Long Anagram by Dharam Khalsa

This individual is soon to be unemployed and seeks a managerial position. He will be available in February, 2009 and is willing to relocate.

CURRICULUM VITAE:

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE AND EDUCATION:

Law Enforcement:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and my driver's license was suspended for thirty days. My driving record seems to be 'lost' and is not available.

Military:

I joined Texas Air National Guard and deserted AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about previous drug use. By joining the Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat strife in Vietnam.

College:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C (satisfactory) average. I shone as a cheerleader.

PAST WORK RECORDS:

I ran for a U.S. Congress seat and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I unwisely bought an oil company, then could not find any oil. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a clandestine sweetheart deal that took over land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and friends in the oil industry (including Enron's CEO Ken Lay), I was chosen Governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:

I changed the Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making the state the most polluted in the U.S. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as America's most smog-ridden city.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the State Treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in United States history.

With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first U.S. President ever in history to enter the office with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I breached the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the Treasury.

I set the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any twelve-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a twelve-month period.

I set the all-time record for the largest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over two million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My 'poorest millionaire,' Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for the most campaign fund-raising trips by a president.

I am the all-time record holder in receiving the most pro-corporate campaign donations.

My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the Supreme Court during my decision for election.

I have provided protection for my friends at Enron and Halliburton against threatened investigation or prosecution.~
More time and money was spent investigating the sex scandal of Clinton and the buxom Monica Lewinsky than has been spent looking at one of the biggest corporate ripoffs in U.S history.

I presided over the largest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when oil industry corruption was known.

I do preside over the highest per gallon gasoline prices in U.S. history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals, among others, to be awarded exorbitant government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of U.S. government.

I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of law.

I refused to allow expert inspectors access to U.S. 'prisoner of war' detainees and have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations local election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

I set the record for least number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After going on a break during the entire month of August, I next presided over the most serious security failure in U.S. history.

I organized the most global sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attack on 9/11, and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, among the largest diplomacy failures in world history.

I have set an all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public (15,000,000), shattering the record for protest against any unpopular person in all history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order a preemptive attack and military occupation of an 'unarmed' sovereign nation. I attacked unprovoked against the common will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community mood.

I have given the ax to health care benefits for war veterans and support a rollback in benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British allies.

I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans deem my presidency the biggest threat to world peace and world security.

I am backing development of a "Nucular Tactical Bunker Buster,' a WMD.

I have failed in my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS:

All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's library in Texas, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigation into my insider stock trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy, guarded and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from annual meetings that I or my Vice-President attended regarding public energy policy are blocked in secrecy and unavailable for public lookup. I specified that my sealed documents would not be unblocked or leaked for 50 years.

Please consider this global expert for a managerial job. You can call (972) 766-9050.

[2,670 letters]

Nominated in June 2008.

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