Anagrammy Placings by Jaybur
All the highly-placed anagrams by Jaybur from the Anagrammy Awards.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Actor Michael Douglas =
Glamorous ideal catch.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Russian president Yeltsin resigns =
Tipsy inertness as underling rises.
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2000:
1st - Jaybur with:
Male chauvinism =
I'm such a vile man.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, February 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Calista Flockhart and Portia de Rossi =
Lo, alas for cast, odd pair are stick-thin.
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, February 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Male chauvinism =
I'm such a vile man.
Ha! muscle: I'm vain!
Hum... naive claims.
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2000:
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
Tabloid press =
A topless bird.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney =
She'll capture a lyric man's heart; mind.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Noddy and Big Ears in Toyland =
Enid Blyton and gay androids.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, April 2000:
1st - Jaybur with:
Saint George's Day =
Yes! as I get dragon!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2000:
2nd - Jaybur with:
The actor Sir John Gielgud dies at ninety-six =
O, exit stage: rich airs did suit gentle Johnny.
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, May 2000:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Temporary tax increase =
Exacts monetary repair.
A rampant Tory exercise.
Extra year's importance.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Anna beats Sandrine in first round =
Send on tennis star in bra: unafraid!
RUDE CATEGORY, June 2000:
1st - Jaybur with:
A braless bosom =
A lass bobs more.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Auguste Rodin's The Kiss =
Huge nudes: it is so stark.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2000:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Sir Alec Guinness dies at eighty-six =
I sigh: sadly, it's exit a screen genius.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, August 2000:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Dame Daphne Du Maurier =
Ah, I dreamed up a rum end.
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2000:
1st - Jaybur with:
Circumstantial evidence =
Can ruin detective's claim.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2000:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Pride, covetousness, lust, envy, greed, anger, sloth =
The Yugoslav revolts: censured President's gone.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, October 2000:
1st - Jaybur with:
Sir Peter Paul Rubens =
Superb painter rules.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2000:
1st - Jaybur with:
Fire of London =
Inferno of old.
ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY, October 2000:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Severe flood warning =
I endanger overflows.
Given news for ordeal.
Darn! see overflowing.
Or reviews of England.
SE loved forewarning.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 2000:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Sir Michael Caine =
Ah, is cinema relic!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, December 2000:
1st - Jaybur with:
One hundred and two Dalmatians =
Unhand dear, dotted animals - NOW!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 2000:
1st - Jaybur with:
Miss Venus Williams =
I'll win massive sums!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Gladiator: the Best Film =
Able star: old-time fight.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Pope names thirty-seven new cardinals =
Heavens! It's plenty in sacred manpower!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, January 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
General George Smith Patton =
Germans gotta go! I repel then!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, February 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Disney's 'Mary Poppins' with Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke =
Hi, kids! A super, madcap, windswept nanny: Kids enjoy devilry!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Now thousands of farm animals are slaughtered =
Ugh! warn all farms foot-and-mouth disease's near.
LONG CATEGORY, February 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Martine McCutcheon
Catherine Zeta Douglas
Madonna
Kate Winslet
Jennifer Lopez
Davina McCall
Sophie Dahl
Isabella Rossellini
Geri Halliwell
Elle McPherson
=
Hello!
A dull, chapped, camel face.
Wrinkles... and acne, too.
Nineteen zits.
Massive chins.
Horrible jowls.
Hair in an armpit.
Damn cellulite.
Llama legs... NOT gazelle.
Cheerio!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, February 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
The Savoy Hotel =
Oh! love the stay!
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
The misandrist =
It's men I'd trash.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, March 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Whatever has Microsoft's Bill Gates been doing? =
Sigh! Browsing boldface in Seattle: earth moves.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
Wilfred Edward Salter Owen =
War saddened writer fellow.
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
A little gem =
Let it gleam!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
M. Etienne de Silhouette =
The esteemed in outline.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
The Israeli Airline =
El Al: I rise in the air!
