Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2001


1st - Jaybur with:
The misandrist =
It's men I'd trash.

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Fire and brimstone =
Bad time for sinner.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A polygraph test =
Goal: Trap the spy.

David Bourke with:
Hostile Arab plea: ~
"Praise be to Allah!"

Larry Brash with:
Transcendental Meditation =
Tensed mind in a total trance.

Richard Grantham with:
Table tennis =
Bat, net, lines.

Adrian Hickford with:
Only the good die young =
Deny tough ideology? No!

Adrian Hickford with:
Parachutist ~
path cuts air.

Adrian Hickford with:
Brain surgeon =
Boring a nurse.

Adrian Hickford with:
Busking for cash =
Ah, sing for bucks.

Jaybur with:
The Australian Possums =
Oh, marsupials at sunset!

Meyran Kraus with:
"Feels 'alone', has strong suicidal tendencies" =
A clinical sadness is the urge to end oneself.

Ralph Lenton with:
Cruciate ligaments =
Acting lame cures it.

ID Letterman with:
Despicable anagram piracy =
Plagiarism by a cad 'n' a creep.

Tom Myers with:
The normal guy =
An ugly mother.

Tom Myers with:
Some legal advice =
Evade cell amigos.

Tom Myers with:
Now's a bad time ~
as I'm downbeat.

Tom Myers with:
Lower back pain =
Work? Incapable!

Graham Perkins with:
It is time for yet another spring cleaning =
O, get him ten nice girls in tarty pinafores!

Rick Rothstein with:
A funeral procession =
A corpse is no real fun.

Rick Rothstein with:
A lesbian relationship =
Aha! It's liberal... no penis!

Rick Rothstein with:
Lesbian relationships =
Breasts help in liaison!

Mick Tully with:
Life on Uranus =
Non-useful air.

Mick Tully with:
Chocolate milkshake =
Smell the khaki cocoa.


1st - Richard Grantham with:
Suicide is painless,
It brings on many changes,
And I can take or leave it if I please. =
Sung, I believe, in "M*A*S*H" (a series set against epic conflicts and daily pain in Korea).

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Pirated Songs? =
Napster is God.

3rd - Dan Fortier with:
Michael Douglas in "Traffic" =
He claims a "drug affliction".

David Bourke with:
Robbie Williams: 'Angels' =
Miserable wailing slob.

David A. Green with:
Baron Frankenstein's horrid monster =
In terror he transforms skin and bone.

David A. Green with:
The Morecambe and Wise Show =
We were both sham comedians.

Adrian Hickford with:
Kay Scarpetta =
Attacker pays.

Jaybur with:
Kenneth Grahame's 'The Wind in the Willows' =
Whee! How winning kids' tale enthrals them!

Meyran Kraus with:
Screen Actors Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers =
Career range: Good singers, first-rate dancers.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Seventy-Third Academy Awards =
Trashy, tawdry, media-chased event.

Tom Myers with:
The NCAA Basketball Tournament ~
Men's Bracket -- a hot annual battle!

Tom Myers with:
I'm Mister Schubert's deft Eighth, the so-called unfinished symphony. "A must" said a noted audio devotee. =
The composer died right in the middle of a 'movement', but they say this is usual in cases of sudden death.


1st - Richard Grantham with:
Russell Crowe in 'Gladiator' =
Result: I win real gold Oscar!

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Foot and Mouth Disease =
Fate's too damn hideous!

3rd - Jaybur with:
Whatever has Microsoft's Bill Gates been doing? =
Sigh! Browsing boldface in Seattle: earth moves.

David Bourke with:
Olivier Panis =
"So, I lap Irvine."

Dan Fortier with:
Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra =
I think it was a trap - "near miss" hit near him!

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Washington Declared Disaster Area =
Aid's arranged in whole scared state.

Jaybur with:
Tony Blair may order a mass cull of sheep =
Silence of lambs: oh, purely a drama story?

Meyran Kraus with:
Speeding Trains Crashed on Wednesday in the UK =
Synopsis? Uh, ends in wreckage and thirteen dead.

Meyran Kraus with:
"The Hispanically-owned businesses", ~
Bush said in a silly speech, news note.

Ulf Lunde with:
Charles Andy Williams =
I'm shrewd, I can slay all!

Tom Myers with:
V.P. Cheney Checks Into Hospital =
Check the loony V.I.P.'s chest pain.

Tom Myers with:
The "Naked Wife" e-mail =
I 'defile' the weak man.

