Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2005
All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2005 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Paul Pan with:
An equal opportunities employer =
I put some inept queer on a payroll!
2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away =
So why not add a papaya, pear, leek, etc. ?
eq.3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A new laptop =
Now at Apple.
eq.3rd - Dean Mayer with:
A game of Russian Roulette =
So am I sure to get an earful?
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
Wallace and Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit =
Blast the unwelcome big-eared raw carrot thief!
eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Two Ronnies =
Two... then one, sir.
eq.2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
The American Symphony Orchestra =
Harmony may shape their concerts.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The trial of president Saddam Hussein =
It sure is hard to defend this man's plea.
2nd - David Bourke with:
Margaret Thatcher is now eighty years old =
Sad geriatric Tory here. (The ghastly woman!)
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
French Connection UK set to drop their slogan =
Honest concern or not, I deplore that FCUK sign.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
G.W. Bush, the American president =
The man's screwing it up bad here!
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Rosa Parks, Mother of the Civil Rights Movement =
It's her calm move that is provoking the reforms.
eq.3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Adolf Eichmann =
Nice? No, half-mad.
eq.3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Justice Samuel A. Alito =
O, I just emulate Scalia
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
The Medical Research Council =
"Ah, sod the mice, I'll cure cancer!"
2nd - View with:
Greenwich Station =
Whence I got trains
eq.3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
The Hewlett Packard Company =
They make that old PC crap new.
eq.3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Cheltenham Ladies' College =
Gentle academics' hellhole!
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'Beyond Multiple Choice: Evaluating Alternatives to Traditional Testing for Selection' by Milton D. Hakel =
This guide is likely to be:
[ ] A little pedantic
[ ] Darn unconvincing
[ ] A totally tiresome torment
[*] All of the above.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Tony Blair's MG car crashed in a field and a farmer buried him.
"Was he dead?" said the police.
"He said 'no', but you know how he lies." =
When President Bush died, God (from a Celestial Chair) asked, "And who are you?"
"It's Bush!" he bellowed, "an' I'm afraid yo' in ma chair."
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
scha·den·freu·de n.
Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others =
mas·och·ist n.
due unto an odd reverse, he preferred to suffer himself
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
After the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent out word that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided to hold the interviews in the belfry.
After hearing several applicants, the bishop decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him and said he wanted to apply for the job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," exclaimed the man. "Observe!"
He began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced that he had found a worthy replacement for Quasimodo.
Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL"
=
And the following day, with an unbearable melancholy that weighed heavily on his tender heart due to the unfortunate death of the beloved, but armless, campanologist, the bishop came back up and continued the interviews for the one destined to be the new bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man, who walked up and approached him, said,
"Your Excellency, I'm the brother of the armless chap who fell to a sudden and accidental death from the belfry yesterday. I request and pray that you honour his humble, worthwhile life by allowing me to be appointed for this job."
The bishop was quite moved and agreed to audition him, and, when the armless man's brother had bent over to pick up a small wooden mallet to hit the first bell, he moaned, clutched his chest, fell down and he died on the spot.
A few priests and nuns, all hearing the bishop's cries of grief of this second tragedy, rushed upstairs to be on hand at his side.
"What has happened? Who is the deceased man?" the first priest pleaded breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but............
HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER!"
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Father, I had sex four times in all with a pair of lovely nymphomaniac twins last night," said the confessor.
"Good grief! what sort of catholic are you?" demanded the priest.
"I'm not a catholic at all," he replied.
"Then why are you telling me this?"
"I'm telling everyone."
=
The new priest called on the village good-time girl Marie McCoy, who was in hospital after a fall from the carnival float at the town's fair.
"I prayed for you last night," he said anxiously.
"My, that is nice," she smiled; "no need though, I'm in the telephone directory!"
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Holy Bible in only Fifty Words
God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.
=
Overheard joke
Poor Adam - bad, mad, sad and blackballed - pondered Eden and
said, "I'm flabbergasted: I do feel, like, sad... rejected.
Heaven's apple did appeal. True, we did rebel.
God, the boss, had made Eve a gentle kind, if perhaps awkward,
doll from an odd rib. Simple. A proper wife's a gift, right?
But, Lord, hello? Why did you make her, like, so stupid?"
God spoke:
"Just so SHE could love YOU!"
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The complete list of Shakespeare's plays anagrammed into a sonnet.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN / IF I ONLY HAD A HEART
3rd - David Bourke with:
'Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans' - Noël Coward [version III]
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Mike Keith with:
Serpentiform =
Term for penis.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Modern lesbian =
Man's role in bed!
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A lesbian relationship =
So, I hear it'll ban a penis!
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