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Aspirin tablets =
It's pain blaster!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Claude Monet, an Impressionist =
Monsieur paints a scene, I'm told.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
Mid East violence =
Malice so evident.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, May 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Docteur Joseph-Ignace Guillotin =
Judicial cutting role: hope's gone.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
The Wimbledon Tennis Championship =
Henman's time: he'd lob, chip, spin to win.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
The Norwegian artist Edvard Munch =
Driven toward The (haunting) Scream.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Be not like
the child in ALL ways, child
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
Ego Boost Bra =
O, great boobs!
GENERAL CATEGORY, August 2001:
eq.2nd - Jaybur with:
The dental surgeon =
Nursed teeth along.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Sir Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs =
Hannibal cooks his men, then, in his steel fry-pot.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, August 2001:
eq.1st - Jaybur with:
The Code Red computer virus =
Drive seemed touch corrupt.
LONG CATEGORY, August 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Consider
the lilies of the field, how they grow
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
The Renault Espace =
Please tune the car.
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Oh, I pray that each find ~
faith, hope and charity.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, September 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Laurence Olivier in Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights" =
Surely the genius here: brilliant gothic movie winner.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
I'm all of the glamorous ladies
At whose beckoning history shook.
But you are a man, and see only my pan
So I stay at home with a book.
=
Ooh, a Miss Dorothy Parker
See a symbol of unusual delight.
Men stay away so I moan,
Ooh look I'm alone
I want to be chaste... by a knight.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
The pioneer surgeon Christiaan Barnard =
Sound brain in heart operating research.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Actress Linda Gray in 'The Graduate' =
A star lady: her nude acting is great!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, October 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
The Italian artist Amedeo Modigliani =
Admiration at the detail in oil images.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
The Nightingale School and Home for Nurses =
Teaching and lessons here might honour Flo.
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
In silhouette =
Is the outline.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
Manet's 'Olympia' =
Simple anatomy!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, November 2001:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Post early for Christmas =
I race for stamps, shortly!
LONG CATEGORY, November 2001:
eq.1st - Jaybur with:
An
excerpt from a book on the Impressionists.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, November 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
The Honorable Donald Rumsfeld =
So, he'll hunt for bearded old man!
LONG CATEGORY, December 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Prince
Charles's modern English rewriting of Hamlet's soliloquy, 'To be, or not to be.'
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 2001:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Artist Amedeo Modigliani =
I'd made oil into art images.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2001:
1st - Jaybur with:
The Subaru Legacy =
Let's buy a HUGE car!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2002:
2nd - Jaybur with:
French Impressionist Pierre Auguste Renoir =
Uses sheer paint for picture mirroring Seine.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, January 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with:
The Post Impressionist artist Paul Gauguin =
O, sun's up! I must paint Tahiti girl's great pose!
SPECIAL CATEGORY, January 2002:
1st - Jaybur with:
MACAVITY: THE MYSTERY CAT by
T.S. Eliot
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Universal agreement =
Relieves an argument.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, February 2002:
1st - Jaybur with:
Saddam Hussein =
UN's said he's mad.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with:
'The Laughing Cavalier' a painting by Frans Hals =
A fresh chap in a big hat grinning suavely at all.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, March 2002:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Mid East =
Sad time.
LONG CATEGORY, March 2002:
eq.1st - Jaybur with:
HOW TO CONVERSE: A short lesson
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2002:
2nd - Jaybur with:
A. Aspertini =
Is a painter!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, May 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Alfred Lord Tennyson's 'The Lady of Shalott' =
Float then, for noted story shall end sadly.
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2002:
1st - Jaybur with:
'Nevermore' painted by Paul Gauguin =
Giving one nude beauty a plump rear!
LONG CATEGORY, May 2002:
2nd - Jaybur with:
I wandered lonely as a cloud
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Jaybur with:
Lose weight fast! =
How I get less fat!
LONG CATEGORY, June 2002:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Lucian Freud:
A German-born British painter.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, June 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with:
The two Williams sisters, Venus and Serena =
A tennis date: US smashers will serve to win.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2002:
1st - Jaybur with:
Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons =
Face is long, nose is a catastrophe: so it is cut!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2002:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Michelangelo Buonarroti's famous 'Pieta' =
O, cut marble into shape of a religious man.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2002:
1st - Jaybur with:
The singer Ray Charles =
He arranges the lyrics.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, August 2002:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Saint Teresa =
A neat Sister!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 2002:
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
Lewis Carroll: The Reverend Charles Dodgson =
Oh, he's clever: records Wonderland girl's tale.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with:
The British children's author Beatrix Potter =
In truth, her hit traced rabbit hero's exploits.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, October 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with:
The inventor Charles Goodyear =
Honor a gent's road vehicle tyre.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with: [Automatic tea-making device]
The Teasmade =
Steam heated.
