Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2000

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2000 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
If all the veins in my body were laid end-to-end, ~
then damn soon I will very definitely be dead!

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Parliamentarian =
I am a plain ranter.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
To revenge =
Or get even?

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The Traveling Wilburys: Bob Dylan, George Harrison, Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne and Roy Orbison =
An angry Jew / the Beatle / blond boy / sorry prat in ELO / stiff guy... in short, very boring old men.

2nd - Earle Jones with:
A nice coy Mona Lisa demurred =
Smile! You're on Candid Camera!

3rd - Benjamin Yackley with:
A Sega Dreamcast =
Games at arcades.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - ID Letterman with:
Manual recount =
Unclear amount.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The US Elections =
Count these lies.

3rd - William Tunstall-Pedoe with:
Republican National Committee =
Inept ballot count: America mine!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
The Missionary Position =
Say, I insist I'm on top o' her.

2nd - Tom Myers with:
I am checking up on my portfolio in stocks =
Company's in toilet. Shock! I'm fucking poor.

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Golden shower =
So, down her leg?

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Safe And Easy Snoring Solution! =
Insert nose in ass of a young lad.

3rd - Brad Williams with:
Find Free Stuff~Click~Here
Fiend! Fist-fucker! Felcher!

THE LONG SPAM CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
Here are the 4 easy steps to success:

STEP 1: Get 6 separate pieces of paper and write the following on each piece of paper "PLEASE PUT ME ON YOUR MAILING LIST." Now get 6 US $1 bills and place ONE inside EACH of the 6 pieces of paper so the bill will not be seen through the envelope (to prevent thievery). Next, place one paper in each of the 6 envelopes and seal them. You should now have 6 sealed envelopes, each with a piece of paper stating the above phrase, your name and address, and a $1 bill. What you are doing is creating a service. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY LEGAL! You are requesting a legitimate service and you are paying for it!

Like most of us I was a little skeptical and a little worried about the legal aspects of it all. So I checked it out with the U.S. Post Office (1-800-725-2161) and they confirmed that it is indeed legal. Mail the 6 envelopes to the following addresses:

#1) Jon Nagy
710 N.E.3rd Ave.
Delray Beach, FL 33444

#2) J. Drescher
P.O. Box 731
Hawley, Pa. 18428

#3) Aaron Roth
7718 Cambridge Court
Crestwood, Ky 40014

#4) Sathish Kumar S
8210 Gorman Avenue
Laurel, MD - 20707

#5) Wyatt LeClair
24119 W. Del Monte Dr.
Valencia, CA 91355

#6) Ernesto Rodriguez
503 Jon Ct.
Diamond Bar, Ca 91765

STEP 2: Now take the #1 name off the list that you see above, move the other names up (6 becomes 5, 5 becomes 4, etc...) and add YOUR Name as number 6 on the list.

STEP 3: Copy and paste this article to a word document and change anything you need to, but try to keep this article as close to original as possible. Now, post your amended article to at least 200 newsgroups. (I think there are close to 24,000 groups) All you need is 200, but remember, the more you post, the more money you make! You won't get very much unless you post like crazy.

This is perfectly legal! If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18 Sec. 1302 and 1341 of the Postal lottery laws. Keep a copy of these steps for yourself and, whenever you need money, you can use it again, and again. PLEASE REMEMBER that this program remains successful because of the honesty and integrity of the participants and by their carefully adhering to the directions. Look at it this way. If you are of integrity, the program will continue and the money that so many others have received will come your way.

Guys, are you concerned by the size of your old feller?

Feel you maybe need a little more endowment? Eager for 1, 2, even 4 more inches?

Help is on its way! Here are the 4 easy steps you need to get the mega-willy you've always wanted! Believe me, the plan really works - I myself gained 3.6666666667 inches, and you can too!

STEP 1: Carefully clean your cock with pure water and aloe vera soap, ensuring each cranny is completely free from every trace of smegma. Bathe it in tea tree oil and give it a final rinse, before gently patting the surface dry. Then chop off the useless frigging piece of meat.

STEP 2: Seal your tiny old doodah in plastic, place it in a thick envelope then mail it to the #1 name from the address list you see below:

#1) Fred Salerno
478 E 31st Street
San Francisco CA 94114
USA

#2) J.W. Bobbitt
10573 Machete Avenue
Beverly Hills CA 90210
USA

#3) Ed Windsor
c/o Round the back of Buck House
London SW1
Great Britain

#4) Larry Brash
P.O. BOX 312
The Junction NSW 2291
Australia

#5) Amélie Mauresmo
6275, rue Sappho 75010 Paris
France

By the way, I called the Post Office (1-800-725-2161) and they established that it is indeed perfectly legal to post recently detached penises, as long as they've been properly wrapped. So as you see there's no need to stress yourself on this matter.

STEP 3: Move the names up a step. Drop name #1, append yours at the #5 level instead, and then post the message to at least 23,000 newsgroups (there are 24,000-plus). Any ought to do, but I suggest you ought to keep away from alt.personals.herpes.

I did all of this a while ago. To my amazement, inside ten weeks I received 1,088,037,580,134,481,114,307.5 cocks by mail - exactly 4 of which were larger than my old pee-pee.

STEP 4: Now call upon a capable micro-surgeon to attach the prick you've selected. If your specialist is unfamiliar with the operation, make sure to tell him to pay special attention to the dorsal vein and positioning the corpus cavernosa, and that the urethra needs particular care too. Alternatively, a quick round with a stapler ought to do the job.

That's all! So come on, what have you got to lose? I'm a changed man now, due to this scheme, and I promise it can help you too. I hope you're going to decide to give it a go.