Tom Myers with:
The US Blocks products from EU animals =
Prime bulls -- foot and mouth scare sucks!

Tom Myers with:
California's blackouts =
L.A.: "Fuckin' Arab oil costs!"

Tom Myers with:
The Bear market is now official =
Finite cash flow rate -- I am broke!


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A Ten-Inch Dick =
Nice and thick!

2nd - Tom Myers with:
Tempting flesh, honey! =
The length of my penis.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The 'oldest profession' =
Lots of red-hot penises!

Larry Brash with:
The Guinness Book Of Records =
Do or see best fucking honors.

Larry Brash with:
A lesbian relationship =
O, is a ball in her panties!

Richard Grantham with:
A lesbian relationship =
Labial pashin' in stereo!

Adrian Hickford with:
Lesbian rectum =
Miserable cunt.

Meyran Kraus with:
Bodily Gases =
Big ass-yodel!

Meyran Kraus with:
Lesbian Affair =
A labia-sniffer...

Tom Myers with:
The use of Viagra may cause blindness =
A sad sort. Self-abuse, having cum in eye.

Graham Perkins with:
Kylie Minogue's new shorts and shirt ~
kindly show us her minge, arse (no tits).


1st - Larry Brash with:
Consolidate all your Bills into One Monthly Payment
Slash you credit card interest rates down to zero =
More bloody rancorous spam! Who'll end it?
Today's latest count is another ninety trillion deletes. Crazy!

2nd - Tom Myers with:
Problems with your credit? =
Tom screwed it up horribly.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Consolidate all your Bills into One Monthly Payment
Slash your credit card interest rates down to zero =
Sorry... utter shit. Come to Poland! You can now land lenders' rates set at ten million-or-so zloty daily! Be rich!

Dan Fortier with:
Evidence Eliminator allowed me to see exactly whats on my PC's hard drive. =
"Shit extractor did let me sow my spam in cool, even cavalier way," he needled.

Meyran Kraus with:
"I would love to get involved in a business in which will generate money while I am not at work (like a Gas Pump)" =
"How divine - a net Spam! How I love low wankers' puny willies violating me in and out (like George Michael's butt)."


1st - David Bourke with:
When you access the Internet, your computer keeps permanent hidden records of your activities!

Evidence Eliminator allowed me to see exactly whats on my PC's hard drive. Needless to say I was shocked at what I found. Files I shredded months earlier were clearly visible using this software.

If you take your computer in for repair, what will they find? Think about it !

You really do need.............Evidence Eliminator.


Dear fellow depraved sick perverts,

When I took my computer in my local PC World, they found exactly 653,704 dirty pictures of sweet babies downloaded free from on my hard drive, and they very quickly contacted the police. Why, I just wish I'd had Evidence-Eliminator software then! Sheer sheer shame! I'm finished, totally finished, career-wise! So if you wanna be in my gang, then you keep our sick, sick activities quite quite secret, OK? Just think about that lesson, hmmm?

- Gary Glitter

PS: I love you love me love!


2nd - Larry Brash with:
Make Your Money Work For You!

Knowledge is the key to any successful financial venture.

Whether you are looking for an early retirement, need information on wealth creation and preservation, or you are simply looking for a career opportunity...

We can teach you!

Our representatives focus on pointing you in the right direction to achieve financial goals beyond your wildest dreams!!!

Don't wait another day!

For more information (Click Reply) with your name, address and telephone number.

You will be contacted shortly!


We have found a great way to con money from a large number of poor, lonely, old men in need of a nice fuck.

We churn out priority emails, like this one, to get you interested. Our randy, very attractive, female interviewers drop in for a nice chat, prior to their most stimulating sales pitch. Boy, you'll see what I mean.

They concentrate upon your personal "indoor needs". If you're sucked in, into any old con trick, ready to sign on, look for your "union" payment. We now go in for the kill.

We take away your nice hard-earned cash.

Larry Brash


3rd - Dan Fortier with:
What if we could show you how to EFFECTIVELY add between 1" to 3" to your penis size without surgery, pumps, or other painful methods? Would you be willing to check it out and try all natural exercise techniques that could add MAJOR size to your penis?
What if we were to SUDDENLY *chop off* 1" to 3" of your penis??
Would you be willing to stop your Spam?!? (*I'd* quit!!)
(Huh? I *did* realize you *aren't* that long...
so I'd ram a machete up your butt's crevice!)
The sex-act junk doesn't sell here!
Watch it or we'll "cut you down to size"!


