Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2002
All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2002 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Christian Fundamentalist =
In truth, a mindless fanatic.
2nd - Mattias Inghe with:
Cruelty to animals =
It comes naturally.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
The petrol station =
Enter that oil-stop.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Bond Girls =
Blondes, right?
2nd - Wayne Baisley with:
Playing Tetris =
Try tiles in gap.
3rd - Mike Torr with:
"It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls =
Angry lesbians rewriting hit theme.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
President Saddam Hussein =
Pinhead resists US demand.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
USA President George W. Bush =
"Super" ego gets U.S. behind war.
3rd - Allan Morley with:
The Arab-Israeli conflict =
Sharon: I'll act a bit fierce.
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
A long penis =
Pleasing, no?
2nd - Allan Morley with:
The striptease =
He peers at tits!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Bums & tits =
Smut bits!
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
From the ethnobotanical herbalists who brought the herba supplementals; Kathmandu Temple Kiff "1" & "2" "Personal-Choice", pipe-smoking products/substances to the common market!!!
We are finally able to offer for your "Sensitive/Responsive", "Personal Choice" Smoking Enjoyment.the "Seventh Heaven" Temple "3" Ragga Dagga™ Pipe-Smoking Substance Supplemental Product. Introduced after three years of research and development; Temple "3" is "Personal Choice" legal Smoking/Indulgence.Redefined!!!
Thanks to recent, dramatic, technological advances in the laboratorial processes for the extraction of alkaloid and glycocide supplements from botanicals/herbas/plant matter, we are now able to offer. in more cultivated/enhanced/viripotent/substantiated format.what had actually already been the most significant, lawful, "Personal Choice" smoking substance available on the planet. "Seventh Heaven" Temple "3" Ragga Dagga™ is the sweet, sweet evolution of all of that.
=
To all Bob Marley Wannabes and white Weekend Rastafarians who want to smoke pot and avoid charges from members of the State Police Department, huge long jail sentences, the menace of random urine drug tests back at work, AND appear very cool and clever to your friends , then here's that ultimate product, the thing for you.
Looks like dope, smells like dope, tastes like dope, even makes you cough like dope, but, in fact, you'll never ever get stoned. It happens to be a complete placebo with little or no sedative effects. Might as well be inhaling grass clippings, common catnip, tea, or animal's crap for all it'll ever do. Can't get a bhang from this cheap stuff. Call it a complete cannabis sativa substitute, stone-free sham marihuana, no-high hash, non-commercial-strength common hemp. No examples of active tetrahydrocannabinol traces have ever been found.
The Surgeon General tells people that this flaming crap creates financial side-effects. Please, don't get burnt!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Any build-up of old pockets of waste matter (diverticulitis) produces fermentation, putrefaction and stagnant packets of poisons and harmful bacteria (a condition of autointoxication or self-poisoning). These toxins constantly seep into the bloodstream and lymph. They eventually settle into the weakest areas of the body, then various symptoms develop and are given names according to those areas and the degree of cell degeneration.
Unfortunately the symptoms found elsewhere in the body resulting from the toxic overload in the bowel, are generally treated rather than the cause in the bowel. Even if one succeeds in strengthening the weak area or suppressing the symptom, the toxic flow from the bowel will simply find another weak area to break through.
As Dr. Jensen puts it, "Every tissue is fed by the blood, which is supplied by the bowel. When the bowel is dirty, the blood is dirty and so on to the organs and tissues." Parasite heaven.....a dirty, unhealthy intestinal tract.
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Hello, kind sender!
I've found the e-mail you dropped down my inbox. Many thanks! Its text grabbed my attention so, that I read it at the dinner-table to the wife and son. Unfortunately, it damaged their appetite a bit; In fact, the wife has lost control of her sanity, and the son's long gone.
