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ODE TO THE AMOEBA
Recall from Time's abysmal chasm
That piece of primal protoplasm
The First Amoeba, strangely splendid,
From whom we're all of us descended.
That First Amoeba, weirdly clever,
Exists today and shall forever,
Because he reproduced by fission;
He split himself, and each division
And subdivision deemed it fitting
To keep on splitting, splitting, splitting;
So, whatsoe'er their billions be,
All, all amoebas still are he.
Zoologists discern his features
In every sort of breathing creatures,
Since all of every living species,
No matter how their breed increases
Or how their ranks have been recruited,
From him alone were evoluted.
King Solomon, the Queen of Sheba
And Hoover sprang from that amoeba;
Columbus, Shakespeare, Darwin, Shelley
Derived from that same bit of jelly.
So famed is he and well-connected,
His statue ought to be erected,
For you and I and William Beebe
Are undeniably amoebae!
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ODE TO A LITTLE BLOB OF SPERM
Observe the dear old sperm's ability,
Proud carrier of chaps' fertility;
He's life-bestowing, rash, gymnastic -
One feels he really is fantastic!
Imagine that! His help was needed
To render each old ovule seeded
Which finished here with you and me
And everybody else we'll see.
There's positively no disputing
That from the basic deed of rooting
A process starts that's quite excessive -
Indeed, it really is impressive
Each one of us begins this small,
Kept here in some bloke's left-hand ball!
For all chaps once were baby juice:
Voltaire, Hofstadter, Robert Bruce,
Vivaldi, Parton, Boole and Riemann
Were all derived from blobs of semen!
A monument should be created -
A manhood being masturbated
In timeless rock upon some mountain,
With everlasting milk-white fountain
Emerging in a steady stream,
Bold homage to this life-filled cream;
For Isaac, Abraham or Noah -
We're all of us spermatozoa!
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