David Bourke with:
Happy With the size of your penis?
Most men are Not, And niether are their mates!
Add Inches To Your Penis, Guaranteed!!
Unhappy with your nose's size?
Need a three-point turn to get indoors?
A shame, dear. (Hee hee!)
Try a petite re-made face from


Larry Brash with:
Brand new DVDs- £5.99 each or TWO for £10, free delivery in UK. go to See also for silly deals on the latest Cds


Thanks for sending alt.anagrams spams served to be reordered. Christ, we'd love that, 'coz we'd want to fill you with 95 old dildos, worth £9 - £10. Savvy?



Richard Brodie with:
Under Bill s.1618 TITLE III passed by the 105th US Congress this letter cannot be considered spam as long as the sender includes contact information and a method of removal.
Oh this damnable government Act, blind to the constitution, condones mercenary bastards sending out 1,618,105 cursed e-mails to harass people. Fecal re-defined is still shit!



1st - David Bourke with:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed be the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Praise Allah, for he, not Christ, is god,
Offer thyself to Mohammed, the grand holy man.
If we anger, burdened at the hour of need,
May we use just words, not bombs,
Shout for Islam - truly, the honourable way.


2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Shakespeare's 76th sonnet anagrammed into a real news story


3rd - Crash Davis with:
Anagrammy Awards voting

As you just voted in the Anagrammy Awards, this is an auto response message to let you know that your votes were received.

Thank you for taking the time to vote.

Larry Brash
Anagrammy Awardsmaster


Dear sir/madam/miss,

Hi! You voted for my anagrams yet? Right! Thanks! You have real taste!

You didn't? (Gasp!) Just a moment, as I want to make you aware that you're an ass. An ass-lick! My anagrams are the grooviest art, man!

Now, revert to to revote!




Mavourneen Arndt with:
The first 10 lines of the Iliad, translated by Robert Fitzgerald


Adrian Hickford with:
If you can keep your head


Adrian Hickford with:
We shall fight on the beaches


Tom Myers with:
For the southern slave it was an act of redemption =
Loved North's war of emancipation that set us free.



1st - Jaybur with:
Wilfred Edward Salter Owen =
War saddened writer fellow.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Michelangelo Merisi Caravaggio =
Sheer magical image via coloring.

eq.3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Kate Winslet =
Sweet talkin'.

eq.3rd - Mick Tully with:
George W. Bush and Tony Blair =
Beware! Blood-hungry giants...

David Bourke with:
Nelly Furtado =
Artfully done.

David Bourke with:
The Artist Formerly Known As 'Prince' =
...New planetary form's 'Rick Rothstein'.

Don P. Fortier with:
General Douglas MacArthur =
He'll argue, goad, scar Truman.

Richard Grantham with:
Sporty, Scary, Baby and Posh =
Bossy, Crappy, Yob and Trash.

David A. Green with:
Frederick and Rosemary West from Gloucester =
Two nasty murderers of carefree girls. Dock 'em!

David A. Green with:
Burke and Hare, the infamous bodysnatchers =
Idea... unearth fresh human Scot bones by dark!

Jaybur with:
Alfred Molina =
And a film role.

Tom Myers with:
Wladziu Valentino Liberace =
Idolize? We've anal lubricant.


1st - Richard Grantham with:
Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei =
The elite pure-racist Hitler-based Nazi association.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Space Station Mir =
Estimate crash point.

3rd - Pip Eastop with:
London Chamber Orchestra =
Brahms or Handel concerto.

David Bourke with:
The Performing Rights Society ~
get their price for my hit songs.

Richard Brodie with:
The Treasury Department's Internal Revenue Service =
True virulent thieves - an army pester decent earners.

Jon Gearhart with:
Try Anagram Genius Software For Free =
Weary fart offers amusing generator!

Richard Grantham with:
Clans dot ~

David A. Green with:
"I preferred art. Math lost me, see" =
Pierre de Fermat's Last Theorem.

Adrian Hickford with:
Cerberus, the Guardian of Hades =
Rabid and huge! O, the fear! Curses!

Adrian Hickford with:
Masonic lodge =
Demonic goals.

Adrian Hickford with:
Encyclopaedia Britannica =
Balance an epic dictionary.

Jaybur with:
The Citroen Saxo Desire =
Exercise it on the roads.

Tom Myers with:
Tourist near New York? =
Enter at your own risk!

Tom Myers with:
Southern Fried Chicken =
Hint -- our chef is redneck.

Rick Rothstein with:
Melbourne, Australia =
I am a treasure... no bull!

