Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2006

All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2006 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Captain James T Kirk of the Starship Enterprise =
The finest skipper in Star Trek, a major space hit.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The 'Cappella Sistina' frescoes =
Sit speechless in a place of art.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Disneyland Resort at Anaheim, California =
Children’s hearts at one in a fairy-tale domain.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A question to G.W. that he prefers to ignore: ~
When are these troops getting out of iraq?

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Republican Congressman Mark Foley ~
prefers young, macho, black male interns.

eq3rd - Richard Grantham with:
The nuclear test in North Korea =
Intolerant nut has rocket here.

eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Islamic Fundamentalism =
Muslim fanatic's mad line.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The President of the United States of America =
Incompetent, hated head of state terrifies us.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The American President George W. Bush =
We can agree he's not bright, I'd presume?

3rd - lawyer2U with:
Mel Gibson =
Gin slob? Me?

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
The Gideons International =
An interest in God in a hotel.

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
The Americans' Central Intelligence Agency =
An ethically negligent menace since Carter.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The International Gender Dysphoria Association =
An operation, since son had other identity as a girl.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
A ham sandwich goes into a bar and the bartender declares "We don't serve any food here." =
A horse wandered into a bar. Soon the bartender came, served and said "Why the long face?"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"The most successful politician is he who says what everybody is thinking most often and in the loudest voice." =
Call me a cynic, but I dispute this. In my eyes, the know-nothings, or show-offs, have the loudest voices. Sad, is it not?

3rd - Larry Brash with:
The five dead Amish schoolgirls: Naomi Rose Ebersole, Marian Fisher, Mary Liz and Lena Miller, and Anna Mae Stoltzfus =
A vile man Charles Roberts, in a frenzied male-mania, seizes our girls, held in a room, and slays a lot of them, and himself.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
An undertaker was working alone late one night.

He laid out the body of Mr. Lunge for its cremation, and made a startling discovery. Lunge had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"Sorry Mr. Lunge ," the mortician sighed, "but I just cannot allow you to be cremated with such an incredible private part. It has to be saved for posterity."

So he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"Honey, I've something to show you that you will not believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"Good Heavens" the wife yelled, "Lunge is dead!"

=

A cardiologist died and was given a very elaborate funeral. A massive heart, covered in beautiful flowers, stood in view behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart eerily opened up and the casket moved inside. The big heart then closed up, sealing the doctor's body forever inside its ideal home.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into impolite laughter. When everyone stared at him, he said, "Oh boy! ... I am sorry, but I was just thinking of my own funeral ... I'm a gynaecologist!"

That's when the proctologist fainted.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Three businessmen, an American, a Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there were beeping sounds. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. Interested, the other two looked on.

"It's my new pager" the American said, "I've had a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm".

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. After he finished his call, he explained, "It's my new mobile phone, I've a microchip inserted in my hand".

The Irish fellow now felt very clearly low-tech. Not to be outdone, he decided that he had to come up with something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went in the bathroom. A couple of minutes later, he returned with a long piece of toilet paper trailing from his bottom. The other two raised their eyebrows and stared.

The Irishman glanced around and then said........

"Would you look at that, I'm getting a fax!!!!!"

=

During a world scientific meeting on Information Technology, 3 teams of scientists, one from America, one Japanese and one Irish, all presented previously unpublished papers about the History of the Internet.

The American leader presented all his work himself: "I excavated about ten feet of earth, in which I discovered a few copper wires", meaning this to him: "...that the USA had a dial-up modem Internet a hundred years ago".

The Japanese head scholar's study was next up: "Meanwhile, I drilled down twenty feet, pushing deep into the earth, and I discovered optical cable, emphasising the opinion that Japan had a phenomenal high-speed Internet two centuries ago."

"OK, me?" remarked a member of the Irish team: "Meanwhile, our best men tunnelled down a mammoth thirty feet and all I happened to find was this: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Proof that the Irish had a wireless web network sometime three hundred years ago!"

3rd - Simon Woodard with:
Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on the shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.

=

To relocate on a whaling ship for months did not seem deadly or nightmarish to me.

Then, the wily nut Ahab (our captain with one leg) imperilled our entire voyage, attempting carelessly to lure a monstrous, lone, silvery whale.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Genesis

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Oscar Wilde poem 'Les Silhouettes'

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
If Tomorrow Never Comes

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
The bride and groom =
Get hard in bedroom.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The International Gender Dysphoria Association =
One poor sod. Hairy arse, ten-inch genitalia...and tits!

3rd - Paul Pan with:
I rub on a clit ~
lubrication.