Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2020

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2020 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
I'm a liberated woman ~
and a wee bit immoral.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Laughter is the best medicine? No. ~
Cheer doesn't eliminate this bug. :(

3rd - John Ramos with:
Intensive care unit =
Niece in a virus tent.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Russell Crowe's acting in the movie Les Miserables =
I'll long remember, his tuneless voice was scariest!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Early Thirties, big incited monkey went up ~
the Empire State Building in New York City.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - John Ramos with:
"I WON THIS ELECTION, BY A LOT!" =
Noticeable hostility now.

2nd - Thomas W Hunter with:
Tuesday, the third of November =
The USA: they voted for Mr Biden.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Democrat leaders Biden and Harris =
The Donald's end. Dear America's rebirth. #

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The late Diego Maradona =
Dominated the goal area.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
POTUS Joe Biden =
I depose nutjob!

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
USA President Donald Trump =
Putrid and upset damn loser.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Snowdonia National Park, in Wales =
Stop now, in awe, and soak in all the... rain!

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Wildlife Conservation Society =
It's a nice friendly voice to owls.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Royal Botanic Gardens in Kew, England =
I can walk by a grand green London site.

Eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
For A Healthier Diet.
Main, key foods that need substitution:
1. Noodles
2. Chips
3. Cow's milk
4. Rice
5. Butter
6. Sugar
7. Cheese
8. Chocolate
=
Top substitute feeds:
1. Celery
2. Chia seeds
3. Coconut milk
4. Cauliflower
5. Heartache
6. Heartbreak
7. Eh...? No!
8. Sod it - I'm so not doing this.

Eq2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Top Ennio Morricone Scores

1. 'The Good, The Bad and the Ugly'
2. 'A Fistful of Dollars'
3. 'The Thing'
4. 'The Untouchables'
5. 'Cinema Paradiso'
=
1. Coyote choir
2. Guitar, chant and bells
3. Odd horror beats
4. Suspenseful piano notes
5. The touching homage to life, death and Film

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams
=
End baffling claims you're a winner;
Cease childish speech at dinner;
Quit and accept a sharp effective foe,
A badass champ. Viva Joe!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams
=
CHINA'S SHAME
Facing quarantine?
Pissed off?
Scared?
Don't fear
A vaccine is here
Covid will fade
Just be happy
Be calm
Have patience

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." - John Quincy Adams
=
The perv with no chance in a race
Reprised "A Dem Fib!" in his case.
Uncivil facades
May singe Joe B's squad -
Pal, F*** OFF and vacate the place!!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A married couple were motoring along at a moderate thirty miles per hour, with the wife at the wheel driving.

Then out of the blue, her husband said, "Look, I realise we've been married for twenty years, but... I want a divorce."

The wife said nothing, but gradually increased her speed to forty mph.

The husband continued. "I'm having an affair with your best friend Tiffany because, frankly, the sex is amazing and it's a hell of a lot better than what I experience with you. Don't try to oppose me or to change my mind."

Still his wife remained silent. And the speed went up to 80mph.

Bolder now, he decided to push his luck. "I want the house too," he continued.

90mph.

"And the car," he added.

100mph

"And I'll have the pick of the rest of our stuff - bank accounts, credit cards, oh...and the boat of course."

The car, racing on, strayed towards a concrete bridge. This got him nervous, and he asked "So, is there anything you need?"

The wife replied in a calm voice.

"No, Geoffrey, I've got everything I need."

"Oh, really," he sniggered, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slammed into the wall, the wife shot a glance at him and smiled: "The airbag."

=

Robert had bought a brand new Mercedes to celebrate his recent divorce from his wife and was on the interstate for an evening drive to test it out.

The top was down, an unusually balmy breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up a tad.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he noticed flashing blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he muttered scornfully and opened the car up further.

The needle hit 80, 90, 100... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "Blast! What the hell am I doing?" he thought, and he immediately pulled over.

The cop came over to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

Then he said: "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday. I don't feel like any more paperwork, I don't need the stress or the overtime. So, if you can give me a really good excuse for your appalling driving, then you can go free."

Robert thought about this for a second and said, "I'm sorry, but last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend sir," said the officer.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
There once was a farmer whose five beautiful daughters were each being picked up for dates at the same time.

The farmer said, "When the young men arrive, I will answer the door. I will interview each of them and if I don't like their answers, I will not hesitate to shoot them."

Just then, a knock was heard. The farmer went to answer the door at once, trusty shotgun in his hand. "Who are you, which of my daughters are you here to see, and what are your plans?"

"I'm known as Teddy," said the boy. "Heddy and I are going steady. I'd like to take Heddy out to get spaghetti. Is she ready?"

"I don't see any harm in this," thought the farmer. He gave his consent, and Teddy and Heddy went out to get spaghetti.

