Anagrammy Placegetters for June 2002
All the highly-placed anagrams from the June 2002 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Jaybur with:
Lose weight fast! =
How I get less fat!
2nd - Joe Fathallah with:
True friends ~
endure rifts.
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Learned [adj.] =
An elder.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Oscar Wilde's 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' =
Face in scary portrait grew old, hideous.
2nd - David A. Green with:
'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole' by Sue Townsend =
Story where I featured an adolescent boy's mind.
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" =
Mark a very dandy ending to a film.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
WorldCom, The Latest in Giant-Scale Fraud =
False accounting did harm to Wall Street.
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Catholic priesthood =
Poor ethics to a child.
3rd - Matjaz Pihler with:
Germany against Brazil =
In a starry, blazing game!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Allan Morley with:
A wet T-shirt contest =
We contrast the tits.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Long-term impotence =
Men go limp, not erect.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Stretching exercise =
Christ! Energetic sex!
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
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- D-BOL - WINNI-V - EQUIPOSE - GHB - and More!
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To be cancelled FOR FREE from our email list please click on the following link and and hit send. Your email address will be removed within 24 hours. cancel@tgifcam.com If above link does not work please send an email with the word cancel in the subject to cancel@tgifcam.com
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*Our sincere love and prayers go out to all of the familys and individuals that were touched by the horrible acts committed against our country. And also for our soldiers who are now defending this great land.
=
Here's a few of the most common side effects of consuming anabolic steroids:
1. If you are a crack male bodybuilder, your prick and balls will shrivel up to baby size, and I don't mean 8 pounds and 21 inches long. Breasts will grow large, like the charming boobs of Pamela Anderson.
2. If you are a crack female bodybuilder, the clitoris will flower, swell up like a squashed ugly salami, breasts will shrink and voice will drop 2 octaves to a low awful growl.
3. The liver will become quite cirrhotic, black, necrotic, or worse, a cancerous growth.
4. All your 62 Anagrammy Awards get scrubbed or cancelled.
5. Get knobbled for dealing in illegal goods and end charged in court or confined in jail.
6. Begin to send millions of childish wretched spams to the World's 134,456,789 bored Internet users.
7. The screwball spam will include extensive prompts about removal from the list that the reader never asked to go on in the first place. All it'll do is confirm the innocent readers' email's correct and, in a flash, you can sell them to another bloody "opt-in" list.
8. You could add a clever concept, a proud patriotic tag to the end of the email to make you look like a nice, warm, decent person, not a dumb spamming creep/evil drug dealer who thinks that all 134,456,789 Internet users live in the USA.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
As seen on NBC, CBS, CNN, and even Oprah! The health discovery
that actually reverses aging while burning fat, without dieting
or exercise! This proven discovery has even been reported on by
the New England Journal of Medicine. Forget aging and dieting
forever! And it's Guaranteed!
Click here:
http://web.kuhleersparnis.ch/hgh/index.html
Would you like to lose weight while you sleep!
No dieting!
No hunger pains!
No Cravings!
No strenuous exercise!
Change your life forever!
100% GUARANTEED!
1. Body Fat Loss 82% improvement.
2. Wrinkle Reduction 61% improvement.
3. Energy Level 84% improvement.
4. Muscle Strength 88% improvement.
5. Sexual Potency 75% improvement.
6. Emotional Stability 67% improvement.
7. Memory 62% improvement.
=
New experimental system of male contraception!
Revealed on BBC Radio's programme Farming Today: "Instead
of recommending environmentally unfriendly methods of child prevention
(e.g. condoms), this inexpensive routine is very much better",
Government experts recently agreed.
1. Seek, hunt even, your goat, sheep or suckling pig.
2. Shave and clean him well.
3. Tether the belligerent, shivering, yet spotless beast around
your waist.
4. Manoeuvre begun, inch your lengthening, hardening penis into
the violent creature's ovine/porcine anus.
5. Invoke the Devil.
6. Experiment with your nude, hellish love slave. Cum and rejoice!
View: http://www.bbc.co.uk/farmingtoday/goat_sheep_pig.html
Ring: (028) 168756 or (028) 168774 for more!
3rd - Allan Morley with:
If your home is served by a septic system, you will be able to
receive invaluable information on how to eliminate pump outs,
maintain the system properly and cure problems such as backups,
wet spots, odor, etc.
You can do this by checking out our SPC program at:
http://www.septic-solution.com
In addition, you will have the opportunity to participate in a free trial to test the effectiveness of SPC.
Please check us out.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
SPC
P.S. Remember, you must click on this link to receive this helpful information!
http://www.septic-solution.com
=
Well... I suppose this email account is increasingly like a cesspit, so it's only appropriate that your little crock of brown poop popped up. Let me clarify, you boorish, petty, anal-retentive wretch: it's not worth writing to me. Honestly, I won't need your product - my home's sewer is impeccable. But I think I WILL have to invest in some sort of spam-pump before the account succumbs completely to this cheap, unsolicited, invasive feces. Thus, unless YOU can provide me with one, you can take this spam and stuff it up your buttocks... back to where it came from.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Weird Workplaces
Perth, Australia, brothel owner Mary-Anne Kenworthy closed down for a day on April 30 because the influx of 5,500 U.S. Navy personnel on shore leave had left her workforce worn out. "We're the biggest and the best," she said, "(and) I'd rather take nothing than offer a poor service." She added, "I just wish they could dribble-feed the Yanks in, fly a thousand (in) at a time." (The Bremerton (Wash.) Sun carried a wire-service version of this story but later apologized for it to its readers since many Navy families in the Bremerton-Seattle area apparently did not appreciate learning this news.) [The Mercury (Hobart, Australia), 5-3-02; The Age (Melbourne), 5-2-02]
=
Even Weirder Workplaces
A source reported yesterday that all of the presidential personnel
had asked for an early retirement, describing their job as 'inhumane'.
Not long ago, the staff secretary was rumored to 'weep like a
baby' when the president asked if 'Arab' can be a verb, too. Recently,
Bush had to spend hours with a trainer to properly say "Every
little bit of effort counts", after a sad incident of mispronouncing
'war', 'terror' and 'USA' in his State of the Union address. His
whim to raise morale by hiding fake vomit all over the White House
drew no laughs.
"Um, anyone still have anthrax?", a crazed intern was
cited; "Hell, anywhere but here."
2nd - Jaybur with:
Lucian Freud:
A German-born British painter.
3rd - Paul Pan with:
*Pledge of Allegiance*
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,
and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God,
indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
=
*Epicede to pall Indigence*
I salute the fair Dollar, of the free capitalist economy, and
the biotic need, which it funds, a big gold ingot, glittering,
with a job, fuel, assets, land and revenue for all.
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
His Holiness Pope John Paul the Second =
The one old chap Jesus phones in Polish.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Detective Sherlock Holmes =
Heck, solve the oldest crime!
3rd - Jaybur with:
The two Williams sisters, Venus and Serena =
A tennis date: US smashers will serve to win.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jaybur with:
Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons =
Face is long, nose is a catastrophe: so it is cut!
2nd - David A. Green with:
The Acorn Superglide Stairlift =
Tell our gran this aid is perfect!
3rd - Hans-Peter Reich with:
Smith and Wesson =
Own this? Madness!
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
9 Rooms - A Paradoxical Poem
2nd - Richard Brodie with:
Song On May Morning
3rd - Noam D. Elkies with:
[Annoying Adages]
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A stitch in time saves nine.
Actions speak louder than words.
April showers bring May flowers.
As you make your bed, so must you lie in it.
Beggars can't be choosers.
Better late than never.
Dead men tell no tales.
Every dog has his day.
Fools rush in where angles fear to tread.
=
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
All that glitters is not gold.
As you sow, so shall you reap.
Better be safe than sorry.
Blood is thicker than water.
Business is business.
Charity begins at home.
Dead men have no friends.
Divide and rule.
Don't go near the water until you learn how to swim.
Every man has his price.
THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY
"That's one small step for a man; one giant leap for mankind." Neil Armstrong
1st - Larry Brash with:
An "Eagle" lands on Earth's moon, making a first small permanent footprint.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
"Eagle" flips open antenna; transmits landmark signal from Moon to Earth.
3rd - Paul Pan with:
NASA pranks planet! Terrestrial men shot a film montage of "Moon Landing".
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