David Bourke

2nd - David Bourke with:
Hello All

I would like to know what service or business is missing from the internet.

Could it use a more helpful (paid) version of Ask Jeeves?
Could it use a forwarding service so that snail and email is only given to one company?
Could the internet use a Better Business Bureau? (reporting good and bad companies, sites across the internet)
Maybe you want an ISP that charges only $10.00 / month?

What would you like to see thats not already on the internet?

I want to know...what you think and I want to you to forward this posting to at least 5 people. I would like to receive a minimum of 1,000 emails on this topic by November 5, 2000 - Can you help me. (I want a total of 15,000 emails by Nov 30, 2000)

Email your replies to wrowe62@uswest.net
http://www.deja.com/profile.xp?author=wrowe62@uswest.net&ST

Please use a subject of: SURVEY

Thanks
Wayne Rowe

Hi, you poor old jerks, I'm Mark Waine...

I would like to insult your intelligence by pretending that I'm out conducting some sort of internet survey, when, in fact, all that I'm doing is getting (at no cost to myself) the e-mail addresses of as many gullible assholes as possible, which I can then sell-off to various unscrupulous internet companies so they can bombard you too with spam to advertise their pathetic rubbish, such as penis (or tit) enhancement, online loans, sexual aids, perverted teenie porno videos, or worse...I bet you know just the sort of unwanted pure drivel that I mean! So anyway, I want to make at least $1,000,000 (or even $2,000,000!) by Nov 6, 2002.

Reply to:
whatastupidlittlefool@www.spam121-365@wet_ewe&sheepwool5050.au

(Please use a subject of :
"Wow wow wow! I see! I'm a total and utter wanker too!")

Thank you everyone,
- Mark Waine

3rd - Larry Brash with:
21,000+ XXX Channels, 500,000+ Thumbnail Photos, 17,000+ Sex Stories Text Format, 300+ Audio Sex Stories, 100+ Web Cams (Shower, Dressing Room, Clinic, Pee Cam), Adult Chat Rooms, 100+ XXX Screen Savers, 5000+ Mini Movies, 300 Sex Games, 10,500 Celebrity, 400+ Celebrity Mimi Movies, LIVE SEX SHOWS, Adult Classified Area, FREE Smut Cards By Email, Dating Services, Voyeur Area, Models Of The World, Redhead Pussy Area, Pamela Anderson Area With The Movies & Pixs, EroticaWorld, Alexis St. James Area, Jokes/Puzzles.

Overview:
A mecca of:
200 goofy paraphiliacs,
100 crummy child molesters in VWs,
100 exhibitionists dressed just in jocks,
500 sexually regressive arse examiners,
100 ex-anorexic swamp goat/llama lovers,
500 men who xerox their arses (expelled adulterers),
400 ex-midwife lesbians (hermaphrodites),
300 sex device addicts (also shoes fetish zealots),
700 extreme onanists,
300 Durex users,
100 closet bum-bandits,
500 sodomite vicars (amaze a pew),
& exactly 1000 masturbaters.

ima_ram@yahoo.com

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
The Soldier

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
=
A pronouncement in Rome's forum: Tony says, "You listen here! Bar democratic admirers!"

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Justness, Sagaciousness, Abstinence, Fortitude, Faith, Hope and Love - The Seven Godly Virtues.
=
Pride, Covetousness, Lust, Sofa-Sloth, Envy, Rage, A DUI/Just Being Fat- The Seven Theodicean Sins.

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Andrew MacCormack with:
George "Dubya" Bush =
Boy, he'd bugger USA.

2nd - Jaybur with:
Sir Michael Caine =
Ah, is cinema relic!

3rd - David Bourke with:
The President of The United States of America, George Walker Bush =
Takes power after foe, Mr. Clinton... but gee, he's sure a shitheaded git!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mick Tully with:
Flanders Fields =
Sad, friends fell.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Palm Beach, Florida =
Al? Bad place for him...

3rd - Brad Williams with:
Pontiac Parisienne =
Nipponese car, I ain't.

THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
What shall we do with the drunken sailor? =
We'll rush in, soak the old hand with water.
Rare old wino? We think we'd lash that lush!
Swill, hah? OK, hold that swine underwater!
O, we rut that dill so hard when he walks in!
We'll shit on that wanker's head. (How lurid!)

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Used car salesman =
Rude men, as a class.
A damn useless car.
Alas! Scams endure.
A damn sale's curse.
Resumes a scandal.

3rd - William Tunstall-Pedoe with:
The Republican National Committee =
The inept ballot count: America mine!
Bump the total in American election!
Patient, me? I machine-recount ballot!
Recount the ballot? I'm an emetic pain.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
A block anagram of Psalm 119 in 40 sections

2nd - David Bourke with:
The Ten Commandments

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Part of the original press release for the Teletubbies from March 1997

THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

This month's challenge was to anagram "I am a pretty little Dutch girl" into a poem about a different nationality.

I am a pretty little Dutch girl,
As pretty as I can be.
And all the boys in the neighbourhood
Are crazy over me!

1st - Richard Grantham with:
An elderly Palm Beach citizen,
I leer at my bingo card:
To play it's rather easy, uh?
But *voting* there's too hard!

2nd - Larry Brash with:
I'm a bastard Aussie bitch,
I love to bang all day.
Later, try pet her dirty cunt.
Oz gentlemen cheer "hip hooray!"

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
I'm Otto, German Nazi lad,
Read plays by Bertolt Brecht;
Pray Hitler is alive each night -
Shout "O, Ya!" nude, erect.