Mick Tully with:
Westwood Software Marketing =
O, greet Windows format tweaks!


1st - Richard Grantham with:
Five great composers whose surnames started with the letter B (as indeed so many of them did), in chronological order: =
Old Bach, who created great masses or the truly divine Passions then went off to sire more tiresome goddam children;
Beethoven, adored stone-deaf master, model of choral-symphonic writing, whose terse late string music is rather odd;
To Brahms, whose tight symphonies and sweet if guarded violin concerto are deemed models of orchestral restraint;
Berg, who drew his hot, sad violin concerto (dedicated 'to the memory of an angel') from serialism's stern, austere depths;
Berio, whose elegant, edgy, eclectic Sinfonia's rather odd third movement swiped from Mahler, Strauss and others too.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Displaying all of the five nominees for Best Director: =
Ang Lee: Inspired story (of Chinese form) of livid battle.
Stephen Daldry: Terrific movie of goofiness in ballet.
Ridley Scott: Offensive prime in Flesh & Bone "Gladiator".
Steven Soderbergh: Film lady "Erin" - life to soap-fiction.
Steven Soderbergh: Position one film ideally - "Traffic".

3rd - David Bourke with:
Hereby listed, my considered personal choices of but five of the world's greatest known anagrammatists: =
- The fine old, grey Larry Brash from Newcastle, NSW. Voted 'King of comic Spam', but he desires to net a Set. (As do I!)
- Richard 'Grammy Kid' Grantham, oft top in wins last year. The fellow deserves to be 'No. One' of successes, I'd bet!
- Meyran Kraus - A showoff, crowing at old Rehovot bitches. (Er... damn big set credentials!) Seems Seinfeld-potty.
- Richard Brodie. What mass talents! So doesn't even flinch at many Good Book rewrites, etc. ("Mere piffles, guys!")
- Michael Keith. Class maths genius, yet fast renowned for 'Periodic Table'. (Now set odds-on for 'Very Best Gram'.)

Richard Grantham with:
A switchblade =
Each wild stab.
Watch as I bled.

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
A stool sample =
A smallest poo.
Oatmeal slops.
Small peas, too.
Mess at loo, pal.
Melts as a pool.
Mop ol' ass late.
Smells at a poo.
Soap to a smell.

Adrian Hickford with:
Buena Vista Social Club =
Usable vocalist in Cuba.
Voila! Is Cuban blues act.
Unsuitable basic vocal.
Bin valuable acoustics.

Adrian Hickford with:
Elgar's 'The Dream of Gerontius' =
Gather four strange melodies.
Arrange them, e.g. 'loud', 'is softer'.
Formulate eight dearer songs.
Feature God: this role's German.
More? A short duet: angel's grief.


1st - Richard Grantham with:
Ode to the Amoeba


2nd - Mike Keith with:
An anagram of the first 8497 letters of the story "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka.


3rd - David Bourke with:
Dear friend,

Would you like to receive every morning Italian news directly in your mailbox, ABSOLUTELY FREE? If you are an Italian abroad, or descending from Italian(s), or if you like Italy or if you want to travel in Italy you can see, in this way, what's happening in your liked country and feel nearer to it. If you like that, it is enough you click here and confirm your email address.
We offer also other services, all free, that you can see in our web pages. You can always unsubscribe simply sending us an empty email with object "unsubscribe". We safeguard your privacy (see our "privacy statement") and this is the ONE email you'll receive from us if you don't want our services.
This message is being sent to you in compliance with the proposed Federal legislation for commercial e-mail (S.1618 - SECTION 301).
"Pursuant to Section 301, Paragraph (a)(2)(C) of S. 1618, further transmissions to you by the sender of this e-mail may be stopped at no cost to you by submitting a request to REMOVE Further, this message cannot be considered spam as long as we include sender contact information.
Italy-news staff.

Estimado amigo: Estaría usted interesado en recibir Noticias de Italia cada mañana, directamente en su correo electrónico ABSOLUTAMENTE GRATIS? Si usted es un italiano viviendo en el extranjero, o descendiente de italianos, y le gustaría saber que está pasando diariamente en su país, y sentirse más cerca de él... todo lo que necesita hacer click aquí: y confirmar su email address.
Usted puede asimismo cuando lo desee retirar su suscripción simplemente enviandonos un e-mail en blando con el siguiente mensaje: "unsubscribe". Garantizamos su privacidad (vea nuestro "privacy statement") y este es el único e-mail que usted recibirá de nosotros si usted no desea suscribirse a nuestros servicios.
Este mensaje se está enviando usted en conformidad con la legislación federal propuesta para el E-mail comercial (S.1618 - SECCIÓN 301). conforme sección 301, párrafo (a)(2)(C) s. 1618, futuro transmisión usted por remitente este E-mail poder ser parar en ninguno coste usted por someter uno petición para QUITAR más lejos, este mensaje poder no ser considerar Spam tan de largo a medida que nosotros incluir remitente contacto información. Staff de Italy News)


