Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2006

All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2006 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
C.S. Lewis' "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" =
We enter a world which is behind that closet.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Salvador Dali's painting: The Persistence of Memory =
Portrayed nightmare vision of timeless landscape.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Leonardo da Vinci's "The Last Supper" =
Passover dinner hides actual plot.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin Killed By A Stingray =
Dying diver will utter his last, ocean-borne "Crikey!"

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Overheard at school playground: ~
"Ever had any drugs, alcohol or pot?"

3rd - Larry Brash with:
His Holiness Pope Benedict the Sixteenth =
Then this speech exhibited no politeness.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
The Austrian neurologist, Sigmund Freud =
Genius said a fond mother nurtures guilt.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The cartoonist Matt Groening ~
got attention tracing Homer S.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Australian model Elle 'The Body' Macpherson =
Tall, shapely, blonde cutie. Ah, most men adore her!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Pope Benedict's anti-Islam remarks in that speech have angered the Muslim world =
The Vatican spokesman pledged: "I blame it on the speechwriter, Mr. Salman Rushdie!"

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Yearly rant by dad, "Er, is she a sexually active teenager?" =
She is barely sixteen, very cute and already a great lay,

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Historical motion pictures: Ben Hur, El Cid, The Agony And The Ecstasy, The Ten Commandments, Khartoum =
In them, hero Charlton 'Chuck' Heston's cast as a tormented guy in period costume hated by militant men!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The World's Shortest Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a girl asked her man "Will you marry me?" The chap said, "No" and the girl lived happily ever after and she went shopping, drank martinis, went clubbing, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed thin and farted just whenever she wanted to.

THE END

=

As a blonde was driving home, her phone suddenly rang. It was her panicky boyfriend, who said he'd heard tell on TV that this maniac in a car was travelling the wrong way up a motorway. "Please take care, Cath!" the man pleaded fervently, and she replied, "It's not just one nut! There's, like, HUNDREDS of them!"

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have': Dennis DiClaudio

Hypochondriacs can now fret appropriately and factually with this pocket guide to forty-five disgusting, horrible diseases. All entries include symptoms, a diagnosis guide, treatment suggestions, a prognosis, and - if you are not yet infected - prevention tips. Because it's ultra-portable, you can (and probably should) have it with you at all times so at the slightest onset of an unmistakably fatal-feeling itchy rash, you can simply whip out your trusty guide, conveniently diagnose yourself, and then let the worrying begin.

=

Oh God, see that waistline: a big, floppy pot-belly! Griping pains, and I find guts churn. Is it gas?

A bloody headache across the eyes: is it a virus?

A dry chest; pins and needles. Curious, that.

I try to get fit on a broccoli diet. Even used a fancy gym recently, but I felt an idiot - everyone laughed.
I did try using liniment on my back the other day.

Whatever's that between my toes? It isn't unusually rough skin, or a particularly big wart, mind... but it is odd, isn't it? Suppose it's an obscure parasite?
Face it, fungous feet are a real pain.

Oh, no! Goodness, look! Surely an odd spot for a polyp?

It's all psychological? Very funny. Where's my phone?

Hello? That you, Doc?

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Hippocratic Oath

I swear by Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfil according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant.

=

Anagrammic Oath

I swear by Brash, David and all sad enough to join this media page that I will comply to the canons of the digital site and I pledge that my sayings will typify shoddiness, contain chuckles, and cause panic and pain.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 104 anagrammed four times

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE TIMELESS WIT OF GROUCHO MARX

"Remember, guys, that we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did."

"I resign. I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member."

"Once I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know."

"Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."

"If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower."

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."

"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thoughts, I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"A woman's an occasional pleasure, but a cigar's always a smoke."

"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."

"Time wounds all heels."

"A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it."

"Go, and never darken my towels again."

"Getting older's no problem. You just have to live long enough."

"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"Anyone who doesn't like this book is healthy."

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels."

"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for a divorce, and so will my wife."

"Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"Are you going to believe me or what you see with your own eyes?"

"Bury me next to a straight man."

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."

=

THE INIMITABLE GENIUS OF PETER KAY

Some good homespun philosophies and jollification from the audacious Bolton comic's vivid imagination. Justifiably named 'Britain's Comedians' Comedian', his monologues comprise homely axioms based on boyhood memories, imaginative observation and life in general.
Come, enjoy a gleaming choice of some of his amusing 'bijoux'!

"You've become your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with."

"Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?"

"You can't respect a man who carries a dog."

"Why does mineral water which has tRick Rothsteinled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?"

"Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll just pull those dangly things and I'll drink whatever comes out'?"

"At the end of every party there is always a girl crying."

"Every man has at some time while taking a pee, flushed half way through then raced against the flush."

"Reading when you're drunk is horrible."

"When rummaging in an overgrown garden, you always come across a bouncy ball."

"Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel really manly."

"You never know where to look while eating a banana."

"Old ladies can eat more than you think."

"Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose."

"Sex is just like a game of bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand."

"You know that look women sometimes get when they want sex? Me neither."

"If someone says there are millions of stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, why do you need to touch it to be sure?"

"We all remember the day a dog ran into our school."

"I've often wanted to drown my troubles but my wife won't go swimming."

"If a person owns a bit of land, do they own it right down to the earth's core?"

"Some days you see lots of individuals on crutches."

"Old ladies with mobile phones look wrong!"

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Yesterday (by The Beatles)