Anagrammy Placegetters for April 2006
All the highly-placed anagrams from the April 2006 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Rosie Perera with:
A marble statue =
Mute alabaster.
2nd - David Bourke with:
She has a nice personality =
Any acne? Halitosis? Herpes?
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Confederate general =
Grant faced one R. E. Lee.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Rolling Stones perform a gig in China =
Oriental spot for rich, aging Englishmen.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Chaconne from Bach's Partita No 2 in D Minor for violin =
An epic solo, rich of notion, vibrant in form and charm.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The vocalist Celine Marie Claudette Dion =
Canadians love the mediocre little cutie!
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The American president George Walker Bush =
Gee, the liar's rating numbers drop each week!
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The Christian Festival of Easter =
It's fantastic, for He's there, alive!
3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes =
Loco mates name the kid Suri.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - View with:
William Henry Gates =
Get a share in my will!
2nd - Paul Pan with:
Alan Dershowitz ~
hates Nazi world.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte =
No mean peon -- a proper battle hero!
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Toby Gottfried with:
The United States Postal Service =
Cost put aside, I have sent letters.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Apple iTunes Music Store =
Sale is set-up in computer.
3rd - View with:
Heathrow Airport, London =
Rain? Hop to another world!
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - View with:
The president of the United States of America, George Walker Bush =
A gangster from the White House undertakes debate-free politics.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes name their baby Suri, supposedly the Jewish word for 'Princess' =
Maybe I should interject (as I speak Hebrew): I fear there's simply NO such word, stupid morons!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Yes, Las Vegas has many varieties of gambling ideas, like, dice, roulette wheels, slot machines and, er, wedding chapels.=
Alf married Melissa in Vegas. He decided that, being deep in successive losing streaks, he may as well go on all the way!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
An elderly couple are attending a church service. About halfway through Mass, the missus leans over to her husband and says, "Oh my goodness, Wesley, I've just done two silent farts, what do you think I should do?"
He says, "Put a new battery in your hearing-aid."
=
An old couple are in a grannie- home.
He says, "Can you guess how old I am?"
"Sure," she ventures, "but first I just need to grab your balls."
With that, she delves down in his pants, has a clutch and says, "Eighty-five."
"Darn! How d'you know that?" he roars.
"You told me yesterday."
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
A rabbi is on a plane with a Korean guy sitting beside him. After a couple of hours, the rabbi leans over to the guy and says, condescendingly, "You know, I've never forgiven you Chinese for what you did at Pearl Harbor." The Korean guy looks up and replies, "What are you talking about?! It was the Japanese who bombed Pearl Harbor. It wasn't the Chinese. And besides, I'm neither Chinese nor Japanese, I'm Korean!" The rabbi says, "Korean, Japanese, Chinese, what's the difference?"
=
A while later, after a brief nap, a banana, soup, a pie, a pale ale, and a wine, the audacious, tipsy, obese Korean leans over to the sleepy rabbi and says, "Ah, ahem...you know, I've never forgiven you Jews for sinking the Titanic." The rabbi looks perturbed and says, icily, "Oh, pooh! What do you mean?! The Jews didn't do any such thing! An enormous iceberg sank the Titanic, you abhorrent jerk!" The Korean shushes him and replies, "Iceberg, Rosenberg, Weinberg, so what's the difference?"
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for it.
Jill is travelling the world and she is short of funds, so she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees.
This goes on for 5 nights.
On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar, but this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner.
Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she could pay him more attention. She comes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he is from and he tells her - Melbourne.
"So am I" she says. "What suburb in Melbourne?" "Glen Iris" he says.
"That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?"
"Cameo Street" he says." "This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"
He says "Number 20" and she is astonished. "You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"
"I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give you!!"
=
This young Australian guy, Steve, is touring England. He enters a church for confession with Father Brendan Fitzpatrick.
He starts: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been six weeks since my last confession."
The priest then says: "Begin telling God your sins, my son."
"I had sex with this girl, Father."
He questions the young man: "And... ah... how many times?"
"Ah...six nights... I think, Father."
"Then to obtain absolution, you have to tell me the lass's name."
He hesitates."No , Father, I think I'd rather not say."
"As I have said, I won't absolve you unless you give her name."
"No, Father, I can't say. I need to protect her reputation and shame."
"Rubbish! I must emphasise to you the importance of telling me this girl's name."
"Sorry, Father", he insists.
"Right then! Hah-hah! Was it Jane Shorter?"
"Father, please, don't press me for her name".
"Blessed Jesus! What is this girl's name!"
"But, Father, please..."
"Okay then... Hah-hah! Was it Julie-Anne Baxter?"
Saddened, he sobs, "Please, Father!"
"By the Holy Ghost! Was it Kathie Shah?"
"No, Father... just bless me!"
"Nothing? Right... I'll not absolve your sins! I dismiss you!"
Banished, Steve walks from the church, his head hanging, dragging his feet.
Outside, two other young Aussies are standing there."How did it go?" one of them asks.
Steve smiles broadly. "Great! I got three more names!"
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
In An Artist's Studio
2nd - David Bourke with:
'My Way' - Frank Sinatra
3rd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Sudoku Anagram Puzzles
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Homosexual partners =
Poor me... anal-sex hurts.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Straining to fart =
It is not fragrant.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Dominants =
Into S-and-M.
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