A second knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. "Who are you, which of my daughters are you are you here to pick up, and what are your plans?"

"My name's Joe," answered the boy. "I want you to know that I'm taking Flo to a comedy show. Can we go? Yes or no?"

"I don't see any harm in this," thought the farmer, and then Joe and Flo went off to the show.
~
Just then, a third tap was heard on the door. The farmer emerged, his shotgun in hand, and interviewed the teen with the words, "Who are you, and where are you going?"

"I'm known as Nate," said the gawky youth. "Sorry I'm late for my date with Kate. We want to go uptown to skate. It'll be great!"

The farmer figured, "The guy seems trustworthy. I guess I don't see any harm in it." So Nate and Kate went off to skate.

Just then, a fourth rap was heard on the door. The father emerged, his weapon in hand, and yelled, "What do you wish to do?"

"I'm Lance," said the amorous young man. "I want to take Nance to the dance, which is decorated like Paris, France. Is she ready for romance, by chance?"

The farmer was satisfied. He thought, "I don't see a problem." He nodded "Okay, you two go ahead", so Lance took Nance off to the dance.

Just then, they heard a fifth rap on the door. The weary old farmer answered the door, with his shotgun in his hand. "What is your motive, son?"

"Howdy, I'm Chuck," said the youth...

They were the last words the young man ever spoke. Anyway, I believe he is lying in the morgue.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Four Seasons Debacle

Earlier this month, President Donald Trump, struggling to convince people that the election is rigged, announced on Twitter a "big press conference" at the "Four Seasons, Philadelphia". Surprisingly, though, President Trump later said that it would be held at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a family-operated business for grounds maintenance. The Four Seasons Hotel, meanwhile, said that the press conference will not be held near it.

The few anxious journalists who arrived at the scene were amazed to discover that this was a dingy back-alley in an industrial zone next to an adult bookstore and in front of a cremation center. This was quite obviously a horrible mistake or a joke gone horribly wrong. The president's crew, however, claimed that this conference's location was not a mistake.

When asked to clarify the issue, President Trump's personal schedule planner Mrs. Barbara Dangit apologized for the slight faux-pas and offered a few more corrections to Mr. Trump's schedule. Here's Barbara's full announcement:
=
* The 'Ritz conference' shall be held at the new Costco aisle for salted crackers;

* The 'Hilton gathering' is actually a screening of a new remaster of Paris Hilton's tape (in a private booth);

* The 'Plaza forum' is actually an online discussion of actress Aubrey Plaza's bloopers on 'Parks and Recreation';

* The 'West Wing Q&A' will occur at an Aaron Sorkin DVD signing;

* The 'Apple hearing' will take place at Arthur Lemon's fruit stand in Tennessee, where Mr. Lemon shall instruct the press on detecting worms in produce using mostly sound;

* The 'Corona meeting' is really an outdoor party for fans of the Mexican beer in the streets of Guadalupe [NO FREE SAMPLES];

* The 'Rally with Bush' won't feature our former leader but rather a Kate Bush impersonator (and if she's somehow unavailable, it's Jeb Bush).

The President's next State of the Union Address, however, will proceed as planned at the stated date - but with the minor change of one Joe Biden delivering said address instead of Mr. Trump (who, according to him, is going to be indisposed and 'stuck in court for the next decade or so').

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
'I Will Survive' (by Gloria Gaynor)

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong, and I learned how to get along

And so you're back from outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

Go on now, go. Walk out the door
Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I
I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive
I will survive, hey, hey

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent, oh, so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry but now I hold my head up high

And you see me somebody new
I'm not that chained-up little person still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free
And now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me

Go on now, go. Walk out the door
Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I
I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive
I will survive

Go on now, go. Walk out the door
Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I
I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive
I will survive
I will survive=
'I Will Survive The Covid Nineteen Lockdown' (by David Bourke)

At first I was afraid, a little petrified,
No poxy loo roll down in Lidl, I virtually died.
With every bloody day, my downstairs hygiene went awry,
I used to wipe my bottom really thoroughly,
Now I have it just drip-dry.

Run out of shampoo, cotton wool, and soap,
If you think you'll have some vegetables,
You're wrong, no way...you've no hope.
I would've kept my free-range eggs,
I would've divided out my bread,
If I'd somehow imagined in one moment,
Every furloughed idiot would lose their head.

Go on now, go! Walk out that door!
You knuckleheaded cookbook hoarders,
You're just not welcome anymore!
Ain't you the simioid numskulls who snaffled Co-Op budget beans?
Behave, you snivelling, thieving little morons!
I hope you get them down your jeans.

I will survive, I did not panic buy!
Long as I drink heavily, I jolly well know I'll stay alive,
No sauerkraut, Marmite, mushrooms, peas,
It won't have me going on my knees,
I will survive, I will survive, hey hey!

