Complete list of nominations for March, 2008

MARCH 2008 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2008

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Bourne Supremacy =
Our spy became hunter.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
'Jonathan Livingston Seagull: A Story' by Richard Bach =
Banal novel. (Just a stray bird chancing to soar highly).

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Antonio Vivaldi's The Four Seasons =
A violinist's reasons to do have fun!

Adie Pena with:
"Jonathan Livingston Seagull: A Story" =
Just a rosy novel... gains nothing at all.

Dan Fortier with:
The Spiderwick Chronicles =
Their child pic scenes work.

Adie Pena with:
Tennessee Williams' 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof' =
Theatrical notions of essential women.

David Bourke with:
Tangerine Dream =
I need German art?

Rosie Perera with:
Charles Foster Kane's final word: "Rosebud!" =
But fire-charred forsaken sled now a loss.

Adie Pena with:
Rowling's 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' =
Hardly hogwash, her tale'll end in two-part story.

Scott Gardner with:
The Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog =
Horrible bare fang bit neck a lot!

David A. Green with:
'La Plante des Singes' by Pierre Boulle =
Betelgeuse's plainly borderline apes

Christopher Sturdy with:
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins =
Why, I debunk odd religions' hard acts.

Ellie Dent with:
Charlotte Bronte's classic, 'Jane Eyre' =
To see central character enjoy bliss?

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
(The Game) Dungeons & Dragons =
Staged among enough nerds.

Adie Pena with:
The Beatles' hit single "Baby, You're A Rich Man" =
Bet you're a big easy bitch, Heather Ann Mills!

Adie Pena with:
The musketeers Athos, Porthos, and Aramis =
So Dumas' task has three important heroes.

Apsinthion with:
This Too Shall Pass =
Alas, Sophist Sloth.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Nailed to the Cross =
Leads one to Christ.

2nd - David Bourke with:
Baroness Margaret Hilda Thatcher leaves hospital =
Heartless old hag has a heart implant, recovers a bit.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The celebration of Easter =
One elaborate Christ fete.

View with:
U.N. Security Council passes more sanctions on Iran ~
since typical consensus on Uranium reactors is 'no.'

Rosie Perera with:
Earth Liberation Front sets mansions ~
on fire in Seattle. Hm...arsonist brats, no?

Adie Pena with:
Hillary wins Texas and Ohio =
Exhilaration shows in lady!

Adie Pena with:
Bush endorses McCain =
Man behind successor.

Rosie Perera with:
Bill Gates no longer the richest man in the world. =
Old Warren B's getting that nice honor. He'll smile!

Adie Pena with:
'La Fheile Padraig' (or Saint Patrick's Day) =
Go drink safely at Irish capital parade!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Baroness Margaret Hilda Thatcher leaves hospital =
Strong political bat reveals she has a harmed heart.

Tony Crafter with:
Harry and girlfriend Chelsy go to Botswana on safari =
Goodbye Afghan warriors. Hello randy African stints!

Adie Pena with:
Shuttle Endeavour blasts off =
Buff the old astronaut vessel!

Adie Pena with:
Ex-Governor Eliot Laurence Spitzer =
Or, Sex Urge: Ten; Political Nerve: Zero.

Adie Pena with:
Ashley Alexandra Dupre =
N.Y. leader had sexual rap.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Intruder triggers Heathrow security alert =
Runway terror: It creates huge red light stir.

Adie Pena with:
Dupre ‡
Prude.

Rosie Perera with:
Vatican introduces updated list of deadly sins =
Pollution, tiny dead fetuses, addicts, and vicars.

Adie Pena with:
Violent demonstrations in Lhasa, Tibet =
Blame its ten deaths on nation's vitriol.

Rosie Perera with:
Lhasa, Tibet =
Ah, is battle.

Adie Pena with:
"Keep Austin (Texas) Weird" =
Take up entire SXSW idea!

Rosie Perera with:
Atlanta (Georgia) tornado =
An agitator, and large, too!

Adie Pena with:
The U.S. War on Terror =
Torture shown? Rare.

Rosie Perera with:
Redesigned American five dollar bill =
Fed: "I'll revise dear drab Lincoln image."

Paul Pan with:
U.S. recession ~
is one's curse!

Adie Pena with:
The U.S. Recession =
She is not secure!

Ellie Dent with:
HE's not here?? =
HE rose, then!

Adie Pena with:
"Boycott the China Games!" =
Oh, my! Tibet's got a chance!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Heather Mills / Paul McCartney divorce =
"I stitch up my old man" - A rather clever leech.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned =
Why? Look 'round Heather Ann Mills' face!

