JUNE 2008 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2008

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
The Democrats and Republicans in America =
Obama and McCain rule this President race.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Guantanamo prisoner =
Heaping tortures on a man.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Senator McCain offers "right change" =
Rich ones among staff can get richer.

Adie Pena with:
Who can break McCain? ~
Barack: "A cinch now. Me!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"McCain targets Obama in final primary night" =
Printing anagram of this may be criminal act.

David Bourke with:
The forthcoming American Presidential election =
Respite from egocentric Clinton...eliminated, ha ha!

Adie Pena with:
"Hockey Night in Canada" theme song to be retired =
They, the CBC, are ending it. Ooh, one grand mistake!

Rosie Perera with:
NASA acts to put senior ~
astronauts into space.

Adie Pena with:
Sudanese Airbus A310 disaster =
Tears as 1 burns; "Adieus" as 30 die.

Adie Pena with:
Act of sin! Insolent bachelor had sex ~
in the cathedral's confessional box!

David Bourke with:
Ireland's referendum on the Lisbon Treaty =
The final "NO" to surrender deems it "blarney!"

View with:
Tiger fights off pain to take control of U.S. Open =
Facing a top position, forgot hurts of left knee

Adie Pena with:
The salmonella-tainted food =
One tomato-filled salad then?

David Bourke with:
Mr and Mrs Rooney =
End: Morons marry.

Adie Pena with:
George Bush at Ten Downing Street, London =
Gordon Brown's tea guest enlightened? NOT!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Wedding bells chime for California same-sex couples =
Bedfellows of unisex accomplish licensed marriage

Tony Crafter with:
President Bush meets Gordon Brown at Downing Street =
Inept sods gather to drone wet words in GB's Number Ten.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The US's interrogation strategy =
Get it right. Torture anyone's ass.

Ellie Dent with:
Golfer Tiger Woods at the US Open =
A good swing there spelt out 'FORE!'

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Kung pao chicken" made official for Olympics =
Chinese cook up a flock, affirming diplomacy

Adie Pena with:
Senator Edwards or Nunn for the Vice-President? =
As in do desert her! We can turn to proven friends.

Adie Pena with:
The Gaza Strip of Palestine ~
zapping the State of Israel.

Adie Pena with:
Palestine has broken a truce =
Nukes Israel. A potent breach!

Adie Pena with:
One's inevitable mortality? =
Inviolably eat more in test!

Adie Pena with:
The Briton Neil Entwistle gets life for murder =
Unseen bitter end: Shot former wife, little girl.

Neil Ramsay with:
Elections in Zimbabwe =
We bomb 'alien' citizens.

Adie Pena with:
Justices Bar Death Penalty for the Rape of a Child =
Father fell and said: "Crap! I object! Spare the youth!"

Adie Pena with:
Los Padres National Forest =
Area's plots and lots on fire!

Adie Pena with:
McCain and Obama are courting the Hispanic voters =
Each immigrant can hope and obtain U.S. visa. Correct? ;-)

Tony Crafter with:
Robert Mugabe is 'elected' as President =
Despised brute celebrates torn image.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

Eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
RULES FOR A LIFE THAT'S FULL OF HARMONY

Live simply.
Care deeply.
Love generously.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

=

FULL RULES THAT FAMED ROMEOS KEEP

Live for today.
Care for nothing.
Love ruthlessly.
Speak lyingly.
Leave speedily!

Eq1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle =
Hound of the Baskervilles or A Study in Scarlet or many such go in there

3rd - Adie Pena with:
One afternoon, the astute wife asked her harried husband, "Hon, what do you like most in me: my lovely face or my erotic body?" ~
He looked at her from hefty head to stubby toe and answered with conviction: "I alone may like your sense of humor, my dear!"

David Bourke with:
The American singer and guitarist Bo Diddley (Ellas Otha Bates) is dead =
Old blues giant lies in a cemetery...he's stirring to his "DA...da DA...da DA" beat!

Ellie Dent with:
At a school gathering, Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on a table's end, with a sign: 'Take one. GOD IS WATCHING.' =
On the other end, was a pile of cookies bearing a sign, a graphic art student's: 'All to take home, GOD IS WATCHING APPLES.'

Adie Pena with:
How to win the U.S. Open with one torn ligament and a double fracture =
He, humbled athlete Tiger Woods, can now turn pain (ow!) into a fortune!

Tony Crafter with:
Presidential candidate Morgan Tsvangirai steps down =
Rage, anger and disappointment as devil's dictator wins.

View with:
Obama, Clinton Look to Set Aside Differences, Campaign Together =
Politicians get agreement of falsehoods to break, to end McCain

Rosie Perera with:
The Incumbant Zimbabwean President Robert Gabriel Mugabe =
Crazed babbler's upbeat ("But me, I am greater!"). Bet on him winning.