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2002:
1st - Jaybur with:
The womaniser =
It's how men are...
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2002:
3rd - Jaybur with:
William Shakespeare's tragic 'Venus and Adonis' =
Alas, tears! Spurning a wan, lovesick maid, he dies.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2002:
1st - Jaybur with:
Luke 2:10-14
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, December 2002:
2nd - Jaybur with:
The Olympus Digital Camera =
Oh my, captured a still image!
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, January 2003:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Martin Scorsese's 'Gangs of New York' =
Scenes from worst Yank aggression.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, January 2003:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Anti-War Movement =
Never want to maim.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2003:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Captain Cook's 'The Resolution' =
Lookout on ship: see Antarctic!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, February 2003:
1st - Jaybur with:
The Stop the War alliance =
Let this weapon-race halt.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, March 2003:
2nd - Jaybur with:
The Spanish artist Pablo Picasso =
Applies his paints: oh, so abstract!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, March 2003:
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
A. Hitler =
Heil, rat!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2003:
eq.1st - Zoran Radisavlevic and Jaybur (simultaneously) with:
Basra =
Arabs.
GENERAL CATEGORY, April 2003:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Woman-hater =
Mean, or what?
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2003:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Antonio Salieri =
Into arias, no lie!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2003:
1st - Jaybur with:
The Two Thousand and Three Lingerie Awards =
Those who design and retail that underwear.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2003:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Major Charles Ingram in the TV show 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire =
A man joins live Chris Tarrant game show: I win, *ahem*... or blow the lot.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, May 2003:
2nd - Jaybur with:
The anniversary of Everest climb =
Men relive bravery of this ascent.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, May 2003:
3rd - Jaybur with:
The Association for the Study of Obesity =
So fat is bad, then: our society is hefty too!
LONG CATEGORY, May 2003:
1st - Jaybur with:
The TRUE Story of The Three Little Pigs (As told by the Wolf)
Today a Wolf took the stand in his own defense. This shocked the media who predicted
he would not testify in the brutal double murder trial. The wolf is accused of killing
(and eating) The First Little Pig and The Second Little Pig. This criminal trial is
expected to be followed by a civil trial to be brought by the surviving Third Little
Pig. The case has been characterized as a media circus.
His testimony is transcribed below:
"Everybody knows the story of the Three Little Pigs. Or at least they think
they do. But I'll let you in on a little secret. Nobody knows the real story, because
nobody has ever heard my side of the story. I'm Alexander T. Wolf. You can call me Al.
I don't know how this whole Big Bad Wolf thing got started, but it's all wrong. Maybe
it's because of our diet. Hey, it's not my fault wolves eat cute little animals like
bunnies and sheep and pigs. That's just the way we are. If cheeseburgers were cute,
folks would probably think you were Big and Bad too. But like I was saying, the whole
big bad wolf thing is all wrong. The real story is about a sneeze and a cup of sugar.
THIS IS THE REAL STORY.
=
One day, I was baking this nice big blueberry pie to give to a friend, Al Fresco.
I had a ghastly, snitchy cold. There was no sugar left. So I walked down the street to
the neighbors to try and borrow some.
The first neighbor's house was skillfully made of straw! Can you believe it? When
I knocked the door, it fell in. My nose started to itch, and I sneezed a mighty sneeze.
Oh boy! The house blew down into a pile of hay. In the centre of this was a little porker.
Dead. Sorry? Sure. But hell, face it, nobody would miss out on a good dinner. I ate him.
The next house was built of sticks. But then, ATISHOO! It came down just like the
first. So there it was, Second Little Pig, dead. Sadly. But what is a feller to do but eat?
Then I got to the brick place. But that silly Little Pig yelled 'Stay away!' I
thought I'd better leave and turn back. But then the little devil yells out 'Go away!
Get lost, hillbilly!' Well! I got cross. I went ballistic. The cop cars drove up as I
was trying to break down the door.