Adie Pena with:
The George W. Bush presidential legacy =
Global thuggery wins; peace dies there.

Rosie Perera with:
"THIS IS AMERICA: WHEN ORDERING PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH" =
Hispanic-German-Welsh-Irish Pole rages: "I need steak!"

Adie Pena with:
The Danish cartoonist Kurt Westergaard =
Whoa! A daring sketch taunted terrorists!

Neil Ramsay with:
Resurrection =
No rest, I recur.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Pope calls for Easter Day peace =
People pray as force escalated.

Adie Pena with:
Deposit =
It's dope!

Rosie Perera with:
Presidential candidates' tax returns ~
can't explain dratted IRS audits [Sneer!]

Rosie Perera with:
National Barber's Day =
Obtain a snarly beard.

Scott Gardner with:
The Democratic superdelegates =
Peg them to decide a race's result

Adie Pena with:
Somali famine =
Families moan.

Adie Pena with:
The World Wildlife Fund's "Earth Hour" Campaign =
A white child reading would turn off her lamps.

View with:
Rice renews focus on Mideast peace =
America: 'Issue deep concern of West'

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The former Ugandan President Idi Amin Dada =
Murder and death personified in a mad giant.

2nd - View with:
Governor Eliot Laurence Spitzer =
Top-level intercourse organizer.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Queen's guitarist Brian May =
I'm a brainy quartet's genius!

Adie Pena with:
Singer Michael Stipe, ~
i.e., R.E.M.'s special thing.

David Bourke with:
Lily Rose Beatrice Allen =
Lonelier "celebrity", alas.

Adie Pena with:
Christina M. Aguilera =
American girl; a U.S. hit.

Rick Rothstein with:
New York State Governor Eliot Laurence Spitzer =
Wrong, even sleazy, prostitution racketeer role.

Adie Pena with:
The Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton =
I rev all the time; win medals for honour.

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
Curtis Granderson =
Runs on Tigers' card.

Scott Gardner with:
Massachusetts Governor Willard Mitt Romney =
Legislator thus named was very strict Mormon

Paul Pan with:
USA Army Reservist Lynndie England ~
snarled a very sly grin: "Inmate's nude"!

Larry Brash with:
Heather Ann Mills and Sir Paul McCartney =
Married... merely launch instant cash plan.

Paul Pan with:
Danny Michael DeVito =
Tiny old man achieved!

Adie Pena with:
Jim and Dina Matos McGreevey (and aide Pedersen) =
Deeds may end menage a trois in a cramped N.J. dive.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Cristiano Ronaldo =
Idol, star or an icon.

Adie Pena with:
President Omar Bongo ~
or Gabon's redemption.

Ellie Dent with:
Leslie Townes (known as Bob) Hope =
Who blew on a bent, ski-slope nose!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The fiction novel writer Arthur C Clarke passed on at ninety years of age =
A Space Odyssey inventor left within a racing rocket to lunar hereafter.

2nd - David Bourke with:
General, Entertainment, Topical, Peoples Names, Other Names, Medium, Challenge, Long, Special and Rude =
Sheer Nonsense, Name-Calling, Generated-on-Computer, Tedium, Appalling, Real Lame, and Complete Shite.

3rd -Neil Ramsay with:
The Environmental Policy of George Bush's Administration =
A dominant Governor protecting the family oil business, eh?

Adie Pena with:
You can call the man with his finger inside the mare's ass ~
the Amish mechanic who uses single anal-entry first aid.

Tony Crafter with:
"We need a President who is fluent in at least one language." (Buck Henry) =
We are generally safe then! Bush is now talking independent Autocue!

View with:
A gunman kills eight at the crowded Jerusalem seminary =
That damn slaughterer nicked many male religious Jews.

Rosie Perera with:
The Queen of England becomes the third longest reigning monarch in British history. =
Her quite chronic nightly senior moments frightened the snobbish old regent again.

Neil Ramsay with:
"The Bill congress sent me would take away one of the most valuable tools in the War on Terror." =
Even loathsome Bush now too keen to warrant the slow beastly torture of alleged criminals.

Scott Gardner with:
The governor of New York State, Eliot Laurence Spitzer =
I'll repent over a craze for the sweet, too-young "Kristen".

Christopher Sturdy with:
Home Office memo: "Data Protection Act isn't strict; deny for all, ~
as it completely contradicts the Freedom of Information Act."

David Bourke with:
Prince Henry Charles Albert David Mountbatten-Windsor =
Inconvenient oddball rum bastard, Harry Hewitt-Spencer!