Ellie Dent with:
My grandmother, Amy Marie, started walking and averaged nine miles a day when she was sixty one.
=
Now at age ninety-six years, we've no idea where the hell my mad gran is: my grandad Mark isn't as mad.

Dharam Khalsa with:
What did the outgoing pencil say on introduction to the graying sharpener?
=
Hey Dad, so want to stop going in a circle and hurry right to the genuine point?

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
'God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.' =
God gave us beer so we might use it, have some mirth, and score more.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December =
God gave us the wisdom to achieve our greatness. So remember Him.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December. =
God gave us: G.W.Bush; so He committed a massive, one-time error here!

Tony Crafter with:
God gave us: rheumatism, vices, bothersome women ... er, is there a God?

David Bourke with:
God gave Rosie to us, so as we mightn't be crude, to shame Him evermore!

Neil Ramsay with:
God gave us women
Oh Mother, caress.
Or, Eve made him
bitter, I guess.

Tony Crafter with:
God gave us The Cosmos. We abuse it. The harm is done. Evermore. Grim.

Adie Pena with:
God gave us His Son who came to be our Redeemer. It's grim. Save them!

Ellie Dent with:
God gave us winter: so, I have the summers to remember; each is good.

Dharam Khalsa with:
God gave us tomatoes, mushrooms, herbs, rice; we give dire methane.

Rosie Perera with:
God gave us Christ. Ah, however U.S. seems not to remember imago Dei.

Rosie Perera with:
God gave us mammaries, butts. Oh, sigh... We're ever on some diet chore!

Adie Pena with:
God gave us stereo rigs to hear how Beethoven made music simmer.

Rosie Perera with:
God gave us women the desire to move huge, set, machismo barriers.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
God gave us hindsight to remember to rue "wise move" as mere chaos

Adie Pena with:
God gave us Barrie's words to consummate his emotive gem here, eh?

Adie Pena with:
God gave us Mom,
To hug best;
Her voice does warm me
As in here I rest.

Dharam Khalsa with:
God gave us high midsummer rainbows to remove cares, to see Thee.

Rosie Perera with:
God gave US some other head come November. Aim is thus: G.W. retires!

View with:
God gave us means to serve him, be shrewd, meritorious. Go, teach me!

David Bourke with:
God gave us devotees our memories? Hogwash! I can't remember shit!

John Brown with:
God gave us Mr. Barrie, (O Me!) So we have Thoughts! (sometimes nice/red)

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
God gave us wooers a summer theme to see does give birth in March

Adrian Hickford with:
God gave us these Magic Mushrooms so that we'd be more in reverie.

Adrian Hickford with:
God gave us some beer, rich wine, or vermouth, so I get smashed, mate!

Adrian Hickford with:
God gave us cheeses, so we might dream more rotten misbehaviour.

David Bourke with:
God gave us the oh-so-tiresome Americans...we regret His dumb move!

Richard Napier with:
God gave us Demi Moore's huge breasts that we Irishmen come over!

Dharam Khalsa with:
God gave us horses; we have to race them in big-time summer rodeos.

Rosie Perera with:
God gave us Rome so that, arisen, we might overcome dumb heresies.

Adrian Hickford with:
God gave us the Word: Come, observe 'gram main home-site here - it's us!

Paul Pan with:
God gave us Roger Moore: He's the scummiest Bond I ever saw, hate 'im!

Christopher Sturdy with:
God gave us Christmas; one time mums ever see how their brood age.

Andrew Brehaut with:
God gave us this - a mum - so we remember dear soothing voices there.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
God gave us music with the to-do message: Be harmoniser evermore

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
God gave us tomorrows because then high aims deserve more time.

Dharam Khalsa with:
God gave us thunder booms, His (Her) remote wartime voice message.

David Bourke with:
God gave us Thatcher. I remember her. Devious woman's some egoist!

David Bourke with:
God gave us the orgasm so we remember to come...it's sure divine! Ahh!

TwoTeasChris with:
God gave us mothers who remember eighties music and SO overeat!

Meyran Kraus with:
God gave us the video cam, to remember those hours we are missing.

Meyran Kraus with:
God gave us beer, the summer movies, the erotic whores... God is a Man.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Philanderer Derek popped into the barbers for a haircut and while waiting for the barber to sharpen his razor, Derek was having a manicure from the very shapely blonde female assistant, and so he grabbed the chance to chat her up.

"What time will you finish here?" leered Derek out of the side of his mouth.

"About five o'clock," she said.

"Well, how about coming out for a drink and dinner with me?"

"But I'm married," she said.

"So what?" winked Derek.

"Well, what would I tell my husband?" asked the blonde.