The rest is history.
The cynical press believed my 'sugar' story was unexciting, and they wrote all that
'huff and puff' rubbish. THEY labelled ME, mister reliable, Big Bad Wolf. Get the picture?
I WAS FRAMED."
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2003:
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
The scenes-of-crime officer =
Meet force's forensic chief.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2003:
1st - Jaybur with:
The New Olympus Digital Cameras =
Capture the way a model's smiling.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2003:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Sheep
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, July 2003:
1st - Jaybur with:
William Shakespeare, the Bard of Avon =
Methinks I love a word, a phrase, a fable!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, July 2003:
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
A Porsche Carrera GT =
Great racer: posh car.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, July 2003:
1st - Jaybur with: [A British Telecom advertisement]
Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?
I'm a falconer.
If only everything was as simple as BT's pricing options.
=
Why is a toucan similar to a phone-user?
Its bill is very large.
Modern company's prospering every day, and debt's fine, if *we* pay.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2003:
1st - Jaybur with:
Italian Antonio Stradivari =
A violin is an art, a tradition.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, October 2003:
2nd - Jaybur with:
This year's Labour Party Conference =
Carry-on features Tony Blair speech.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, October 2003:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Nurse Florence Nightingale, Lady with the Lamp =
Recall the duty of this angel, helping men in war.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 2003:
1st - Jaybur with:
Charles A. Lindbergh =
Bird has challenger?
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2003:
1st - Jaybur with:
"I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, and I think we ought to codify that one way or another" (George W. Bush) =
I think we need a new law to be encouraging to true mahogany, er, matrimony... and have a good wife to share babies with.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, December 2003:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Santa Claus (St Nicholas) and his team of reindeer =
Fat man in a scarlet suit has chosen a ride on sled.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2004:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Legal separations =
Agree on split, alas.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, January 2004:
1st - Jaybur with:
Nurse Florence Nightingale, Lady with the Lamp =
Helping men who fell: it's rather an angelic duty.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY, March 2004:
3rd - Jaybur with:
A wise thought: tho' her anatomy has its charms.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, April 2004:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Will Shakespeare, the Immortal Bard =
A past writer, he had memorable skill.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, April 2004:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Manchester United Soccer Team =
Cute men in red score at matches!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, April 2004:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Museum n: a depository for collecting and displaying objects having scientific or historical or artistic value =
Oh, I mean giving life to curious old artifacts, microscopic dry bones, nice gilt chairs or even, sadly, just plain tat.
LONG CATEGORY, April 2004:
2nd - Jaybur with:
SCIENTISTS' REPLIES to an invitation to a ball
Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Dr. Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archimedes buoyant, at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
=
MORE REPLIES
Maria Callas accepted, hitting the right note.
The great Monet gave the impression he could attend.
Thomas Hardy, the poet, was doubtful 'Oh, I think I'll get there, touch wood.'
Queen Victoria said 'No! I 'm not amused.'
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle deduced the evening would be interesting.
Will Shakespeare penned a handwritten letter: 'O, methinks in truth 'twill be my pleasure to attend '
Sir Peter Paul Rubens 's reply was colourful, indeed, a delight.
Johann Sebastian Bach composed a tuneful note
Mad old Dali, who often twiddled with his moustache, said he'd note the date. Odd.
Sir Noel Coward wrote 'What, me? When? But of course love; too divine, dahling!'
Ted (Teeth) Heath said no. He's working, see. (Tut-tut!)
Picasso's reply was an unbelievable sight.
Ogden Nash, the US wag, wrote regretting he'd got a prior engagement, OK?
Seurat said with regret, he had to decline due to artwork.
The comedy duo Laurel and Hardy giggled. 'What a wheeze! What's afoot? About twelve inches?'
Dr Watson said thanks. I suspect I'll be there, with detective Holmes.
Captain Cook said fine, if I stay in the vicinity (but he might've been at sea)
Sir Edward Elgar felt he must stay in: he'd got ditties, variations and such, to attend to.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, July 2004:
1st - Jaybur with:
The new SPIDERMAN movie =
Made with even MORE spin!
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, July 2004:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Adm. Horatio Nelson =
Oh, and I lost one arm.