Andrew Brehaut with:
The hostile divorce proceedings of Heather Ann Mills and Sir Paul McCartney =
Creepy thin slut's lone civil deed cost a rich man his arm (and part of her one leg!)

Larry Brash with:
General, Entertainment, Topical, Peoples Names, Other Names, Medium, Challenge, Long, Special and Rude =
Men implement scheduled plan here. Ran an endless poll: ten-categories anagram league competition.

Adie Pena with:
General, Entertainment, Topical, Peoples Names, Other Names, Medium, Challenge, Long, Special and Rude
=
Nommed in all categories in the menu grants all respected learned men an appealing complete "House."

Adie Pena with:
"In Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen." =
Huh? Harsh (perhaps horrid) driven men preferred to enhance fair lady.

Ellie Dent with:
"Childrens do learn" a quote from President George Dubya Bush =
Bet youngsters consider quip here... from a global dunderhead!

Adie Pena with:
The Musical Pair: Siblings Karen Anne and Richard Lynn Carpenter =
A darn slender girl 'n' her back-up pianist can learn many nicer hits.

David Bourke with:

Apparently, Heather Mills is going to use some of her divorce settlement to purchase a plane =

For her spare attached leg...this amputee's still proposing to use Immac evenly on the real one!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
The first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox =
Easter's lunar, not fixed. I very often fall in quarters of the fourth month.

2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
The first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox =
Turn of event oft equals "Easter" : Exult, sinner! Affirm faith! Honor thy Lord!

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The first Sunday after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox. =
Fervent annual rerun of thorny lord's hit quest to affix himself to a tree!

Rosie Perera with:
Ran further analysis: Faithful Orthodox men felt it's never too frequent.

Neil Ramsay with:
means: until faithful, fervent, orthodox serfs quit lent for another year.

Larry Brash with:
First, shall not quite return for a fixed event of months of the lunar year.

Adie Pena with:
Oh, Easter? Another virtual flux of sorts, frequently in a different month!

Tony Crafter with:
Easter? A frequent turnoff. So let it fall on third hour of every ninth Xmas!

Adie Pena with:
Fulfill or quash thorny efforts to never unfix an Easter rite month/date?

Rosie Perera with:
Extreme effort to quantify date; So it never falls on sinful North. Hurrah!

Rosie Perera with:
Quarrels: It's never late, on May fifth? In 2005, for us, the fun Orthodox, after Lent!

Rosie Perera with:
Or: not infrequent, for He fulfills it an extra month after Shrove Tuesday.

Paul Pan with:
INRI's FAQ text: Oh, thy Saviour rose from death! Unroll fun 'n' fete after lent!

Larry Brash with:
Easter: a quaint solemn fixture for the Lord's not-horny fervent faithful.

Adie Pena with:
Fret not, torn land. He's off, quietly risen. Exalt further the Saviour of man!

Dan Fortier with:
To invent, then furnish or hand off, sixty-letter formula equal for Easter.

Adie Pena with:
Quite daft here for funny faithful sinners: Roll Easter over to tax month!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Queer if in a hot month... relax, hunt _soft_ oval treats one's furry friend left.

Adie Pena with:
Morn treat: I'll sniff out the quality stuff of an oversexed northern hare.

Adrian Hickford with:
An off-the-shelf lunar/astral quote from the Internet (Oxford University)

Adie Pena with:
Faithful quarrel to fix Easter day then? Or torn sinners huff to move Lent?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Further north, Easter Festival often falls in May for the "Don Quixote" run.

Rosie Perera with:
Oh, I offer truthfully: it shifts; often on or equals next reverent Ramadan.

David Bourke with:
Manila events: No fluff...thorns! Quite extraordinary torture of the flesh!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Easter: An oxymoron of tortured flesh, quiet nun fervent faith, hat frills.

Neil Ramsay with:
Error! Then, after an eloquent forum's sixty five thousandth effort all-in.

Ellie Dent with:
Eastertime: frequently find lot on fresh hunt for an extra frivolous hat!

witch wyzwurd with:
Firstly, quell messiah. Unfix death. After: one trant to hunt on for forever.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Alto quartet, nine violins and three flutes offer forth four extra hymns.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Three Texan surgeons were arguing about who had the greatest skill.

The first surgeon said, "Three years ago, I reattached six fingers and a thumb to a concert pianist. He went on to give a piano recital to the Queen of England."

The second replied, "Heck, that's nothing unusual! I attended a man who was in a bad car accident, and both arms and both legs had been ripped from his body. Yet, just two years after I'd reattached his limbs, he went on to win three gold medals in the track and field events at the Sydney Olympics."