"Tell your husband straight. Tell him you're going out tonight," said Derek.

"You tell him," she said. "That's him sharpening the razor."

=

A man went into a hairdresser's shop and asked him, "How long will you be?"

"Up to half an hour, sir," said the barber.

"Ok, I'll pop back later," said the man, then left.

He didn't return until the following day. "How long'll you be?" he asked.

The barber had four customers waiting. "Hmm - about an hour, sir," he said.

"Right, I'll come back."

The man did this every day that week and never returned, so the hairdresser became a bit rattled and asked his apprentice to follow him. "Tell me where he goes," he said. "Hurry!"

The apprentice whizzed off, but was back in five minutes. "Ok, I followed him!" he said.

"Right! ... Where did he go?"

"Straight round to your house!"

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ever wonder what happens if a greeting card prose writer has a bad day?

***

I heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be...

Don't fret about her--
Yes, she's moved in with me.

***

Looking back over the years we've been together,
I can't help wondering...

"Shit, what was I thinking?"

***

Congratulations on your Wedding Day...

Too bad everyone hates your husband.

***

How could two people as beautiful as you...

Have so ugly a baby?

***

I'd always wanted someone to hold, kiss and love.
Since I met you...

I've changed my mind.

***

You brought Religion and Prayer into my life.
You see...

I never believed in Hell 'til I met you.

***

As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...

You're not here to ruin it for me.

***

Congratulations on your Promotion!
First, before you move up...

Just take this sharp knife from my back--
You'll probably need it again.

~

Have a Happy Father's Day, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia)

***

Wishing you a Happy Birthday!
You look unbelievably good for your age...

almost lifelike.

***

When we embraced in love,
You said you'd die for me...

Now that we've broken up,
I think it's high time you kept your promise.

***

We have been best friends for a very long time...

Now can we stop?

***

Oh my God, I'm so miserable without you...

It almost seems like you're here with me.

***

Congratulations on your cute babbling bundle of joy...

Did you ever find out who the baby's father was?

***

Uncle, your friends and I want to do something special on your birthday tomorrow...

We're having you put to sleep.

***

So, your daughter's a hooker,
Don't let that ruin your Father's Day...

The bright economic side:
A senator evening is great pay.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WHAT are these:

They do what they want, when they want.
They never listen to you; clearly expect to be the real ruler.
They even seem immoral in love.
They're so vocal (a peculiar mewling noise), if they're not happy.
If you want to play around, they are too busy.

=

When you want to be left alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every single, little whim.
They are perpetually moody.
They leave their hairs everywhere.
They drive you bananas when you are on the phone.

CATS: small women in fur coats.

Adie Pena with:
1. Clara Barton
2. Thomas Edison
3. Albert Einstein
4. Buzz Aldrin
5. Malcolm Forbes
6. Robert Wood Johnson II
7. Frank Sinatra
8. Bruce Springsteen
9. Meryl Streep
10. Yogi Berra
11. Bill Bradley
12. Vince Lombardi
13. Toni Morrison
14. General Norman Schwarzkopf, and
15. Harriet Tubman

=

Our Garden State members are proud to accord the --

1. Remarkable
2. Brilliant
3. Brainier
4. Vibrant
5/6. Grand Nabobs
7. Slick
8. Sizzling
9. Normal (No, Natural!)
10. Brawny
11. Prime
12. Prized
13. Innermost
14. Colossal
15. Inborn

-- into the main corridors of the snobby New Jersey Hall of Fame.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Every Sunday morning a sweet, hard-of-hearing, purple-haired old lady and her eldest daughter went into the local church. This time, they were seated in the oak pew during the very long, boring sermon.

~

The nearly deaf old woman nudged her yawning daughter and loudly whispered, "My butt's asleep!"

The entire church congregation there overheard the hot reply, "I know, I heard it snoring several times!"

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders, Etc. Who Was Born In Newgate, and During a Life of Continu'd Variety For Threescore Years, Besides Her Childhood, Was Twelve Year a Whore, Five Times a Wife [Whereof Once To Her Own Brother], Twelve Year a Thief, Eight Year a Transported Felon In Virginia, At Last Grew Rich, Liv'd Honest, and Died a Penitent
=

In writer Daniel Defoe's fictional novel, the title is an overview of a teary story of a woman born to a convict at the Newgate prison, given up and she fends for herself through her life in an agreed fashion but is also recruited as a thief or whore, weds many worst-matched men but after they die or deceive or flee, the grown lady withdraws and renews her life.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A 72-year-old bald man and a burly young fellow are both wheeling their carts around the aisles at Home Depot when they collide.

The old grandpa says to the youngster, "Sorry about that. I was looking for my wife, so I guess I wasn't watching where I was going."