Now, at the risk of sounding petty, or even tactless, here are a few general, unresolved issues concerning your letter:
1. Is the poop terminology supposed to coax us into buying something? I'm afraid I rarely catch up with the current 'web' fashions, so you'll have to help me out here. Aren't leads as "You may have won the lottery" more inviting than a review of fecal problems?
2. Is this the same Dr. Jensen that posted me about his "Powerful Diet Pills" only ten days ago? Or the "Advanced Penis Stretcher", two weeks back?
3. Do tell, are you by any chance related to DeepDrillsPrincess, that sent me that brief fable of an obsession with the scent of colons? I'd love to see how it turns out.
Fascinated, but a tad perplexed,
H. Kissinger
3rd - Mike Torr with:
Easy! Use Call Safe! Rather than handing out your real phone number to someone you don't really know, get a free, anonymous, temporary number from us!
The way it works is that you go onto our website - http://www.call-safe.com - enter your real phone number on our 'Get a number' page, book the length of time you want it to last for and you instantly get an anonymous number you can give your cyber friends to call you on which will route through to your phone without them getting your real number until you're ready to give it to them.
Call Safe has loads of uses... Going out clubbing? Book a Call Safe number before you go out and hand that out to people you want to talk to! Want to talk to someone without their real number appearing on your phone bill? Use Call Safe!
It won't cost you a penny to get a number and the person who calls you will only pay 10p a minute! It's quick, easy, free and a lot less hassle than having to change your phone number because you've given it to the wrong person....
--
[We have researched this email list ourselves, and have not purchased it from a third party. We will not pass this list onto anyone else. If you wish to never hear from us again, please email csinfo@freeneasy.net with the text REMOVE in the subject line, and we are sorry for disturbing you]
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Wanna stalk someone good? Here's how!
If you're unpopular and wish to remain anonymous, or just wish to poke around grubbily in female people's private affairs, please look at our site!
Worryingly, we gull German people regularly with this crap, notably those who want to relieve the monotony of solitude and get calls from so-called 'telephone sex gods' ("I phone a honey dishonestly!"). These boobs never learn that it's all bought for our huge evil profit!
These automata outnumber you cunning types, which means that we can loot and steal with no bounds.
Also, if you think you'll be anonymous, think again, idiot! We give your raw information out to tattlers with goatees, roustabouts, layabouts, youths and evil auctioneers who sell the booty.
The buoyancy of the e-market remunerates us, accentuating our inveterate fatuity. The bottom line: We grab money promptly, roughly and untruthfully!
10 (TEN!) times an hour, abhorrent young reps with unfettered access will nauseate by phoning your new number, yearning to undertake commerce....
--
[As for our list, it's clearly a rogue's ploy to buy our lease on new offices, as we never, ever remove anyone! Ha ha! Thorough combatting of our naughty pronouncement, by the way, can't conquer this daft manure - we operate meanly.]
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
There was a sweet old couple that had been happily married for nearly forty years. The only friction in this marriage was due to the husband's habit of breaking wind every morning as he woke up. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to flood like swimming pools as she choked and gasped for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop it, but he told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a specialist to see if anything could be done but he would not hear of it. He replied that it was just a natural bodily function, and then he would smirk and laugh at her as she tried to wave all the fumes away quickly with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop soon, one day he was going to "fart his guts out".
Years went by, the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore all her testy warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She prepared Christmas puddings, mashed potatoes, gravy and (naturally) a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to her as to how she might solve her husband's problem once and for all.
=
With a mischievous grin on her face, she put the raw turkey guts into a bowl and quietly went upstairs an hour before her husband would awake. While he was still sound asleep, she drew back the covers and then gently removed his jocks. She then put the guts into his underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers with a smirk and tiptoed downstairs again to finish preparing the family's main meal.
An hour or two later she heard her husband awake with his usual rectal trumpeting. This was followed by a blood-curdling cry and a sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to their bathroom. The wife couldn't control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor guffawing. After years of putting up with him she had gotten even at last.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained undies with a look of horror in his eyes. She had to bite her lip to stop herself giggling and then asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" she said.
"You always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got them all back in."
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Two whales, a male and a female, are swimming side by side in the ocean. Suddenly, the male spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father.
Filled with anger, he exclaims to his female companion, "That is the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"
So, when they're close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge."
And the female agreed to this. So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.
The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that sailors were floating in the ocean. The male whale was very angry and said to the female, "They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp down all the sailors!"
The female stopped swimming, looked at her man and said, "Oh no... I agreed to the blow job but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen."
=
The milkman, Mr. Alan Jones, will be retiring soon. In the middle of his last round, he reaches the home of one of his oldest customers, the Goldsteins, where Mrs. Anna Goldstein welcomes him.
"Ah, come in here. Retiring, eh? Well, imagine that! I can tell you, we'll all miss you," she says. "We wanted to show some proper appreciation. We have organized a suitable Hebrew treat! And, the best one, already!"
She grabs him and drags the poor old fellow into the bedroom, strips off his clothes, and engages in the wildest, best, hot sex with him, till he's weeping. He is really amazed by her appetite.
She then hands him a brand new five-dollar note and then a bowl of nice heated chicken soup to eat. The milkman tastes it.
"Ah, please... eat it! Bon appetit!"
"Wait, Mrs. Goldstein, please wait. You are too kind. Why all of this?"
"Well, the other day, I said to that awful peasant of a husband of mine, Lew, 'Lew, dear... the milkman... he's retiring. I need an idea, please, Lew. What should we do for him?'"
"And, that tightarse, Lew, he said, 'What?! Ah, fuck him... give him five dollars!'"
"But the chicken soup? Aha, that was my idea!"
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Nunc Dimittis
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
President Bush of the USA =
A fresh one, but he's stupid.
2nd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Captain James Cook =
I am ocean's top Jack!
eq.3rd - Joe Fathallah with:
Osama bin Laden =
Bad as Lenin & Mao.
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
Lewis Carroll: The Reverend Charles Dodgson =
Oh, he's clever: records Wonderland girl's tale.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
eq.1st - David A. Green with:
The Mcafee VirusScan Professional =
Save a PC user from infection hassle.
eq.1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Department of Motor Vehicles =
Led to the improvement of cars.
3rd - Joe Fathallah with:
Persian Gulf =
A fuel spring.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
English
Is Tough Stuff (Unpredictable Pronunciation)
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Augustus
Gloop! Augustus Gloop!
3rd - Paul Pan with:
How boys 'rub at meats':
Bash The Candle
Batting Practice
Beat Off
Beating The Bishop
Beating The Snake
Beating The Stick
Beating Your Meat
Being Your Own Best Friend
Boppin' Your Bologna
Box The Jesuit
Burping The Worm
Butter Your Corn
Changing Your Oil
Choke Kojak
Chugging 'N' Hugging The Felicific Rooster
Clubbing The Uninhibited Collie
Draining The Mirthful Moose
Entertaining The Cunning Tidbit
Fiddling The Gigantic Guitar
Fist Curriculum
Flogging 'N' Drilling The Tittering Caribou
Flogging The Dilettantish Grouse
Frugal Auto-Copulation
Fulfilling Bubba
Gagging The Long Vivid Reptile
Gagging 'N' Grilling The Itching Terrier Bitch
Levitating The Amphibian Prick
Liquidating The Gleeful Sardine
Meeting Oneself Ltd.
Mutating The Cheering Poodle
Peel The Carrot
Pitching The Uninhibited Serpent
Playing With Dick
Playing With Susi Palmer And Her Five Friends
Polishing The Chrome Dome
Polishing Your Bayonet
Polishing Your Helmet
Popping The Purple Pimple
Pugging The Libidinal Mastiff
Punchin' The Munchkin
Ropin' The Long Horn
Roughing Up The Suspect
Rounding Up The Tadpoles
Scraping Your Carrot
Scratching The Itch
Seasonin' Your Meat
Self Love
Shaking Hands With Abe Lincoln
Shaking Hands With The Governor
Shaking Hands With The Unemployed
Shifting Gears
Shine Your Pole
Shining The Helmet
Slam The Hammer
Slap My Happy Sacks
Slapping The Cyclops
Smacking Your Sister
Spank The Frank
Spank Your Monkey
Squeezing The Burrito
Staff Meeting
Stir The Soup
Stroking Your Giggling Goat
Tame The Wild Hog
Tease The Weasel
Tenderise The Meat
Threading A Needle
Throwin' Down
Tickle The Elmo
Tiffing 'N' Miffing Mr Griffin
Toss Off 'N' Gnarl
Toss The Boss
Toting The Invincible Viper
Tug Of War With Cyclops
Tugging The Enchanted Beagle
Tugging Your Tapioka Tube
Tugging Your Toobsteak
Tuning The Antenna
Turning Japanese
Tussle With Your Muscle
Unwrapping The Pepperoni
Vacillating The Gargantuan Drill
Varnishing The Titanic Cane
Whipping The One-Eyed Wonder Weasel
Winding The Jack In The Box
=
How girls 'strum a beat':
A Night In With The Girls
Airing The Orchid
Auditioning The Finger Puppets
Beat The Beaver
Beating Around The Bush
Brushing The Beaver
Buff The Weasel
Carpet Bumping
Cat Got Tongue
Checking For Squirrels
Clam Bake For One
Cleaning Your Fingers
Clitters
Coming Into Your Own
Countering Cunts
Creamin'
Cunt Cuddling
Dialing The Rotary Phone
Digging A Trench
Doing Your Nails
Dousing The Digits
Drilling For Oil
Engaging In Safe Sex
Erasing The Problem
Fanning The Fur
Feeding The Bearded Clam
Feeding Your Slot
Fiddling The Bean
Finger Blasting
Fingerbating
Fingerpainting
Flickin' The Bean
Flit Your Clit
Fucking Without Complications
Gagging The Clam
Gagging The Lips Of Love
Genital Stimulation Via Phalangetic
Get A Date With Slick Mittens
Get A Stinky Pinky
Going Mining
Greasing Your Hips
Grissle Rub
Groping The Grotto
Having Sex With Someone You Love
Hee-Haw With Wrinkled Mee-Maw
Hitchhiking South
Hitchhiking To Heaven
Hitchhiking Under The Big Top
Jillin' Off
Jocelyn Eldering
Let The Fingers Do The Walkin'
Lube Job
Making Soup
Manual Override
Motor-in
Muffin Buffin'
Nulling The Void
Paddling The Pink Canoe
Pampering The Pussy
Parting The Red Sea
Pearl Fishing
Pet The Petunia
Pet The Pussy Cat
Play Couch Hockey For One
Play Poker
Play The Clitar
Play The Silent Trumbone
Playing With Her Pineapple
Playing With Mrs. Palmer's Five Daughters
Playing With The Man In The Boat
Polishing The Nugget
Polishing The Peanut
Polishing The Pearl
Pushing The Button
Pussy Soccer
Riding The Unicycle
Rolling The Dough
Rubbin' The Nubbin
Rubbing The Donut
Rubbing The Red Pussycat
Scoring The Hoop
Soaking The Whisker Biscuit
Spearing The Bearded Clam
Spelunking
Squeeze The Peach
Strumming
Strumming The Banjo
Surfing The Channel
Teasing The Kitty
Teasing The Tuna Taco
Testing The Plumbing
Three Point Shot
Tickling The Taco
Tiptoe Through The Twolips
Toggling The Bit
Tossing Pink Salad
Trolling The Bermuda Triangle
Two Finger Taco Tango
Washing Your Fingers
Wooing in my Crouton
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