It might need major self-control though, to not fall apart,
With just one individual doughnut in my Tesco trolley cart.
What futile hours, Medway driving round,
(How I felt sorry for myself),
To downtown Aldi outlets, with sod all on every shelf.

No devouring junk now, the whole evening through,
I can't get one vital thing I want, owing to unthinking fools like you.
Tony in Knockholt, Sevenoaks...what an underhanded twit,
Stockpiled his body weight in Velvet loo roll,
Now no-one else can take a shit.

Goodbye! Now go! Walk out that door,
Go, you dimwitted, hoarding gluttons,
Look, you ain't welcome here no more.
You hoovered the digestives up...and ditto, all the cake,
Can't you make a bloomin' fruit crumble,
You no-good twats, do you not know how to bake?

Oh no, not I! I did not panic buy,
I know long as I have vodka (buried), I will stay alive.
No vinaigrette, virgin olive oil, ravioli, mature cheese,
It will not bring me to my knees,
David will survive, David will survive, hey hey!
David will survive, hey hey!

Eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE PASSIONATE SHEPHERD TO HIS LOVE
A Poem by
Christopher Marlowe

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove,
That Valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.

And we will sit upon the Rocks,
Seeing the Shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow Rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing Madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of Roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of Myrtle;

A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty Lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold,
With buckles of the purest gold;

A belt of straw and Ivy buds,
With Coral clasps and Amber studs:
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me, and be my love.

The Shepherds' Swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May-morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me, and be my love.

=

COME LIVE WIV ME, CLASSY LASS.

(Man)
Come live wiv me and be me babe,
Tell me yer answer, no delays,
I'm not the sort of dude who'll wait,
There's lots of women I could date.

Come live wiv me 'cos I'm the goods,
I've got this swell pad in the woods,
Well - me and all the other chaps,
I know yer'll love them! (well... perhaps).

We'll let yer wash our vests and slacks,
Do all the chores and shave our backs,
I'm all prepared babe, say the word,
Ah, live wiv me and be me bird!

(Classy Lass)
Bird? Gosh, what a horrid term.
Does it suggest I feed on worms?
Or hint that I am rather flighty?
Primp my fluffy feathers nightly?

Well, rest assured, I'm not like this
I have a life of pampered bliss,
The things you offer don't enthral me,
Phrased more harshly - they appal me!

You sound like hapless ruffians,
And I'd be better scoffing tons
Of poisoned apples, than dwell a night,
In your hellish vice-den - Signed, Snow White.

PS: Sod off, sad baldheaded pervs!

Eq2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
America (A poem written by Claude McKay)

Although she feeds me bread of bitterness,
And sinks into my throat her tiger's tooth,
Stealing my breath of life, I will confess
I love this cultured hell that tests my youth.
Her vigor flows like tides into my blood,
Giving me strength erect against her hate.
Her bigness sweeps my being like a flood.
Yet as a rebel fronts a king in state,
I stand within her walls with not a shred
Of terror, malice, not a word of jeer.
Darkly I gaze into the days ahead,
And see her might and granite wonders there,
Beneath the touch of Time's unerring hand,
Like priceless treasures sinking in the sand.

=

The Trite Retorts

"That Arab's got no wit" "No, it's a lie! Beware"
"I hate chai-drinking twits" "Their kids are everywhere"
"I hate consenting mugs" "Koreans here drive awful"
"That icy Dem seems smug" "Drunk, noisy and unlawful"
"They'd regulate my time" "I'm meant for greater things!"
"No freak'll get my dime" "These snobs control the King"
"Cage all those immigrants" "J. Biden's son's an ass"
"Behold their foolish rant" "That Don In Charge was crass"
Beliefs and hackneyed oaths rolled in from either clan,
Yet I'll be asking both if they forgot the plan;
See, this bizarre divide needs no proof to dispel:
We fight the 'other side' - yet they are us as well.

The Trite Retorts

"That Arab's got no wit" "No, it's a lie! Beware"
"I hate chai-drinking twits" "Their kids are everywhere"
"I hate consenting mugs" "Koreans here drive awful"
"That icy Dem seems smug" "Drunk, noisy and unlawful"
"They'd regulate my time" "I'm meant for greater things"
"No freak'll get my dime" "These snobs control the King"
"Cage all those immigrants" "J. Biden's son's an ass"
"Behold their foolish rant" "That Don In Charge was crass"
Beliefs and hackneyed oaths rolled in from either clan,
Yet I'll be asking both if they forgot the plan;
See, this bizarre divide needs no proof to dispel:
We fight the 'other side' - yet they are us as well.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - John Murray with:
Four weeks of a full lockdown =
"All of us look fucked!", we frown.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Those Intensive Care Units =
I note nurses have nice tits.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The naked pastor's dick =
Kid's "deep throat" snack.