Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2001
All the highly-placed anagrams from the March 2001 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Jaybur with:
The misandrist =
It's men I'd trash.
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Fire and brimstone =
Bad time for sinner.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A polygraph test =
Goal: Trap the spy.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Suicide is painless,
It brings on many changes,
And I can take or leave it if I please. =
Sung, I believe, in "M*A*S*H" (a series set against epic conflicts and daily pain in Korea).
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Pirated Songs? =
Napster is God.
3rd - Dan Fortier with:
Michael Douglas in "Traffic" =
He claims a "drug affliction".
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Russell Crowe in 'Gladiator' =
Result: I win real gold Oscar!
2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Foot and Mouth Disease =
Fate's too damn hideous!
3rd - Jaybur with:
Whatever has Microsoft's Bill Gates been doing? =
Sigh! Browsing boldface in Seattle: earth moves.
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A Ten-Inch Dick =
Nice and thick!
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Tempting flesh, honey! =
The length of my penis.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The 'oldest profession' =
Lots of red-hot penises!
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Consolidate all your Bills into One Monthly Payment
Slash you credit card interest rates down to zero =
More bloody rancorous spam! Who'll end it?
Today's latest count is another ninety trillion deletes. Crazy!
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Problems with your credit? =
Tom screwed it up horribly.
3rd - David Bourke with:
Consolidate all your Bills into One Monthly Payment
Slash your credit card interest rates down to zero =
Sorry... utter shit. Come to Poland! You can now land lenders'
rates set at ten million-or-so zloty daily! Be rich!
THE LONG SPAM CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
When you access the Internet, your computer keeps permanent hidden
records of your activities!
Evidence Eliminator allowed me to see exactly whats on my PC's hard drive. Needless to say I was shocked at what I found. Files I shredded months earlier were clearly visible using this software.
If you take your computer in for repair, what will they find? Think about it !
You really do need.............Evidence Eliminator.
http://www.evidence-eliminator.com/go.shtml?A653704
kkqikhyvovjsyueindfgovbmeittecthcdkmqhshejyklpucyqfwbge
=
Dear fellow depraved sick perverts,
When I took my computer in my local PC World, they found exactly 653,704 dirty pictures of sweet babies downloaded free from www.nakedchildren.net on my hard drive, and they very quickly contacted the police. Why, I just wish I'd had Evidence-Eliminator software then! Sheer sheer shame! I'm finished, totally finished, career-wise! So if you wanna be in my gang, then you keep our sick, sick activities quite quite secret, OK? Just think about that lesson, hmmm?
- Gary Glitter
PS: I love you love me love!
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Make Your Money Work For You!
Knowledge is the key to any successful financial venture.
Whether you are looking for an early retirement, need information on wealth creation and preservation, or you are simply looking for a career opportunity...
We can teach you!
Our representatives focus on pointing you in the right direction to achieve financial goals beyond your wildest dreams!!!
Don't wait another day!
For more information (Click Reply) with your name, address and telephone number.
You will be contacted shortly!
=
We have found a great way to con money from a large number of poor, lonely, old men in need of a nice fuck.
We churn out priority emails, like this one, to get you interested. Our randy, very attractive, female interviewers drop in for a nice chat, prior to their most stimulating sales pitch. Boy, you'll see what I mean.
They concentrate upon your personal "indoor needs". If you're sucked in, into any old con trick, ready to sign on, look for your "union" payment. We now go in for the kill.
We take away your nice hard-earned cash.
Larry Brash
3rd - Dan Fortier with:
What if we could show you how to EFFECTIVELY add between 1"
to 3" to your penis size without surgery, pumps, or other
painful methods? Would you be willing to check it out and try
all natural exercise techniques that could add MAJOR size to your
penis?
=
What if we were to SUDDENLY *chop off* 1" to 3" of your
penis??
Would you be willing to stop your Spam?!? (*I'd* quit!!)
(Huh? I *did* realize you *aren't* that long...
so I'd ram a machete up your butt's crevice!)
The sex-act junk doesn't sell here!
Watch it or we'll "cut you down to size"!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou
among women, and blessed be the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy
Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour
of our death. Amen.
=
Praise Allah, for he, not Christ, is god,
Offer thyself to Mohammed, the grand holy man.
If we anger, burdened at the hour of need,
May we use just words, not bombs,
Shout for Islam - truly, the honourable way.
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Shakespeare's
76th sonnet anagrammed into a real news story
3rd - Crash Davis with:
Anagrammy Awards voting
As you just voted in the Anagrammy Awards, this is an auto response message to let you know that your votes were received.
Thank you for taking the time to vote.
Larry Brash
Anagrammy Awardsmaster
mailto:awardsmaster@anagrammy.com
=
Dear sir/madam/miss,
Hi! You voted for my anagrams yet? Right! Thanks! You have real taste!
You didn't? (Gasp!) Just a moment, as I want to make you aware that you're an ass. An ass-lick! My anagrams are the grooviest art, man!
Now, revert to www.anagrammy.com to revote!
Regards.
LB
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jaybur with:
Wilfred Edward Salter Owen =
War saddened writer fellow.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Michelangelo Merisi Caravaggio =
Sheer magical image via coloring.
eq.3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Kate Winslet =
Sweet talkin'.
eq.3rd - Mick Tully with:
George W. Bush and Tony Blair =
Beware! Blood-hungry giants...
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei =
The elite pure-racist Hitler-based Nazi association.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Space Station Mir =
Estimate crash point.
3rd - Pip Eastop with:
London Chamber Orchestra =
Brahms or Handel concerto.
THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Five great composers whose surnames started with the letter B (as indeed so many of them did), in chronological order: =
Old Bach, who created great masses or the truly divine Passions then went off to sire more tiresome goddam children;
Beethoven, adored stone-deaf master, model of choral-symphonic writing, whose terse late string music is rather odd;
To Brahms, whose tight symphonies and sweet if guarded violin concerto are deemed models of orchestral restraint;
Berg, who drew his hot, sad violin concerto (dedicated 'to the memory of an angel') from serialism's stern, austere depths;
Berio, whose elegant, edgy, eclectic Sinfonia's rather odd third movement swiped from Mahler, Strauss and others too.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Displaying all of the five nominees for Best Director: =
Ang Lee: Inspired story (of Chinese form) of livid battle.
Stephen Daldry: Terrific movie of goofiness in ballet.
Ridley Scott: Offensive prime in Flesh & Bone "Gladiator".
Steven Soderbergh: Film lady "Erin" - life to soap-fiction.
Steven Soderbergh: Position one film ideally - "Traffic".
3rd - David Bourke with:
Hereby listed, my considered personal choices of but five of the world's greatest known anagrammatists: =
- The fine old, grey Larry Brash from Newcastle, NSW. Voted 'King of comic Spam', but he desires to net a Set. (As do I!)
- Richard 'Grammy Kid' Grantham, oft top in wins last year. The fellow deserves to be 'No. One' of successes, I'd bet!
- Meyran Kraus - A showoff, crowing at old Rehovot bitches. (Er... damn big set credentials!) Seems Seinfeld-potty.
- Richard Brodie. What mass talents! So doesn't even flinch at many Good Book rewrites, etc. ("Mere piffles, guys!")
- Michael Keith. Class maths genius, yet fast renowned for 'Periodic Table'. (Now set odds-on for 'Very Best Gram'.)
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Ode to
the Amoeba
2nd - Mike Keith with:
An
anagram of the first 8497 letters of the story "The Metamorphosis"
by Franz Kafka.
3rd - David Bourke with:
Dear friend,
Would you like to receive every morning Italian news directly
in your mailbox, ABSOLUTELY FREE? If you are an Italian abroad,
or descending from Italian(s), or if you like Italy or if you
want to travel in Italy you can see, in this way, what's happening
in your liked country and feel nearer to it. If you like that,
it is enough you click here newsitaly@terra.es and confirm your
email address.
We offer also other services, all free, that you can see in our
web pages. You can always unsubscribe simply sending us an empty
email with object "unsubscribe". We safeguard your privacy
(see our "privacy statement") and this is the ONE email
you'll receive from us if you don't want our services.
This message is being sent to you in compliance with the proposed
Federal legislation for commercial e-mail (S.1618 - SECTION 301).
"Pursuant to Section 301, Paragraph (a)(2)(C) of S. 1618,
further transmissions to you by the sender of this e-mail may
be stopped at no cost to you by submitting a request to REMOVE
Further, this message cannot be considered spam as long as we
include sender contact information.
Italy-news staff.
Estimado amigo: Estaría usted interesado en recibir
Noticias de Italia cada mañana, directamente en su correo
electrónico ABSOLUTAMENTE GRATIS? Si usted es un italiano
viviendo en el extranjero, o descendiente de italianos, y le gustaría
saber que está pasando diariamente en su país, y
sentirse más cerca de él... todo lo que necesita
hacer click aquí: newsitaly@terra.es y confirmar su email
address.
Usted puede asimismo cuando lo desee retirar su suscripción
simplemente enviandonos un e-mail en blando con el siguiente mensaje:
"unsubscribe". Garantizamos su privacidad (vea nuestro
"privacy statement") y este es el único e-mail
que usted recibirá de nosotros si usted no desea suscribirse
a nuestros servicios.
Este mensaje se está enviando usted en conformidad con
la legislación federal propuesta para el E-mail comercial
(S.1618 - SECCIÓN 301). conforme sección 301, párrafo
(a)(2)(C) s. 1618, futuro transmisión usted por remitente
este E-mail poder ser parar en ninguno coste usted por someter
uno petición para QUITAR más lejos, este mensaje
poder no ser considerar Spam tan de largo a medida que nosotros
incluir remitente contacto información. Staff de Italy
News)
=
Dear greasy eye-tie wop cunts,
Mama mia! You rest assured, next time I see a need of 1138666
miles of festering spaghetti, 1112300 tons of ravioli, 116120
tons of 'al dente' penne pasta, 138188 tons of parmesan cheese,
rancid diseased prosciutto, macaroni fumes, crumbly panettone,
a sickly sweet tutti-frutti ice cream, obscenely fat-arsed tenors
in inane poncy tuneless operas, Joe Dolce's 'Shaddapa Your Face',
'Que Sera Sera', a severed horse's head on my pillow, tanks with
1 forward and 30 reverse gears, white flags, ceaseless political
corruption, seedy bent police, insane suicidal maniacs out in
rusty Fiats or on weeny toy Lambretta and Vespa street scooters,
Dario Fo, Andrea Bocelli, Benito 'Il Duce' Mussolini, Serie-A
footie teams in San Siro, Sophia Loren, Carlo Ponti, Giancarlo
Fisichella, tasteless United Colors of Benetton advertisements,
I Scuderia Ferrari Maranello F1 tifosi, senselessly fast 'Testarossa'
dick-replacements, Pininfarina, lop-sided monuments @ Pisa, ruined
stadiums @ Rome, Etna, armless indecent nude statues, weedy reedy
Bontempi organs, lute tunes, Julius Caesar (a cruel murderer),
Nero (just a tyrant), Romano Prodi, Massimo Troisi, an Olivetti
typewriter, E.U. Commissioner Emma Bonino, money-grabbing gondoliers
in Venice (an insanitary true sewer), Caneletto, RAI, Greta Scacchi,
Andrea de Cesaris, Cicciolina's quite grotesque tits, Casanova,
Versace, Armani, Fiorucci, Alberto 'La Bomba' Tomba, Deborah Compagnoni,
La Giaconda, Jarno Trulli, Alfa Romeo, Ducati, Maserati, La Mille
Miglia, Riccardo Patrese, Zucchero, Adriano Celentano, Lucio Battisti,
Vasco Rossi, duo Alessi, Pinot Grigio, Topo Gigio (a funny squeaky
wee cute furry rodent), Peroni beer, Chianti, Martini, Marconi,
Rossini, Puccini, Verdi, Monteverdi, Vespucci, Columbus, Dante's
Inferno, Leonardo da Vinci's quite demented nonsense ideas, Vivaldi's
unendurable fiddle tunes, Michaelangelo's so amateur ceiling cartoons,
and any more useless unwanted true crap you create, fear not...
see, I'll surrender at once... er, I mean let you know.
By the way, just a question: I am indeed sure you know just why
your Italy is in a boot-shape, don't you?
- Easy! Because you see, my fine misty-eyed friends, it seems
you'd never get quite as much pure shite out of a tiny shoe. Tee
hee! Yes sirree! Now, if you'd excuse me please, I must run...
ciao!
THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY
This month's challenge was to anagram the first stanza of "My Love is like a Red, Red Rose" by Robert Burns into a new poem about a different flower.
O my love is like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June:
O my love is like the melody,
That's sweetly played in tune.
1st - Richard Grantham with:
You need my seed, my Lily raw,
So ever hot like nettles;
I'd love to surge within your jeans
And smell the pinky petals.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The US president so likely yelps:
"O Mother! I'm in need!
Give only twenty dollars - 'kay, just one -
I really must have weed!"
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Sin, my heavenly violet jewel,
Your arse stinks like a Pole.
My nuts get twisted deep in
Your red-hot and smelly hole.
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