LONG CATEGORY, July 2004:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Last evening I was sitting at the bottom of my garden,
smoking a reflective cheroot, when I chanced to look up
at the night sky. As I gazed, I marvelled at the myriad
of stars glistening like pieces of quicksilver cast
ceaselessly on black velvet.
In awe I watched the waxen moon ride like an amber chariot
across the zenith of the heavens, towards the ebony void
of infinite space, wherein the tethered bulks of Jupiter
and Mars hung forever festooned in their orbital majesty.
And as I stared in wonderment, I thought to myself:
'I must put a roof on this outside lavatory.'
=
The image of a poetic individual evoked here, is just so
different from that expected of Les Dawson:
While on stage as a panto dame, trying to be dainty in a
big wig and frighteningly outsize bloomers! Or a filthy,
lascivious old man shouting: 'Knickers, Knackers, Knockers!'
No one told a better mother-in-law joke than Les. 'The day
that Mother-in-Law came to visit, the mice threw themselves
at the traps.' His distinctive humour was a hit, earthy,
yet never coarse: definitely never forgotten!
The unique face of this oversized clown, vital to his act,
resembled a bag of spanners.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2004:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Former President Bill Clinton's autobiography =
"My Life": or another opportunist scribbling deal?
GENERAL CATEGORY, September 2004:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Anonymous message =
No name, so may guess.
TOPICAL CATEGORY, September 2004:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Beslan School, Russia =
Oh, no classes. Burials.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, September 2004:
1st - Jaybur with:
Nurse Florence Nightingale, the Lady with a Lamp =
This Crimea War angel, on duty helping the fallen.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2004:
1st - Jaybur with:
'A Story Wet As Tears' by Marge Piercy
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, October 2004:
2nd - Jaybur with:
The singer Luciano Pavarotti =
I have operatic lungs to train!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, October 2004:
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
"All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air" =
We mean fair lady's emotional wish for warmth... large chair too.
LONG CATEGORY, October 2004:
1st - Jaybur with:
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender says, "But you're a duck."
"Yep, that is very true," says the duck.
"And you talk, too!" exclaims the bartender.
"Indeed I do," says the duck, "I'd like a large beer, and one of your finest sandwiches."
"Certainly," says the bartender, "it's just we don't get to see too many ducks in this pub.
What are you doing around these parts?"
"I'm working for a builder in this area," replies the duck.
So then the duck has his beer and sandwich, pays up and leaves.
One day, the ringleader of a circus comes into the pub, and the bartender tells him about his clever friend,
the talking duck.
"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "ask him to come over and see me."
The next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, you're in luck. I lined you
up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "where?"
"At the circus," says the bartender.
"The circus?"
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"That place with all those animals? With the great big tent?"
"Yes, that's right," says the bartender.
The duck looks confused.
"So what do they want with a plasterer?"
=
This duck walks into a crowded city pub and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender says "No, sir." The duck says, "Cheers!" and leaves.
The next day the duck is back in the pub. He says, "I'm curious. Are you certain you don't have any fruit left?
Such as juicy little grapes, by any chance?" The bartender says no, and the duck goes away.
Two days later, the duck's back. He walks up to the bar, and sees the bartender. "Hello, I'm here again,
bartender! Might you have some nice fresh grapes to cheer me up this evening?"
This irritates the bartender, Harry, who's extremely tired and wound up, and he loses his composure at this
juncture. He starts to twitch: he's boiling mad. He screams at the duck, "Listen to me, you wretched, scrawny
little bird! You heard me! I told you no, I didn't, and if you keep asking me, I will nail both your thick, webbed
feet to the floor, OK?"
The duck seems a little startled at his reaction and hurries away.
Despite this, the duck returns a day later. He walks up to the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any nails?"
The bartender replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, November 2004:
3rd - Jaybur with:
Paula Radcliffe wins the NY Marathon =
Fit new champion had a really fast run.
PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY, December 2004:
2nd - Jaybur with:
Nurse Florence Nightingale, Angel of the Crimea =
Once using gentle care, for men in fragile health.
LONG CATEGORY, December 2004:
1st - Jaybur with:
The Christmas Story from Luke, Chapter Two
Table of All-Time Placegetters
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