Dear greasy eye-tie wop cunts,

Mama mia! You rest assured, next time I see a need of 1138666 miles of festering spaghetti, 1112300 tons of ravioli, 116120 tons of 'al dente' penne pasta, 138188 tons of parmesan cheese, rancid diseased prosciutto, macaroni fumes, crumbly panettone, a sickly sweet tutti-frutti ice cream, obscenely fat-arsed tenors in inane poncy tuneless operas, Joe Dolce's 'Shaddapa Your Face', 'Que Sera Sera', a severed horse's head on my pillow, tanks with 1 forward and 30 reverse gears, white flags, ceaseless political corruption, seedy bent police, insane suicidal maniacs out in rusty Fiats or on weeny toy Lambretta and Vespa street scooters, Dario Fo, Andrea Bocelli, Benito 'Il Duce' Mussolini, Serie-A footie teams in San Siro, Sophia Loren, Carlo Ponti, Giancarlo Fisichella, tasteless United Colors of Benetton advertisements, I Scuderia Ferrari Maranello F1 tifosi, senselessly fast 'Testarossa' dick-replacements, Pininfarina, lop-sided monuments @ Pisa, ruined stadiums @ Rome, Etna, armless indecent nude statues, weedy reedy Bontempi organs, lute tunes, Julius Caesar (a cruel murderer), Nero (just a tyrant), Romano Prodi, Massimo Troisi, an Olivetti typewriter, E.U. Commissioner Emma Bonino, money-grabbing gondoliers in Venice (an insanitary true sewer), Caneletto, RAI, Greta Scacchi, Andrea de Cesaris, Cicciolina's quite grotesque tits, Casanova, Versace, Armani, Fiorucci, Alberto 'La Bomba' Tomba, Deborah Compagnoni, La Giaconda, Jarno Trulli, Alfa Romeo, Ducati, Maserati, La Mille Miglia, Riccardo Patrese, Zucchero, Adriano Celentano, Lucio Battisti, Vasco Rossi, duo Alessi, Pinot Grigio, Topo Gigio (a funny squeaky wee cute furry rodent), Peroni beer, Chianti, Martini, Marconi, Rossini, Puccini, Verdi, Monteverdi, Vespucci, Columbus, Dante's Inferno, Leonardo da Vinci's quite demented nonsense ideas, Vivaldi's unendurable fiddle tunes, Michaelangelo's so amateur ceiling cartoons, and any more useless unwanted true crap you create, fear not... see, I'll surrender at once... er, I mean let you know.
By the way, just a question: I am indeed sure you know just why your Italy is in a boot-shape, don't you?
- Easy! Because you see, my fine misty-eyed friends, it seems you'd never get quite as much pure shite out of a tiny shoe. Tee hee! Yes sirree! Now, if you'd excuse me please, I must run... ciao!


David Bourke with:
Careless Whisper


David Bourke with:
Simple Simon met a pieman


Richard Brodie with:
A comment concerning the Greek island upon which Rupert Brooke had recently been buried


Richard Brodie with:
[Five quatrains from Edward Fitzgerald's translation of the Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám.]
Come, fill the Cup, and in the Fire of Spring
I sometimes think that never blows so red
Ah, but my Computations, People say
Why, be this Juice the growth of God, who dare
What! out of senseless Nothing to provoke


Mike Keith with:
Jersey Rain



This month's challenge was to anagram the first stanza of "My Love is like a Red, Red Rose" by Robert Burns into a new poem about a different flower.

O my love is like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June:
O my love is like the melody,
That's sweetly played in tune.

1st - Richard Grantham with:
You need my seed, my Lily raw,
So ever hot like nettles;
I'd love to surge within your jeans
And smell the pinky petals.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The US president so likely yelps:
"O Mother! I'm in need!
Give only twenty dollars - 'kay, just one -
I really must have weed!"

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Sin, my heavenly violet jewel,
Your arse stinks like a Pole.
My nuts get twisted deep in
Your red-hot and smelly hole.

Click here for the full list of nominations in this category.

The Anagrammy Awards