotum.
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