The third said, "Well, that's not unusual! A while back, I attended to a cowboy. He'd been whooping along, buzzing high on cocaine and alcohol, when he'd ridden his horse head-on into a Santa Fe freight train travelling at 80 miles-per-hour. All I had to work with was the horse's ass and a ten-gallon hat. A few years later, he went on to become the President of the United States."

=

An 80-year-old Texan rancher gashed his hand on a barbed wire fence while working the cattle, so he swathed his hand in a bandana and drove alone straight to the nearest doctor. While investigating the laceration, the Americanist doctor asked the man his feelings regarding George W. Bush being in the White House.

The man sniffed and said, "Well, ya see, Bush is a Post Turtle.'"

Not seeing what the man meant, the doctor said, "A Post Turtle! Interesting, but what on earth is it?"

The affable old rancher said, "Well, if you are out driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."

The old man saw a quizzical look on the doctor's face, so he explained:

"It's like this," he said. "Ya know he didn't get there by himself; he doesn't belong there; he can't get anything done while he's up there, and ya just wanna help the poor dumb bastard get down!"

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Some writing advice by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. on the subject of short stories.

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

=

How to win at the monthly Anagrammy Forum competitions.

1. "Aha!" Do something that hasn't been done before. Wow them! If it's an often-used topic (e.g. pop culture), try new and different angles.

2. The shorter your cohesive pieces, the more elegant. All those verbose descriptors are disadvantageous.

3. Heehaw! Guffaw! A jocular one (e.g. "deadheads") is a gas; a jewel that will attract attention and spur those coveted priceless points.

4. Avoid obscure, weird and eccentric hotchpotches. These are worthless tosh! Voters are downright conservative nowadays.

5. Make nice with everyone at the Forum. Swallow your pride. Occasionally nominate their anagrams even though you think they are hogwash.

6. Nick the subjects of others. Make hilarious anagrams out of the same letters.

7. Assess the contestants. See to it that Meyran Kraus doesn't post any entries. (Whew!)

8. When hopelessness sets in, watch the leader board regularly. Ask your friends, relatives and schoolfellows to vote for you.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
She said..."What do you mean by coming home half drunk?"
He said... "What! It's not my fault that I ran out of money!"

Priest... "I do not think you will ever find another man like your late husband."
She said... "Who's looking for one, eh?"

He said.. "What have you been doing with all that grocery money that I gave to you?"
She said..."Turn sideways and look in that mirror, you poor fat bastard!"

He said... "Two inches more, and I would be king!"
She said..."Wow! Two inches less, and you would be queen!"

He said... "Since I first laid eyes on you, pet, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."
She said..."Well, pal, you succeeded in that!"

=

He said... "Why don't you tell me if you reached orgasm?
She said..."I would, but you are never there to ask me!"

He said... "Shall we swap positions today?"
She said..."That makes a cool idea.... you can stand by the fuckin' ironin' board while I sit on the lounge and fart, clown."

On wall in the ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere."
Written under it: "I do not!"

He said... "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it!"
She said..."Sadly, sir, you wear pants, don't ya?"

He said... "Quick! Let's head out and have some fun tonight!".
She said..."Okay, but if you come home before I do, kindly leave the hallway light on!"

Adie Pena with:
The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout.
Down came the rain, and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain
And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.

=

When a thin, undaunted dunce tries to reach a notable height, is inundated, outwitted and whipped, litterateurs see the witty, peppy words as an empty, absurdist Sisyphus metaphor.

Rosie Perera with:
Ten unusual careers from Nancy Rica Schiff's "Odd Jobs":
1. Breath odor evaluator
2. Flatulence smell-reduction underwear maker
3. Beer tester
4. Crack filler
5. Ball tester
6. Tampon tester
7. Dog sniffer
8. Potato chip inspector
9. Porta-potty servicer
10. Paper towel sniffer

=

Skills needed to apply for these jobs:
1. Sharp sense of smell
2. Sense of (adult) humor
3. No better prospects
4. Terrific patience
5. No vomit reaction to fragrant crap odors.
6. No fecal fume reluctance.
7. Drunk brawler preferred.
8. Attractive...
9. ...but witty.
10. Crucial: a referral.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Jennifer Aniston (Rachel Green)
Courteney Cox (Monica Geller)
Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe Buffay)
Matt LeBlanc (Joey Tribbiani)
Matthew Perry (Chandler Bing)
David Schwimmer (Dr. Ross Geller)
=
Call me miserable, but six unbearable rich wankers, erm 'Friends' go wrong demanding my laughter, where
I can't accept their bloody perfect lives, nor can I enjoy their brand of jolly.

The Anagrammy Awards

MARCH 2008 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY