Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2001
All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2001 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The best things in life are free =
Resting beneath the fireflies.
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Internet spam =
It's permanent.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Aspirin tablets =
It's pain blaster!
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - David A. Green with:
Erich von Daniken's "Chariots of the Gods?" =
Crank has no good evidence for this shit.
2nd - Jaybur with:
Claude Monet, an Impressionist =
Monsieur paints a scene, I'm told.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Late Author Douglas Adams =
Made us laugh too hard at tales!
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Jaybur with:
Mid East violence =
Malice so evident.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The British author Douglas Adams died suddenly of a heart attack =
A sad, absurd end of a truly mad lad. A toast to "The Hitch Hiker's Guide"!
3rd - Dan Fortier with:
Tim McVeigh's execution =
Victim: no excuse: get him!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Battery-operated vibrator =
Probe a torrid, tatty beaver.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
A big well hung stud =
Wild lust. Huge bang.
3rd - Phil Carmody with:
So, why do I have a bad intense pain in my arse? =
Maybe a penis or a heavy hand's now inside it?
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A PERSONAL NOTE FROM THE ORIGINATOR OF THIS PROGRAM:
By the time you have read the enclosed program, you may have concluded that an amateur could not have created such a legal program that works.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I had a profitable business for 10 years. Then in 1979 my business began falling off. I was doing the same things that were previously successful for me, but it wasn't working. Finally, I figured it out. It wasn't me, it was the economy. Inflation and recession had replaced the stable economy that had been with us since 1945.
I don't have to tell you what happened to the unemployment rates...because many of you know from first hand experience. There were more failures and bankruptcies than ever before.
The middle class was vanishing. Those who knew what they were doing invested wisely and moved up. Those who did not, including those who never had anything to save or invest, were moving down into the ranks of the poor. As the saying goes, "THE RICH GET RICHER AND THE POOR GET POORER." The traditional methods of making money will never allow you to "move up" or "get rich", inflation will see to that.
=
AN ENRAGED RESPONSE TO THIS UNFORGIVABLE WEB OFFER:
Hi, unworthy beggar. By the time you read this my cugine may already be on his way to your apartment to gut you and then dance on the mutilated corpse.
Let me mention my name, fucker. I'm Don Tito "The Gravedigger" Vampari. I'm Italian and have a very loving, real *devoted* family. We settled here in the United States to sell, uh, wool-clips and nose-powder.
Now, only 'cause Tito takes care of business every day doesn't mean Tito can't surf the net a little bit at night, right? Wrong. See, some fucking idiot gets in Tito's way when he surfs with his goomah and makes him unhappy - and datsa you.
Well, I'll be honest- we're no strangers to spam. Our dear friend and peer, Ton "The Velvet Glove" Reelilocco, the lord have mercy on his soul, explored the web-shakedowns occupation for a while. He forgot, however, that Vin "The Milkman" Eatcheerios had his hands on the whole web shit for ages. Now Ton has a pair of cement shoes and greets the fish from the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
Wanna be a wise guy? Fuck off or I'll turn your pisello into my Rottweiler's lunch. COPPISH?!
Wrathful,
Don Vampari
2nd - James H. Young with:
Hi,
First off, thank you for reading my post.
Second I would like you to do something for me.
I have been surfing the web looking for some way to use the internet
to make some money.
I've seen ALL kinds of things, chain letters, get paid to surf,
paid to read e-mail etc. But then I ran into this site that I
am really interested in trying. But I'm not sure if it will work,
so I'm asking for your opinion. I THINK it's a great idea. But
BEFORE I send in my money i would like to know what some people
[i.e. you] that surf the net think. Would I be wasting my time
and money? Do you think other people would also sign up. Can I
make any money this way? What do you think?
Please go to the site look it over, then e-mail me your comments.
-GOOD OR BAD-
I need to know what people think about this BEFORE I make a mistake
that will cost me.
Thank you in advance.
Janet
=
Dear Janet,
Hi! I thank you for this wonderfully kind memo. Normally, I love to help in any way. I would, but the problem is I take it you never checked with me or anyone at alt.anagrams to see if this letter was of the type I consider allowable in the newsgroup. If you had checked if it is, I think you'd have found that indeed it is not.
That makes the letter spam and you a spammer. It makes one interesting dilemma because now I must insult you. I hate to do it for you seem kind, however I need to, OK?
You are one blithering moron pig. This email is worthless and I know you represent the lowest type of garbage spewing goon. I think you own one wrinkled twat, one leaking tit, one fat butt stinking of shit. Look momma, you took a pee in your pants. I'm thinking the boobs look not so good. It is time to rim me, bite me, eat my shit and fuck off.
eq.3rd - David Bourke with:
All the Raciest Pictures of your
FAVORITE CELEBRITIES!!
Click Here!!
If you are looking for the ladies, for instance:
Britney Spears --> Click Here!!
Anna Kournikova --> Click Here!!