The young man replies, "I'm okay. Say, that's such a coincidence! I'm also looking for my wife. I can't find her and I'm getting worried."

~

Encouragingly, the old man says, "I imagine we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young man sighs dreamily, "Ooh, my dear wife's a 27-year-old with red hair, blue eyes, gigantic boobs, long legs, and is wearing tight white shorts and a cute matching lacy top," adding, "What about your wife?"

The old man answers, "It's not important, Sonny.... Let's race and look for your wife first!"

Adie Pena with:
"Plutoids are celestial bodies in orbit around the sun at a distance greater than that of Neptune that have sufficient mass for their self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that they assume a hydrostatic equilibrium (near-spherical) shape, and that have not cleared the neighborhood around their orbit."

=

"Hemorrhoids, the anatomical term for the varicosities of veins in both the protruded rectum and a rosy anus, is quite analogical to the retarded oddity, George Bush. Fact: In the USA, about half of the frustated people have this irrecoverable, sorry pain in the ass that can be caused by straining hard in the toilet."

Dharam Khalsa with:
Books are the compasses and telescopes and sextants and charts which other men have prepared to help us navigate the dangerous seas of human life. --Anonymous =
From table of contents to index, an author has his own agenda and hopes our values match his purposes. An average teacher demands class synopses keep the theme.

Dharam Khalsa with:
'The Children of the Huang Shi' (also known as 'Children of the Silk Road' and 'Escape from Huang Shi'), a drama directed by Roger Spottiswoode, starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Michelle Yeoh, and Chow Yun-Fat
=

How a British journalist, American nurse, and Chinese man led and comforted escaped orphans on a trek north for miles of rough highways, rocky high hills, deadly desert, to safety, and how they change.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A Soldier

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE DANGLING CONVERSATION

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower 6:40 a.m., just as his wife finishes up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The pretty wife wraps her body in a tatty towel and goes downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, the guy says, "I'll give you eight hundred dollars to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops away her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, the guy hands her eight hundred dollars, tells her goodbye and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the tatty towel and goes upstairs to the bedroom. Getting there, her husband asks, "Who was that, Honey?"

"The neighbour Bob."

"Great!" the husband says, "Did my buddy say anything to you about the eight hundred dollars he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a nun a lift. Getting into the car, she crossed her legs, forcing her baggy gown to flaunt a taut leg. The priest nearly had an accident! After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, try to remember Psalm 129." The priest moved his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up the taut leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, try to remember that Psalm." The priest apologized, "Sorry Sister, but you know the flesh is weak." Arriving at the ivy-covered convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

When he got back to the church, the priest looked up and found Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you do not stay well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, administration clerk, and the manager, walking to lunch, find a tiny oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Yay! Me first! Me first!" shouts the sales rep. "I want to be in the Bahamas driving in a little speedboat, then catching a few zz's, without a care in the world." Puff! He's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" shouts the admin clerk. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing at a beach with my male masseuse, endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. Utopia!" Puff! She's gone.

~

"OK, you're up," The genie informs the manager. The manager hoots, "I want those two back in the office after lunch by 12:29!"

Moral of the story is:
A winner always lets his boss have first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a nice sassafras tree resting passively, doing nothing. A small rabbit assessed the eagle and asked him, "I wonder, can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered, "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat passive on the ground below the sassafras and rested like a maharajah. All of a sudden, 9 or 10 minutes later, in a whirr, a fox appeared, jumped on the hapless rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is:
To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull in a grassy orchard. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but haven't got enough energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with corn and nutrients!" he explains.

So the turkey sniffed, appraised a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to raise himself to the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after another picnic of dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night in the grassy yard, the turkey was proudly perched in the treetop.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, an expert marksman. The farmer raised his gun and shot him from the tree.

Moral of the story is:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and whirled to the ground in a large field. While he was lying there in crisis, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there still in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to exclaim, "Ahhhh!" and sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and the assassin promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story is:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is an enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is a friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.

Tony Crafter with:
Where Is Love

Adie Pena with:
More About People

Adie Pena with:
Space Oddity

John Brown with:
The Anagrammy Awards
1. General
2. Other Names
3. Unspecified
4. Entertainment
5. Medium Length
6. Long
7. Anagrammy Challenge
8. Topical
9. Rude
10. People's Names
11. Special
=
1. Many shall enter me...
2. Hard to pronounce.
3. I don't... FIT IN!
4. Characters!
5. Large...
6. HUGE
7. A placement awes!
8. May engage!
9. Appall me. EGAD!
10. Mmisspellings? Nun!
11. Me? I am entered!

Dharam Khalsa with:
This individual is soon to be unemployed and seeks a managerial position.

The Anagrammy Awards

JUNE 2008 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY