Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2005
All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2005 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
A nasty derailment ~
meant train delays.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Life's too short =
Foolish to rest?
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Signboard =
Boring ads.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
The American singer Sheryl Crow =
Why Lance Armstrong is cheerier
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"Shaken, not stirred" =
The star's one drink.
3rd - View with:
'...and they lived happily ever after' =
Delivered that very happy finale
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Britain's 'New Labour' Government =
Blair's vow? Reign on at Number Ten!
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The New Orleans disaster =
Water rose in these lands.
3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
New Orleans ‡
No real news.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Ellie Dent with:
His Royal Highness, Charles, Prince of Wales =
See which rich English Royal son flaps ears!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mister Hyde =
Yes, I'm the Dr.!
3rd - View with:
The Gambino family =
Might be Mafia only.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Snowdon Mountain Railway Ride =
I do mean a windy tour in North Wales
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Federation of Bakers =
I often eat fresh bread, OK!
3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
Charles de Gaulle International Airport =
To reach Paris/Rouen/Lille: land, get a train.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
"Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation" by Lynne Truss =
Bet proven author's style can train us to analyze & use the apostrophe, colons, etc.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is unread. =
It's true! Wilde ended in a terrible, austere jail, based just on his main flair, a rather unnatural need for cute men.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Sir Arnold Bax said (sort of!): "One should try everything in life once, except incest and morris dancing; ~
unicycling; any sort of shellfish; Rotterdam; Dido concerts; Indian beer and xeroxing one's privates."
THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY
The subject text:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
1st - Cory Calhoun with:
I, George W. Bush, an evil Republican fascist, used God to inflict pain on the world, end life, facilitate death, create militant jihad rebels, and to let youths die for nothing.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
I'll always eat McDonalds, elect Bush, own fifteen guns (in total), join the N.R.A, protect Israel if hit, hate Fidel, diet, be litigious, avoid church and... I pretend to be God-fearing.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
I, Tony Blair, pledge allegiance to the President, Bush, and attest that, if directed, I will: act under his influence, lie on his behalf, advocate jingoism, go to war for fun. Do it!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A man in a supermarket line sees that a gorgeous blonde in front of him is waving hello. He's rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him and, although familiar, he can't place her, so he says, "Sorry, do I know you?"
She replies, "I could be mistaken, but you might be the father of one of my children."
His mind darts back to the one and only time he was unfaithful. "Oh, darn it!" he says. "You're that stripper I screwed on the pool table in front of all my pals while your friend lashed my arse with wet celery."
"No," she replies. "I'm your son's English teacher.
=
It was a bleak Monday morning and the harrassed mother was having a hellish time preparing her son Kenneth for school.
"Why won't you understand, mother!" he shrieked. "I am so unhappy. It is awful. Nobody likes me! The meanie teachers don't like me (sniff); the horrible kids all hate me (sniff). I can't face them! I won't go to school! I won't!
"Kenneth, pull yourself together!" said his mother. "Bear up! Life isn't always easy. Sure school can be tough; sure it can be rough - but, as you are forty years old and the school Principal, I'm afraid you really will have to be there."
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
House of the Rising Sun (traditional version)
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An elderly woman has been admitted to a nursing home. The nurses are all extremely friendly and attentive. They get her settled into a big comfortable armchair in the day room with all the other residents.
During the course of her first day, one of the nurses notices that the frail old lady is leaning sharply over to the right in her chair, so rushes over to her and props her back up with a pillow. A short time later, the nurse sees her leaning over to the left, and again kindly pushes back her into an upright position. This occurs many times during the day. A nurse straightens her up each time she leans over.
That evening the woman's son comes in to visit and asks her how her first day in the home has been. "Well, it has been just great, my dear. Yes, I am very contented" she replies.
"How are they caring for you, Mom?" he asks.
"They are all really beautiful and kind, except there is one problem... they won't let me fart!"
=
A lady of mature years consults her family doctor.
"What's the problem affecting you, then, dear?" he asks her.
"I have a frightfully strange problem with gas. Really bad! I'll pass it recurrently day and night. In fact, just within the short time I have been here in your room, I have passed gas nine times."
"Nine, huh? That's horrific! There there!"
"However, here's another rather strange thing...they are completely odorless and silent...can it harm me?"
"Huh? Never! Let me examine you."
After he's done, the doctor says: "I think that I have an answer to the problem. Here, take one of these very strong prescription tablets three times a day, and return here in the week to see me "
The old lady later returns, but says, "I'm here 'cos that new medicine's no damn good! I still pass gas silently, but now the damn stench is repugnant!"
The doctor then replies, "Hang on, it looks like I have fixed your sinus problem...now I shall order you a hearing aid!"
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Two anagrams of a sonnet by Wilde
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Blowin' in the wind by Bob Dylan
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Children's Bill of Rights
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The act of masturbation
Ain't that a burst of come?
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
See 'Hymen Reconstruction' =
Thus, restore my innocence.
3rd - View with:
With no panties ~
I want hot penis.
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