Sara Michelle Gellar --> Click Here!!
Pamela Anderson --> Click Here!!
Cindy Crawford --> Click Here!!
If you are looking for Men, for instance:
The Backstreet Boys --> Click Here!!
Leonardo DiCaprio --> Click Here!!
George Clooney --> Click Here!! >
Brad Pitt --> Click Here!!
Ricky Martin --> Click here!!
After looking at the above,
check out some FREE porn --> Click Here!!
=
All the dirtiest, deep-in-crack-area pics ever, of your
FAVORITE CELEBRITIES, BARE!!
Click here!!
If you are looking for ladies, for instance:
Nancy Reagan --> Click Here!!
Hillary (or Chelsea) Clinton --> Click Here!!
Tipper Gore --> Click Here!!
Yoko Ono --> Click Here!!
Peter Mandelson --> Click Here!!
If you came looking for men, for instance:
Bill Gates --> Click Here!!
Robin Cook --> Click Here!!
'Dubya' (Wanker) Bush --> Click Here!!
David Frost --> Click Here!!
Margaret Thatcher --> Click Here!!
After a look, some ace FREE sick porn? Try it out!
--> Click Here!!
eq.3rd - Mike Keith with:
Check out How Cool Footwear at http://www.howcool.com for all
of the latest trends in footwear, leatherwear, vinylwear, clubwear,
fetish, and accessories from major brands like Underground, T.U.K.,
Pleasers, Tony Shoes, Jante, Dallas Hieghts, Hey Baby, Leg Avenue,
and much more! Our selection is huge! Tell them -GILBERT- sent
you and get $5 off of any purchase! And while you're there, don't
forget to check out our FREE adult photo galleries! ::hubbahubba::
Gilbert G.
Web Design and Web Updates
http://www.howcool.com
gilbert@howcool.com
=
Do you like $5 foot jobs? Trampling? Do you love to grovel before thin, stockinged gams? Do her corns and bunions make you blubber? Alright! How about wee little toes that curl when tickled? Crutches, staples, and therapeutic braces? Oh, well, fine then! Clean off that lap full of pearl jam, you wretched bugger, and reach for the mouse! Cum to www.giggle.org for the best lower-body lechery anywhere. We COST, of course.
Oh, we sell crap Italian shoes, too. ::woohoo::
Arthur C.
Bed Wetting and Fowl Abuse
www.ashamed.net
arthur@ashamed.net
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
A
Carroll acrostic anagrammed into a true story.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
THE APRIL ANAGRAMMY WINNERS
GENERAL
Richard Grantham:
Bottles of hydrogen peroxide
Good tip there for sexy blonde.
ENTERTAINMENT
Richard Grantham:
Oscar Wilde's "De Profundis" =
Prison life cued sad words.
TOPICAL
David Bourke:
The American spyplane =
Chinese play mean trap.
RUDE
Adrian Hickford:
Empty penis?
Yep, I'm spent.
SPAM
Richard Grantham:
!!!!!!P O R N O M A N I A!!!!!!
Fifty Naked Beauties!
LONG SPAM
Richard Grantham:
Hi! My name is Betty Wilson.
LONG
Larry Brash:
Two households, both alike in dignity
PEOPLE'S NAME
Jaybur:
M. Etienne de Silhouette =
The esteemed in outline.
OTHER NAME
Jaybur:
The Israeli Airline =
El Al: I rise in the air!
SET
Adrian Hickford:
Five classic authors of the horror genre whose take on life is
downright macabre and slightly loopy:
SPECIAL
James H. Young:
WHAT ARE THE HALLMARKS OF A GOOD ANAGRAM?
David Bourke:
Mambo No 5 - Lou Bega
Meyran Kraus:
We want to spend less time on the busy freeways
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE
Mike Keith:
He, Lewis, grabbed the vibrant role,
Assembled dreams and rhymes with glee,
But vowed that one most mighty goal:
Originality.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE AWARD FOR THE BEST NON-WINNING ANAGRAM
Don P. Fortier:
"Are you the Messiah?" =
"Ah, so true. Yes, I am He."
=
HOW TO WIN AN ANAGRAMMY
By Meyran K.
As I read the April results, I learned some handy hints:
GENERAL
Earthy humor is not necessarily Rude.
ENTERTAINMENT
Perfect grammar makes one's anagram rather memorable, as exhibited
here.
TOPICAL
The more relevant it is, the better; preferably about an item
inside a month.
RUDE
If it's not about a hard-on, try and force in 'Dildo' somehow.
SPAM
Angry and homicidal = Hilarious.
LONG SPAM
Segmentations are highly useful here.
LONG
Comment on a text thoroughly... Right, I'll do my best.
PEOPLE'S NAME and OTHER NAME
Three words: Keep it simple.
SET
Dead... Heck, just when I got the hang of it.
SPECIAL
James Y's 'gram: Self-reference, irony and group-insight are indeed
in fashion.
David B's 'gram: More group-insight here! This is definitely needed.
Mey K's 'gram: IMHO, I don't know why we let that childish prick show his heaps of crap in our group. And, like, get a *real* name, won't you?!
AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE
Just a wee poem, don't be afraid!
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE
Picked by Larry Brash, so brown-nosing that formidably kind-hearted
Dr. will probably help, along with a bribe of, uh, Israeli baklavas?...
In short, to achieve an award your 'gram has to be apt, plain, relevant, sectioned and self-aware.
So...?
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory is a unique
test designed specifically for the pre-transitional Male-to-Female
gender dysphoric person. The first comprehensive gender dysphoria
test. COGIATI was designed to help in the assessment of an individual
to determine what further management can be undertaken. COGIATI
has been created to help the individual understand what their
gender issues mean, and provides suggestions on what to do about
them.
=
This multiple-choice test is to assess if you should change
in sex from a man to a woman.
Always tend to be a bit girly in brain function?
Hated rough and tumble games?
Played in dresses with the girls in school?
Preferred nighties and skirts to trousers?
Ever treated as a queen?
Ever piddled seated?
Wanted different chromosomes?
Hate your penis?
Need it?
Tempting idea to chop it?
Needing estrogen?
Envied her nice pudendum?
That innate need: having nice tits and a vagina.
Try and pretend.
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Noel Coward is ~
no Oscar Wilde.
2nd - David A. Green with:
Harry Houdini, the famous escapologist =
I'm easily out of tough ropes, hard chains.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Docteur Joseph-Ignace Guillotin =
Judicial cutting role: hope's gone.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - James H. Young with:
The Great Wall of China =
What a length of a relic!
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Stockholm, Sweden =
Cold weeks, months.
3rd - David A. Green with:
The Royal National Institute for the Blind =
Hands-on tuition in Braille: "Try to feel that".
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED
MINISTER within 48 hours!!!! 1st 20 BE ORDAINED NOW!
As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!!
WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!!
Don't settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES' MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE
SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
FUNERALS
A very hard time for you and your family
Don't settle for a minister you don't know!!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE
SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
BAPTISMS
You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER
AND YOUR UNCLE!!"
What a special way to welcome a child of God.
FORGIVENESS OF SINS
The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for
centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and
willingness to change for the better!!
VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES
Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in
need!!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock.
WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH??
After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!!
At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let's talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I'd say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn't you agree? However, it won't cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.
Since I know how much you want to help others, you're going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00... Not even $50.00... You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.
For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL.
(CERTIFICATE IS PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED BY AN INK PRESS)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!!
3. SHIPPING IS FREE!!!
=
Larry Brash, Awardsmaster of the Anagrammy Website, will transform you into an award winning anagrammer in 2 hours, not 2 days or 2 months!
As a worthy practitioner of this ancient art, you will soon be creating terrific new rearrangements of everything from simple words through to huge bodies of verse, such as the Complete Works of William Shakespeare.
Surprise your friends! Realize your worth! Get your true recognition. Be a terrific success! Get that promotion at work! Become a red hot lover! See dotty women fight over you!
You can win every category yet, yes, all 9 of them, on your first attempt!
GENERAL
Create beautiful fun cognate gems of 10 letters or less, one that
nobody, not even Treesong will find in his archives, even going
back to 1893. No corrections!
ENTERTAINMENT
Your terrific efforts crucify Mey Kraus's clever art critic 'grams.
By now, he seems quite a total Philistine.
TOPICAL
Tom Myers is now completely chronic, Yesterday City, too out of
date, at least 1992 or longer, after you get through with him.
RUDE
Be more disgusting than David Bourke, criticising idiotic fruity
poofters and insulting women's genitalia with every winner. Concoct
erotic, dirty, itchy-crotch, orifice-fornicating shit.
SPAM
Oh, boy! Turn those unwanted corny advertising cons and horrifying
Get-Rich-Now schemes into nice nutritious spamagrams.
LONG
If it is 40 letters or 1000 letters, it will make no difference,
you will astound even Richard Brodie.
PEOPLE AND OTHER NAMES
Coy Ms. Burholt will eat her heart out, too, when she sees the
efficient concoctions that you could come up with here in these
two categories.
SPECIAL
Now this is where you will really outshine the rest. Come first!
Mike Keith and Richard Grantham, they are a choice pair of buffoonish
semi-literate fools compared to you.
This offer is genuine. No hidden conditions.
How do I do it? Do you have to pay up before I can give you the forty or fifty scientific secrets, which I hold?
What would you consider this would cost? Is this $5000? $850? $50? $10?
No! It's FREE!
Read the FAQ!
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
A stanza from the poem Picthorn Manor
by Amy Lowell, anagrammed into paraphrases of four existing sonnets while obeying an additional constraint.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Dora
Sigerson: Ireland
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